


You Untether Me

by recallthelove



Series: The Storm Before the Calm [1]
Category: Pitch Perfect (2012)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-05
Updated: 2013-03-15
Packaged: 2017-11-28 08:15:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 100,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/672218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/recallthelove/pseuds/recallthelove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The thing about being titanium is that no one can hurt you, but no one can get close enough to love you either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue/Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Jeez, this took a long time for me to actually post. This is going to be a pretty slow build up kind of story (I mean it. SLOW. Don't say I didn't warn you), with a slightly odd format. You'll see. This prologue is somewhat different to the rest of the fic.
> 
> Warnings: There's a bit of swearing, I suppose, at least for this first chapter.
> 
> Enjoy. Or not.
> 
> Disclaimer: Surprisingly I don't own Pitch Perfect, even if an acapella musical is right up my street.
> 
> (also, thanks to Amie/marshmallowhobo for being my (now official) beta and motivating me. I'll just pretend I didn't forget to write this in initially...)

Now, here's something that was never a secret to anyone: Beca doesn't like being touched.

It's kind of the principle of the thing, the after-effects of too few hugs as a child or a result of the divorce or whatever bullshit Freudian excuse she comes up with when she's lying in bed at the dead of night. Sometimes she does that, wonders if she's broken or defective somehow, because it's just… so  _no_ , with the touching. No one else seems to have this problem – at least, no-one socially adept enough to actually have to deal with situations like this on a regular basis, rather than rocking back and forth in a corner in the face of social interaction or something. Beca's not the rocking back and forth type; she's more of a "glare until they back away" sort of gal.

It's not  _all_ bad. A nice handshake is fine. She can deal with that. As long as their hands aren't clammy and they don't try and shake her arm off her shoulder. She can also deal with hugs, sometimes –mostly from her mom, rarely her dad - although she won't ever give them out herself. Too many things to think about, like how long to hold on for and when to do it, and it's too much effort for something she doesn't even care about.

No one tries to push it; Beca supposes she just gives off a pretty clear "don't touch me" vibe, which is totally fine with her. People don't try to get too close to her, in any sense of the word. Or rather, she doesn't let them. She finds her life is much simpler when people are kept at arm's length – no interpersonal drama, no squabbles over not spending enough time together, etc. None of that soap opera crap. Just Beca and her mixes. It's not as lonely as some might think. Really.

Until Chloe, of course.

Someone like Chloe is her worst nightmare. Someone with soft fingers and softer embraces, too damn nice to come off as creepy like anyone else would when stark naked in a stranger's shower. Someone with seemingly no sense of personal boundaries, who touches without thinking, offers affection without needing to worry.

It's hugs,  _all the time_ , whether Beca is prepared to be knocked off her feet by the force of Chloe's embrace or not.

It's Chloe touching her while they talk, a pleasant smile on her lips as she's casually lacing their fingers together.

In Bella's practice, it's Chloe's hands on Beca's, guiding her movements even though she knows the steps. No, really, she does know them – Chloe just comes over to help her anyway and ignores her protests.

In her shower, too, it's Chloe, Chloe  _Chloe_ again. Not that there was ever a repeat performance of her memorable first … exposure to Chloe's confidence (however justified) in her body, but now Beca can't even take a damn shower without remembering singing Titanium with Chloe whenever she drops the soap. Which is not really when she wants to remember Chloe, if there were ever a time when she would want that. Which there isn't. Shut up.

Don't get Beca wrong; Chloe is an awesome friend to have. Probably the best Beca's ever had, not that that says much. She's always so open and friendly, and life in the Bellas without her would certainly be a lot less cheerful. But to put it bluntly, Beca is both insanely jealous and completely petrified of Chloe.

It's a little irrational.

Okay, so it's completely irrational. So what? She's aware of that. It doesn't change how she feels. No one other than her could possibly understand how damn  _unfair_  it is that people like Chloe can just walk in and knock over all her carefully placed defences, defences she spent years crafting to award her with the perfect amount of space from the world. They're there for a reason, for God's sake, not so some redhead with an agenda for making everyone in the world happy to saunter past without a care in the world about what sort of turmoil she's putting Beca through. It's a constant war, between liking and genuinely caring about Chloe, wanting to give in to her easy affection, versus clinging onto the hard, familiar edges of her personal bubble. When Chloe touches her, she bypasses all that without even trying, leaving Beca dizzy and confused.

It shouldn't be this hard. For Choe, it's not hard at all. She never worries about whether people are going to brush her off or think she's weird for touching them the way Beca does. In general, though, physical contact was never a big problem for Beca to deal with, since people wisely kept their distance. Until Chloe.

And then things got fucking messy.

It starts fairly normally, all things considered. Thursday night, only two weeks after she met Chloe and was sworn into the Bellas. Beca's bed. Side by side. Blanket on their lap. Chloe's fingers playing with hers on one hand; her other arm around Beca's shoulders and pulling her close, the strands of Beca's hair sifting between her fingers idly. She doesn't seem to notice or care that Beca is as stiff as a board and tucked right into the corner of her sofa-bed, trying to put as much distance between the two of them as physically possible. It doesn't really work since Chloe's arm weighs on her shoulders in such a way to make her fall into Chloe's body.

They're currently watching videos of random Youtube musicians, which is the one saving grace for Beca for this evening. It's a weird sort of a compromise they came to after Chloe learnt she hated movies. Normally she would be sceptical, but Beca can't say she minds this particular facet of the time they spend together compared to everything else since Chloe's music taste is surprisingly eclectic, if a little too inundated by acapella. It always gives her new ideas for mixes and arrangements they'd never use in the Bellas, which is useful… Sort of.

The whole evening was Chloe's decision, of course, once she found out Kimmy Jin had left for a few days.

(Family emergency or something. She didn't actually tell Beca; she just heard her speaking frantically on the phone to someone before she ran out of her dorm. She does wonder vaguely if she's alright, but figures she'll find out on her return.)

In any case, Beca hadn't really meant to drop the fact she wasn't there into conversation with Chloe, but she initially asked Beca to come over to hers and she'd blurted it out. Chloe had jumped right on that and basically invited herself, giving Beca puppy-dog eyes when she resisted at first. In the end, she'd relented. Mostly because Chloe's dorm has Aubrey in it, so this seemed like the safer option at the time. Home ground and all that.

She's starting to regret allowing Chloe to come here now, though, because she knows her bed is going to smell of Chloe again when she leaves. Seriously, the girl reeks – in the best way possible – of girly, floral perfume that has the annoying ability to get trapped in Beca's clothing and bed sheets, waiting to catch her off guard when she's trying to go to sleep.

It'd be alright if Chloe just smelt good, though. She could deal with that. What she can't deal with is the way Chloe has insisted on tangling their legs together even though her bed is wide enough for them to sit comfortably side by side without all the touching. Her arm has moved and her nails have begun to scratch against Beca's scalp in a way that's sickeningly pleasant and makes her want to both shiver and punch a hole in the wall.

The song ends – wait, when did they stop watching Mike Tompkins? – and Chloe sighs contentedly against Beca's skin, making goosebumps appear. As always, Beca laments the stupid involuntary reactions of her body – seriously, couldn't it tell the difference between Chloe's breath and cold wind? Jesus. She's like a teenage boy sometimes.

'What do you want to watch?' she asks Beca. Her mouth is way too close to Beca's ear for such an innocent question, her breath tickling.

Beca shrugs, forcing the lump in her throat down with a painful swallow. 'Don't know.'

' _Okay_ …' Beca can tell Chloe is wearing a tiny smile, obviously a little amused by Beca's standoffishness for whatever reason. 'Might need a little more help than that, Bec.'

Bec. No one calls her Bec, except Chloe. She thought her name was short enough, but apparently not. Not that she minds, because even a syllable less of Chloe's breath on her neck is good news for her.

'I don't know,' she repeats stubbornly. 'You pick.'

Chloe hums thoughtfully. She readjusts her position so her knees are wedged below Beca's thighs, which she brought up to her chest a while ago to try and re-establish her personal bubble. No such luck. Chloe seems to slip and fit herself into any opening Beca leaves – she suddenly shivers. Better not finish that thought.

'Alright grumpy, we don't have to watch anything,' Chloe teases, resting her cheek on Beca's shoulder. 'Is there anything you  _do_ want to do?'

Beca grunts non-committally, partly because she doesn't have a coherent answer, and partly because her brain has short circuited a little at how fucking seductive Chloe sounds without even trying. It might just be the mix of hormones and general awkwardness that is her brain when dealing with other people, especially attractive, touchy-feely girls like Chloe, but judging by the panicked rabbit beat of her heart she thinks she's probably going to die if Chloe does anything else to set her off.

Chloe, of course – fucking Chloe, who does whatever she wants with girls like Beca without any thought for what it might do _to_ them - does just that. It's an innocent action, in theory; snuggling closer, pressing her chest into Beca's already crushed left arm, and passing her fingers delicately down Beca's other arm.

In practice, it's not quite that simple. That is, it'd be an innocent action, if her palm didn't accidentally (is it accidental? Beca doesn't know, and can't really think straight enough right now to consider it properly) brush the side of her breast.

Beca was not quite right about her dying if Chloe sets her off. However, she  _does_ jump the fuck away from Chloe to the other side of the bed - or, she would, but Chloe's arm is still around her and she just pulls Beca back to her like some sort of ridiculous human bungee cord.

'Hey, where are you going?' she asks, her voice light and playful and far too close to Beca's ear again. Her lips are nearly enough that she swears she can actually hear Chloe's lips separate to form each word.

Beca's lungs are struggling to get enough air back into them, but she manages to wheeze, 'Get off me...'

Chloe's brow knits. 'Come again?'

'Please, just get off me.'

'What? Why? Beca, what's wrong?' She tries to pull Beca even closer, probably out of some caring reflex, what she does for all her friends. Her normal friends, that is. But Beca isn't a normal friend of Chloe, and this simple touch meant with all the affection in the world is the very last straw for her nerves, for her hormones, and for that little girl hiding in the back of her brain who still freaks the fuck out when people touch her and has just been waiting for the last two weeks to jump out.

'Chloe,  _get the hell off me_!'

That works. That  _really_ works. Chloe lets go off Beca so fast she nearly falls right off the bed. In a flash she's on her feet, walking back until her legs hit Kimmy Jin's bed, where she just stands, watching, her eyes wide and frightened and staring at Beca across the room. Beca herself is bright red in the face, shaking with barely suppressed emotion.

'I can't take it anymore! This has  _got_  to stop!'

'Stop what?' Chloe is obviously very confused about what just happened, which just makes Beca all the angrier. 'I don't know -'

'No you don't know, because you never think! I can't stand you how you're always touching me and invading my personal space! Coming into my shower, and the endless hugs, and the tickling and the – just, all of it! It's driving me  _crazy_!'

Chloe gulps visibly, blinking fast. 'Beca…' She sounds absolutely heart-broken, just like Beca doesn't want right now. That whimpering voice gnaws at the frosty shell of a heart she still has, since yeah, no one with a heart wants to upset Chloe. 'Beca, I had no idea -'

'No, no, shut up, okay?' Beca mumbles, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes. 'I can't think when you do that…'

Chloe obediently clamps her mouth shut, biting down on her knuckle and looking like she's going to burst into tears at any moment.

'Okay,' says Beca, pulling her hands away, having regained her concentration. 'This is me, okay?' She jabs a finger in her chest. She then points at Chloe, who is pale and confused and distressed, but she forces herself to ignore that for now. 'That's you, waaay over there. This is a good amount of space between us right now, and it – it should stay that way, okay? I don't like it when people are so close I feel like Jesse should be composing some sort of romantic soundtrack to play in the background – and - and  _yeah_ , you're my friend, but I never gave you a free pass to do all that stuff! And yet you did it anyway even if I was  _obviously_  uncomfortable, and – fuck, Chloe. I just need you to leave me alone, and  _stop touching me_  for Christ's sake!'

There's a long silence where Beca waits for Chloe's reaction and her voice, which descended into yelling towards the end there, reverberates around the dorm room.

Disappointingly, Chloe merely utters a quiet, 'Oh...' Her voice is barely audible. Beca wouldn't even know she said anything if she hadn't seen Chloe's lips round into that single syllable.

'That's all you're going to say?' Beca brings her knees up to her chest again, wrapping her arms around them. Her explosions of anger are rare and always short-lived, followed by a quiet period afterwards where she remembers what an asshole she is. Usually that waits until the argument is actually over, though, but it appears her brain is getting a head-start on it today.

'I'm s-so sorry!' Chloe's voice trembles all over the place for just two words –  _actually_ trembles. Beca makes the mistake of looking up a little and oh, shit, Chloe's crying, and crying hard, her hand pressed to her mouth which is wide open and letting out noisy sobs. 'Beca, I never - I – I didn't think you minded!'

'Yeah, well.' She forces herself to look away or the guilt might make her throw up. 'I do. So, now you know, I guess.'

'I'm so sorry,' Chloe says again, babbling it to herself like an insane mantra. 'I'm  _so. Sorry.'_

Beca nods, feeling numb all over. 'Right. Good.'

She keeps her eyes on a little spot on the wall next to her bed where the paper is peeling, never looking up even when she hears Chloe fumbling to put her shoes and coat on, muffling cries into her fist.

'Text when you get in,' Beca calls automatically just as the door opens, not really thinking about what she's saying.

There's a loaded pause.

For the first time since they became friends, Chloe doesn't hug Beca goodbye, just slams the door shut behind her, leaving Beca alone in the dark with that ever lingering floral smell.

So.

Beca got what she wanted.

And she feels like absolute shit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying my best to write quickly since I go away for 2 months half-way through March, but don't expect every update to come this fast! :P
> 
> Thanks for the great response to the prologue, guys. I hope you like this one too.
> 
> Side note: BLARGH AO3 FORMATTING

 

 

'I just don't get it,' comments Jesse, for the sixth time since they started this shift. 'What's the big deal? So she hugs you a lot. Whatever. I'd kill to have a pretty girl all over me like that.'

Beca rolls her eyes. 'Thanks for the sympathy as usual. And I told you, it just makes me feel weird.'

'Weird, how, though?' he wonders. 'You never say.'

' _Weird_. How can I define that any more than I have?' Beca shoves a record back into its place in the shelf, a little too forcefully. She really needs to watch that. If she ruins anything else in the studio in one of fits of anger, Luke'll kill her.

'Try using a thesaurus. That might help.' He grins at her; Beca wishes she actually had a thesaurus, so she could throw it at him and wipe that stupid smile off his face. 'Or, hey!' He fumbles in his pocket for his iPhone, producing it a moment later with a triumphant flourish. 'The magic of technology, eh?'

'Are you seriously going to look up synonyms for weird?' Jesse waves her away while he prods and clicks his way onto the internet. Beca sighs, wondering whether he ever actually intends to do any work while he's here instead of spending his time bugging her. Like Chloe, he kind of wormed his way into her life without her consent. At least he knows to keep his physical distance from her, after she nearly knocked out a tooth punching him when he tried to hug her.

'Let's see, synonyms for weird, synonyms for weird… Aha. Awe-inspiring,' he reads aloud, sniggering to himself. 'Creepy. Curious. Dreadful. Far-out. Hey, Becaw, dude, does Chloe make you feel  _far-out_? You joining The High Notes now?' He pretends to smoke, putting on an over-the-top stoner voice. Beca ignores him. He scans the website for a few more moments, giggling to himself. 'Heh, "kinky". That's a word here. Sounds about right.' He winks at Beca, who simply rolls her eyes, as is her usual reaction to Jesse. Then suddenly, he laughs, making Beca jump a little from the volume of it. ' _Queer_!'

'What?' says Beca, alarmed.

'It's listed as a synonym, look.' He shoves the screen in her face. It is. 'I bet Chloe makes you feel "queer",' he says with a manic grin, complete with air quotes for emphasis of his crappy joke.

Beca groans, slapping her forehead. 'If you're going to make stupid puns like that, I'm starting to think that telling you I like girls was the biggest mistake of my life.'

'Or it was the best thing you've ever done,' he counters, putting away his phone. 'Aren't I the greatest lesbro ever?'

'Hm. I've had better.'

* * *

'No but really,' Jesse complains about half an hour later. 'What's the big  _deal_?'

He ducks when Beca pretends she's going to throw a CD in his direction; unfortunately Luke also sees her do this and leaves the booth to yell at her.

* * *

Practice the next morning is as long and awkward as she feared. Beca actually attempted to just stay in bed, hoping to skip it with no consequences if she just curled up under her blankets and blocked the rest of the world out. However, somehow, as though reading her mind, Aubrey sent a mass text to all the Bellas:

_I would just like to remind everyone today that practice is MANDATORY and there will be severe consequences for those who do not attend without a good enough excuse. No, relationship issues do not count._

_See you all there!_

_Aubrey x_

Beca therefore has to force herself out of bed to make it to practice in time and avoid Aubrey's wrath. It doesn't get any better from there. She actually has to make an effort to dance this time so Aubrey won't try and come over to correct her moves, since Chloe is keeping her distance.

As she makes box shapes with her hands, a fake smile plastered on her face, she feels like both sets of eyes follow her throughout practice. One is probably mentally thinking of ways to murder her, the other… Well, she has no idea what Chloe might be thinking. For once her face is extremely hard to read; she either wears her usual sunny smile or a face like someone kicked her puppy (not that Beca is trying to surreptitiously watch out of the corner of her eye or anything). Those are the only times she shows much expression. Half the time she just stands there, gazing into the distance; people have to keep snapping her back into attention, otherwise she just stands there for minutes at a time.

Needless to say, it's a little disconcerting to see Chloe acting so off-kilter, and even worse to know it's probably all Beca's fault.

…

But then again,  _is_ it her fault? She thought it was, but upon further reflection she's not so sure. She yelled at Chloe, and managed to upset her enough that she hasn't said a word to Beca since she got here.  _That_  makes sense. But there's no way that she could have affected Chloe enough to make her look this sad, this pained, this… lost.

Right?

Aubrey sure seems to believe it possible. So when she calls, 'Beca, a word please?' at the end of practice with a murderous face she shouts, 'Nope!' and makes a run for it.

* * *

She can't escape Aubrey forever. She knew this. Beca had actually expected her to appear at her dorm after practice, maybe the same evening at the latest, but to her surprise, she takes her time. Perhaps the delay is to increase the feelings of apprehension and fear in her target; Beca has no idea. At any rate, by the time she comes looking for Beca, Kimmy Jin has returned from whatever family emergency she has, complete with a solid bad mood with which to greet her roommate.

To say Aubrey knocks on the door could not fittingly describe the racket she makes; she bangs on the door so viciously Beca wonders if she's just running at it with her whole body. It goes on for several minutes. Beca only actually opens the door because Kimmy Jin is glaring so viciously at her, and she's worried Aubrey might actually break through the wood.

She barely has the door open before Aubrey pushes past Beca, without even a greeting.

'Do come in, Aubrey,' she drawls. 'Take a seat, make yourself at home. Can I get you a drink? A key to my room maybe, so you don't even have to trouble yourself with knocking?'

'Do yourself a favour, Beca - just be quiet,' Aubrey shoots back immediately, standing in the middle of the dorm with her hands on her hips, her usual pose when she's trying to be intimidating. 'This'll be a lot easier that way.'

Just behind her, Kimmy Jin is looking on as well. If looks could kill, she's pretty sure everyone in the room except Kimmy Jin would be dead, and Beca would be be dead twice. If that were possible.

'Pleasant as always.'

'I said be quiet.' Aubrey folds her arms - moving up a stage in her fury. There's an anger reflected in her tense posture that Beca hasn't really seen before - at least, not this particular variation. It's not 'Stop-making-suggestions-bitch-I-call-the-shots-here' or 'Stacie-for-the-love-of-GOD-stop-groping-yourself' or even 'I-wonder-if-murdering-Bumper-is-against-ICCA-rules' anger, which are all ones she's quite familiar with. This one, she realises with a pang of regret, is plain, simple 'You-hurt-my-best-friend' and Beca is probably going to pay for it, big time. 'I've wasted enough time just trying to get you to open the door. You already know why I'm here.'

Trying to buy time, she lies. 'No, I really don't.'

'Cut the bullshit, Mitchell. What did you do to Chloe?' she demands.

In an attempt to stall, Beca crosses the room to her desk and starts to clean up. She hasn't really bothered with that much since she started here. Her music collection might be pristine and meticulously organised, but there's a growing pile of clothes on her chair where she just dumps them after an exhausting day.

'Don't know what you mean,' she says shortly.

'Yes you do. She's acting weird, and I'm certain it's your fault.'

Beca tries not to think of Jesse's annoying list of synonyms for "weird". 'Newsflash: Chloe  _is_ weird. What makes you think I have anything to do with it?'

Aubrey scoffs. 'I'll thank you not to try and make your situation worse by insulting her and playing dumb. But since your memory seems to be failing you…' She starts to count off on her fingers. 'One, she's been like this since the two of you had that movie night last week. When I came home, she would barely even speak to me. Two, you guys keep gazing at each other forlornly during practice when the other isn't looking - when you should be concentrating on singing and choreography, might I add! We are this close to Regionals - we don't have time for distractions like that. I'm not finished,' she snaps when Beca opens her mouth to speak. 'And three, eventually, she told me. After no small amount of coercion, but she told me nonetheless.'

'She did?' asks Beca, surprised.

'Yeah. Apparently some scowling midget wearing a tacky ear spike bitched her out for being her normal, albeit slightly more touchy-feely than most, self.' Aubrey's voice is dripping with sarcasm, her glare heated. 'So I took it upon myself to find out why said scowling midget and her tacky ear spike thinks she has the right to say horrible things to my best friend.'

Beca is unfazed by Aubrey's insults, but is a little surprised that Chloe told her. For some reason, she hadn't expected her to. 'Funnily enough, I don't think I have to explain anything to you. And anyway, this is between me and Chloe, not you.'

'That's "Chloe and I",' Aubrey corrects.

'Ugh!' Beca flops down down on her bed, putting her arm over her face in hope Aubrey might just disappear if she doesn't look at her. She hears some rustling and movement, then the slam of a door. Shocked, she sits up quickly, thinking Aubrey had actually left. But no such luck. Kimmy Jin had apparently gotten sick of the drama and walked out.

'Great, now I have no witnesses.'

'Then you better start talking if you know what's good for you.' Aubrey stands next to Beca's bed, towering over her. Any chance to look imposing, Beca thinks. 'Why did you upset Chloe?'

'I didn't  _deliberately_  set out to upset her.'

'Regardless, that is what happened. So explain. Now.'

Beca swears she can feel her eye twitching.

'What part of "this is between  _Chloe and I"_ -' She stresses the correct grammar, mocking Aubrey, 'don't you understand? Would she even want you to get involved on her behalf?'

'Of course,' Aubrey says confidently, even though Beca thinks she's just lying. 'Anyway, I think I have the right to be involved when someone makes my best friend cry the way she did for no reason.'

Beca frowns. 'She cried?'

'Practically flooded the apartment,' Aubrey confirms.

Beca considers this for a few moments. The confirmation that Chloe has been crying just adds to the guilt - not that Beca is that surprised, considering how she left Beca's dorm the other day. She didn't need Aubrey coming here and telling her that to make her feel like the worst person in the world; she already had that covered. But her face stays stony, not willing to show that Chloe has such an impact on her feelings.

And then she finds herself saying, with a careless wave, 'Whatever. She's just being over-sensitive. She'll get over it.'

Suddenly, Aubrey seizes her wrist, glowering down at Beca. 'You actually  _dare_  say that about her?!'

Her grip is loose, she's not hurting Beca at all. It's mostly just because of that stupid little wave, which would piss  _her_ off if someone spoke about Chloe so flippantly. She knows that. None of that stops Beca's blood pressure from sky-rocketing through the roof at the feel of Aubrey's fingers closing around her forearm.

Calmly – much more calmly than she spoke to Chloe, she can't help thinking – Beca says from between gritted teeth, 'Let go of me.  _Now_.'

Aubrey does let go. She takes a step back. Beca gets the feeling she knows a line has been crossed, judging by the way her gaze shifts away a little sheepishly. After an awkward few moments of silence, Aubrey offers up a begrudging, 'Sorry. But you shouldn't have said what you did about her.'

'I know.' Beca stares at her arm, still feeling the phantom grip of Aubrey's fingers on her skin. She feels vaguely nauseous, not quite knowing why. 'I didn't mean it.'

'Does that mean you'll apologise to her?'

'Don't know.'

'Why not?'

'How is it I'm the only bad guy here?' Beca snaps, scowling at her bed-sheets. 'I needed Chloe to back off. It's not like we're talking about a couple of hugs that went on too long, here - for God's sake, the girl got into the shower with me. If Chloe was a boy we wouldn't even be having this conversation.'

'Probably not,' Aubrey admits, but then quickly retorts with, 'But whatever – in reality, Chloe  _is_ a girl. Her intentions aren't the same as a guy's would be, so you're missing the point.'

Beca sighs deeply, rubbing her forehead in an effort to fend off the impending headache she's getting. 'Then what's this mysterious point I'm somehow missing? You better tell me, because I have no idea.'

Aubrey levels her gaze at Beca until she makes the mistake of looking up, effectively getting trapped in the glare being used on her. She apparently wants the victims of her lectures to have to look her right in the eyes as she tears them to shreds.

'The  _point_ , Beca, is that you hurt her feelings and made her cry, because you didn't know how to control your anger and deal with things like a grown-up. That she's second-guessing herself all the time now, because of you making her feel creepy and weird for something that just comes naturally to her. She's just being affectionate. It's not her fault you can't deal with physical contact – it was your responsibility to make that clear to her earlier.' Aubrey lifts her chin, looking down her nose at Beca disdainfully. 'All she wanted was to be your friend.' She scoffs. 'I can't think why. And right now, I bet she can't either.'

It's an unnecessary comment, meant to hurt Beca. It does its job spectacularly well.

'Who knows,' replied Beca flatly, rolling onto the side that doesn't face Aubrey. 'Get out.'

* * *

When she returns, Beca asks Kimmy Jin if she's messed up. Practically before Beca even finishes the question, she replies coldly, 'Yes.'

She can always count on her best friend Kimmy Jin to boost her ego.

* * *

(Jesse is a little more helpful when she texts him - ' _No ofc you're not messed up. don't be a stupid head.'._

But only for a little while, before she just starts ignoring him - ' _Aubrey kinda had a point though. i'm sorry don't kill me!_ ')

* * *

( _Beca? cmon don't be mad._ _Look you should just talk to Chloe okay? I'm sure she'll forgive you and you can talk it out with her and make out or whatever it is you guys do!)_

_(That was a joke btw don't get mad at me for that either plz.)_

_(Beca?)_

_(Why is this getting to you so much? I just don't get it. Do you really like her or something? Cause that's cool, you know, we can talk about it. So do you?)_

(At that point, she texts him back a firm 'NO.' and turns off her phone)

* * *

Chloe catches her on the way out of their next Bella's practice (actually just the next morning, 9a.m. sharp again with another little motivating text about severe consequences. Aubrey clearly hates them all), also catching the attention of some of the other Bellas. Clearly Aubrey isn't the only one to have noticed the tension between Beca and Chloe over the last few days. Currently they are not-so-subtly slowing down their pace, or pretending to check their phones or bags while they eavesdrop.

'Hey,' says Chloe softly, glancing at the other Bellas before turning back to Beca. 'Can we talk?'

She doesn't quite look at Beca's face as she says it but stares at her forehead. At this close proximity Beca can see that there's still that sad droop in the corners of her mouth, and her skin seems even more washed out and grey than last time. She's shuffling from foot to foot in a nervous manner that's so unlike her –  _she's_ nervous around  _Beca? –_ that she nearly gives in there and then.

Nearly, that is. Because before she did so she happened to look over Chloe's shoulder, where Aubrey was shuffling through sheet music but rather obviously watching the conversation from her peripheral vision. The sight just pisses off Beca more, eliminating any desire to talk things through sensibly with Chloe.

'What's the point? You already set your bulldog on me to talk for you, right?' She doesn't bother to lower her voice. For a moment something Aubrey said flashes in her mind:  _'The point is that you hurt her feelings and made her cry, because you didn't know how to control your anger and deal with things like a grown-up.'_ She's not exactly behaving like a grown-up now. But Jesus, she thinks with another rush of anger, neither is setting Aubrey on her.

Chloe's gaze finally snaps to Beca's. She frowns in confusion. 'My… what? What are you talking about?'

'Forget it. I've got better things to do. Also…' She looks down between them meaningfully. When Chloe realises she started holding onto Beca's forearm without even thinking, she drops it immediately, looking stricken.

She doesn't say anything when Beca leaves, but Amy's whisper of 'Tune in for the next episode of "Aca-drama"!' follows her all the way out.

* * *

She's just minding her own business in the station - she'd tried to stay mad at Jesse, but he'd started being a dork with pretending the record cases were his face and giving her juice to apologise - when Jesse suddenly comes running, making highly irritating siren noises.

'Chloe alert at 12 o'clock! Abort, abort!' he whispers to her frantically. Then he pauses and glances at the clock on his phone. 'Well, more like 11:45, but whatever, you get the idea.' He starts up his siren noises again.

'Shut  _up_ , you idiot!' she says, smacking him on the chest hard enough to make him wince. Beca looks over his shoulder, expecting to see Chloe nearby, but there is no sign of her. 'Where is she? I don't see her.'

'I was getting Luke one of his daily cheeseburgers and I saw her making her way here, so I ran back to tell you. But if she's coming then she'll be here really soon.'

'Great,' Beca says, throwing her hands up. 'Just what I need right now.'

Jesse wrings his hands, looking as wound up as Beca feels. 'So what are you going to do?'

'Absolutely nothing. I'm not going to speak to her.' Beca walks off into one of the darker corners of the room, hiding herself in the shadows. 'Get rid of her!'

'What?! How?!'

'I dunno, improvise, use your imagination! Say I'm not here! Just do something!' she shouts, but has to clamp a hand over her mouth because the door opens at that very moment, followed by the unmistakable sound of Chloe's boots on the floor.

It strikes her as a little weird that she knows what Chloe's footsteps sound like, but then they are pretty distinctive; Chloe walks like she's dancing, a distinct rhythm in her step. Rarely does she simply put one foot in front of the other, but bounces and hops and skips like every step must reach its full potential of movement. Today she's shuffling a little, somewhat downcast, obviously miserable.

Beca suddenly realises she's actually discerning Chloe's moods from the way she  _walks_. There's probably money in a skill like that.

Chloe's voice carries across the room as clearly as if Beca were standing next to her despite the music playing from the booth. 'Hi, Jesse. Is Beca here?'

'Um… no?' Beca hears him say nervously. She cringes at how unconvincing his performance is.

'Really? Isn't that her jacket over there?'

'Uhh…'

She hears Chloe sigh. 'Where's she hiding?' Her footsteps start sounding quite nearby to Beca as she walks in her direction. Holding her breath, she presses herself against the nearest wall.

'Wait!' Jesse cries desperately. 'I'm not sure Luke would like you coming in here to talk to her while she's working. Maybe you should come back another time.'

'Oh, Luke and I go way back,' replies Chloe airily. 'It'll just be a minute - I'm sure he won't mind.'

Jesse's protests are ignored by Chloe as she continues to walk towards Beca – how did she even know she was there?! Her footsteps are determined now, speeding up as she nears the corner. Beca tries to find something to hide behind, but as fate would have it, the one piece of furniture shorter than her happens to be the only one close enough to her. Dammit.

She's just about to sprint across the room to hide in one of the booths when Chloe's voice stops her mid-run.

'Hey.'

She freezes, slowly rotating her body to face Chloe with an unsure smile on her lips.

Chloe looks, if possible, even worse than she has when Beca's seen her the past few days. Her skin still has that awful pale tint to it, but now Beca realises what makes it look worse than usual is that she's not wearing any make-up at all, so the red, puffy bags beneath her eyes are showing even more than they might without it. There's barely any colour at all in her face and it contrasts her hair heavily. On top of that she's not wearing any of the bright pastel-coloured colours she's usually prone to, but a faded, oversized hoodie that she's currently chewing the string of, her face set in an anxious frown.

Beca decides there must be something else going on here, because there's no possible way she could ever make anyone look that awful.

Beca slowly turns away from to the CD cases, feeling weird seeing Chloe like this. Unfortunately this is one pile Jesse and she already stacked, so there's not even anything she can properly distract herself with. Aware she hasn't responded yet, she clears her throat and mutters, 'Hi.'

'How are you?'

She shrugs. 'Can't complain.' Much. 'You?'

'I've felt a lot better, honestly.' She can't see, but she's pretty sure Chloe comes a little closer to her, judging by the increased volume of her next words. 'Jesse already said I can't keep you long,' Beca almost snorts at this because that's definitely not what he said, 'so I'll just say what I came to say and leave.'

Beca stays silent, picking up one of the CD cases and turning it over with feigned interest.

'When you said I'd set my bulldog on you, I genuinely didn't get what you meant.' She laughs. The sound is bitter. 'I'm dumb, sorry. '

Beca's still silent. The CD case is an Aqua album. Do people still listen to Aqua? She wonders if there is something she can mix Barbie Girl with to make the bubblegum pop more interesting.

'So. Aubrey paid you a visit.'

Beca nods absent-mindedly. Maybe some Katy Perry? Meanwhile though, she's still silent as a mouse. Are mice really that silent, anyway?

'I didn't ask her to do that.'

'Not what she told me,' she finds herself saying before she remembers the whole silence thing. Dammit.

'I was upset and she asked, so yeah - I told her what happened. But I never asked her to confront you on my behalf, and I never would.'

Beca does a half-turn, opening her mouth to say something, but Chloe's next words spill out before she can get even a word in.

'And I'm not mad at you, Beca, no matter what she said, and, I really really hope you're not mad at me either, but I'd totally understand if you were and I'm so sorry if I made you uncomfortable at all in the past but I'm willing to work on it and - and I just want us to be friends again,  _so_  much, so please can we at least try and work this out? You mean so much to me even though I haven't known you that long, and I don't want things to be ruined just 'cause I'm a total dumbass. If you don't ever want to see me again, you just need to say, but I wish we could just start again, from the beginning...'

Beca turns around fully, staring at Chloe. Her cheeks are glowing a bright pink, the first bit of colour she's seen there for a few days.

'Fuck! I'm sorry,' Chloe mumbles, gnawing anxiously on the string of her hoodie again. 'I didn't mean to say that much... I should go.' She straightens up, suddenly talking very loudly, 'I'll be going now, bye Beca!'

She spins and makes a run for the exit, but Beca calls out before she can stop herself, 'Chloe, wait!'

Chloe does wait, but unfortunately she's positioned herself right outside Luke's booth (luckily he hasn't noticed yet), and in full view of Jesse. Not that there's any chance he hasn't already heard every word, but Beca would like at least some appearance of privacy. No such luck, since he's not even trying to pretend he's busy like the Bellas did, instead gawping openly at them.

She does her best to ignore him as she approaches Chloe. She pauses a few feet away and crosses her arms across her chest.

'Look.' Time to be a grown-up. '… I'm sorry.'

Chloe's eyes widen. An apology was obviously not what she was expecting. Somehow that makes Beca feel even more like a shit-stain on the bottom of the world's shoe. 'What?'

'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did the way I did. Aubrey was… Aubrey was right.' The words make her want to throw up a little in her mouth. Must be the association with Aubrey. 'I shouldn't have made my problems into your problems and been such a dick about it. And I'm sorry I was a bitch to you earlier today. I just got defensive when Aubrey came and yelled at me, even if she kinda had a point. It's not your fault I have issues with physical contact.'

'It's not your fault either,' Chloe argues, her voice gentle. 'I'm sorry, I'll talk to her. I didn't want her to go off on you like that.'

'Mmm.' Beca picks at a part of her nail polish that's been scratched away. 'It was worse because we weren't talking either. So I thought you'd actually wanted her to come and tell me you weren't sure why you'd ever tried to be my friend.'

'Oh Beca…' Chloe whispers. 'Is that what she told you?' Beca nods silently. 'That's not true. That's not true at all. Aubrey was just being over-protective.'

'Yeah, well.' Beca shoves her hands in the pockets of her jeans, staring at the floor. 'Considering you didn't even really speak to me after that, I thought she might've been at least a little right.'

'I didn't think you actually wanted to speak to me.'

'That never would have bothered you in the past, though. When I said what I did, I wasn't like, expecting a complete personality change. All I wanted was for you to back off a bit, but since then you've been so weird when you speak to me. It's like you're scared to upset me, tiptoeing around like I'm fragile... when I'm not.'

Chloe looks visibly upset at this. 'I know you're not, Beca. That was never my intention. I just wanted to give you some space. I thought  _that_  was what you wanted.' She shakes her head. 'I've made such a mess of this.'

'A little, yeah,' Beca admits. '… But I haven't made it easy for you.'

Luke apparently takes this moment to realise there's someone unexpected in the room, and he pokes his head out of the door, looking pissed. 'Hey, you guys are supposed to be work – oh, Chloe!' His face immediately brightens up. 'Hey, how've you been? Haven't seen you around here for a while.'

Chloe smiles at him, but it's strained. 'Hi, Luke. I'm fine. How's Kate?'

'She's doing good. Training to be a teacher.' His proud smile makes Beca wonder who Kate is. His girlfriend? Beca thought he was single, or at least, she's never seen him with any woman. And how does Chloe know both of them?

'That's great. I'm happy for her.'

Luke grins at her, then glances back over his shoulder into the booth. 'Well, it's always great seeing you, Chloe, but Becky and Jesse have work to do, and so do I. Catch up with you another time, though? And you two,' he says, pointing at them both, 'I better not see you slacking anymore.' He disappears back into the booth.

'Why does he call you Becky?' Chloe asks when he's gone.

'Why do  _you_ know Luke?' she counters.

'Aha.' Chloe arches an eyebrow. 'Seems like stories we can swap another time. Over… coffee, maybe.' Again with the fiddling with the strings of her hoodie – it's so uncharacteristic of Chloe to see her acting this way. 'If you're up for it, that is.'

She doesn't really have to think about her answer. 'Yeah.'

Chloe grins so broadly that Beca might have told her she bought her a house, rather than simply agreed to meet up with her somewhere. It tells her she made the right decision. 'Great. Text me when you're free. In the meantime, I should go - you've got work to do.'

'Okay. I'll see you later then.' She's not sure what to do, now. Chloe would normally jump at her with a hug at this point and bounce out the door, and she would roll her eyes in slight exasperation and a tiny smile. Now it's just awkward, since Chloe doesn't seem sure of whether she should try and hug her anymore.

Giving up, Beca slowly starts to back away to the table she was working at before. But before she even moves a foot away, Chloe blurts out, 'Wait!'

Beca turns expectantly.

'Is it alright if I hug you goodbye?' asks Chloe, biting her lip. 'You can say no.'

Beca shrugs, secretly a little glad. 'Sure, I guess. No funny business, though, okay?' She's mostly joking, wagging a finger in Chloe's face. It feels good to joke with her again.

At that, Chloe laughs. 'Sure, I guess,' she says, mocking Beca's tone.

Not wasting a second, she then puts her arms around Beca (a little too enthusiastically, but it wouldn't be a Chloe-hug without her knocking someone off balance). Her grip is looser in this embrace than one the old Chloe might have given her, and she seems a little on edge still. Beca savours it anyway, finding to her surprise that she's missed Chloe's hugs. Plus, having some control over whether it happens or not makes her feel a lot better.

After a moment, though, Beca notices something strange.

'Chloe, are you… smelling my hair?'

A pause, where Chloe tenses. '… No?'

'Chloe…'

'I'm sorry, I can't help it!' Chloe wails. 'You just smell really good!'

That makes Beca crack up, if only because Chloe does sound genuinely distraught. Clearly she has some boundary issues to work on, but she means well. Not to mention it kinda makes her feel warm inside that Chloe's really taken it to heart that she needs to respect Beca's space. No one's ever been that considerate towards her before.

'Alright, I suppose I'll let you get away with it. But just this once, because I know I smell too awesome to resist,' she teases.

Chloe scoffs good-naturedly. 'I'll have to borrow your shampoo.'

'Yeah, but stay out of my shower while you're borrowing it.'

Chloe laughs, giving her a small squeeze before letting go. 'We'll see. Bye, Beca.'

* * *

After Chloe leaves, Beca smiles for the rest of that shift.

Jesse mocks her incessantly, a huge grin on his face but she can't bring herself to care.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't want to be one of 'those' sorts of writers, but if you have any sort of opinion at all it'd be great if you could leave a comment. Even if you hate it. Especially if you hate it!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I get the feeling some of you are concerned Beca didn't really get what she deserved for what she did to Chloe. All I can say is the fic isn't over yet, guys XD Trust me here. This is a story and stories are journeys. (Don't expect something like the Dramatic Car of Karma to hit her though)

In true Beca fashion, it's already the Saturday of next week before she finally texts Chloe. Before 'The Incident' (as she's started calling it in her head), it was always Chloe who organised things when they spent time together - or rather, she would just coerce Beca into coming somewhere with her, or at times simply turn up at her dorm unexpectedly and make herself at home. Even though they had only known each other for a short time, Chloe had managed to insert herself very comfily into Beca's life with little effort.

Now, however she's leaving it to Beca to decide on when they meet up. And while it's sweet how seriously she's taking this whole boundaries issue, it was probably the worst thing she could ask Beca to do. She hates being the one to initiate meet-ups or ask someone to spend time with her. Never mind that it was Chloe's idea, so technically all she has to do is say when; every time she resolves to text Chloe she immediately finds something else to busy herself with.

Surprisingly, Chloe hasn't pushed it or said anything about them meeting when she sees Beca at practice, simply sending a smile her way and getting on as usual. There's not a hint of resentment in that smile for Beca having not set anything up yet, which, of course, only makes her feel more guilty.

(She's still not helping Beca with her dancing, so Beca still has to actually dance to avoid Aubrey. She'd say she was disappointed, but that would be ridiculous.)

Having put it off all week with mixes and even homework, she finally sits down on Saturday morning to text Chloe.

Which quickly turns into a whole half an hour of Beca procrastinating by working on new mixes, followed by another half an hour of poking at her phone, drafting texts and deleting them straight after. Nothing seems right. She doesn't want to seem too eager, or not eager enough. Does she put a smiley face or not? Chloe seems to love them, but she also always ends her texts to Beca with kisses. Should she do that too?

After an extended period of Beca rolling about in frustration on her bed, Kimmy Jin gives a long suffering sigh from her desk. 'Whatever it is, just text it already and leave.'

Beca scowls at her roommate's back. 'Didn't know you paid so much attention to my life, Kimmy Jin.'

'It's hard not to when you keep sighing at your phone and flopping all over your bed like a dying fish. Some of us are trying to work.'

Fuming, Beca gathers up her things and storms out of the room. Her annoyance with Kimmy Jin at least has one benefit: she finally loses her patience with herself and ends up shooting off a one-worded text: ' _Coffee?'_

The reply comes only a minute later:

_Thought you'd never ask!_

* * *

'I'm so glad you finally decided to meet up with me,' says Chloe brightly, as soon as Beca sits down. Chloe already bought Beca a drink which she nearly knocks over in her haste to hand over. When she takes a sip, she's startled and a little weirded out to see that Chloe has her order exactly right even though they've never even been to Starbucks together before (iced caramel macchiato with skimmed milk and whipped cream to hold the extra caramel drizzle on the top - she's very particular about her drinks). 'I was startling to think you weren't going to come.'

'Yeah, I had some problems with texting.' It's only a half-lie.

Chloe, of course, is very attentive to whatever Beca says – especially when it's not wanted - and tilts her head questioningly. 'What, like a hardware or network issue or something? We can go and get that sorted out today, if you want.'

'No, I mean…' Beca rolls her eyes, letting out a self-deprecating sigh. 'I'm a complete goof when it comes to organising things. I hate it, I get all weird about texting and stuff. It's stupid.'

'Oh!' Chloe gives her a reassuring smile. 'Well, that's okay. In the future I'll do it… I just thought it would be best to leave it to you. You know, after all the stuff that happened. We should probably talk about that properly,' she adds after a moment.

Beca's face falls, but she covers it with her drink. 'Can we not?'

'We need to talk about it sometime -'

'Yes, but not now,' Beca interrupts. 'C'mon, Chloe, I didn't come here to talk about heavy crap like that. I just wanted coffee and to see you, or whatever. Speaking of, how did you know what my order is?'

'I wasn't sure what to get you, so I asked for some suggestions. When I described you, that barista jumped in and made it for me,' says Chloe, jabbing her thumb in the direction of the barista in question, a girl Beca has been served by several times since coming to Barden. Seeing Chloe and Beca looking at them, she smiles slightly and waves. 'Guess she knows you pretty well,' Chloe mutters, playing with some spilt sugar on the table.

'Yeah, we've met a few times.' Seeing Chloe's eyebrows raise momentarily in a silent scoff, she quickly changes the subject. 'Anyway, I'm not here just for the company. You said you'd tell me who Kate was over coffee. Don't think I forgot.'

'Then I hope you remember that you were going to tell me why Luke calls you Becky. Don't think I forgot,' says Chloe, imitating Beca's voice.

'It's not exactly an interesting story.' Beca lifts one shoulder and lets it drop. 'He called me that and I just haven't bothered to correct him. Now, about Kate…'

'Why not though?' Chloe persists. 'You don't seem like the sort of person who'd let that slide.'

'Not this time apparently. So. Kate?'

'Why don't you just tell him? It doesn't have to be a big thing. Just say "Hey, actually, my name is Beca". That's all you have to do.'

'Chloe, stop trying to change the subject. All you asked for was the reason why he calls me Becky, and I told you,' Beca says, leaning back in her chair. 'Now the real question: who is Kate to you, and what's Luke got to do with it? And I want a proper reply, this time. You've got me all curious with this mysterious changing of the subject.'

Chloe takes her time answering, making a show of having to wipe up a small puddle of coffee on the table with one of the napkins, and then having to get up and throw the napkin away in the trashcan on the other side of the room. Beca doesn't ask again but merely waits, sensing that there's some history here that she's unaware of. Chloe is rarely so reticent, so she doesn't want to scare her away.

Eventually Chloe returns to her seat, but as she's sitting down down she mumbles quickly, 'She was a friend of mine,' as though Beca wouldn't ask questions if she said it fast enough. Chloe stirs her hot chocolate (of course she has hot chocolate, with a mountain of whipped cream) with the utmost concentration, hair falling into and obscuring her face.

'A friend?' Beca probes, confused by Chloe's odd behaviour.

'Yes. A  _close_ friend...'

And then Beca notices: Chloe is actually blushing.  _Blushing_. It's not something Beca's really seen before; she rarely ever blushes, too confident in herself to really get embarrassed about things the way Beca does. For Chloe's face to look like that, it must be something really personal, and –

Oh.

 _Oh_.

The realisation hits Beca like a rainbow slap to the face.

Stunned, Beca blurts out without thinking, 'Was she your girlfriend?'

Chloe looks up, startled; her cheeks are now glowing even redder, if possible, almost matching her hair. Somehow the pink in her cheeks makes her eyes stand out even more, Beca finds herself noting. '… Yes.' Her voice is almost a squeak, making Beca cringe inwardly. Does she give off some sort of anti-gay vibe or something? Chloe seemed like the type to be completely open about her sexuality. Why was she so bashful now?

'What happened?' Beca asks, tilting her head and trying to sound as sympathetic as she can. 'Or… should I not ask?'

'We wanted different things,' Chloe mumbles. She stabs through the cream in her hot chocolate with her spoon, hitting the bottom of the mug with a muffled "clink". 'Namely - she wanted someone else.'

Beca winces. 'Ouch. I'm sorry.'

'It happens.' Chloe gives a nonchalant shrug, even though her expression is sad. Chloe generally wears her emotions on her face as it is, so it's all the more obvious that she's still not over the whole ordeal. 'Luke's her brother. He and I met through her and got on pretty well, though, so that's how I know him. I don't talk to Kate anymore, but sometimes I see Luke around and he says hi and occasionally he buys me a drink or food or something.' She puts her spoon in her mouth, sucking pensively. 'I think he feels sorry for me.'

'Wow. That sucks. I'm sorry… again.' Beca's starting to rethink her opinion of Luke a little. She makes a mental note to buy him a few extra burgers when she sees him next.

'Like I said, it happens.'

'It shouldn't happen to you,' Beca says stubbornly, not liking how Chloe seems so accepting of it. 'She didn't deserve you, if she could do something like that to you.'

Chloe's mouth creeps up in a smile, one Beca is starting to recognise as her "going to tease the hell out of Beca" smile. 'Beca, that's so sweet. I didn't know you had it in you.'

If it were anyone else, she'd have a well practised sarcastic barb ready and waiting. But it's Chloe, so she just snorts. 'Guess I'm full of surprises, huh? Anyway,' asks Beca conversationally, resting her chin on her hand, 'what are you?'

Chloe frowns. 'What do you mean?'

'You know… Gay, bi, pansexual, whatever. A label, if you use one.'

'I'm… bisexual. I like both, though it kind of varies which one I like more.' For some reason, Chloe still seems a little nervous about saying it, as though expecting Beca to run out of the shop screaming. That's just unacceptable, Beca decides.

'Cool.' Beca tries to keep a straight face as she continues casually, 'I'm gay.'

Chloe nearly spits out her drink across the table in a performance to rival Aubrey's. 'What?!' she exclaims, catching the attention of some of the other patrons in the shop. She lowers her voice: 'What?!'

'What, the butch ear spike didn't give it away?' asks Beca, smirking, tilting her head so said 'ear monstrosities' are in view. She's enjoying Chloe's shock a little too much. Beca doesn't really tell too many people unless she has a reason to, like with Jesse (how else would she stop him hitting on her?) but there's something to be said for the amusement to be had when coming out to someone that doesn't expect it. Chloe's face right now is truly priceless.

'No it did not!' Chloe frowns severely at her. 'If I wasn't trying to respect your personal bubble I'd totally be hitting you right now! Beca Mitchell – I need to find out your middle name so I can use it when telling you off - I can't believe you didn't tell me something that important!'

'Well, you didn't either,' Beca points out.

'Yes, but… So not the point!' Chloe is genuinely pouting, causing Beca to laugh.

'What's the big deal? It's not like we've known each other that long. You would've found out eventually.'

'But all this time I thought you liked men,' says Chloe, looking distressed. 'And we could've… We could've been sharing notes, or something!'

'Sharing notes?!' Beca repeats, rather disturbed. 'I don't even want to know what that is supposed to mean.'

'On cute girls, dummy! Ooh!' Her eyes light up mischievously, spelling trouble for Beca. 'Which girls at Barden do you think are the hottest?'

'Chloe...'

'Actually, what do you think of  _Aubrey_? She's hot, right?' From the way she's pressing her lips together, she's obviously trying not to laugh, knowing the entire conversation would make Beca squirm uncomfortably in her seat.

'Chloe, no. We're not doing this. We're not going there.'

'What about Lily?' asks Chloe, tilting her head. 'Denise? Amy? Cynthia Rose? I bet you like Stacie,' she says, nodding definitively. 'Everyone thinks Stacie is pretty.'

Beca snorts, not saying a word as she desperately tries to hide her blush in her drink.

'Who else is there? Jessica? Ashley? Me?' she adds the last one on after a moment nonchalantly, her face completely innocent and her eyes far too wide.

Beca tries not to choke on her coffee, failing spectacularly. She sets it down carefully as she splutters, shaking a wet hand which she managed to spill her drink over, 'Chloe, could you be a bit less obvious with your fishing?'

'Oh c'mon, Beca. Every girl loves a compliment, right?' She winks at Beca. 'Just tell me I'm pretty and I'll be fine.'

If this was one of Jesse's movies, this'd be the moment that Beca makes eye contact with Chloe over their table while violins play in the background and she says, completely seriously, with a hint of a smile tugging at her lips, 'You're beautiful.'

However, it's not one of Jesse's movies (and thank God). So what Beca actually does is stare determinedly at Chloe's nose so she doesn't have to look Chloe in the eyes, running a frantic (and damp) hand through her hair as she stutters, 'Um – uh, uh –'

Chloe laughs softly. 'Relax, silly. I'm just teasing you. You're so easy to wind up sometimes.'' She grins. 'Of course, now I know your weakness is talking about girls, you better believe I'll be bringing them up all the time.'

Beca shakes her head fondly. 'You're so weird, you know that?'

'But in the best way possible, right?' responds Chloe cheerfully, making Beca chuckle.

'Mmhm.' She drains the last of her coffee to hide her grin. She's not sure she's felt this content in a long time, particularly when alone with Chloe. The stress of trying to handle her reactions to Chloe's constant physical contact has been lifted from her shoulders, simply leaving the jokey, easy back-and-forth that comes so easy for the two of them. If there's anything she loves as much as music it's sarcasm and witty banter, and Chloe is equally capable of batting back any remark she makes.

Even with Chloe teasing her, it still feels kind of… freeing. She honestly has no worries, in this moment, about social cues or perfume or goosebumps or any of those stupid things.

Well. Except for  _one_  thing.

'Chloe, I was a real bitch to you,' she says bluntly, setting down her now empty cup, 'and I need to apologise.'

'You don't have to,' Chloe protests. 'You weren't that bad.'

'I do. And you don't need to protect my feelings. I know I was awful to you, there's no point in sugar coating it. I'm sorry.'

'You could've been a little – alright, fine, a lot, don't look at me like that - nicer with your delivery, yes,' Chloe admits, 'but you're forgiven. I just wish you'd said something earlier. It's been awful, thinking of how I must have made you feel.'

'I don't tend to talk about things like that much. I just bottle it up…'

'Until it all comes out in a rush?' says Chloe, raising an eyebrow. At the answering nod, she covers Beca's hand with her own. She's very warm, her skin pleasantly soft on Beca's. 'I get it. But you can tell me anything. Anything at all. There's no need to keep it all in.'

When Beca doesn't answer, Chloe suddenly seems to realise that she's not looking at her face, but at their joined hands on the table. She pulls away quickly, leaving Beca's hand feeling very cold.

'Sorry!' she exclaims, looking upset with herself. 'Wow, it's like I don't even realise I'm doing it.'

Beca considers the situation. Chloe is sitting across from the table from her rather than in the seat next to her, which is where she would immediately gone for in the past, and she hasn't tried to seize her in any sort of unwanted embrace yet. Beca's been feeling pretty comfortable with how things were going until now. Plus, her hand is really cold now. What could it hurt?

'You were fine where you were.'

'Really?' At Beca's nod, Chloe stretches cautiously across the table again, covering the back of Beca's fingers with her palm. Chloe's own digits splay a little, her thumb stroking a knuckle. 'This is okay?' she questions, gazing in wonder at their touching skin. Beca's warm again, but there are still goosebumps playing on her arms nonetheless.

'Yep. It might not always be, though,' she warns.

Chloe groans, giving Beca a playful roll of the eyes. 'It'd be easier if you were consistent, y'know.'

'Sometimes things are okay, sometimes they aren't,' she replies honestly. 'I don't have much control over it.'

Chloe smiles, squeezing her hand slightly. 'I know. And that's fine. I'll just have to remember to ask.'

* * *

' _I like the way you work it…'_

Even No Diggity, her ringtone for the last two years, can't improve Beca's mood when it wakes her from the brilliant afternoon snooze she had been having, taking advantage of her roommate being out of the way temporarily. Seeing Jesse's name through bleary eyes, Beca huffs out a tired sigh and swipes her thumb across the screen.

'Ugh, you butt,' Beca complains, as soon as she answers the call. 'I was having an awesome nap just now. Why'd you have to wake me?'

'I missed your jolly personality and how you always have time for me,' replies Jesse cheerfully. 'You're such a joy to speak to.'

'What do you want, Jesse?' Beca says with a groan, rolling onto her back.

'Can't a guy just call his favourite lesbian for a nice chat?'

'Did you have to go straight for "lesbian"? What about some other nouns? DJ? Heck, what about friend?'

'Well, I don't know if you're my favourite DJ since I've never heard your stuff, and as for friend… I'm not so sure, if this is the reception I get when I try and make conversation with you.' Jesse isn't very good at deadpan when he's teasing Beca – she can practically hear him trying not to laugh.

'You're a weirdo, you know that?'

'But in the best way possible, right?'

Beca frowns, wondering where she heard that recently, then realises Chloe said the same thing to her earlier. 'Are you and Chloe the same person? She said that to me this morning.'

'Depends. If I say we are, will you go on a date with me?'

'No,' replies Beca bluntly.

'Bummer. Okay, no, I'm not. And, jeez, Beca, you told Chloe she's weird? That's not the way to a girl's heart. Even I know that.'

'It's not like I'm  _trying_ to get to her heart, so I don't really care.'

'Don't lie. If anyone's gonna melt that frosty exterior, it'd be Chloe,' he teases. 'She's even got you going on coffee dates with her. How was that, by the way?'

'It wasn't a date. And how did you know about that?'

'You said she said that to you "earlier",' he points out. 'I used a thing called logic and guessed you probably met up for your little coffee  _rendez-vous_ earlier today.'

Beca shakes her head. 'You're such a girl, Jesse. Why are you so invested in my relationship with her?'

'Well, since your impenetrable sexuality means we won't be having aca-babies any time soon, and neither my roommate nor the Trebles seem like they'd ever get a girlfriend, I need to get my kicks somewhere.'

'Hey,' says Beca warningly. 'Don't be mean to Benji. He's sweet.'

'Yeah, I guess. I didn't mean it in a horrible way. But hey,' he says, sounding suspicious, 'when have you two been spending time together? And why wasn't I invited?'

'It's not like we're having slumber parties, Jesse. I just say hi to him if I see him and sometimes he shows me card tricks. They're pretty awesome.'

'Yeah, Benji's magic is cool. Have you seen him do that thing with the banana? Blew my mind, dude. Hey!' he cries suddenly. 'I know what you're doing. You're trying to distract me from talking about your date with Chloe.'

'It wasn't a date. I told you.'

'Yeah, yeah. Tell me about your not-date, c'mon. I can tell you're bursting to.'

With an exasperated sigh, Beca gives in and relays her morning to him, and he makes all the same noises a typical teenage girl would. 'So she's bi, eh?' he says, sounding excited. 'So you do have a chance!'

'What makes you think I want a chance?'

'Don't you?'

'Surprisingly, we lesbians can have coffee with a girl without wanting to jump her,' Beca says wryly.

'Of course. But Chloe's not just a girl, is she?'

'Ever think you're too interested in my love life?'

'Never.'

'Hm. Not sure I believe you there.' Beca smirks. 'Are you saying you won't freak out if I tell you she held my hand?' Jesse shouts, 'HA!' so loudly down the receiver that it nearly deafens Beca, but she can't help but laugh. 'Knew it. I'll let you flail in peace - I'm going to hang up and sleep some more. Talk later, Jesse.'

'You let her hold your hand!' she hears him shout from the receiver as she hangs up. Just as she's about to throw her phone to the side, it begins ringing again. She picks it up without looking at who's calling, assuming it's Jesse.

'You're a freak, Jesse!' she calls down the phone. 'Go have your creepy shippy feelings on your own!'

'It's not Jesse, it's Chloe.' Beca freezes, eyes widening in panic. 'And who is Jesse shipping?'

'Uh, nobody,' Beca says quickly, praying to whatever deity she can think of that Chloe won't question her any further. 'What's up, Chloe?'

'Why aren't you on Facebook? Your name won't come up when I try and search for you,' Chloe says, her pout evident in her voice. Beca wonders when she started spending so much time with Chloe that she knew what that even sounded like without seeing it.

'I have an account.'

'Well I can't find you!'

Beca stifles a laugh. It isn't the least bit surprising that Chloe's looking for her on Facebook. Chloe's probably the sort of girl who has hundreds of people added and genuinely regards them all as actual friends. 'Maybe I have the finding me in the search engine thingy turned off. I don't know. I don't really use it.'

'Why not?'

'Because it's stupid. I got one a while back and it just sits there collecting dust. If online stuff could get dusty.'

'How else are you going to get invited to things and speak to your friends online?' Chloe says, huffing. 'Without Facebook you're basically a hermit! At least add me!'

'You just want to stalk me and go through my timeline and photos.'

'Maybe. But knowing you, you don't even have many uploaded.'

'Too right,' says Beca, already crossing over to her desk and inwardly berating herself at the things she does for Chloe sometimes. She sets her phone on her desk and puts Chloe on speaker. 'I untag myself if any happen to crop up.'

'You're no fun.'

'And yet you want to add me on Facebook anyway?'

'Yep!'

'Ugh, fine.' She opens up her laptop and opens up Facebook, which she isn't even logged into anymore since it's been that long. She's immediately inundated with useless notifications, which she ignores in favour of typing Chloe's name into the search engine; she clicks on the add button. At least things haven't changed that much. She snatches up her phone again. 'There. Added. Happy?'

'Totally,' replies Chloe sweetly. 'So, how are you?'

'Nice of you to ask that before you forced me to go on my laptop and add you on Facebook.' As she's speaking, people who have found Beca through seeing Chloe add her suddenly start sending friend requests Beca too. Pretty soon, Beca has requests from all the Bellas and even some of the Treblemakers. Don't these people have class or better things to do? She ignores them all and turns her back to the screen. 'Why do I let you force me to do these things?'

'Because you're a lovely girl who likes to be nice to me?' Beca scoffs. Chloe chuckles. 'Fine, you're a horrible girl who hates to be nice to me yet does it anyway.'

'Gee thanks, Chloe.'

'You're welcome. Really though, how are you?'

'Tired. Trying to nap while Kimmy Jin still has classes. For someone that doesn't talk to me, she can sure make a lot of noise when I'm trying to sleep,' she grumbles. 'Then Jesse woke me up by calling me.'

'Is that why you were calling him a freak?'

Beca coughs awkwardly. 'Something like that, yeah.'

_Don't ask, don't ask, don't ask…_

Chloe asks, naturally. 'And there was something about shipping, you said…'

'Let's not talk about that, okay?' Beca realises her voice has gotten a little high and coughs again to return it to her normal range. She crosses back to her bed and sits down, trying to calm herself. 'Anyway, did you seriously just call me to ask me to get on Facebook?'

There's a moment of pause, then, '… No,' Chloe replies hesitantly.

'Figured you didn't.'

'I was actually wondering if you were up for… going out again. With me. Some time soon, I mean.'

Beca opens her mouth to speak but Chloe cuts her off with some sudden rambling. Beca never really saw Chloe as the rambling type, but in a way it kind of suits her. Her mind jumps from place to place so excitedly all the time - her trains of thought are truly mind-boggling sometimes when she gets into a rant about a musician or a piece of music. What  _is_  unusual is that Chloe is obviously rambling because of nerves, and Beca is again forced to deal with the fact that she obviously makes Chloe jittery and has no idea how. She's not sure if it's a good thing yet.

'I mean, not like, tomorrow or anything, but some time soon,' Chloe's saying. 'And you don't have to organise it, if you can give me a ballpark figure of when you might feel like it that's fine, and we can go whenever. But we do need to agree on a date because otherwise one of us might be sitting alone…'

'Okay, Chloe,' she says as soon as a break in Chloe's talking presents itself. 'We can do that.'

Chloe lets out a breath. 'Thank God. I thought you hated earlier and me and never wanted to speak to me again. After that whole thing with the hand. I know you said it was fine, but I got worried.'

'No, that was…' She searches for the word. 'Nice. I didn't mind.'

'Really?'

'Not at all.'

She can almost hear Chloe beaming when she replies, 'That's such a relief.' Beca finds herself smiling too, pleased that Chloe is so concerned about her. 'Listen Beca, I have to get off the phone because Bree is doing work and glaring at me, but… I'll speak to you on Facebook, okay?'

Beca frowns. 'But I don't use Facebook.'

'Maybe but not before, but now you have the best ever reason to - speaking to me! Byeee!' Chloe singsongs, before promptly hanging up on Beca.

She stares at her phone in disbelief. Suddenly, a little "ping" on her computer alerts her to a new chat message on Facebook.

Slowly, and a little warily, Beca makes her way over to investigate. It's from Chloe, of course, a tiny icon of her with her arm around Aubrey next to her message:

_:)!!!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Really hate how FFN doesn't allow you to write the less than symbol, otherwise Chloe's message would've been 'less than 3'. Ugh.
> 
> A second note: a few people have asked if this is fic will reveal Beca as being a victim of abuse in some form. The short answer is no, and I would've put a trigger warning if it was anyway.
> 
> The reason I say it won't be is for many reasons: 1) I could not pull off a fic like that successfully, 2) In general I will not be going into the whys of Beca's actions, the fic is more about how she deals with it, and, most importantly, 3) people are a little more complicated than childhood + trauma = aversion to touch. Seriously. The main issue isn't totally about avoiding physical contact; I'm writing it more with social anxiety in mind (based on my own...), if we're going to do some armchair psychology. Beca isn't so much shying away from all physical contact as getting overwhelmed by Chloe and generally not being good with social cues. And remember this is a love story so obviously Chloe is the source of it all and both makes this problem better and worse. I just noticed a lot of people write Beca as being accepting of Chloe's touchiness, so I went the other way and wanted to explore it. I know Beca isn't strictly like in the film... but presumably she's not gay in the film either =P
> 
> HOWEVER, I know some people will wonder if she experienced something traumatic, and admittedly some (imagined) subtext about abuse might make the story fuller for some readers. Who knows? I don't want to tell anyone how to interpret my writing and I completely understand if that's how people read it. Just know I won't be covering that topic in the main story.
> 
> If you have any questions or thoughts on that feel free to tell me them. I thought it was important you guys knew my reasoning behind this.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda hate this chapter. It's unbetaed since I had to rewrite this one from scratch twice before I finally worked out what I was going to do with it, and I'm an impatient person :P

 

 

**Chloe Beale**

Managed to get  **Beca Mitchell** on Facebook! Achievement of the day! Everyone go bug her!

_9 people like this._

**Beca Mitchell** Dislike. Why is there still not a button for that?

 **Chloe Beale** Because grumpy people like you would abuse it!

* * *

 

**Beca Mitchell**

Fuck my life.

 **Chloe Beale** What's up?

 **Beca Mitchell** Nothing, just forgot to save something I was working on and my computer died, so I lost some of it. Ugh.

 **Beca Mitchell** Also, forgot how satisfying it is to make a vague Facebook status complaining about something.

 **Chloe Beale** Oh no! That really sucks. What was it, homework or something?

 **Beca Mitchell** Homework?! Ha. It's like you don't know me at all. No, it was a mix I've been working on for a few weeks.

 **Chloe Beale** Aw, I'm sorry! Do you think you can get it back? Can I hear it when it's done?

 **Jesse Swanson** NO WAY DOES CHLOE GET TO HEAR THEM BEFORE I DO

 **Beca Mitchell** I was gonna say no, but now I think you should definitely hear it.

* * *

 

**Chloe Beale**

"Bulletproof, nothing to lose, fire away, fire away…" Love this song. Good memories  **Beca Mitchell**

_3 people like this._

**Beca Mitchell** …

 **Chloe Beale** ;)

 **Aubrey Posen** Aca-ugh.

* * *

 

 **Beca Mitchell - > ** **Aubrey Posen**

You seriously type that 'aca-whatever' shit as well as say it?

 **Aubrey Posen** Don't make me aca-punch you.

 **Chloe Beale** Girls, girls! Violence is never wise. (not the way to win back guys)

 **Beca Mitchell** … What?

 **Aubrey Posen** Dear God, she's singing songs from Legally Blonde: the musical.

* * *

 

 **Chloe Beale - > ** **Beca Mitchell**

Are you free today? x

 **Beca Mitchell** I've got class, but yeah, I guess so. Why?

 **Chloe Beale** You'll see! ^_~

 **Beca Mitchell** I don't think I like the sound of that. I hate surprises.

 **Chloe Beale** Why does that not surprise me?

 **Beca Mitchell** Because I hate surprises so much nothing about me is a surprise.

_Chloe Beale likes this._

* * *

 

 **Tom. Just Tom - > ** **Chloe Beale**

you busy today? ;)

 **Chloe Beale** Yeah, sorry Tommy! Hanging out with  **Beca Mitchell**!

 **Beca Mitchell** Please stop tagging me in every post

 **Tom. Just Tom** is that the girl from the showers? almost didn't recognise her with clothes on

 **Beca Mitchell** OMG STOP TALKING

* * *

 

**Chloe Beale**

Great day having a 'surprise' mini picnic with the lovely  **Beca Mitchell**  in her dorm room! Think she liked it even if she had a choking fit on a sandwich at one point

 **Beca Mitchell** Do you have to update about everything we do together on Facebook? Also, when did you take that photo?

 **Chloe Beale** Yes! I took it the other day when you weren't looking. You looked so pretty! :) x

 **Beca Mitchell** Untagging.

 **Chloe Beale** Go ahead, I still have it saved on my phone! So there. :)

* * *

 

**Chloe Beale**

Sigh.

 **Beca Mitchell**?

 **Chloe Beale** I texted you. :(

* * *

 

**Fat Amy 'Adele' Watson**

i hope  **Chloe Beale** and  **Beca Mitchell**  never discover private messaging

_15 people like this._

**Beca Mitchell** I hate you all.

* * *

 

 

'… And I ended up on the phone to her for about half an hour because she'd apparently broken it off with that guy she was… doing stuff… with on the side and she was down about it.'

Jesse makes a thoughtful noise, still listening to Beca despite the fact he's currently messing around with his laptop and trying to get it to play a DVD. They were halfway through E.T. when his laptop started making noises and crashed, and now whenever he puts it in the drive it simply starts whirring without actually doing anything. Jesse pretty much had a panic attack when this happened the first time. Meanwhile, Beca's lying on her bed while he works, trying to balance a pencil on her nose out of boredom. She's not sure how the topic got onto Chloe, but then again, it always seems to these days.

'She was down about breaking off a casual sex thing?' asks Jesse, frowning to himself. This could be at the information about Chloe or the fact that even restarting his laptop isn't working. 'Seems a bit weird. It being casual, and all that.'

'Well you know Chloe. She hates upsetting people. She didn't explain it that much but I think the guy was a bit more attached to her than she originally thought.' Beca shrugs, or rather just twitches her shoulders since she's lying down. 'Can't blame him I guess.'

'Why'd she break it off, anyway?'

Beca lets the pencil fall off her face. 'I dunno. I asked, but she didn't really say.'

'What  _did_ she say?'

'Just that things had changed for her so her thing with Tom wasn't enough for her anymore.'

' _Hm_.'

Beca rolls onto her side, facing Jesse. 'What hm? What are you thinking?'

'Well, I'm just wondering what changed for her. Maybe she likes someone else,' Jesse says. His tone is far too casual to be realistic; Beca narrows her eyes at his back. He's never been good at acting, and this time is no exception.

'I know what you're suggesting, and don't even go there.'

Jesse turns to look at her, one eyebrow raised. 'Why not? Whenever I try and "go there" you shut me down and avoid the topic.'

Beca stares at him. 'Seriously, why is this such a big deal to you? You've been on my back about Chloe for ages. Why?'

''Cause it's just like a movie!' Jesse whines petulantly. 'The closed off girl with all her walls and the guy – I mean, girl - who can surpass them all and see her inner beauty and all that. It's the plot of pretty much half the great love stories out there.'

'Difference is, my life isn't a love story.'

'But -'

'Jesse, no,' Beca says sternly. 'This is my life _,_ okay? It's not a movie, or something for you to write fanfic about when you're alone in your dorm room. Whatever I do with Chloe has nothing to do with you, so please stop bringing it up?'

Jesse huffs, but he does look a little bit sorry. 'Fine. In the meantime, my laptop is bust. Can I borrow yours?'

'No way. My laptop has never been desecrated by a terrible movie in the disc drive and it's going to stay like that.'

'Excuse me? E.T. is not a terrible movie. You should feel lucky I picked that one – I thought a film about friendship might teach you a few things.'

'Not making me want to give you my laptop, Jess.' Beca stands up, crossing to her wardrobe to collect her shower bag and some clothes. 'I'm gonna take a shower. Don't mess up my room.'

'Would I ever?' Jesse waves her off, jabbing morosely at buttons on his laptop.

* * *

 

When Beca returns twenty minutes later, Jesse is now sitting on the floor and looking worryingly pleased with himself. Sensing he's done something Beca won't like, she narrows her eyes at him suspiciously. 'What did you do?'

'Oh, nothing,' he says, grinning widely. 

She scans the room, trying to see if there's anything out of place. All her DJing equipment and keyboard is still where it was before - even her laptop is in the same position. Suddenly, Beca notices her phone is on the floor next to him and inwardly facepalms. How could she be so stupid as to leave it in the room with him? She quickly snatches it up and looks at the recent calls, trying to work out what he did to make him smirk like that, but there are none that are new in the history.

'What did you do?' Beca says, frowning.

Jesse just taps his nose, giving her a wink. She's about to interrogate him further when someone knocks on the door.

'Bet I know who that is,' Jesse singsongs, sniggering to himself.

Beca puts two and two together. 'You didn't,' she says, horrified.

'Maybe I did, maybe I didn't.'

Feeling a sense of dread, she brings up the texts. Her suspicions are confirmed when there's a new text to Chloe sent very recently, which she most definitely did not write and never would.

_Come over? I miss you._

'Jesse!' she screeches. 'You said you'd butt out!'

'I said I'd stop talking about it!' he points out. 'Never said anything about some good, old fashioned match making.'

'I'm gonna kill you!'

There's another knock, a little more insistent this time.

'You gonna get that?' Jesse asks, eyes twinkling.

Beca pauses, wondering whether to go after Jesse or greet Chloe. Then again, if Chloe's on the other side of the door she might question the noises she'll hear when she brutally murders Jesse. 'Don't say a word, or I swear…' Beca warns him. Jesse obediently pretends to zip his lips.

Beca knows it must be Chloe, but she's still a little surprised to open the door and find her there on the other side on the whim of a random text "Beca" sent. If she'd thought Chloe was everywhere in her life previously, it was nothing compared to now – she was seeing Chloe practically every day, texting her constantly. They hadn't made any plans for today, yet here she was.

'Chloe! What a surprise.' Behind her back, she gives Jesse the middle finger when she hears him snort.

'Hey you,' says Chloe, smiling brightly. 'I was surprised to get your text, especially since you're up before 11 on a weekend. Colour me shocked.'

'I didn't really have much of a choice.' Beca points back into the room, where Jesse's predictably stolen her Mac and is now trying to boot it up. She's not worried – she has a password on. Unlike on her phone. She really needs to change that.

Chloe peers over Beca's shoulder. When she sees Jesse, she looks disappointed. 'Oh, I didn't realise you'd have company...'

'Neither did I, to be honest. Jesse just kind of turned up.' She looks back at him, giving him a death glare. 'We were watching a movie, then he stole my phone and texted you. Sorry about that. I didn't have anything to do with it.'

'I thought it was a bit unusual,' says Chloe. 'Then again, so is you watching a movie. Don't you hate movies?'

'See? She knows that,' Beca calls back to Jesse. He just grunts in annoyance – she expects he's found the password screen now. 'Doesn't stop him from forcing me to watch them with him.'

'Consider it a vital part of your college education,' Jesse says, now trying random words for her password. 'Forget Philosophy! This is where the real learning is at.'

Chloe smiles wistfully. 'Sounds intense... I wouldn't want to interrupt. I'll see you another time maybe?' she asks Beca.

Disappointed, but relieved she won't have to deal with the inevitable embarrassment Jesse would unleash on her if left to his own devices with Chloe, Beca nods slowly. 'Yeah, I guess. Sorry you came all the way out here for nothing. Later, Chlo.'

Just as Beca is about to shut the door, Jesse shouts, 'No wait - Chloe, why don't you join us?'

Beca's head snaps around in shock. 'Dude!' she mouths. 'Stop it!'

'Oh get over it,' he hisses back. He looks back up at Chloe, a wide smile on his face. 'How about it? Maybe you can convince her to let me use her Mac since my laptop isn't working.'

'I dunno,' says Chloe, shooting an unsure glance at Beca. 'I don't want to intrude.'

'Who's intruding?' He spreads his hands out to the side in what he evidently thinks is a welcoming manner. 'Mi laptop es su laptop. Or rather, Beca's.'

'Beca?' Chloe questions.

Beca looks at Jesse, who is sending her rapid eyebrow signals. 'I don't mind if you stay.' When the signals don't stop, she sighs heavily and throws up her hands. 'In fact I'd love nothing more! You suck,' she adds, directed at Jesse.

Chloe laughs. 'Well, okay. You've convinced me.' Chloe takes a step towards the bed, but then stops. 'Is there enough room for all of us to sit?'

'Oh yeah, sure!' Jesse beams at her. 'We might have to huddle up a bit… but worst comes to worst, Beca can sit on your lap. Ow!' he cries, when Beca walks over and kicks him. 'You can sit on my lap?' Beca aims for him again, but he dodges it this time. 'Okay, Chloe'll sit on my lap! Jesus, woman, what do you want from me?'

'No one's sitting on anyone's lap. There should be room. Move your ass.' She uses her foot to nudge Jesse into shifting into the very corner of the bed. She takes her computer from him, balancing it on her lap as she taps in the password. He peers over her arm to try and work out what it is.

'ILOVECB,' he reads aloud, pretending to sound mystified. 'Who's CB? Ow, fuck!' He winces, rubbing his arm. 'You punch hard for a tiny little thing.'

'He's lying, that's not my password,' she assures Chloe hurriedly, who just chuckles. She notices Chloe is still standing, playing with her fingers in a slightly awkward fashion. 'You can sit, Chloe.'

Looking as unsure as Beca feels, Chloe slowly lowers herself into the seat next to Beca. She leaves as much space as she can, which isn't much. She thinks she knows why Chloe is so tense, assuming it's the same reason as Beca's – the last time they sat together on this bed, watching something together, she'd screamed at Chloe for touching her. A wave of guilt passes through her, one she often feels every time she's near Chloe now.

While Jesse is busy pulling Beca's computer chair over so he can put her laptop on it for a better view, Beca crosses her arms over her chest and surreptitiously pokes Chloe's right arm.

'Hey,' she says, speaking out of the corner of her mouth. 'Relax.'

Chloe turns to look at look at her. Their faces are a little too close for Beca's liking, but she tries not to let it bother her. After searching Beca's eyes for something for a few moments, Chloe is apparently satisfied and allows some of the rigidity in her muscles to ease. It means more of Beca's left side is pressed against Chloe's, but no more than her other side is to Jesse. She tries to find being surrounded on both sides comforting rather than unnerving, slightly helped when Chloe touches the fingers still resting on her arm with her own– just once, a sign of thanks - then lets her hand fall back to her lap.

Jesse finally gets the movie to start playing and cheers. 'Alright, we're finally good to go! Should I start from the beginning?'

'No need,' says Chloe, 'I've watched this movie more times than I can count.'

Jesse's jaw drops - he looks thunderstruck. 'You like E.T. too?' When Chloe nods he gives Beca a dirty look. 'I think I'm gonna have to resign as your lesbro and be Chloe's instead. She's way cooler.'

'She's bi, idiot,' Beca replies, rolling her eyes.

'So? We'll be bi-bros... Or something.'

'Don't worry, Beca, I don't want Jesse as my lesbro or bi-bro, or anything,' Chloe assures her. She crosses her legs; her toes skim Beca's calf through her jeans, distracting Beca for a moment.

'I wasn't worrying. You can have him, for free. He needs walks twice a day and regular meals,' she deadpans, making Chloe giggle. 

Jesse is pouting on her other side as he tries to find the spot they left off at. 'Lame. Does that mean I'm stuck with this one?'

'Hey, Beca's great,' Chloe protests.

'Sure, she's just vicious,' he says, rubbing his arm. 'Still, I know she loves me really despite the whole territorial Yorkshire terrier act.' Jesse puts his arm around Beca's shoulders and squeezes her shoulders. She quickly pushes his arm off her, but not before she notices Chloe studying them, her elbow on the armrest and resting her head on her palm.

'You guys act like you've known each other for a long time, you know that?'

'I have to spend far too much time with him at the station,' Beca grumbles. 'I'm sad to say I've actually gotten used to his presence, annoying as it is.'

'I'm sure he's not that bad…'

'You've been roped into watching a movie with me and him,' Beca says wryly, 'I'll ask you if she still feel the same way in an hour.'

'Speaking of watching… Are you girls done? Because I seriously need Beca to see the end of this. Maybe it'll pull something in her cold, empty heart,' Jesse teases. His comment makes Chloe frown, and Beca simply gives him an unimpressed look. Realising he's created an awkward moment, Jesse coughs. 'Alright then! Let there be movies!' He says, before, dramatically pressing the "play" button.

* * *

 

Beca doesn't even  _try_  to watch the movie, despite how much Jesse wanted her to. She's gotten good at gauging the basic mood of a scene and arranging her face to show an appropriate emotion. To be honest she wasn't that interested in the first place – aliens, so not her thing even if she liked movies – but it's especially hard to concentrate when she gets so distracted watching the way Jesse and Chloe interact as they watch the remainder of E.T.

Somehow, Beca had assumed Chloe was staying with the two of them mostly out of politeness, and that she'd probably leave halfway through with an excuse. After all, she'd responded to  _Beca's_ text, not Jesse's, so it was only logical to think she'd wanted to be with Beca. When Chloe had readily agreed to stay, she'd been surprised, and had immediately dreaded the idea of her two friends spending time together because they would surely embarrass her in some way, probably joining forces so they could tease her relentlessly. They'd probably swap stories about her. Jesse would probably try and set them up again by dropping hints about Beca's supposed crush on her. Beca would strongly consider the consequences of knocking out both her best friends.

That's what she'd expected. That's what would have been normal, even if she wasn't really looking forward to it.

That is not what happens. Instead, Beca has to spend the next forty-five minutes sitting silently in between Jesse and Chloe as they chat the whole time. They don't just talk about anything, though. Oh no. That would be okay; she could deal with mindless talking about anything, because at least then she could participate.

But they only talk about the movie. They mouth famous lines together, bantering and exchanging trivia about the movie and the actors and the direction. Names like Spielberg, Henry Thomas and Drew Barrymore drop easily from their mouths, names Beca is familiar with but doesn't know enough about to offer anything new to the conversation beyond a brief comment that she found Drew Barrymore hot. Both Jesse and Chloe had agreed – even if discussing it while seeing her on screen as a kid was weird - but then the topic had moved on without Beca and she was irrevocably lost.

It's not that she's  _jealous_. Because that'd be stupid. It's just… sobering, to realise that two people, probably the most important people in her life right now (as sad as that sounds), that came to spend time  _with_  her could just as easily get on well  _without_  her. They don't even need her here right now to have a good time; they have their film titles and their actors and their actresses, which is like them immediately having a million in-jokes with each other that she could never understand.

They'd make a cute couple, Beca accidentally finds herself thinking, and there's nothing to stop that happening. Jesse might make a lot of jokes about her being with Chloe, but he'd never really met her properly before now. He's nice to look at, she supposes, and Chloe is gorgeous, so there's no reason they couldn't be attracted to each other. And they already have stuff in common, stuff Beca will never get in a million years nor ever want to. They obviously get on well, considering Jesse is grinning like a madman, and Chloe... Chloe's smiling too, at Jesse. Something about that last bit really gets at her, and she's not sure why.

As soon as she gets onto this train of thought, she wishes she could bleach her brain and make it disappear because her mood takes an immediate and unexpected nosedive.

* * *

 

Some time later, near the end of the movie Chloe seems to notice Beca hasn't said a word for a very long time. Her brow knits in concern. Casually turning her body a little, she arranges herself so she can whisper to Beca without Jesse noticing. Beca does her best to ignore her movement, especially when her knee presses firmly into Beca's thigh.

'You okay?' Her breath moves some of Beca's hair, making it tickle her face.

Beca nods silently, staring straight at the screen without blinking. She can't see what Chloe's doing, so she flinches suddenly when Chloe leans in closer, her breath now washing over her ear instead.

'I'm glad I'm here. I'm having a really nice time,' Chloe murmurs to her. Beca doesn't mean to scoff out loud, but she unfortunately does. Chloe's face scrunches up in confusion. 'Are you sure you're okay?'

'Peachy,' she mutters. She stands up, making Jesse jump who has evidently forgotten she was there. 'Be back in a minute.'

She leaves the room quickly, not sure where she's going but knowing she needs to be out of there. She can't take another minute of hearing how much Chloe's enjoying being with Jesse.

'Beca, wait!' It's Chloe, of course, who runs out after her. Beca doesn't stop, power-walking her way down the corridor.

'Go back inside, Chloe,' she calls back to Chloe dully. It's a frustratingly long corridor to the front door. Chloe's longer legs give her an unfair advantage, too, so she easily catches up with Beca and tugs on her arm to make her face the front.

'What's wrong with you?' asks Chloe, frowning.

'Nothing's wrong,' she mutters, avoiding Chloe's eyes. 'Just need some air.'

'If nothing's wrong then why are you giving me Beca sulky face right now?' Chloe points at the deep crease in her brow.

'I'm not sulking.'

'You kind of are,' Chloe says. She hesitates, then steps forward. Not as close as she might have gotten in the past, but still close enough to put Beca on edge, especially when she gently tilts Beca's chin upwards with one of her fingertips to make her look at her. Beca tries her best not to slap her hand away, knowing it would upset Chloe and probably reset the progress they'd made, but it still makes her heart hammer. 'What's the matter? Is it something I said?'

'No,' Beca replies, edging her face away from Chloe's fingers. Chloe sighs and instead lets her hands settle on Beca's arms, rubbing up and down soothingly with her palms.

'Look, whatever I did, I'm sorry and I didn't mean to do it,' she says quietly. Beca just shuts her eyes, frustrated with herself for making Chloe feel bad again. 'Are you still going to go out for air?'

'I dunno. Maybe.'

'Can you wait here? I'll just go back and get my stuff.'

'What?' Beca's eyes fly open and her head darts up, certain she's heard wrong. 'Don't you want to watch E.T. with Jesse?' She can't stop the resentment entering her voice, and knows Chloe can hear it.

Chloe shakes her head, smiling slightly. 'So I was right. Beca,' says Chloe, stepping even closer and looking her in the eyes. 'When I got that text, I came here for you. Not Jesse.'

Chloe's smiling at her. That one smile. The soft but wide one that makes her eyes light up and crinkle up in the corners, the one she showed Beca after they sang together, after she auditioned and at hood night. It's so damn  _fond_ – even though they've known each other just over a month now, even though Beca's shouted at her and made her cry before, even though she forgets to text Chloe for days at a time sometimes when she gets wrapped up in her mixes, even though Beca's sulking right now and making Chloe feel like she needs to apologise again. No one's ever looked at Beca like that. Jesse certainly doesn't. And that's not the smile she was giving Jesse earlier.

Her hands pass up and down Beca's arms again, her thumbs brushing Beca's biceps.

'Maybe next time it can just be you and I?'

It's like some sort of chain reaction, because Beca feels herself smiling back, the way she always does.

'… Okay. I'd like that.'

'Come back in with me for now?' asks Chloe. 'I mean, I like Jesse, but I don't want to sit in your dorm alone with him.' Chloe holds out her hand to her. After a moment Beca takes it, letting Chloe lead her back into her dorm. Just before they reach her door, she pulls Chloe to stop her.

'Why are you always so nice to me when I'm such a bitch?'

Chloe regards her for a few moments, considering the question. 'You're not a bitch,' she replies eventually. 'You're just insecure and it makes you do stupid things. But also,' she says, gripping Beca's hand tighter. 'I'm not being nice… I'm being your friend. Come on, let's go watch the last five minutes.'

She opens the door and leads Beca back into her darkened dorm. She sees Jesse's eyes widen a little at their joined hands, but she quietly shakes her head at him, a silent request for him to hold his comments. He does so, but his raised eyebrow tells her he's going to ask her about it later.

* * *

 

**Beca Mitchell**

I'm so screwed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for all the ass in this chapter.

 

'C'mon, Bellas, pick up the pace!' Aubrey calls out to the Bellas, clapping her hands. 'Visualise the ICCA trophy in front of you! Those Treblemaker jerks are right behind you, reaching for it! They're gaining on you! You can do it, Bellas, outrun them!'

She makes a few "pheep"s on her whistle for no discernible reason other than to piss them off. Perhaps she thinks that if she riles up the Bellas enough it'll make them run faster, Beca thinks as she staggers down the steps for what feels like the fiftieth time that day. If that's true, she could probably train for an Olympic sprint right now if Aubrey was her coach. As Beca passes Aubrey, she blows hard on the whistle again.

'Beca, keep your back straight! Stop slouching!'

'I'm gonna shove that whistle up her ass in a sec,' Beca pants over her shoulder to Lily, who is right behind her. Lily gasps something back to her, and Beca's not sure if it's just the breathy quality of Lily's voice, but she's pretty sure she heard something about having fireworks in her bag that she could shove up there too. She picks up her pace (if only to try and get away) passing Jessica, Denise and Ashley who are attempting to run in a three, slotting in just behind Cynthia Rose.

'Beca,' Cynthia Rose wheezes, ''sup?'

'Other than the fact I'm dying?' Beca says, pretending to be cheerful even though her lungs are screaming. 'Not much. You?'

'S-same.'

They run in companionable silence for a few minutes, their heavy breathing and the sound of running shoes pounding on the floorboard the only sounds outside of Aubrey's occasional yells and whistle blowing.

Truth be told, Beca kind of likes running, despite not being great at it. She was never one to be good at sport when at school, mostly due to her occasional clumsiness and sometimes her height (and just general not giving a fuck), so things like volleyball and tennis were lost on her. There's something about running, though, that she enjoys. Probably the solitude and only having to focus on what she's doing, not other people, so she won't get shouted at if she messes up. Yep, she decides, that sounds like a sufficiently miserable reason for her to like it. However, all this cardio is Aubrey's idea, so she still hates it on principle even if she's inwardly enjoying the burn in her legs and lungs. Is that creepy? Maybe.

'Enjoying yourself?' she asks. Typically, Cynthia Rose glares at her.

'I haven't run in years, Beca,' Cynthia Rose wheezes. ' _Years_. I'm more of a dancing girl. Ugh!' she says as she nearly falls over. 'Isn't exercise meant to be good for you?'

Beca snorts. 'So they always tell you, but I'm convinced it's a conspiracy.'

Cynthia Rose nods solemnly in agreement. As she looks ahead of her, her face suddenly brightens. 'Well. Hey. Looks like there is… one benefit!' She shoots a tired wink at Beca over her shoulder.

'Oh yeah?' says Beca sceptically. 'What's that?'

Wordlessly, Cynthia Rose gestures a little ahead of her, to where Stacie and Chloe are running near each other, chatting easily as they jog.

Beca's expression becomes puzzled. 'Chloe and Stacie? What about them?'

'Their clothes, Beca! Look at their clothes,' Cynthia Rose says, as they climb the steps again. The slight slowing of the pace of the two girls to move uphill allows Beca a little more time to think about it; when she realises what Cynthia Rose is talking about, she actually comes to a stop out of shock.

It's not like Beca hadn't noticed what they were wearing before - of course she had. And it's not like she wasn't wearing something similar. But she'd never really  _noticed_ , too busy trying not to fall over. Now, though, it's hard not to see it. Both are in probably the tiniest pair of shorts they could manage. Thankfully, Chloe is wearing a t-shirt instead of just a sports bra like Stacie, but even the fact she's a little more covered up doesn't do much for her when it's clinging to her with sweat and she's lifting up the bottom up to dab her face and flashing off her stomach to the rest of the Bellas. Add that to the fact that they are higher up on the steps than Beca so certain parts of them are right in her eye line – well, it doesn't take a genius for Beca to work out what Cynthia Rose is doing.

' _Dude!'_  she hisses incredulously. 'You're checking them out?'

Cynthia Rose pauses too on the step above Beca's. She arches an eyebrow at her, wiping her forehead. 'Can you blame me?'

Aubrey blows on her whistle. 'Beca! Cynthia Rose! Stop slacking!' They groan but start running again, although much slower now so they can talk. Beca says, under her breath, 'Dude, that's so perverted.'

'Don't pretend you haven't noticed,' Cynthia Rose hisses back to her. 'I saw your face when Chloe started taking off her pants. You're not as hard to read as you think you are.'

'How was I supposed to know she was wearing shorts underneath?! I thought she was gonna be running in her underwear or something.'

'Yeah, you'd like that wouldn't you?' Cynthia Rose says, smirking, which quickly falls away when Beca shoves her and she nearly stumbles down the steps they're going back down. 'Watch it! For God's sake, I don't need a broken leg.'

'Chloe and I aren't like that,' Beca growls. 'And I'm not sure I like you looking at her like that.'

'To be honest, B, my eyes weren't really on Chloe,' Cynthia Rose says, sighing.

'Good. Keep it that way.' The full implications of what Cynthia Rose was saying finally settle in. 'Wait. You and -'

She cuts Beca off quickly. 'No. You can can window shop without buying, though, right?'

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'Exactly what I said. It don't mean you want it, or that you've got the money for it, but you can still look and imagine.' The wistfulness in her tone suggests to Beca that there's something else going on, here, that they're not just discussing Cynthia Rose innocently perving on the butts of their fellow Bellas.

'Something you wanna talk about?' she asks quietly.

'Something  _you_ wanna talk about?' Cynthia Rose shoots back immediately.

'No.'

'Then me neither.' Cynthia Rose slows to a stop. 'You go ahead. Gotta tie my lace.'

Beca considers waiting for her, but Aubrey's glaring in her direction so she heads on, taking her place behind Chloe again. Stacie's run ahead somewhere, apparently having gotten bored. Chloe doesn't seem bothered by this though, simply getting on without complaint: she's a pretty steady runner, all things considered – she has a lot of stamina and doesn't seem to be lagging like the rest of them are.

(Beca immediately tries not to think too hard about Chloe's "stamina" and the inevitable places such a thought leads.)

'Alright, Bellas! Let's see some high knees, now!'

'WHY DO YOU HATE US?' Amy screams.

Beca ignores Aubrey's instruction, watching the tensing and relaxing of Chloe's leg muscles as she effortlessly transitions into doing high knees. Without conversation to ground her, Beca's thoughts inevitably go back to her conversation with Cynthia Rose.  _You can window shop without buying._ What the heck does that mean? That she's allowed to ogle Chloe without being her girlfriend? Well, it wouldn't be the first time. Does that make her a pervert or creepy? Probably. And here she was getting at Cynthia Rose. What a hypocrite.

But hell, it's not like she's blind, Beca thinks defensively. Chloe's pretty. Really pretty. Beautiful, even, and not just in her face (Beca would know). And Beca's not so stupid and so in denial that she can't see what's happening to her here. Chloe's had a pretty solid hold on her tiny animal brain since the day she barged into Beca's shower and forced her to sing with her (naked harmony is sort of a good way to make someone attracted to you) and it's unlikely to go away soon. She's only human, and a pretty gay human, at that. That whole event in her dorm with Jesse and Chloe where she got insanely jealous then swooned like a loser when Chloe went after her kind of solidified that fact for her.

Still, none of that really matters. Because if there's one thing she knows for sure, and the one thing she can control, it's that she's not going to date Chloe. She's confident of that. Relationships suck and inevitably end in disaster, and no way is she going to drag Chloe into all that mess. Bad enough Chloe insists on being her friend when she's such a crappy one, even if she's genuinely trying to work on that. Besides, even though Chloe's bisexual and therefore  _could_ feel the same way... Well. She won't kid herself with trying to feel hopeful there.

But still. There's no harm in looking, like Cynthia Rose said… Right?

Beca – allowing herself one moment of weakness - lets her eyes drift to Chloe's backside. Just briefly, though! She's not some weirdo who makes a habit of staring at girls' asses. (She's more of a breast girl anyway. Legs are good too.)

Of course, doing this is her downfall. As was the decision to lose her concentration just as she's jogging back down the steps of the auditorium - it's not like she's the most coordinated person ever, either, so it's not surprising in the slightest that Beca just  _happens_  to lose her footing in between steps.

What is surprising is that Chloe helpfully decides that moment is the best for a leisurely pause to take a swig from her drink, so when Beca goes tumbling… she takes Chloe down, too.

As they collide, bounce down the rest of the steps in a sweaty lady ball and eventually land in a painful pile right at the bottom, Beca remembers why she hates crushes. They  _always_  end in pain.

Falling right on top of Chloe knocks the wind straight out of her, and she sees stars as the places that Chloe hasn't cushioned with her body impact heavily on the wooden floors. 'Fu -' is the only expletive she has breath for to express the amount of pain she's in, and she doesn't even get to say it properly. It comes out breathless and high-pitched. She manages to summon up enough brain power to roll off Chloe's body, landing heavily and painfully on her back.

It takes a while for her brain to clear enough that she can register more than serious pain all over her body, before things begin to settle back into place and she can work out exactly which places hurt the most. A searching hand bravely ventures out, passing over her chest (breasts are still there, great. She's not so sure about her lungs) and the agonising pain mostly centred down her left side. She doesn't  _think_ she's broken anything, but it's pretty hard to tell when everything has just accumulated into a big ball of suffering. Chloe's probably not doing much better, she thinks dimly, then realises.

 _Shit_.

Anxiety bubbles - more like froths over, actually - in her chest as she starts to panic, wondering if Chloe's seriously hurt. With difficulty, Beca manages to open her eyes.

Chloe's still just lying there where Beca left her; she panics for a second but then realises that thankfully, she isn't unconscious and Beca can see that her eyes are open. She's half rolled onto her side, clutching her left arm to her chest. Her face is ashen grey, and there are tears in her eyes.

'Fuck. Chloe,' Beca whispers with the first bit of proper oxygen she gets into her chest.

Rapid footsteps suddenly sound as all of the Bellas congregate around the two of them. Cynthia Rose, Denise and Stacie attend to Beca since Chloe already has a sizable audience, and because, Beca assumes, she doesn't look as ill as Chloe does.

'You okay?' asks Cynthia Rose quietly. Stacie and Denise help her sit up; she flinches at every movement. She nods quickly to Cynthia Rose, her eyes on Chloe.

Aubrey drops to her knees beside Chloe, cradling her face like she's dying rather than having fallen down a stairs. At this point Beca can't blame her; she'd probably be doing the same if she was able to move. 'Chloe! Are you okay? Where does it hurt?'

'My arm,' Chloe says from between gritted teeth, her eyes closed in pain. 'And the rest of my body. Banged my chin.' Beca can see that – there's a watery rivulet of blood streaming down Chloe's chin where she must have accidentally bitten her lip. Ashley breaks away from the group and returns a few moments later, pressing the tissue to her face.

'Can you move your fingers?'

'I – I think so.'

Aubrey watches her wiggle them worriedly. 'Hopefully it's just a sprain and some bruises from the way you landed, but we should go get you some ice and get you checked out.'

 _Shit, shit, shit,_ Beca's chanting to herself, her wide eyes taking in every detail of Chloe's injury, from the way she's gingerly moving her arm to the bloody scrapes on her knees where they skimmed the floor. Rationally she knows that Chloe's probably just got a sprain like Aubrey said, but she's never been good with people getting injured, and keeps imagining Chloe has irreversibly injured herself, maybe even needs her arm cut off or something.

'Are your legs okay? Can you stand?'

'No problem, I've got this,' Fat Amy says, pushing people aside. 'I've lifted crocodiles bigger than Chloe. Should be a piece of cake.' Chloe lets out a pathetic whine of protest and tries to shuffle away, but her injury works against her and stops her moving away fast enough. Amy picks up Chloe with ease and smiles at the others as if to say "See?" then starts heading off towards the exit.

'Amy, be careful!' Aubrey shrieks as Amy hits Chloe's leg on the door on the way out and she lets out a moan of pain.

'Whoops! Sorry, Red.'

To Stacie's and Cynthia Rose's protests, Beca finally gets to her feet and blindly tries to follow them, but Aubrey blocks her with her arm. 'You stay here,' Aubrey snarls. 'You've done enough damage for one day.'

Beca rears back, hurt beyond belief. Betraying tears jump to her eyes. Later she'd swear it was from the lingering pain in her body.

Cynthia Rose comes over to her, putting a careful arm around her shoulders. Beca half jumps away, but the other girl holds fast.

'Don't mind Aubrey, she's just worried,' Cynthia Rose asks gently. 'You okay? Looks like you went down pretty hard.'

Beca both nods and shakes her head, still staring out the door after the three that just left. Cynthia Rose frowns, confused.

'Okay. Want me to walk you back to your dorm then?'

Beca hesitates for a moment, then nods.

'C'mon then, B.'

* * *

The walk back to Beca's dorm is silent, mostly because Beca keeps her mouth clamped shut the whole time, worried if she opens it a whole torrent of thoughts about Chloe will just come spilling out. Her anxiety to find out if Chloe is okay, feeling guilty that she caused the accident, and worse, feeling even more guilty about the reason  _why_ she caused the accident. It's just better for her to keep quiet.

Cynthia Rose had shot her a few questioning looks when she saw how Beca was limping slightly and holding her arm a bit stiffly, but she'd just shaken her head. Beca's probably not that injured - she hasn't checked properly, but is assuming from the way she can still move. Plus, in general Beca doesn't have a very high threshold for pain. Coupled with all the feelings warring inside her about Chloe, she just wants to wallow and mope for a while and lick her wounds. Figuratively speaking.

As Cynthia Rose kicks a rock across the road, she glances at Beca. In an overly casual tone, she says, 'Hey, Beca?'

Beca raises her head, indicating she's listening.

'Just want you to know that… If you've got any problems and such of a certain _kind_ … You know.' She coughs something sounds suspiciously like "female-related". 'My ears are always available. If you see what I'm saying.'

Beca's head snaps around to face the other girl sharply, her eyes narrowing a little. It's pretty obvious what she's saying, but Beca hasn't decided whether she should acknowledge it yet.

'I know what it's  _like._ Y'know? Girls like us…' She casts a meaningful glance at their clothes. They're both wearing flannel and Converse, having changed their clothes just before they left. Beca slaps her forehead internally. 'We gotta stick together.'

It strikes Beca that perhaps she should perhaps be at the very least perturbed at how Cynthia Rose knows she likes women (Beca doesn't think she's  _that_  obvious), but instead she finds she settles for a cool, but somewhat grateful, 'Thanks.'

* * *

Cynthia Rose drops her off at her dorm, only acquiescing to Beca's request that she not stay because Kimmy Jin is there.

'No offence but your roommate scares the shit out of me. I feel like she's going to shank me if I step in your room and even look at her Bonsai plant,' Cynthia Rose confesses.

Kimmy Jin does shoot Beca a few curious glances when she limps into bed, groaning as she tries to get comfy on her unbruised side. She's exaggerating, probably making a fuss over nothing, especially when Chloe could have broken her arm for all she knows, but she's (mostly) alone now so she just lets herself wallow like she wanted to when walking with Cynthia Rose.

With her free arm, Beca calls, texts, even Facebook messages throughout the day to Chloe (and occasionally Aubrey) without much success. With every unanswered message her worry starts to build. By two thirty in the afternoon, she's gotten herself into such a toxic combination of anxiety and guilt that she begins to think her earlier worry that Chloe was having her arm amputated was more true than she thought.

She leaves yet another voice mail. 'Hey Chloe,' she says, impressed with how much she manages to make her voice sound normal even when she's trying not to cry. 'Still haven't heard from you. Please call or text when you're home, okay? I'm kinda worried. I'm sure you're fine, and it's a sprain at worst, but I... Yeah.' She swallows roughly. 'Bye.'

Beca had felt Kimmy Jin's eyes on her through the whole one-sided conversation, but as soon as she finishes the call Kimmy Jin walks straight out of the room. She sighs, leaning her head on her knees, glad for a little privacy at last.

A few minutes later she hears Kimmy Jin come back, and something hits her knee. Opening her eyes, she sees an ice pack laying on her sheets.

Beca looks up at Kimmy Jin questioningly; she just rolls her eyes. 'For God's sake, pull yourself together,' Kimmy Jin grumbles, chucking a box of Kleenex at her head. 'I can't concentrate over your blubbering.'

She gives her a watery smile. 'Thanks...'

'Whatever.' Kimmy Jin settles back behind her laptop, losing herself in her essay again. She doesn't look up at Beca again after that, giving her some time to blow her nose and wipe her face. Just as she's lifting her shirt to use the ice pack (why didn't she think of that? Oh yeah, she was too busy texting Chloe) she finally gets the reply she's been waiting for. She drops the ice pack to the side, scrambling for her phone and fumbling with numb fingers to unlock her phone.

It's only a short reply.

_I'm home and okay. Took them ages to see me at the hospital. Just a sprain. In a fair bit of pain though_

As soon as she's read it she's up and stumbling out of the door.

* * *

'Hi Aubrey.' She waves meekly when Aubrey opens the door, expecting a slap or at the very least a harsh verbal lashing. But none comes – she simply tuts irritably and storms away from the door. A slam a few seconds later seems to indicate she's gone to her bedroom. Beca cautiously steps inside, assuming she can since Aubrey left the door open.

Chloe is sat in an armchair, legs propped up on the coffee table. Thankfully, she still has her arm, and isn't even wearing a sling. Beca can't tell if she has hidden injuries since they're hidden by her clothes, but at any rate she looks much better than earlier. Beca lets out a silent sigh of relief.

She brightens a little when she sees Beca. 'Hey!'

'Hey,' she says, approaching Chloe and looking her over to see if she can spy any bruises peeking out from under her layers. Thankfully, she can't. 'How're you feeling?'

'Still pretty achey all over, but I should be okay in a little while. No dancing for a bit, which Aubrey's annoyed about... But I got lucky, it could've been way worse.' She notices the bag Beca is carrying, or rather, dragging. 'What's that?'

'Oh, yeah. Chocolate for the invalid.' She sets the bag down on the table with difficulty, next to Chloe's feet. 'Didn't know what you like, so… I kind of gpt a lot,' she says sheepishly. Not wanting to turn up empty handed, especially since she'd expected Aubrey to be angry, she'd pretty much bought one of each from the candy aisle in the supermarket. Alright, so she was overcompensating a little, but she can't make things and buying a card or flowers seemed stupid so this was the next best thing. **  
**

Chloe leans forward and opens the bag up, looking inside. 'Beca!' she exclaims. 'We can't eat all this. I don't even think all the Bellas combined could!'

'It doesn't matter.'

Chloe shakes her head and sets the bag back down, smiling up at her. 'You're crazy. What's all this for, anyway? Going to chocolate me back to full health?'

'An apology,' Beca says bluntly. 'I feel pretty shitty about you getting hurt because of me.'

Chloe's expression melts. 'Oh, Beca. It's just a sprain, don't worry about it.'

'It could've been worse, you said it yourself,' she argues. 'We were running on stairs, I should've been paying attention, but I got distracted.'

'What sidetracked you so much?' When Beca avoids her eyes and mumbles something, Chloe cups a hand around her ear. 'What was that?'

'It's embarrassing.' Humiliating, more like. 'I'm not saying.'

'Hmm,' says Chloe, narrowing her eyes. 'Fine. I'll leave it for now but I'll get it out of you somehow in the end. In the meantime... C'mere,' she says, patting the arm of the chair.

'Why?'

'So I can steal your soul, obviously. Seriously, Beca? I just wanted you to sit on the chair with me.'

Licking her lips nervously, Beca gazes at the chair. To sit there she would have be pressed pretty close against Chloe just to keep her balance and stop from falling off, which is a pretty bad idea. For one thing, even though Chloe's injured arm is on the opposite side, Beca's own "injury" would be on the side touching Chloe. She'd really rather Chloe didn't find out what a pussy she is about pain. For another thing, sitting next to her all innocently when the whole reason she got hurt was because she was perving on Chloe's butt and thinking inappropriate thoughts about her feels about a dozen different kinds of wrong.

'I'd rather stand, if you don't mind,' she says, wincing when Chloe pulls a face.

'How come?'

'Just would.'

'I'm asking you to sit with me, not give me an all over body massage.' Her words are light, but Beca still thinks she detects a little impatience to Chloe's tone. 'Bec, we've sat close like this together before.'

'I know, but… I just don't feel comfortable right now.'

'Beca.' There's a definite something in her voice, now. It's not angry, she knows, disappointed or even threatening, but Chloe does sound pretty exasperated. Possibly even bordering on irritated. But maybe that's her imagination. 'After what I've been through today, isn't the least I deserve a hug?' She  _is_ smiling, so maybe Beca's being paranoid after all.

'Oh, so now you want a hug as well? I thought I was just sitting with you,' she jokes weakly.

'You were until you started being silly, and now I require a hug for you to make it better.' She pats the arm of the chair again, looking at her pointedly. 'Now come here, Rebecca  _Jolene_  Mitchell, and give me one of your special awkward hugs that I love.'

Beca gives up and makes her way over to Chloe. 'How in the world did you find out my middle name?'

'It was on your information form from the auditions, I found it lying around,' Chloe answers, looking proud of her snooping. 'I didn't even know you gave Aubrey one, since you were late.'

'Yeah, Aubrey made me fill it in.' She perches herself cautiously on the very edge of the arm – so cautiously that Chloe snorts and loops her arm around Beca's waist, pulling her closer. Beca lets out a yelp as she nearly falls on top of Chloe. It's very, very uncomfortable sitting like this, having to hold herself upright on her weak arm on the backrest of the chair since her legs aren't quite reaching the floor anymore. Her whole body is on edge, which only makes her side hurt more.

Chloe looks unhappy with the positioning, too. 'Okay, new plan,' she says, 'you're sitting in my lap.'

Beca's eyes widen and she tries to squirm away. 'Okay, no way.' Chloe pouts when she starts doing this and tries to stop her escaping her grasp, but she manages to extricate herself and stands up again. 'Chloe, don't.'

'Why are you being so off with me today?' says Chloe, looking put out. 'I thought you were doing better with all this stuff.'

'I am! But Jesus, Chloe, you can't just spring things without warning. I thought  _you_ were doing better at that stuff,' she shoots back.

At this, Chloe looks ashamed and stares down at her lap. 'Sorry,' she mutters. 'I didn't mean to push you. I just…' She shuts her eyes, huffing out a breath as she leans her head back on the chair. 'This has been a really, really sucky day.'

Beca puts a tentative hand to Chloe's hair. Well done, Mitchell, she thinks wryly, pat the girl like a dog. That'll endear you to her. She tries to turn it into a kind of stroking motion but it feels weird, so she lets her hand fall back to her side. 'Because of the fall? Or something else?'

Chloe looks offended. 'Do you not even know?'

'What?' Beca starts to panic, thinking Chloe's actually more injured than she thought.

But Chloe just goes on, speaking very deliberately, 'Beca, you didn't even come with me while I was getting checked out. I didn't notice at first, but then when I realised I asked Amy and she said you must've stayed behind, she didn't see you at all.'

'Hey! I wanted to come, but…' Beca trails off. If Aubrey hasn't told Chloe that she was the one that made her stay behind, dropping her in it would probably be a bad move.

'But what?' Chloe interrupts scornfully. 'It's  _kind_   _of_  your fault I got hurt in the first place, y'know.' Beca flinches at the uncharacteristically cutting remark. 'All because of some reason you won't even tell me.'

'It's not like you'd want to know, even if I did.'

'I don't know that though, do I? You don't tell me  _anything_ …' Chloe slouches in her seat, staring broodingly at the floor. Beca's never really seen Chloe act so sullen before. It's probably just the stress of the day and the fact she still thinks Beca stayed behind of her own accord, but she can't help but feel like she's being personally attacked.

'I get the idea we're not talking about earlier anymore?' When Chloe doesn't answer, Beca lets out an aggravated breath and sits on the coffee table, picking up Chloe's socked feet so she can put them in her lap. 'Can you not do that, please?'

'Do what?'

'Act like this, so glum and irritable. It's weird, you should be all cheery and stuff.' It's meant to be light-hearted, but Chloe just looks even more upset.

'I'm not a robot,' Chloe says softly, pulling at a loose thread on her yoga pants. 'I don't have my setting on "happy" 24/7.'

Beca sighs. 'I know, I know. I shouldn't have said that.' She looks down at Chloe's feet, drumming her fingers along her ankle. She's wearing socks with little bunnies on them, which makes her smile unconsciously. 'Look, I'm sorry I upset you and stuff. Can I make it up to you?'

'I don't know.' Beca nods, her face falling, but then Chloe adds, sounding both teasing and apologetic at the same time, 'I think I might need more chocolate. Did you raid every supermarket in the area or something?' Chloe gives her a joking tap on the ribs with her foot.

It barely even catches Beca's bruises, but it still catches her off-guard and her wince shows clearly on her face before she can stop it.

Chloe narrows her eyes at the slight tensing in her face. 'What?'

'Nothing.' Apparently she's about as good at lying as Jesse is, at least to Chloe.

'Beca…' Chloe raises her foot warningly as though she's going to give her another kick, and when Beca flinches away she sits up, putting her feet back to the ground. 'Okay, now I know something's wrong. Are you okay? Have you hurt your -' She suddenly cuts off. Her eyes widen in realisation, a hand flying up to cover her mouth. 'Oh my God. I'm such a moron,' she whispers. 'I was so caught up in being angry at you for not coming with me I didn't even check to see if you were okay!'

'I'm fine,' she assures her hurriedly. 'Just some bruises. Barely even hurts.'

'Bruises?!' Chloe wails suddenly, flailing her arms about. 'Oh my God! I'm a horrible friend! I'm the worst friend that's ever existed,  _ever_!'

Aubrey bursts out of her room, attracted by the noise Chloe's making. 'What are you guys doing?' Seeing Chloe's distraught face and that she's nearly in tears, she immediately shouts, 'Beca, what did you do?!'

'Nothing!' Beca answers defensively.

'Beca was hurt and we didn't even think to check on her!' Chloe bawls.

Aubrey, to her credit, looks mildly guilty at this. 'Oh. Oops.'

'Is it bad? Do you need to go the hospital? No, show me, I won't believe you even if you say no,' Chloe asks, her fingers scrabbling at the edge of her t-shirt. Beca grabs her hand to stop her, grimacing.

'Chloe stop, that hurts.'

Chloe immediately retreats. 'Sorry,' she says, sounding distressed. 'Can I still see though? We should make sure you're okay. Idiot, idiot, idiot,' she berates herself under her breath.

Beca hesitates. She hasn't even looked at her side herself yet, not having had time on her own to examine the damage done to body. But Chloe's gazing at her so imploringly, and Aubrey's watching too, a small frown on her face.

She lifts her shirt and looks down. There's a bruise peeking out of the waist band of her jeans, where her hip hit the floor, and a second one near her ribs below her bra. It's actually not as bad as Beca thought – they're not even big bruises. Given the soreness she was starting to think she'd probably cracked a rib and broken her hip bone, but no. Turns out she really does have a low threshold for pain.

Nonetheless, Chloe's eyes are filling with tears. 'Oh Beca. I'm so sorry.'

'Calm down, Chloe,' says Aubrey, a tad disdainfully. 'She barely got a scratch. Looks like you took all the damage for her.'

'Are there any more?'

'No,' Beca says, hurriedly pulling her top down. Actually her knee's been sore for a while, but her jeans are way too tight to get the leg that high and no way is she showing Aubrey and Chloe her underwear.

'Why didn't you come with us to the hospital if you were hurt?'

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Aubrey's head whip around to face them. Beca simply shrugs. 'I don't really like them, they make me nervous. Besides, Cynthia Rose helped me out anyway so it's all good.'

'Cynthia Rose?' Beca nods. 'At least you had someone, then. I'll have to thank her.' Chloe lets out a sigh, looking morose. 'I'm so sorry I didn't even think about whether you were hurt until now. No wonder you didn't want to sit with me.'

'It's okay. Really.'

Chloe beams at her; she smiles back, until Aubrey coughs loudly and she remembers where she is. 'Uh, I should get going.'

'You don't have to,' Chloe says hopefully, 'you could stay here. We were going to watch reruns of  _Friends_ until our heads exploded. That's fun, right?'

'I've never in my life watched  _Friends_ , so I think I'll pass.'

'Oh, okay.' Chloe looks extremely disappointed; Beca considers staying after all, but doing so would mean being in a room with Aubrey for more than five minutes. And she likes Chloe, she does, but not enough to volunteer to spend more time with another annoying roommate - she has one of her own. Although Kimmy Jin had been pretty cool today, she reminds herself, remembering the ice pack and Kleenex. 'I'll see you at practice, then?'

'Yep.' Beca bites her lip. She's unsure whether to try and hug Chloe now. It's become a normal thing for them to do when they leave, but Beca's still not quite got around to initiating it herself. She knows it's being built up her mind as a bigger issue than it actually is and that it's a lot easier than her brain is making it out to be but that doesn't make it any easier for her.

As if reading her thoughts, Chloe holds her arm out to Beca. 'You still owe me one.'

Beca chuckles and leans down to hug her, thankful for the segue into doing it. Chloe reaches up with her one good arm to pull her down. It's a little uncomfortable since she's bent right over, her face is kind of smooshed into the back of the armchair and they're both being too gentle so as not to hurt each other, but she'll take what she can get. Briefly she wonders when she started becoming the person who would ever "take what she could get" with physical contact. She has clearly been spending too much time with Chloe.

'I'm sorry about earlier, I didn't realise,' she breathes in Beca's ear. 'But don't you ever hide something like that from me again.'

'Jeez, Chloe, it was a couple of bruises. Little kids get worse than that just playing in the street.'

'I don't care, for all I knew it could've been worse.' At least Beca isn't the only one prone to paranoia. 'Promise me, Beca.'

'Okay, okay. I promise.'

'Good,' says Chloe sweetly. When Beca pulls back and goes to get her coat, she blows her a kiss from her chair. 'Now scoot on home, so I can eat a load of this chocolate and blame it on Aubrey.'

Beca laughs, catching the unreadable eye of Chloe's roommate who has been watching them carefully the entire time. 'I'm sure she'll love that. Later, Chloe.'

When she walks to the door, the aforementioned roommate follows her outside and slams the door behind both of them. Beca jumps, not realising Aubrey had come out into the hallway with her.

'Oh great. I was wondering when this part of the evening would come,' says Beca, letting out a disgruntled noise. She stretches out her arms in a mocking pose, putting on the most martyred face she can manage. 'Go on then. Give me your best.'

'Why didn't you tell her I made you stay behind?' asks Aubrey.

Beca is taken aback at the unexpected question. She blinks. 'I dunno. Didn't want to start an argument between you guys, I suppose.'

'She wanted you there, you know,' Aubrey says abruptly. 'You were all she could talk about when we left.'

'Yeah, she was pretty mad at me for not coming.'

'So... you let her be mad at you but not me?'

'When you put it like that, it was a pretty stupid idea...' Aubrey takes in a breath, letting it out through her nose, looking like she's trying to calm herself down. Beca takes a frightened step back, holding her hands up. 'Woah, don't puke on me. I like these jeans.'

'Shut up,' Aubrey snaps, 'I'm trying to be nice here.'

'Oh.' She drops her hands. 'Continue.'

'Well now you've just made it awkward.' Aubrey rolls her eyes. Then she says, reluctantly, 'Thanks. And I'm sorry I forget to check if you were okay. It was nice of you to come anyway and bring her chocolate.'

Beca shoves her hands into the pockets of her jeans, trying not to smirk at how much it's paining Aubrey to say those things to her. Maybe they do have something in common. 'It was the least I could do.'

'Indeed.' Aubrey regards her stonily for a few moments, her mouth set in a straight line. 'You're still on my list, Mitchell. But,' she adds grudgingly, 'it's good to see someone actually making an effort for Chloe for once, even a mediocre one. I'll tell her it was me that made you stay behind. See you at practice tomorrow.'

She opens the door and shuts it behind her, leaving a stunned Beca in the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally longer. The reason being that I cut a scene out here with Benji… And a guinea pig. Yeah, it's about as random as it sounds. It was a tough decision to cut it, but it had to be done. I just love Benji, okay?! But he deserves better than to be forced into a random scene. Haha.
> 
> Won't be updating 'til some time next week, dudes, doing birthday stuff. Sorry! Less than three? :P


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the lateness, guys! It was hard getting back into the rhythm I had before after such a long break. Hope this longer chapter makes up for it. Longest chapter yet, actually. (Or maybe it won't make up for it… try not to kill me)
> 
> Also, you can find that Starships/Party Rock Anthem mashup on Youtube (where else?). Would've found two songs that worked on my own, but I'm lazy.

 

'You ready for this?' Chloe murmurs in her ear. Her hands are a little sweaty where they're gripping Beca's biceps, having not let her go from when she nearly tripped over in her heels on the way in.

'No,' Beca whispers back.

She feels Chloe's hands glide up to press her shoulders lightly, and then pass up and down her exposed arms a few times before she lets go. It's a comforting gesture that's kind of become their "thing", a respectable sign of reassurance that still allows some distance between them. Beca finds it usually helps to calm her nerves even if the slight clamminess of Chloe's palms right now draws an unintentional shiver out of her.

'Good luck hug?'

Beca turns to face Chloe and lets her wrap the two of them in a tight embrace. So tight, actually, it could better be described as clinging to her. And it finally occurs to Beca how much this moment must mean to her, and to Aubrey too – to be back on this stage after such a humiliating defeat last time. Regionals is only the first step. Finals must feel so out of their reach right now.

Realising this, she shuffles Chloe a little closer and allows her to rest her forehead on Beca's shoulder. When she happens to glance up, she catches Aubrey gazing at them absently. Her face is pale and drawn, but the hard line of her jaw and brow screams determination and a simple message:  _'We cannot mess this up.'_

She gives Aubrey a little nod over her shoulder, receiving a slow, rather confused blink, and then a small nod back.

* * *

Somehow, out of all the outcomes she'd predicted for Regionals, this one hadn't quite occurred to Beca.

Aubrey making a repeat performance of last year? One of the girls messing up and ruining the song? Chloe's voice giving out in the middle of the performance? All of those were possibilities, maybe even likelihoods. She'd expected those, and knew how to deal with them.

This, though? Sitting in a chilly police cell alone, patiently waiting while the sound of some woman screaming bloody murder down the corridor about her "rights" and "pigs" and "the man" threatens to drive her insane? Yeah, not  _quite_  how she'd anticipated spending her evening.

Fortunately for her, Beca – for once in her life! – has actually managed to make friends who care about her. Honestly, she hadn't really expected anyone to come to her aid, so it came as a bit of a shock to be let out after what felt like a lifetime, but could probably on have been an hour of being in the cell.

When she makes her way outside and spies a tired looking Jesse and Chloe through the transparent doors, she has to stop for a moment and take a few breaths, caught off guard by the overwhelming gratitude she feels towards her friends. Okay, so maybe there  _are_ some benefits to this whole "letting people in" thing.

As soon as she's collected herself, she grins and walks the rest of the way outside. 'Hey nerds.'

The way their faces light up when they see her is almost comical. Chloe launches herself at Beca and gives her a hug that nearly knocks her off her feet, but Beca's so elated that she just laughs, rocking Chloe from side to side. 'Thank God you're alright,' Chloe murmurs, holding her as close as possible. 'I was worried.'

'She's lying, we were totally going to leave you in there for another hour or so,' says Jesse, exchanging a more subdued fist bump with Beca, albeit just as warm.

'Thanks, Jesse, that means a lot,' she says, but her eye roll is fond. She lets Chloe links arms with her (she also grips on to Beca's arm with both hands, as though worried she's going to be taken away) and tucks her hand into the crook of Jesse's arm as they walk down to where Chloe's car is parked. 'Gotta say, though – and don't tell anyone else I'm being this mushy - it was super sweet of you guys to bail me out. I'm pretty grateful.'

'Well, Chloe should probably get the credit, I was just going to phone your dad,' Jesse says, a tad apologetically.

'I convinced him that you wouldn't want him involved.' Chloe bites her lip. 'I hope that was the right thing to do?'

'Yeah, totally,' says Beca, relieved beyond belief that her dad isn't involved. 'Thanks, Chloe, Dad would've killed me if he found out.' Then something occurs to her. 'Wait, did you guys take care of the bail all by yourselves? I'll pay you back, I swear.'

'The Bellas, Jesse and I all pooled our money for your bail,' says Chloe, rummaging in her bag for her car keys. 'They're all waiting for us back at Amy's.'

'Amy's? Why Amy's?'

'Well, we were going to go to your dorm and wait but Cynthia Rose said that was a bad idea, because your roommate scares her…'

'Sounds about right.'

'Also no one really knows how, but Amy apparently managed to get one of the biggest dorm rooms on campus – one of the ones usually reserved for seniors! And she doesn't even have to share!'

'Wow. Lucky bitch,' says Beca, thinking of Kimmy Jin, who had gone back to her usual disdainful air towards Beca after showing that tiny bit of compassion with the tissues and ice pack. Her attitude seemed to change weekly, although she suspected it got worse the more time Beca spent taking up space in their room. Recently she's gotten a little stuck making this one particular mix of Bulletproof and Titanium together; it's missing something and she can't work out what. No change, big or small, can make it sound right to her ears.

Chloe opens the passenger side and back door for Beca and Jesse respectively before getting into the driver's seat herself. 'Okay, so here's the plan: we're dropping Jesse off at his dorm and then going back to Amy's. Aubrey wanted us to have a little meeting before we break off for the night.'

'Can't I come to this little aca-party?' says Jesse, with an exaggerated pout. 'Sometimes a guy wants to do his nails and share secrets too, you know.'

'Sorry, dude,' Beca drawls scornfully, 'can't invite any Trebles, lest my vocal cords be ripped out by wolves. Bella's pledge,' she explains, when Jesse looks confused. He snorts. 'Aubrey's completely ridiculous. She kicked out two perfectly good members in our first rehearsal because they were "Treble-boned".'

'Hey,' warns Chloe as she reverses out of the parking space. 'Aubrey's strict, yeah, but she's still my best friend. So I don't wanna hear you bad-mouthing her.'

Beca swivels in her seat, pretending to scowl. 'Oh, so  _she's_  your best friend? What am I, then?'

'You're my best friend too.'

'You can't have more than one.'

'Sure I can,' says Chloe, flashing an enigmatic smile in Beca's direction. They're out of the station now and back on the main roads. 'I just said so, so it must be true.'

'That doesn't make sense though!' Beca argues, not actually that upset but feeling the strange urge to tease Chloe. Must be the sleep deprivation. '"Best friend" implies _the_ best, therefore only one. So who do you like more?'

'Bec, don't even try to make me choose, even in jest. You guys are both my best friends, and that's how it's gonna be, 'til we're old and crusty and you two are still fighting over me in the retirement home.'

Jesse groans, slumping back in his seat. 'I'm not so sure you guys should be friends at all if you're just going to argue about who likes who more. You don't see me whining about the fact I'm apparently not Beca's best friend, do you? Which, by the way, not cool,' he says, crossing his arms.

'Dude, you're my best friend, don't get all huffy about it.'

'So what about me?' Chloe says immediately, not missing a beat.

'You're both my… Okay, fine, you win.' Beca pretends to sulk, but she's grinning, and doesn't pull away when Chloe reaches over the centre console to hold her hand.

* * *

Just as Chloe said, all the Bellas are waiting inside Amy's dorm when they get in. They cheer when they enter. Beca does some sort of weird faux-badass shoulder shimmy, which Chloe rolls her eyes but laughs at, hand resting supportively on the small of Beca's back as she guides her in.

Amy's dorm is just as big as Chloe said it was too – perhaps bigger. Even though she's managed to cram two beds in there (for what purpose? There's only one of her. Beca decides not to ask what she uses the extra bed for), there's still plenty of room for all of them. Most of the girls are sitting on the beds, except for Aubrey, who is leaning next to what looks to be a poster of every single Australian celebrity Beca can think of that takes up most of the wall. Aubrey doesn't look happy, and Beca has to wonder whether she paid anything to the bail fund too.

'Did you get yourself a bitch?' Cynthia Rose is asking, at which Amy snorts.

'Please, Beca would be more likely to be someone else's bitch. Inside that badass heart beats the soul of a lonely submissive.'

'Guys, as fascinating a route that conversation would be to go down, let's try not to forget why we're here,' Aubrey interrupts.

'Yeah, I was in prison for that bit, so would someone like to fill me in?' asks Beca. Chloe crosses to one of the beds, tugging Beca after her and sitting them both down next to Stacie and Denise. She waves her hand, indicating Aubrey should go on.

Aubrey steps away from the wall and into the middle of the room, addressing them all. 'I asked you all to gather here after so we could discuss exactly what happened this evening. First off, the score sheet revealed that the Sockapellas almost beat us. And Fat Amy…' Amy gives her a weak smile, correctly expecting to be told off. 'You need to do it exactly as we rehearsed. No surprises.'

'But Aubrey,' Beca says, seeing anxious faces turn in her direction, wondering what she's going to say to set off Aubrey now. 'You can't honestly think we're ever going to win if we just play it safe. We should be taking risks, not sticking with the same boring routine each time.'

Aubrey breathes in deeply, letting it out through her nose which she's pinching the bridge of in frustration. 'Not this  _again_ , Beca…'

'No, I'm with Beca,' Cynthia Rose pipes up, surprisingly. Beca shoots her a grateful smile 'The Trebles never perform a song twice. She's right, we need to be doing more.'

Aubrey folds her arms, staring contemptuously down at Beca and Cynthia Rose. 'What more can we do than these songs? They are perfectly arranged, perfectly choreographed pieces sung by powerful, independent women. It is an honour to be singing these songs as many Bellas did before us! This is what is going to win us that trophy in Lincoln Centre in the end.'

'Did you even think of those words yourself, or are you just parroting what some bitchy captain told you when you were a lowly freshman like and tried to share your ideas?' Beca challenges, and instantly regrets it. From the way Aubrey's eyes flash and she unfolds her arms down to her sides, Beca knows she's seriously hit a nerve. Aubrey looks like she's ready to punch her right now. She suddenly feels Chloe squeeze her knee to get her attention.

'Don't just argue with her,' Chloe whispers urgently, 'or she'll never listen. Show her your mixes. Show her what you can do.'

Beca bites her lip. She is very particular about who she shows her music to, and thus far even Chloe's only heard snippets from physically stealing Beca's headphones off her while she works. She's never heard a song the whole way through; no one has, except maybe Luke if he's even listening to any of the mixes she's given him. Somehow it's so much more nerve wracking to sit there while someone listens to and picks your work apart in front of you, than to simply hand over a USB stick and run away.

'Beca,' Chloe says pleadingly, sensing her indecision.

'Okay, fine.' Beca lets out a defeated sigh. 'I guess I won't be able to convince any of you without some proof. Here, I've got some of my stuff on my phone…'

She takes out her phone from her pocket and starts playing a mashup of Party Rock Anthem and Starships, handing it over to Aubrey. She wrinkles her nose up, looking like she's about to hand it back – but then Chloe gives her a pointed look and she finally hits play unenthusiastically.

As they listen, Beca watches the reactions of the other Bellas carefully, worriedly noting every facial movement and trying to work out what they're thinking. It's not one of her better mixes, but the better ones tend to be the more personal ones so she doesn't carry them around on her phone. Still, the general reaction seems positive: Cynthia Rose is nodding along excitedly, while Fat Amy is full on dancing in her seat. Even Aubrey is looking a little impressed, if the little quirk in her eyebrow is anything to go by.

When she finally looks at Chloe, she's virtually glowing with pride. 'See! I told you,' Chloe gushes, gripping Beca's leg hard in her excitement. 'I knew you were good, although I didn't think you were  _this_ good.'

Beca rubs the back of her neck, a little embarrassed at the attention and the way the other girls are bobbing their heads to the beat and humming along. They all have smiles on their faces, and it's clear they're all impressed. 'Yeah, well. It's okay.'

'You're fantastic! Don't belittle yourself.'

The song ends, and automatically moves on to the mashup of Bulletproof and Titanium she's been working on – the one that she can't seem to get right. She's been carrying it around so she can listen to it away from her computer, hoping a change of scenery would alert her to what was wrong with it. Beca immediately jumps up to snatch her phone back from Aubrey and turn it off.

'Was… was that you singing?' asks Chloe. There's a strange expression on her face and she's blinking a bit too fast. Beca nods, a little confused. 'Can I hear it?'

Beca suddenly remembers how Chloe once told her – while naked – that Titanium was her 'lady jam'. The colour immediately jumps into her cheeks as the images (which she's thankfully been able to mostly forget about until now) assault her brain, realising why Chloe's looking the way she does.

Evidently Chloe is thinking along the same lines, because she says hurriedly, 'Not for that reason!'

It's the exact same phrasing she used when she was in the shower with Beca, which isn't helping. 'It's not done,' says Beca, hastily shoving her phone back in her pocket.

Aubrey clears her throat to get attention back on her, her expression strained. The other Bellas are glancing back and forth between Chloe and Beca curiously, wondering what just happened. 'That was… nice, Beca. You're obviously very talented with a computer.' From her insincere tone, it is evidently not intended as a compliment. 'However, this is acapella, and your ability to mix up tracks and make mash ups is interesting, but not necessarily a skill useful to us. We make whole new arrangements with our  _mouths_ , remember, not fiddle around with buttons on the computer to make mashups.'

'That's not what I do,' Beca growls.

'Aubrey,' Chloe says softly, 'don't you see? Can't you hear it? She has this ability to manipulate music that's just incredible - in hearing things that work together in two pieces that shouldn't. But she can make them work together. I've never heard anything like it. And I know Beca would have some great ideas if you – if we heard her out: she could make  _us_  amazing, make us work the way we aren't right now.'

It's the most complimentary anyone has ever been towards her music: Beca is looking at her, open-mouthed. But it hasn't touched Aubrey, who is gritting her teeth so hard Beca can actually see a vein pulsing in her forehead. 'Be that as it may,' Aubrey says stiffly. 'I would prefer us to remain the way we are already, upholding the tradition of the Bellas before us.'

'But Aubrey -' Chloe starts, but Aubrey shouts, 'Enough, Chloe! We're not discussing this anymore. I'm the captain, and my word is final!'

Chloe goes quiet then, staring down into her lap. Aubrey seems to realise what she's doing and visibly tries to calm herself. Once she's counted to ten, she puts on a fake smile. 'Now, we should leave soon. I'm glad we had this little meeting. You should all get some sleep too.' She makes a move towards the door, but then realises Chloe hasn't made to follow her. 'Chloe? Come.'

Chloe doesn't move.

'Chloe? Come  _on,_ ' Aubrey says, a little more firmly this time.

'I'm not leaving just because you tell me to,' she whispers, closing her eyes. Beca wants to sit back down with her again, but gets the feeling that would probably make things worse.

Aubrey sighs. 'For goodness sake, pull yourself together. You're acting like a child. We have practice 8am sharp tomorrow and I will not make allowances for you not having enough energy in the morning. So you can either stay here and do – whatever-' she glares at Beca at this point, 'or come home and get some sleep so you'll be refreshed for tomorrow.

'So. Which is it going to be?'

There's a loaded silence as all the Bellas hold her their breath, wondering what Chloe is going to do.

After a few moments, the stubborn furrow in Chloe's brow falls away and she reluctantly gets up to leave. She shoots an apologetic look at Beca but she just shakes her head to tell her it's okay.

Aubrey and Chloe are halfway out of the door when Amy suddenly pipes up. 'Hey, uh, here's an idea! Why don't  _both_  you guys just stay here?'

Everyone in the room looks at Amy incredulously.

'Yeah! Or even, we can  _all_  stay here!' Amy says, warming to her own plan. 'It'll be like an… aca-sleepover, or something.'

'I don't know…' says Aubrey, looking around the room doubtfully. 'I'm not sure there's enough room for all of us to sleep. And what about clothes? I can't sleep in my Bellas uniform!' She looks scandalised at the very idea.

'There's two beds, and the couch,' Cynthia Rose points out. 'Why do you even have two beds in here, by the way?' Amy taps her nose and winks.

'Ooh! I've got clothes and sleeping bags in my car,' Stacie says. 'You guys can borrow some, there's probably enough to go around.'

'Why do you have all that in your car?'

'Why wouldn't I?'

'There still might not be room,' Aubrey argues. 'There's ten of us, may I remind you.'

'Well, just nine,' says Beca. All heads in the room whip around to face her. 'I think I'm gonna head home, guys. I'm exhausted, I don't really have the energy for any great big girly sleepover thing.'

'Oh no,' says Fat Amy quickly, 'if we're staying, you're staying too. New Bella rule. Tell her, Aubrey.'

Aubrey seems completely blindsided by the way the conversation has turned. 'Wait, I haven't even decided if  _I'm_ staying too.'

'You have to. New Bella rule, remember?'

Beca rolls her eyes, knowing they'd likely never let her leave anyway. 'Fine. I'll stay. But I'm sleeping on the couch. Alone,' she adds, not wanting to have to sleep on the floor or share one of the beds.

Amy glances at the couch, smirking. 'Sure, go for it. But just to let you know - it's uncomfortable as fuck.'

Chloe looks up at Aubrey. 'Bree?' Her voice is imploring - could perhaps even be described as meek –and she's obviously trying to apologise to Aubrey for their previous argument with her eyes. It's a rather sickening sight. Beca has to actually turn away before she pulls an Aubrey over both of them.

For a tense moment, Aubrey seems very much like she's going to refuse, but then the fight seems to simply drain out of her. 'Okay, fine,' she says reluctantly, with an understanding nod in Chloe's direction. 'But only because it'll make it a lot easier to round you all up in the morning for practice.'

* * *

'Truth or dare?' Aubrey complains as soon as an empty Mountain Dew bottle starts being waved around. Alcohol has been very firmly banned for the night by their obsessive captain, but that doesn't stop the other girls from surreptitiously taking swigs and decanting drinks into soda bottles from Amy's stash (handed out while Aubrey went to the bathroom) when she isn't looking. It's become kind of a game – see how pissed you can get before Aubrey notices. 'That game is so infantile.' Beca can't help but agree.

'Oh Bree, lighten up. We made it to the semi-finals!' Chloe says, nudging Aubrey in the ribs with her elbow. The two of them are sitting on the floor, the sleeping bags that Stacie brought up half draped over their laps. 'You can relax a little for one night, can't you? It's just a way for us to get to know each other.'

Aubrey grumbles something that sounds like, 'Or end up running around the quad naked,' but she eventually settles down into the squashed circle the other girls are sitting in, the bottle placed haphazardly in the middle of the floor.

Meanwhile, Beca is hovering in the corner hoping she won't be forced to play the game too. Unfortunately for her, Chloe notices her doing this and marches over. 'You too,' she says, giving her a stern look. 'Sit.'

'I don't want to play,' she whines, even as Chloe's seizing her wrist and pulling her over to their little circle.

'Tough, you're going to do it anyway. It's a bonding exercise,' She forces Beca down onto the floor and plops down next to her, their backs resting against the couch. 'Who's going first?'

'I'll go! I'm a pro at this game,' says Amy, flicking the bottle clumsily. Her coordination is already starting to fade, and Aubrey is looking on a tad suspiciously; luckily, it lands on Aubrey and distracts her. 'Yes! Aubrey, truth or dare?'

Aubrey sighs in defeat, tucking her hair back behind her ear. 'Truth.'

'Hm. Truth, truth…' Amy taps her chin in thought, thinking for a full minute before she comes up with an idea. 'Aha. I know. Aubrey, you make a lot of fuss over the Bellas oath… But have  _you_  ever been Trebleboned?'

Aubrey goes scarlet, the red disappearing all the way up into her hair. 'No, of course not! I would  _never!_ ' Aubrey says, almost shouting. Beca sees Chloe smirking out of the corner of her eye, mouthing a word to Aubrey, who glowers at her.

'I smell a story we're not being told here…' says Beca, waving her hand under her nose.

'I answered the question, and truthfully might I add,' Aubrey snaps. 'I'm not obligated to say anything else.' She takes a moment to calm herself, the red gradually fading from her cheeks, and then spins the bottle. It lands on Denise, who picks truth as well.

Chloe groans. 'You're all so boring.'

'Denise… Erm…' Aubrey casts around for a question, looking stumped. 'What's your full name?' asks Aubrey, frowning. Chloe mutters, 'Double boring' to herself. Beca nudges her, suppressing a smirk. 'I feel like we barely know you at all.'

'Wasn't it written on my Bellas form when I auditioned?' asks Denise.

'Yes, but the form mysteriously went missing after your audition, and now we don't really have any information on you at all…'

Denise blinks owlishly at the group for a few moments, as they all consider this. They really  _don't_ know anything about her at all. She clears her throat and says hesitantly, 'My name's Denise Smith. I don't have a middle name.'

' _Smith_?' says Amy incredulously. 'Wow, even your name is ordinary. Don't you have anything interesting about you? '

Denise shrugs, turning helplessly to Ashley who looks just as lost. 'My family moved here from Chicago?'

'I said  _interesting_...'

'Your dad's a plastic surgeon, your mom owns her own beauty salon,' Cynthia Rose says unexpectedly. 'You play the drums and the guitar and you like cooking. That's all pretty interesting, if you ask me.'

A long silence follows.

'What?' she says defensively, seeing all the bug-eyed looks directed her way. Denise in particular is staring at Cynthia Rose in awe. 'I listen, unlike you people.'

'Let's move on,' says Aubrey quickly. 'Denise, you spin.' She does so – it lands on Lily. None of them know quite what she replies with, so Denise, who is looking very confused, takes a guess.

'I… dare you to tell us your biggest secret?'

Lily whispers something.

'Well, that one was never going to work out,' Amy says. 'Spin, Lily.' Lily spins – it lands on Beca.

'Yes!' Chloe cheers.

'I pick truth,' says Beca. Amy coughs into her fist, 'Wimp'.

'Everyone's already picked truth already,' Chloe complains. 'C'mon, Bec. Have some courage!' She shakes her bottle, winking.

'There's no rule that says I can't, so I'm going with truth. Sorry, Chlo.'

'Ugh, fine. So boring,' says Chloe, rolling her eyes. 'Alright fine. Lily, go.'

Lily whispers a question. When everyone simply looks at her blankly, she throws her hands up in frustration and actually storms out of the room.

'Should we go after her?' asks Beca.

'No, let's just… leave her,' says Aubrey, awkwardly diverting her eyes from the door that just slammed behind Lily. 'Someone else ask Beca a question.'

'Ooh! I'll do it!' says Chloe, looking far too excited at the prospect. Beca groans, expecting the worst. Chloe clears her throat, a mischievous smile spreading over her face; she leans closer to Beca. Her breath stinks of alcohol. How much has she drunk already? Beca needs to keep an eye on that girl, or Aubrey will start suspecting something.

'Beca.' Her voice is solemn, her gaze unblinking. 'Do you have a crush on anyone at the moment?' Beca is almost impressed at how little she slurred her words.

She quirks an eyebrow. 'Why do you want to know?'

''Cause we're playing truth or dare, and you picked truth. Duh.' Chloe rolls her eyes.

'Right. Then no,' she lies. 'I don't.'

Chloe's face falls so fast it's almost funny. Almost, that is. Beca tries not to think about the reasons behind that too hard, since Chloe is obviously quite drunk already and has little control of her actions. She probably just wanted more things to tease her about.

(Part of her knows that's a bullshit excuse, of course. A big part of her. Pretty much all of her. But it's easier than considering the opposite)

'Okay! Moving on.' She spins the bottle; it lands on Cynthia Rose.

'Dare me up, bro,' says Cynthia Rose confidently.

Beca thinks for a few moments, then a grin slowly spreads over her face as she thinks of a great one. Payback for Aubrey being a dick to Chloe. 'I dare you to slow dance with Aubrey. As dramatically as you can. Dips and all.'

Aubrey splutters, 'What?! No way!'

Cynthia Rose is laughing so hard she nearly falls over when she gets to her feet, slapping her knees. 'My God, Beca, you're a weird one, you know that?' She holds her hand out to Aubrey, who is shaking her head and backing away from Cynthia Rose. 'We need music, guys!'

'Ooh, give me a sec!' says Chloe, pulling out her phone with a giggle. She's apparently forgotten that she was sad only a few moments ago. 'I've got the perfect song to use.'

'There should be some sort of rule about not daring people to do things to other people in circle, that's like a double dare,' complains Aubrey. 'I'm not even wearing the right kind of shoes for this! I'll probably fall over.'

'Too bad, there isn't,' Beca counters. 'Now get up and dance. Take your shoes off if it makes you feel better.'

'Ugh!' Aubrey gets to her feet, taking off her heels, all the while shooting daggers with her eyes at Beca. Chloe's busy giggling to herself and finding some appropriate music. She eventually finds a song, which Beca immediately realises is Maroon 5's "Payphone".

'You can't slow dance to this!' Aubrey cries.

'That's the fun part!'

Cynthia Rose wraps her arms around Aubrey, with a solemn look on her face. 'Chill, Aubrey. Just feel the beat, or some shit like that. Let's take a journey, babe.' She suddenly dips Aubrey, making her yelp, then yanks her back up to her feet and begins to swings her about the room by her arms.

It goes on like this throughout the rest of the song, with Aubrey being basically thrown about the room by Cynthia Rose who keeps a completely straight face throughout the whole thing. All of the girls are laughing so hard tears are in their eyes, and even Aubrey is giggling too now she's getting into it, despite being bright red in the face. Cynthia Rose is actually pretty graceful, and despite the height difference and the slight awkwardness of them trying to move with no real knowledge of how to slow dance, it's still pretty fun to watch.

The song ends, and Cynthia Rose slaps Aubrey on the butt as she walks back to her spot. Aubrey is still trying to calm down, giggling quietly to herself and pushing her sweaty hair back from her face. It's kind of pleasing, in a way, to see her looking so flustered and out of sorts.

'So! It's my turn. And I've got the perfect thing,' says Cynthia Rose, smirking. 'Chloe.  _Truth or dare?'_

Chloe regards warily Cynthia Rose for a few moments. 'Truth.'

'Aw, man.' Cynthia Rose groans. 'You suck.'

'What's that all about?' says Beca, turning to Chloe indignantly. 'You made all that fuss about me not doing dares and then you go and take truth?'

'I don't trust the way she's looking at me right now...'

'You're probably right not to,' says Cynthia Rose. 'Still, I've got a good back up for truth. Chloe…' She clears her throat ominously. 'Have you ever… kissed a girl?!'

Beca whips around to look at her in disbelief, but Cynthia Rose is grinning, and very obviously avoiding Beca's eyes. 'You don't have to answer that, Chloe,' Beca says quickly.

She sees Aubrey narrow her eyes. 'Chloe?' Aubrey says sharply.

Chloe's picking at the label on her bottle of Dr Pepper, which Beca notices is empty. God knows what was actually in it before. Maybe that's what causes her to mumble, ducking her head into her shirt, 'Yes.'

Several of the Bellas gasp, but not many.

'Who was it?' Aubrey demands, but Beca quickly cuts in with, 'That's another question, she doesn't need to answer that!'

'Was it Beca?!'

'No, it wasn't me!'

'My…' Chloe flounders, looking at Beca for support; she can only shrug helplessly. She can't decide for Chloe whether she should come out or not. Chloe shuts her eyes, cringing slightly as she says, 'My ex-girlfriend.'

Beca could hear a pin drop in the following silence. Cynthia Rose lets out a low whistle. 'Wasn't expecting that answer. My bad.'

Aubrey jumps to her feet, fists clenched at her sides. She says, with forced casualness, 'Chloe, a word please?  _Outside_.'

'You can say whatever you want to her here,' Beca says, pulling Chloe back when she obediently stands up.

'This is between Chloe and I, Beca.'

'Oh, so that's a thing when it's you and her, but not with me and her,' Beca challenges, but drifts off when Chloe shakes Beca's hand off and timidly follows Aubrey outside. As soon as the door shuts behind them, the other Bellas rush to press their ears to it – Beca included. She hears things being exchanged like 'How could you' and 'tell me' and 'girlfriend' and even hears her own name come up a few times, but she can't work out the context of any of the phrases.

'Who knew Chloe had a thing for the ladies,' Amy mutters, getting some agreeing murmurs from the other girls. 'Makes sense though, even if it totally throws off my count of the lesbians in this group.'

'Sorry dude,' Cynthia Rose whispers, poking her in the back. 'Thought I was helping.'

'There's nothing to help me with,' Beca says from between gritted teeth. 'And you should be apologising to Chloe. Not me.'

A few minutes later, they hear footsteps coming towards the door and quickly rush back to their places, trying to seem nonchalant. Beca studies the two of them: Aubrey still looks majorly pissed off. Meanwhile, Chloe's eyes are red rimmed and sore, but it's difficult to tell whether she's truly unhappy or not. She shoots questioning looks Chloe's way, but she is ignored.

Aubrey says, 'I think it's time we went to bed now.' When they all just stare at her, she repeats, in her steely captain's voice, 'Bed. Now.'

They all jump to it immediately.

* * *

The other Bellas are completely exhausted from their night and plied with alcohol, so it doesn't take them long to all fall asleep. All except for Beca, who, despite her tiredness, has spent the last hour just tossing and turning. Turns out, Amy was completely right; the couch is probably the most uncomfortable thing she's ever laid on. The surface is leather, so it's either freezing cold or far too warm on her exposed skin, and it's difficult to really get comfy on its hard surface.

When she finally gets to sleep, she wakes up again only a short time later, and for a while isn't quite sure why she woke up. When she begins to regain her senses, however, she hears a little cough from nearby, and realises Chloe's sitting up, evidently not having been able to sleep either.

'You okay?' she asks, her words coming out as more of an exasperated sigh than she wants them to. It's been a long night.

Chloe jumps, swivelling around. There's not much light in the room, but she can still see Chloe's frightened eyes in the dark. 'God, Beca,' she whispers, putting a hand on her heart. 'You scared the life out of me. I thought you were asleep.'

'I was,' Beca grumbles, stretching her aching legs out from the night-time foetal position she inevitably curls up in during the night. 'Why aren't you?'

Chloe idly plays with the zipper's teeth along the side of the sleeping bag, sliding the zip back and forth. 'No reason.'

'Mm.' Beca yawns. She slides her arm underneath her head to prop it up, now able to see Chloe a little better, and realises she's rubbing her throat a little with her free hand. 'That whole keeping everyone at a distance thing is cute on me, but I'm not sure it works for you.'

'Cute, huh?' Chloe snorts. 'Someone sure thinks highly of herself.' The comment strikes Beca as a little unusual, since she'd usually agree with sarcastic, faux-egotistical comments like that, sincerely enough that she'd make Beca blush. She's also unusually sober, for someone that hasn't slept yet and was pretty tipsy earlier in the evening.

'Don't pretend you don't agree.'

'There's no pretending.'

'Tell me what's wrong.'

'What makes you think anything's wrong?'

'You're awake at God knows what hour and you keep rubbing your throat.' And you're not flirting with me, Beca finds herself thinking, but doesn't say, since frankly that just sounds pathetic.

'My throat's hurting, that's all.'

'Has it been doing that a lot?'

'Pretty much all evening, since we performed.'

'Why didn't you say?'

Chloe shrugs, or at least Beca thinks she does – the sleeping bag rustles in a manner that seems to suggest it. 'What can anyone else do? Besides give me a sympathetic look and ask if I'm going to have surgery?'

Beca quickly rearranges her face into something less sympathetic and drops the question about surgery in her mind.

'We're your friends, though,' she settles on saying. 'We care about you.'

'Even you?' Beca stiffens at the question. 'Sorry. I don't know why I asked that.'

'Of course I do,' Beca says quietly. 'You shouldn't even have to ask.'

A few moments of quiet pass where Beca thinks she broke Chloe by showing some rare, honest affection. Then she sniffs and Beca realises she's crying a little bit; she immediately scrambles out of bed to Chloe's side. Chloe bats her back, turning her body away from Beca.

'Sorry,' says Chloe with a breathless laugh, wiping her eyes. From the tear tracks on her face, Beca thinks she must've been crying for a while already. 'I'm always crying around you. You must think I'm such a baby.'

'You're not a baby. You're hurting. It's understandable.' Something else occurs to her. 'Are you upset about… You know. Earlier?'

'About…' Chloe jerks her head to the side, where Aubrey is sleeping close by. Beca watches her carefully for any signs she might wake up while they're having this conversation. 'A little.'

'What did she say to you?' She scowls. 'Did she say hurtful stuff about it?'

'No, no. Of course not. Aubrey isn't like that. She was just upset I hadn't told her.' Chloe rests her chin on her knees despondently. 'I would be, too, in the same position.'

Beca hesitates, but decides to ask the question that's been preying on her mind all evening. 'Why did you tell me and not her?'

'I don't know. I guess I just wanted you to open up to me, so the best way to do that was to be honest with you too.' She lies back down on her side, gazing up at Beca's face. She opens her mouth like she's about to say something, then shuts it.

'No, don't do that,' says Beca, nudging her with her toe, 'what were you going to say?'

'It's stupid.'

'I bet it's not. Try me.'

Chloe asks, her voice small and vulnerable, 'Can we cuddle?'

Beca lets out a sigh and shakes her head in amusement. She'd expected something worse. 'You know, I never really realised how much you seem to need physical affection before.'

'It makes me feel safe,' Chloe says quietly. 'Can we?'

'You want me to get in with you?'

'I'm sorry, you don't have to, I just -' She shuts up when Beca unzips the sleeping bag and slips in next to Chloe, instantly feeling a lot comfier. Warmer, too. Chloe's like sleeping with a radiator. It's a little uncomfortable on her freezing feet from going from cold to heat so quickly, but not in an entirely unpleasant way.

Chloe shifts towards Beca and relaxes against her body, burying her face in the crook of her neck. One of her hands fists in the back of Beca's shirt. She's not properly crying, exactly, but she's shaking and every so often her wet cheek brushes Beca's. She raises a tentative hand to Chloe's hair, gently running her fingers through it in as soothing a motion as she can manage when her fingers are shaking.

 _This is okay,_  she tells herself over and over. She's just comforting Chloe, the way friends do, and she's not expected to do anything more.

It's not okay. Beca's pretty much dissolving into a panic attack right now; the urge to run away is strong, overpowering even, but feels trapped inside the confines of the sleeping bag. The zip is behind her, and there's no way she can undo it without Chloe noticing. Not that she wouldn't notice Beca getting out, either.

Chloe must notice the pounding of her heart beat or the way her breathing is getting laboured, because she reaches out and strokes Beca's arm. 'You can get out if you need to. I won't hold it against you.'

'No, I want to stay, I want to make you feel better...'

'You already did.' She reaches behind Beca and unzips the sleeping bag for her. 'It's okay, you can go.'

'Are you sure?'

'Positive. Go on.'

It takes her a few seconds to force herself to leave - somehow, even though she's freaking out she doesn't actually want to go. Eventually, though Beca disentangles herself from Chloe and reluctantly heads back to her own, much colder, more uncomfortable bed.

As she's settling back into the pile of sheets and towels barely functioning as a place to sleep right now, she freezes when she hears Chloe whisper into the darkness, her voice achingly honest even though Beca thinks she almost wasn't meant to hear.

'I'd do anything for you, you know.'

The confession makes Beca's heart jump back to her throat. She swallows the sensation down, wiping her sweating hands on her shirt. 'You too. Now, um, go to sleep.'

* * *

Beca doesn't wake again until morning, but when she does it's to something wet sliding down her face. This is shortly followed by another something that smacks her in the forehead, making a leisurely turn on her eyelid and slipping off her cheek. Still half asleep, she raises a heavy hand to investigate, finding that the something is soggy and circular.

She opens her eyes, peering blearily at whatever it is clutched between her fingers to realise it's a Cheerio. She has to blink a few times to make sure. Yep. Definitely breakfast cereal on her face, dripping with milk and all. Huh. Never saw that coming.

Looking up quickly reveals the culprit – Fat Amy is standing near her, bowl in hand. 'Ew, Amy. Stop it, what are you doing?'

'I've been doing that for ages. Funny, Chloe still hasn't reacted; guess she's used to waking up to wet things on her face,' says Amy in her familiar deadpan. She throws another Cheerio, which makes a leisurely arc onto Chloe's forehead. There's a small pile growing there already. However, Chloe just frowns slightly, mumbling to herself and snuffling into the pillow so the pile is dislodged.

'You're so gross,' mutters Beca again, sitting up. 'By the way, your couch is an insult to all furniture. My back is killing me.'

'Well jeez, sorr- _y,_ ' says Amy. 'I did warn you. That thing is harder than -'

'Do  _not_ finish that sentence.'

'Quadratic equations,' Amy finishes. 'What was up with that stuff anyway? Maths was never my strong suit.' She throws another Cheerio at Chloe.

'Stop that,' says Beca reproachfully. Chloe stirs at the sound of Beca's voice, sighing to herself.

'I think she just whispered your name,' says Amy with a grin.

'Shut up, she did not.'

'Nah, she definitely did. I heard it. She whispered "Becaaaa"',' says Amy, putting on a breathy, high pitched voice and pretending to swoon.

'She didn't say a word, let alone my name.'

At this point, Chloe happens to take that moment to roll over again and mumble, 'Beca? What'samatter?' before quickly falling back to sleep, making Amy roar with laughter.

'Where is everyone else, anyway?' Beca asks, trying to change the subject.

'Lily, Ashley and Aubrey went out to get breakfast. Also, did you even see Lily come back in last night? 'Cause I didn't…'

'No…'

Amy and Beca share a slightly disturbed look for a moment.

'Anyway, Denise, Stacie and Cynthia Rose are… over there.' She points at the little pile of girls in the bed, all still passed out.

'Why aren't you throwing Cheerios at  _them_?'

'Are you kidding? They'd probably punch me before I even thought about doing it.' She squints at them, scrutinising their positions. 'D'you think they're having a threesome?'

Thankfully, Beca is saved from having to answer this question as Aubrey suddenly enters the room, closely followed by Ashley and Lily who are clutching a paper bag each. She looks dismayed upon seeing that all the girls except for Beca are still asleep. 'Amy, I told you to wake them all up!'

'I woke one up,' says Amy, pointing at Beca. 'Chloe's being pretty difficult right now.'

Aubrey stomps over to Chloe's sleeping bag. When she sees the pile of Cheerios on her pillow, she rolls her eyes and brushes them off with the tip of her shoe. 'Did you just throw food at her? Why didn't you try yelling or something?'

'Oh yeah, that's a great idea!' Amy clears her throat and cups her hands around her mouth. 'Chloe!  _WAKE UP, BECA'S NAKED!'_

'Amy!' Beca howls. Unfortunately for her, it does have the desired effect on Chloe since her eyes finally pop open – however, the other girls on the bed also wake up, lessening the impact slightly.

'Huh, guess everyone wants to see Beca naked,' Amy comments.

'Who's naked?' Cynthia Rose grumbles. 'Beca, put your clothes back on.'

'No one's naked, especially not me!'

'Shame,' says Stacie, stretching out with a yawn. Chloe is similarly stretching, wiping sleep from her eyes.

'Get up, you slackers,' Aubrey says sternly. 'Practice should've been an hour ago. You're lucky I let you guys sleep in this much.'

'Dude, Regionals was  _yesterday_.'

'We only have a few months to prepare, Beca! We need to make sure we're spending every moment perfecting the performance, so no one deviates.' She shoots a glare at Amy, who holds her hands up to show her innocence.

'Hey, lay off, Aubrey,' says Beca, scowling. 'Amy did a great job with that solo.'

'Beca, it was pure luck that we even got through to the next round.' Aubrey crosses her arms. 'I want you all dressed and fed in the next half an hour, and then we're going to discuss exactly what you guys did wrong yesterday.'

When the door slams behind her, Amy remarks, 'She seems more stressed than usual.'

Lily whispers something. As usual, they are left simply blinking at her in an attempt to work out what she's saying. Thankfully, Ashley is able to translate.

'We ran into Bumper on the way to get food and he said some pretty mean stuff. I'm guessing that's why,' she explains around a mouthful of pastry.

'Speaking of food,' says Amy, brightening, 'what did you guys get?'

'Haven't you already eaten?' points out Beca. 'Considering all the Cheerios you were throwing at me and Chloe.'

'No, I used most of them on the two of you before I got to eat much… Seemed like a good idea at the time.'

Chloe's fully awake now, combing fingers through her straggly hair, trying to smooth out the tangles. She looks a little worse for the wear this morning; her cheeks are a bit pale and there are dark circles under her eyes. She wonders how long Chloe was awake before Beca noticed her.

'Hey sleepy head,' says Beca with a smile, catching her attention. She hands her one of the Styrofoam cups of coffee from the bag Aubrey brought in, taking out a croissant for herself. 'How's your throat?'

Chloe seems to hesitate before taking the coffee. 'It's better. Thanks.'

Beca pats the seat next to her on the couch. 'Come join me on the couch from hell. Seriously, Fat Amy, where did you get this thing?' However, Amy is too busy with breakfast to answer. Chloe drags her sleeping bag over with her to the couch, wordlessly accepting a croissant of her own from Beca.

'Cold?' Beca asks, pointing at the sleeping bag. She's not surprised - Stacie's clothes don't exactly cover much up. She takes the blanket she was using to sleep with and drapes it around Chloe's shoulders, only getting a slight smile in return as thanks.

She watches worriedly Chloe as she picks at her food; there's a distant, pensive expression on her face that reminds Beca a little of how she looked when they were arguing. She clears her throat a tad awkwardly, trying to make small talk. 'So… Did you sleep okay in the end?' Chloe simply nods, staring down at her lap. She's currently massacring the croissant Beca gave her by shredding it into bits instead of eating it. Beca puts a hand over hers to stop her. 'That's for eating, not for confetti,' she tells her, attempting to make her smile. When it doesn't work, she sighs. 'Chloe, what's the matter?'

'Nothing.'

'Well, clearly there is since you're barely saying a word to me right now.'

Chloe just stares straight ahead. She's not even looking at Beca, who is seriously starting to freak out now.

'Chloe, tell me what's wrong,' she pleads, tugging uselessly at Chloe's wrist. 'Is it Aubrey? Your throat? What?'

'Neither,' says Chloe, letting out a breath and leaning back against the back of the coach. She winces. 'Wow, this thing really is uncomfortable. How did you even manage to sleep on this thing?'

'I have no idea.' Beca leans back too, tucking her legs up underneath herself. 'So it's not Aubrey, or your nodes. So... is it me?'

Chloe's silence gives it away, along with the way she absently clenches her fist, squashing the pieces of croissant into a ball.

'Did I do something wrong?' Beca asks gently. She drops her voice. 'Is it about last night? 'Cause, I'm sorry about leaving, if that's what's bothering you.'

Chloe looks away, a muscle twitching in her jaw. 'Forget it, you don't understand. Never mind.'

'I  _am_ minding,' she says, turning Chloe's face back around to hers. 'Remember what I said last night about the keeping people at a distance thing only being cute on me? Still true. Just talk to me.'

There's a moment's pause where Chloe just stares at some point over Beca's shoulder; she opens her mouth to try again, or to apologise, or something to make it better, but -

'I really liked sleeping with you,' Chloe blurts out suddenly.

The girls all turn around suddenly to look at them, having picked that moment to overhear what they said. Beca's cheeks turn pink, while Chloe's hand flies up to cover her mouth. 'She doesn't mean it like that,' she explains hurriedly, 'We just shared a sleeping bag last night…'

'I don't really wanna know what you guys "shared" last night, Beca,' Amy says, shuddering a bit.

'I do,' says Cynthia Rose. She wiggles her eyebrows.

'Okay, we're taking this outside,' Beca mutters to Chloe. She tugs a limp Chloe up by the arm, forcibly dragging her into the hall. Before turning to Chloe she scans up down the corridor; thankfully there is no sign of Aubrey returning yet.

'That wasn't really what I meant to say, you know,' mutters Chloe, who looks about as embarrassed as Beca feels.

'I kind of got that,' replies Beca dryly. 'So ignoring that little outburst... What were you intending say?'

' _Well.._.' Chloe dithers, wringing her hands together. She still has Beca's blanket wrapped around her shoulders, and with the way she's shifting about now, suddenly seems very young. 'Actually, maybe I did mean to say that. Kind of. I mean, not in that context, I could've found a better time to say it, but… the sentiment still stands.'

Beca frowns, trying to follow what Chloe means. She fails. 'Huh?'

'The sentiment still stands,' Chloe repeats, as though that helps.

'Which sentiment?' Beca asks, feeling stupid. 'That you liked...'

'Not just sleeping,' Chloe hastens to add. 'I just - I like being close to you in general.' She takes a breath, putting her hands gently on Beca's arms and rubbing up and down. Somehow it's not as comforting this time, with her being sandwiched in between Chloe and the door. 'I like it a  _lot_ , Beca.'

'Oh,' she says faintly, then, ' _oh_.'

'Yeah...' Chloe bites her lip unconsciously. 'Look, Beca. I-I know it can't have been easy, having to hold me like that. It must have been really hard for you - but you did it anyway. I … I know you're trying. And that means so much to me, you have no idea.'

'Oh.' Beca licks her suddenly dry lips. 'That's okay, I guess. I mean, I kind of enjoyed it in between freaking out, if we're being honest…'

The corner of Chloe's mouth lifts in a half smile. 'That's good to hear. But, Beca, you need to know something...'

'What?' Her responses aren't exactly intelligent, but it's hard to concentrate when Chloe seems to be drifting closer without even realising, basically backing her up against Amy's door. Her nostrils flare when she catches a whiff of that damned perfume, which still seems to follow her everywhere.

'I'm struggling.'

That makes Beca's head shoot up. 'Huh? What are you struggling with?' It feels like all she can do is repeat Chloe's words back at her, but she honestly can't work out where this conversation is going to end up - besides how her body seems to think it's going to, judging by the way her heart rate has picked up, ready to escape – or something else…

'I'm struggling with not being able to touch you,' Chloe whispers, taking hold of Beca's wrists. Her thumbs stroke along the inside of her arms, along her pulse point. The sensation makes the hairs on her arms stand up.

'O-oh…'

'I'm a pretty touchy-feely person, Beca, you know that. So this has been driving me crazy,' she breathes. 'And I want to respect you, I do. I'm trying my best to do that. But sometimes I get selfish. I get the urge to… do stupid things.'

'Stupid things,' Beca repeats dumbly. Her brain feels water-logged, like every thought is taking twice as long to struggle from her brain to her mouth. 'Like what?'

'Yeah. Like. Asking you to hold me in the middle of the night. Or… randomly touching your face…'

'My face?' Beca starts as Chloe suddenly cups her face between her fingers. Chloe's licking her lips, drawing Beca's gaze to the movement; she doesn't see how Chloe's looking at her lips too.

'Yes,' Chloe says, now close enough that Beca can feel her breathing on her face, erratic and uncontrolled. 'Your skin always looks really soft. And it is,' she adds, brushing her thumbs back and forth over her cheek. She lets out a choked laugh. 'God, are you even real?'

Beca clears her throat, trying to sound normal, like her legs aren't going to give way underneath her. 'Moisturiser, and stuff... I, Chloe, what are we even doing?' She tackles the elephant in the room head on, almost afraid to ask.

'Isn't it obvious?'

'N-no…' When Chloe's nose suddenly brushes hers, she gasps and tries to back up, but she's right up against the door now. 'Okay, maybe a bit. But. You don't want to do that.'

Chloe hums, the tip of her nose grazing Beca's cheek again. 'I do, though, Beca. You don't know how much.'

'No, you don't,' Beca says, in the gentlest tones she can muster. 'You're a bit hungover, and stressed out because of Aubrey, your nodes are bothering you… And I seem like a good place to get comfort. I know how much you need physical contact. But that's… we can't do this, Chloe. This isn't going to help.'

Chloe's eyes are shut. She tilts her head slightly so her lips touch the corner of Beca's mouth. One more move and they'd be kissing, for real.

'Chloe, we  _can't_.'

'Why not?' Chloe whispers, her voice trembling.

A million lies spring to Beca's lips, ones that might actually get her out of the situation:  _I'm not attracted to you. I don't like you like that. I don't want to kiss you. I don't want a relationship._

Despite all that, what actually falls from her mouth is the useless: 'I just can't.'

'Can't or won't?'

'Is there a difference?' Chloe has touched her forehead to Beca's, bringing her nearer, and it's making it hard to argue properly.

'Won't means you don't want to. Can't means… you're not able to, for some reason, even though you want to.'

Beca doesn't say a word, trying not to breathe in case an inhalation draws Chloe any closer.

'Can't or won't, Beca?' Chloe asks in a low voice. A single tear trickles down her cheek. 'Tell me. I need to know.' Her hands slip from Beca's face, pass up and down her arms a final time before she steps back enough to see into Beca's eyes. 'Tell me,' she insists, her face crumbling at Beca's silence. 'Please…'

Beca lets out the breath she'd been holding, but can't say a word.

'I don't know,' is what she says, in the end.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. Please don't hate Beca. She's trying. :P
> 
> I recently realised I seem to ship Cynthia Rose with everyone, and I think it shows. Oops. Bloody characters taking over the fic.
> 
> For those asking about the Benji scene, I'll post all the deleted scenes on my profile, or as a bonus chapter when the fic is over. And believe me, I think there might be quite a few, because I write non-linearly and then eventually have to cut scenes I really liked. Like the 'castle scene', if any of you saw that floating around on Tumblr a few weeks ago. Boo.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A slightly shorter chapter than usual this time, but that's because I've shifted what was Chapter 6 to a later part again and had to quickly write a bridge between the two. I might not even use what I was intending for Chapter 7, now. I dunno. Ugh.
> 
> I hope this format won't confuse any of you. Just in case it's not clear, the short block of italics on its own is intentional.

As Aubrey forces the vaguely hung-over Bellas through yet another gruelling run through of their performance, Beca begins to wonder why exactly all the drama in her life – especially with Chloe – always has to happen before rehearsal. It only means she's subjected to another two hours having to exchange awkward glances with whoever she's upset. Not to mention the radar the others in the group seem to have for drama – not that Beca doesn't know they probably heard every word through the door during her conversation with Chloe.

Luckily for Beca, they've reached the point in their rehearsals where they are simply running through the songs and steps over and over instead of needing individual work. One of the benefits of being behind Chloe rather than near her is that neither of them really have the time to engage in anything more than a brief bout of tense catching of the other's eye as they pass each other or take a break from choreography, which can only be a good thing.

Which isn't to imply Beca is not still distracted by Chloe; it's safe to say Beca probably spends more time staring at the back of Chloe's head (not her butt, this time – she's learned her lesson there) and the smooth movement of her body as she works through choreography than singing about seeing the sign or eternal flames or whatever.

It's not her fault, okay? She's got a lot to think about, and apparently the light glinting off Chloe's hair and watching it nearly whip Aubrey in the face when she moves too fast is some sort of memory enhancer, because all she can think about is her talk with Chloe only a few hours ago.

 _No, stop,_  Beca complains as her mind tries to drag her back into those memories again, but to no avail. Apparently her mind is a masochist and wants to constantly remind her how much of a fuck up she is.

* * *

' _You don't know,' Chloe had repeated flatly, stepping back from Beca. Beca immediately slumped in relief against the door, some of the tension she'd been holding in her body leaving her now there was some blessed space between the two of them again. As for Chloe, the tear that had been on her cheek had already slipped down into her collar, but she blinked back the rest angrily. Judging by the expression on her face, she was more irritated than upset with Beca now, which wasn't necessarily better. 'How can you not know? Isn't it a simple question?'_

' _Sure, if you're… you, it's easy,' said Beca, gesturing at Chloe. The distance had allowed her mind to clear a little, but also had the unintentional side-effect of bringing back some of her natural caginess. 'If you're me, though, this shit's really confusing.'_

' _What's so confusing about it?'_

' _The whole thing, really,' Beca replied lamely. 'I'm not so great with anything that comes under the category of feelings, healthy emotions or the processing of either of those.'_

' _Please stop tuning me out, Beca,' Chloe pleaded. 'You're avoiding the subject.'_

' _I'm not. I just don't know what to tell you.'_

_Chloe asked, 'You said yesterday that you didn't have a crush on anyone. Was that true?'_

_Beca could only shrug in response, joking weakly, 'We were playing truth or dare, so your guess is as good as mine.'_

' _Don't mess around, Bec. Just tell me straight.' When Beca suppressed a smile at her word choice, Chloe rolled her eyes. 'Oh, grow up.'_

' _Grow up? I'm not the one asking you have a "crush" on me.'_

' _What's that supposed to mean?'_

_Beca snorted, standing up straight. She'd managed to stop Chloe thinking about the main topic, which was her goal. 'It's pretty high school, don't you think? Let me guess, you're gonna ask me if I have a crush on you, you'll tell me you have one on me, too and we'll go out to see some dorky movie and hold hands?'_

* * *

'Beca!' Aubrey barks, just as Beca turns the wrong way and nearly walks straight into Cynthia Rose. 'Focus! Where is your head today?'

'Probably between Chloe's legs,' Amy says under her breath.

Forgetting where is, Beca's fists clench at her sides and she rounds on Fat Amy, shouting before she can stop herself, 'Don't even  _start_ with that shit right now _,_ Amy!'

A stunned silence follows, every one of the Bellas staring in shock at Beca. In Amy's look especially, Beca can see a glimmer of hurt behind her eyes.

Beca's chest is heaving as what she just said sinks in. The cold sensation of guilt settles uncomfortably in her gut.

Amy clears her throat. 'Uh, sorry, Beca,' Amy says, scuffing her foot along the floor. 'I don't have much filter.'

'Yeah…' Beca's mind feels foggy and disorientated, but she knows it's because it's still stuck in replay mode of her morning. 'S'cool, Amy. Sorry, I didn't mean to shout.'

'If Beca's done yelling at people, can we get on with rehearsal?' Aubrey says, giving Beca a pointed look. She nods, stumbling back to her position in the line up. 'Okay, from the top, then, since we were interrupted. One, two, three, four…'

* * *

_Chloe frowned at her, her teeth worrying her bottom lip. 'Well… Why can't it go like that?'_

' _This is college, Chloe. The real world. Things are more complicated than just admitting your feelings and going on dates and stuff.'_

' _Why do you say that?'_

' _They just are. Life generally doesn't work out the way you want it to– that's a fact.'_

' _It's not a fact_ I  _believe in,' Chloe said stubbornly, 'I think life's what you make it.'_

' _Great motto, Chlo. Hannah Montana would be proud.'_

 _Chloe groaned, tipping her head back in frustration and gripping the roots of her hair. 'God, why do you have to make everything so_ difficult _?'_

' _I don't know,' Beca deadpanned, 'why don't you ask him?' She could feel her heart pounding in her chest, knowing she was on very thin ground with Chloe - but she couldn't seem to stop herself. The retorts just kept pouring from her mouth with no interception from her brain._

_Chloe glared at her. 'I meant you, and you know it. And can you quit it with the sarcasm? It's getting annoying when I'm trying to have a serious talk with you for once.'_

* * *

Beca manages to make her way robotically through the rest of the rehearsal, barely even bothering to do the movements anymore unless she knows Aubrey is looking her way. Thankfully, as long as she doesn't run into anyone again Aubrey doesn't notice a thing.

Pleased with their "successful" run through, Aubrey allows them a ten minute water break to sit down. Beca wisely uses this time to hermit right in the far corner of one of the rows, curled up like a cat in the chair and glaring at anyone that comes near her.

She just wants to sit and hate herself for a while. Is that so hard for others to understand?

* * *

' _Serious?' said Beca incredulously. 'You think jumping me in a hallway first thing in the morning, trying to kiss me – before we've even brushed our teeth, might I add, which is gross – while you're standing there with a blanket around your shoulders wearing Stacie's undersized pyjamas?' She lets out a cynical laugh. 'Yeah, real serious.'_

_Chloe's face hardened. 'Okay, you know what?' she says, sounding angrier than Beca's ever heard her. 'I give up! There's no getting through to you. You won't even try to tell me what you're really feeling – instead you dance around the topic, like you always do.'_

' _I don't get all this feelings stuff,' Beca said, shrugging. 'Sue me. I'm defective. They should've taken me back to the shop, but I guess the warranty ran out.'_

' _Oh, that's a load of_ bullshit _, Beca,' Chloe hissed, surprising Beca with her swearing. She stepped back into Beca's space, glaring down at the smaller girl. And she was smaller – Beca had never really registered that properly before, but it was hard not to when she was staring anxiously up into the face of an angry Chloe. 'You do get them. You just pretend -_

* * *

'Bree,' Beca hears Chloe saying to Aubrey, suddenly drawing her from her reverie once again. Even though she's not talking loudly, due to the silence of the other Bellas her voice carries across the auditorium to where Beca is sitting. 'Is it alright if I try the solo for Turn The Beat Around, just this once? I know we said Amy could do it, and she was great, but… I want to test my voice.'

'Is that really a good idea?' Beca calls before she can stop herself, making Chloe jump. 'Your throat was hurting pretty bad last night.'

Chloe regards Beca for a few moments, then turns her back on her. 'Ignore her,' Chloe tells Aubrey in clipped tones. 'I can handle it, now I've rested a little. I think some of my range is returning.'

'But Chloe, we've been singing all morning and last night too -'

'Enough, Beca,' Aubrey interrupts. 'If Chloe wants another try at the solo, that's her decision. We'll hear her sing, and then we can move from there. Alright everyone, break time's over…'

* * *

' _\- you don't so you don't need to make actual choices in life – so you can avoid things that might_ actually _make you happy.'_

* * *

'I can be happy if I want to,' Beca mutters to herself, getting an odd look from Lily which she ignores. Please, like she's one to complain about people whispering to themselves.

* * *

' _And you think you're the one who can do that, is that it?' asked Beca sceptically. Chloe fixed her with a look._

* * *

'Love to hear it, love to hear percuss-ION!'

Chloe does her best to hit the note, but strains just as she's getting there, making it go completely off-key. The others cringe as this happens, losing their concentration on the dancing; some pause to put their hands over their ears, and the whole group ends up bumping into the person in front of them. Some are still mumbling 'turn it around' out of sync with each other in an effort to keep going, but the singing quickly fades away as everyone just comes to a stop and just simply  _waits._

Chloe drops the water bottle she's holding in place of a microphone; it lands with a thump while she makes a run for the door, grabbing her bag on the way.

'Chloe, come back!' Aubrey hollers after Chloe.

'Wait,' Beca says, putting a hand out in front of Aubrey when she starts to follow. 'I'll go.'

* * *

' _Maybe not, but I'd give it a damn good try if you'd let me.'_

_Beca had no answer for that. So she just walked away._

* * *

'I'm not in the mood, Beca,' Chloe says, letting out a sigh when Beca follows Chloe into the bathroom a few minutes later. Instead of opting for the easier to access ground floor restroom, Chloe apparently decided going all the way up to the little used ones on the third floor was the best option – perhaps anticipating that someone would follow.

She's currently reapplying her make-up in the mirror, or perhaps just wiping it away since Beca can see she's already cried enough to leave streaky mascara stains down her cheeks.

'Not in the mood for what?' Beca says defensively. 'I'm just peeing, jeez. I'm allowed to pee around you, right?' It's a bit of a long shot since no one in their right mind would go all the way to the third floor just to pee, but Chloe doesn't argue; she simply sighs again, ignoring her in favour of wiping away a smudge on her eyelid. Beca watches her for a few moments before remembering what she's meant to be using the bathroom instead of creeping on Chloe in the mirror.

When she comes back out of the stall to wash her hands a few minutes later, Chloe's thankfully still there. Good. She'd been a bit worried Chloe would run out while she was pretending to use the toilet, which would just be embarrassing.

'Nodes bothering you?' she asks casually, as though she were talking about something as simple as the weather with someone she didn't know. She hisses at the freezing temperature of the water, quickly jamming on the hot tap as well.

'What do you think?' Chloe retorts. The words are biting, but mostly she just sounds tired.

Beca tests the temperature of the water, finding it to be a suitable to finally wash her hands. Public bathrooms kind of squick her out. 'Well, if you really want to know, I think you need to do something about them, before they get a lot worse.'

'Hm. Good thing I didn't ask for your opinion on them, then.'

Beca lifts her head and blinks at her. 'Actually, you kinda did.'

Chloe just gives her a look of disgust, which Beca takes to mean that Chloe knows she's right but doesn't have a suitable response.

She fetches a paper towel, still talking to Chloe as if this morning never happened. 'Can I get you anything? I dunno what helps with vocal nodes, but at a guess I'd say honey and lemon since it's good for sore throats.'

'Short of some new vocal cords, I'm not sure what else you could do to make this even remotely bearable for me right now,' Chloe says bitterly.

'I'll check, but I don't think they sell vocal cords at the drug store.' Chloe doesn't laugh or even smile, which is never a good sign. She tries a new tactic. 'Why are you still singing when it hurts so much? You knew you couldn't hit that note.'

She doesn't expect Chloe to answer her honestly, but she does in fact stop wiping away her mascara for a moment to catch Beca's eye in the mirror. 'If creating mixes hurt you, but everyone depended on you to do it, would you carry on?'

'I don't know. I'm kind of a pussy when it comes to pain.'

'But music is important to you, isn't it?' Chloe presses.

'Well… Yeah.'

'Then you know why I do it.'

Chloe drops the tissue she's using to the side of the sink and reaches into her make-up case, drawing out a tube of mascara. Beca watches her. 'Is it worth it?'

She takes in a breath, letting it out slowly through her nose. 'I don't know. But I think the alternative might be worse.'

They both fall quiet then, with Beca still feeling pretty surprised that Chloe hasn't just kicked her out of the room yet. She'd seemed pretty fed up with her this morning and to be honest, even this rather frosty reception feels more than she deserves considering she was being kind of – okay, very – immature that morning.

'Are we having our first fight?' Beca asks softly, leaning her back against the sink. ''Cause it kind of sucks.'

'I thought our first fight was when you pushed me away the first time.' Beca winces at the reminder.

'C'mon, Chloe, that's not fair… We were both at fault, there.'

'Oh really? So who is at fault this time?' asks Chloe airily, continuing with her make-up.

'Well, both of us, again.' At Chloe's dark look and pausing of the mascara wand, she amends it to, 'Uh, you? I mean… me?'

'Nice to know you're really considering the situation.'

Beca rubs her fingers over her forehead. 'Can we stop with the sniping at each other? It's pretty tiring, and I don't like fighting with you.'

'It's your own fault,' Chloe singsongs.

'Oh, so it  _is_ me that caused this whole thing.' Beca snaps her fingers and pretends to tut at her own ignorance. 'Should've known. Perfect little Chloe Beale never does anything wrong, after all.'

'I thought we were stopping the sniping,' Chloe points out sourly. She huffs, rubbing at a mark on her eyelid where her hand slipped.

'You're the one who decided the whole thing was actually my fault, so, whatever. You're not even going to think about what you might've done to make the situation worse?'

'Go for it, Beca,' Chloe drawls, tone acerbic. 'Tell me all about my faults and how I'm the one that's got us into this whole mess. I'm very intrigued.'

'Fine, I will,' Beca shoots back. 'Firstly, I thought we were over that whole "surprising me with physical contact" thing. You just got in my face and started telling me all these things about being selfish and touching me, when you know I get uncomfortable when people are too close.'

Chloe hums to herself, twirling the mascara brush thoughtfully. Beca gets the feeling she's not even doing her make-up properly anymore, just using it as a way to stay aloof in the conversation. 'Go on.'

'Secondly, you pretty much forced me to answer a life changing question there and then in the hallway, and barely even gave me five minutes to think it over and come to a decision.'

'You've had almost three hours, now,' Chloe points out.

'Three quarters of which was spent in rehearsal. How much time do you think I get to think about stuff like that when Aubrey's breathing down my neck?'

'Seems like you had plenty. You were so out of it during practice.'

'And how would you know? Were you watching me?' When Chloe scowls in the mirror, she knows she's right. Beca suddenly realises she's been drifting closer the whole time until she's standing at Chloe's shoulder, looking at her reflection. 'Face it, Chloe, your whole method was completely unfair. You deliberately tried to catch me off guard so you could get me to answer how you want.'

'And what is it you think I want?' asks Chloe sceptically.

'I believe I covered that earlier, the whole "high school" thing,' Beca says, complete with finger quotes, sure she's got Chloe where she wants her now. 'You want things I can't give you right now, and now you're mad at me because of it. Because I didn't immediately drop to my knees and confess my undying love for you when you tried to force me to.'

Chloe laughs. Actually laughs, a scornful little snort with a shake of her head as she drops her capped mascara into her make-up bag again. 'You're so wrong. So completely wrong, it's actually kind of hilarious.'

'Am I?'

'Yes. And you want to know why?'

'Yes. Do enlighten me with your wisdom, Miss Beale.'

Chloe spins to face her, the first time she has through this whole conversation. 'Okay, I'm going to explain a few things to you, and you need to close that smart mouth of yours  _for once_ and actually listen, or I'm walking out of here right now and you won't see me again.'

Beca nearly starts to argue, but with a pointed look from Chloe she obediently (but reluctantly) shuts her mouth.

'Beca, I would give this whole thing up if you ever gave me any indication that was what you wanted me to do.' Chloe says, looking Beca right in the eyes. 'If you just said "No, I don't want this" to me, I would be fine with that. But you won't. Instead you keep stringing me along, giving me little breadcrumbs to pick up, because you know I'm that pathetic and like you enough to swoon over those little things.' Her tone is so bitter and just so generally fed up it makes Beca wince.

'What do you mean, little breadcrumbs?' Beca asks, forgetting she's not supposed to be talking.

'Like getting into my bed. Like holding my hand. Like defending me from Aubrey. Like telling me you'd do anything for me. Like telling me I 'didn't want to' kiss you, not that  _you_ didn't want to kiss me… Like falling down a flight of stairs because you were too busy staring at my butt.'

'What?' Beca yelps, her eyes widening. 'How did you know about that?'

'Cynthia Rose told me. You were talking while you ran, and I wanted to know what had distracted you… I didn't really believe her, but I guess that just proved it.' The corner of Chloe's mouth quirks up, the first hint of a smile Beca's seen in a few hours.

'I'm going to fucking kill her…' Beca sighs, putting her face in her hands. She takes a deep breath and forces herself to shelf that little tidbit for now, so she can concentrate on the rest of the conversation. 'But anyway, don't you think all those are things friends could do too?'

'None of my other friends fell down stairs from looking at my ass.'

'Except for that one,' Beca says from between gritted teeth.

Chloe sighs, turning and resting her back against the sink too. 'Yeah, I guess so. But generally, most friends would give me a real answer about why they can't kiss me, not just "I don't know".'

'I'm not 'most friends', though.'

'I know,' Chloe whispers. 'You're much more than that.'

'Chloe, don't…'

'I just need you to tell me either way,' Chloe interrupts. 'I need some idea of where I stand with you, because right now I don't know if it's a no but you don't want to hurt my feelings, or it's a yes, but you're scared for some reason.

If you don't want me, fine. If you do… fantastic. If you do but you need some more time, that's okay. I don't know what you feel. I don't know anything about how you feel, Beca, and I need  _some_ direction or I'm going to go crazy.'

Beca says glumly, 'You don't beat around the bush, do you?'

'I don't like to wait, Beca. I'm not going to waste time feeling confused or not knowing where I stand when there might be someone else who  _is_ willing to be honest with me.'

This makes her head shoot up. 'Someone else? Who?' Irrationally, she thinks of Jesse, even if she knows that's stupid.

Chloe rolls her eyes. 'That's what you got out of that whole speech? I meant it hypothetically.'

'But hypothetically, if you were to find someone else, right now,' she hedges, 'who would it be?'

Chloe lets out a long, aggravated breath. 'For God's sake, Beca…'

'Hypothetically,' she reminds her hurriedly. 'Who would you pick?'

'Really?' Chloe shakes her head, but fixes her gaze on Beca's. 'Beca, there's no one else I want right now but you.' The words make her stomach lurch and her fingers tingle. 'But if there's no hope then I don't want to bother. I need you to tell me so I can move on with my life if that's the case.'

'So if I say no, I'm not interested,' Beca says, hating how her voice trips over some of the words, 'you're just gonna give up on me?'

'I'm not going to wait around pining over you for nothing, if that's what you mean.' Chloe looks at her closely, frowning. 'Is this your way of saying you want me to chase you, or you want to play hard to get or something? Because I can deal with that – as long as that means there's some hope, somewhere.'

Beca searches wildly for a way to deflect the topic again, or to think of a witty retort to send the conversation spiralling in another direction, but she comes up with nothing. She starts to panic the more Chloe stares at her, awaiting an answer. In the end she just twists away from Chloe, stealing one of the paper towels from the dispenser and drying her hands again just for something to do.

She feels Chloe approach slowly and stand just behind her, making her whole body tense up.

'Just say you don't want me,' Chloe whispers, 'and I'll be out of your hair. I'm not that sensitive, Bec, I'll get over it. I promise. I won't let it affect our friendship…'

'Isn't it already?' she asks, the words sticking in her throat.

'Not if you don't want it to.' She feels Chloe gently touch her arms, almost as a kind of warning, then she wraps them around Beca's waist, pulling her back until Beca is flush against her chest. She brushes a strand of hair out of Beca's face, briefly planting a kiss on her temple before resting her chin on top of her shoulder.

It's warm, soothing, and safe, and damned if that isn't the scariest thing she's ever experienced.

'Don't be frightened,' Chloe says, as if sensing her thoughts. 'Tell me how you feel, Beca.'

'I can't help it,' she chokes out.

'I know, I know…'

'No, you don't… I can't say anything, I just - I don't know what's wrong with me….'

'Hey… Don't cry, Bec…'

She goes to hold Beca tighter, but Beca pulls Chloe's arms off her and steps out of her reach. If she lets Chloe hold her anymore at the moment she'll probably break down completely; as of right now, her dignity is only just hanging on by a tiny thread.

'Stop,' she commands quietly, brushing away the tears that have betrayed her and collected on her cheeks. 'Chloe, this isn't going to work. I know you want answers, but I can't give you them. I'm sorry. I'm messed up, I know, but I can't seem to say anything coherent…'

'Can you draw it?' Chloe asks, with a rather sad smile. 'Sing it?'

'I don't think there's a song alive that could explain what I'm feeling… And I suck at drawing.'

Against her protests, Chloe thumbs away one of the tears she missed near the corner of her mouth, then tenderly cups her face with that hand. 'You're really struggling with this, aren't you?'

'You have no idea.'

'Then you know what?' Chloe says softly. 'I think you were right about me springing this on you too fast. Maybe some time and space apart would be good… for the both of us.'

'What?' says Beca, looking up at her, certain she's heard wrong.

'Some time apart so you can get your head on properly and work out what it is you want.' She lets go of Beca's cheek. Her expression has cleared and she seems like she's realised something. 'We've been together almost constantly for the past few months, haven't we? It's no wonder you don't know what you're feeling, when I'm always crowding you and making you uncomfortable.' Chloe and goes to gather her things up. 'Tell Bree I'm going home. She'll understand.'

'So that's it?' says Beca, voice raising resentfully, turning on her heel to follow Chloe as she heads to the door. 'You're leaving me?'

Chloe stops in the doorway, regarding Beca sorrowfully. 'You hear what you want to hear sometimes, don't you? Beca, I'm not leaving you. I'm just giving you some time to think about things, because we're getting nowhere right now. That's what you wanted in the first place, wasn't it?'

It was. Beca wants to argue back, tell Chloe that this wasn't quite what she meant, but she's already beginning to shut the door on her.

'I'll see you later…'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is my favourite chapter (even if it threw off everything in my plan) so that means everyone's going to hate it. Oh well.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'm blown away by the response to the last chapter, guys. I think at one point I had about 22 reviews to respond to (those who have reviewed know I reply to every review, no matter how small. I really do appreciate them).

 

 

'Ugh, I'm so  _bored_!' Beca exclaims, flopping down face first on Jesse's bed and groaning into his pillow. It smells weird, all spicy deodorant and yet the distinct undertone of sweat. She wrinkles her nose and rolls onto her back instead. 'Jesse, your bed stinks. What the hell do you do to it? No, wait, don't answer that. I think the answer might make me puke.'

'Okay, firstly,  _sorry_  if my presence isn't entertaining enough for you,' says Jesse, swivelling around in his chair with his hands on his hips. 'And secondly, no it doesn't. It smells manly.'

'Manly? No wonder it's making my stomach crawl.' Nonetheless, she doesn't bother getting up; she just continues scowling at the ceiling like it's insulted her family. Not that she'd care if it insulted her father or the step-monster, but she supposes she could summon up enough emotion to be annoyed with the ceiling if it said something rude about her mother. Maybe. It's not like her mom has called her much since she started at Barden.

Good God, what is  _happening_ to her?

It's been almost a week since Chloe said they should have some "space", and suddenly Beca seems to have an excess of spare time. There are no rehearsals to occupy her (or torment her with Chloe's presence) since Aubrey apparently has a really important assignment due. She did send around a text saying she expected them to carry on without her, but of course that hasn't happened. And trust today to be the first day Luke decided to be "kind" and allow Beca some time off, because she'd been working so hard, so she doesn't even have the station to drown her sorrows in either.

That just leaves Jesse. And he tries, bless him, but he's no Chloe.

'C'mon, Beca, let's watch a movie. It'll make you feel better.'

Point proven.

'No it wouldn't. And Chloe doesn't make me watch movies with her,' Beca grumbles, getting an eye roll in response.

'I thought you told me not to let you mention Chloe again, or I could confiscate your headphones.'

Her eyes widen. Oh shit. That was an agreement she made with him last time she came, after Jesse had gotten fed up with her always bringing her up. 'That one doesn't count,' Beca says quickly. 'I was complaining about you, not talking about her.'

'Uh-huh. Yeah, that's probably the worst excuse I've ever heard. Headphones, please. You can have them back if you manage not to talk about her for the rest of the day.' He snaps his fingers then holds his open palm out to her. Beca glares at him, but removes the headphones from around her neck and hands them over. He stuffs them into one of the drawers in his desk. The space around her neck instantly feels empty. Like her soul, or her heart or some dramatic crap like that. It's poetic. Chloe would appreciate the metaphor - Beca knows she's a huge literature junkie. Or maybe she'd just giggle at her silliness.

'Uh, Beca? You're smiling to yourself again…'

Realising she's been stupidly grinning to herself at the thought of Chloe's laugh, she grabs Jesse's Star Wars pillow (clearly, Benji had been influencing him) and screams into it. 'Jesus Christ, what's wrong with me?! I can't even go five minutes without saying her name or thinking about her.'

Jesse snatches the pillow off her. 'Well, hm, I don't know,' says Jesse, feigning ignorance while repeatedly hitting her in the face with Darth Vader. 'How about this: you're in love with Chloe, maybe?!'

Beca splutters, nearly falling off the bed as the pillow manages to smack her in the mouth. 'No I'm not!'

'Pretty sure you are, little dude.'

'Thanks for the addition of the "little", I really needed that,' she growls. 'Also, how can I be in love with her? We're not even together.'

'Since when is being together a prerequisite for being in love with someone?' When he goes to hit her again, Beca grabs it out of his hands and throws over to Benji's side of the room.

'I dunno. I don't see how you can really feel that strongly for someone who you aren't even dating. How can you fall in love with them when you haven't even gotten to know them yet? That's just a crush, when you're attracted to someone.'

'What if you've known them for years and years and then fall for them?' he asks, looking genuinely curious. 'Is it love then?'

She considers the question. 'Well… maybe, I hadn't thought of it like that. But I haven't known Chloe for years, just months.' Seeing him smirking at her, she asks warily, 'What?'

'You brought up Chloe  _again_. No headphones for you,' he says, waggling his finger in her face.

'Weren't we already talking about her?'

'Not exactly.' Jesse sinks heavily down onto the bed, making the springs protest underneath him. 'Face it, Beca. Chloe's been getting your panties wet for ages now. Isn't it time to drop your defences and let her ride the S.S. Mitchell already?'

Beca's jaw drops at his audacity. 'I can't believe you just said that. You're so fucking crude sometimes,' Beca mumbles, kicking him in the small of his back.

'I'm not the one that just swore, am I? Stop that, your feet are like tiny little thorns digging into my skin,' he says, grabbing her foot.

'You deserved it.'

'For telling the truth?'

'For being a dick.' She escapes his grip and jabs her socked toe into his side, making him flinch and wriggle away.

'I'm serious, though. I wish you'd just get together already. Maybe then I'd get normal you back.'

'Oh yeah? What's normal me like?'

'Less violent, for one,' he says, dodging another of her kicks. 'Also, able to spend time with me  _without_ constantly mentioning Chloe.'

Beca's leg stills, his serious tone making her suddenly feel a little guilty. 'Oh. Yeah. Guess I've kind of been in Chloe mode a lot the past few days, haven't I?'

'Try the past few  _months_ ,' Jesse corrects her. 'Every time you talk to me it's to gush about Chloe, or complain about Chloe, or roll about in frustration on my bed because you can't handle your "feelings". I like being your lesbro, and all, but I'd rather just be your friend.'

Beca sits up slowly, frowning. Her stomach twists at his unhappy expression. She puts a hand out to touch his arm briefly. 'I'm sorry, Jesse. Didn't know you felt that way.'

'I get it, Beca, I do,' he tells her sadly. 'You and she get on and connect in a way I can't even imagine, but … Sometimes I wish you'd want to come see me because you  _want_  to see me. Not because Chloe isn't around.'

'I'm sorry,' says Beca, and means it. 'I didn't mean to make you feel like you were second choice.'

Jesse sighs. 'I know I'm second choice. I don't have red hair or stunning blue eyes and a voice like an angel. But you could at least pretend.' His lips twitch ever so slightly, so Beca knows she's on the way to being forgiven.

'We could get you a wig,' Beca jokes. 'Then it'd be one out of three.'

'Are you saying I don't have a voice like an angel?' asks Jesse, pretending to look offended. 'I'll have you know I played an angel in a Christmas production in my elementary school.'

'Oh yeah? And how'd that go?'

'Stunning reviews all round. I blew those parents' minds,' he says, making an explosion gesture near his head.

Beca laughs. 'I bet you did.' She punches him lightly in the shoulder. 'We good, Jesse?'

'Your grammar is atrocious, Beca,' says Jesse, imitating Aubrey's voice and making her snort. 'But yeah. "We good". You loser.'

* * *

 

Jesse had offered to let Beca stay in his room while he did his shift at the station, but Beca had declined. She didn't mind when someone else was with her, but she couldn't help but feel weird all alone with all of Benji's Star Wars merchandise staring at her from the shelves and walls. There's something about a whole row of Yoda figurines all pointing and staring in her direction that kind of makes her shudder.

With nothing else to occupy her time with, she returns home hoping for a nap. But when she rounds the corner to her dorm room and sees Aubrey waiting outside it with her phone out, she knows that's probably not going to happen.

She stops in her tracks and tries to quickly walk back in the direction she came, but unfortunately Aubrey notices her and calls after her.

'Beca. I've been waiting for you.'

Wincing, Beca turns around. 'Hey, Aubrey… Didn't see you there…'

'I'll bet,' Aubrey responds dryly, pocketing her phone. 'I already knocked to see if you were in, but your roommate told me that you were out and there was no way she was letting me in to wait.'

'That's Kimmy Jin, always supportive.' Not bothering with small talk, Beca asks bluntly, 'What do you want, Aubrey?'

Aubrey hesitates, looking down the corridor where people are emerging here and there for lunch. 'Not here. Let's take a walk, shall we?'

'Uh… No, I'd rather stay here, where there are people around,' says Beca warily, stepping back a little, her key clutched between her knuckles in case Aubrey tries to attack.

'For God's sake, Mitchell, I want to talk to you, not kill you. Now come on.' She grabs a protesting Beca's arm and forcibly drags her away, out the doors and into the quad.

'Aubrey, what's this about?' Beca complains, digging her heels into the ground. Even so, Aubrey still has no trouble pulling her along. Jesus, Aubrey must have killer upper body strength. 'I have my Barden rape whistle on me, so don't get any funny ideas.'

'You'll see in a minute.'

'All I wanted was a nap,' Beca grumbles. She's ignored.

Eventually, Beca realises they're making their way to the pool where they held the Riff Off, which somehow looks a lot more foreboding and scary when there's only two girls standing in it, despite the sunlight bearing down on them.

Aubrey comes to a stop and turns to face Beca, who keeps a clear two feet of distance from Aubrey at all times. 'Okay, I think we're alone. No one really comes here during the day.'

'That's really not making me think you're not going to murder me and hide my body in the woods.'

'Oh, shut up already,' Aubrey snaps. 'I don't want people to overhear what I'm going to say, that's all.'

'Which is what?'

'If you could wait one second, you'd know.'

Beca waits a beat. 'I waited a second. I still don't know.'

'Why are you always so obstinate and immature? Close your mouth before I make your worries about murder a reality.' When Beca does, Aubrey gives her a terrifying smile. 'Now was that so hard?'

Beca bares her teeth at her, but keeps quiet for once.

'Anyway.  _You_ ,' she says, pointing her finger at Beca accusingly, 'need to be careful.'

Beca imagines an invisible tumbleweed passing in the following silence. Since Aubrey hasn't said anything more, she assumes she can ask something. 'Careful doing… what, exactly? Tying my laces? Crossing the road? 'Cause I can assure you, I've been careful doing those things for a while now.'

'I'm talking about Chloe, Beca.'

'Of course you are.' Beca sighs, wondering if she can ever have a conversation that doesn't involve Chloe again. 'Shoot, then. What do I need to be careful about?'

Aubrey's brow puckers into a tiny frown. 'It's come to my attention recently that I  _may_ have been slightly… wrong… about something. That is,' she says, taking a fortifying breath, 'Something I told you last time I came to speak to you about Chloe.'

'Wrong?' Beca's ears perk up. This she has to hear. 'What were you wrong about?'

'About the nature of Chloe's intentions for you,' Aubrey says. Her tone is measured, but there's a slight blush in her cheeks. 'Last time, I told you they wouldn't necessarily be the same as a guy's would be. As it happens, I was wrong, since, as we both recently found out, she is bisexual. So  _you,'_ again with the finger-pointing, 'need to be careful.'

' _Careful_?' Beca repeats, slack-jawed. 'Aubrey,' she says slowly, raising an intimidating (or what she hopes is intimidating) eyebrow. 'Are you homophobic or something?'

'How dare you!' Aubrey hisses, affronted, like it's the most heinous thing she's ever been accused of being. Perhaps it is. 'I most certainly am  _not_  homophobic!'

'Then why all the pointing and dragging me around and the "you need to be careful"? Why should it bother me? I don't have a problem with it.'

'I'm not talking about it bothering  _you_ , you idiot,' Aubrey snarls. 'I'm talking about it bothering Chloe. You must know she likes you. Oh, don't give me that stupid fake surprised face,' she says, rolling her eyes, 'she's already told me about what happened the other day.'

'Oh. Right,' mutters Beca.

'Beca, look,' says Aubrey, her tone suddenly turning sympathetic. Beca gives her a weird look, wondering why the way she's acting towards Beca keeps changing so quickly. 'You have an awful attitude and work ethic, you're stubborn, sarcastic and rude -'

'Is this going anywhere good?'

'- but I know somewhere deep down, as a woman with at least  _some_ percentage of decency lurking away in between those ghastly ear spikes of yours, you care for her. And you understand what treacherous ground you're on with her feelings; Chloe can be quite sensitive. I suggest having a proper, honest talk with her to reaffirm that you are straight and therefore can't return her fee –'

'Wait.' Beca lets out a disbelieving laugh, one particular word of Aubrey's speech finally sinking into her brain. 'Wait! Say that again? A  _straight_  woman?'

Aubrey blinks at her. 'Yes, I thought –'

'You thought dead wrong!' Beca bursts out laughing, the fact that Aubrey assumed she was straight and needed advice on letting Chloe down easy for some reason really tickling her. Or perhaps she's just delirious from the lack of sleep and food. 'I'm gay, Aubrey babe.'

'Don't call me that,' Aubrey growls automatically, then – 'You're  _what_?!'

'Gay as Melissa Etheridge and Ellen DeGeneres on a girl's night out,' Beca responds, sniggering. She narrows her eyes, trying to suppress a smirk. 'Are you sure you're not homophobic?'

Aubrey actually stamps her foot, furious. 'No, I'm not! And you're not gay!'

Beca considers this for a moment. 'No, I'm pretty sure I am.'

'What about Jesse?!'

'What about him?' asks Beca quizzically.

'You have a toner for him!' she cries.

'… Aubrey, if that were even a thing – which it still isn't, by the way - it definitely wouldn't be for Jesse.'

'But you – I – I thought –' Aubrey has suddenly turned very pale. She sinks against the tiled walls of the pool, putting a hand to her face. 'You're seriously gay?' she asks her. When Beca nods, she groans. 'God, no wonder Chloe is so upset.'

'Why are  _you_  so upset?' Beca asks, curious. 'It's not a big deal.'

'It is a big deal!' Aubrey wails. 'I can't believe I was so –  _heteronormative!'_

Beca stares at her. 'Is that a fancy way of saying your gaydar is awful?'

'No, it means - oh, forget it, I have a feeling the finer points of feminism and gender studies would be lost on you,' Aubrey sniffs. Beca may not know what heteronormativity  _is_ exactly (even if she can kind of guess) she knows enough to tell when she's just been insulted; she scowls at Aubrey. Aubrey lets out a "hmph" of annoyance, stepping away from the wall. 'Well if you're gay,' she retorts, 'then what's your excuse for not tapping Chloe yet?'

Beca's jaw drops. 'Oh my actual  _God_! Did you seriously just ask me that?! What is wrong with you?!'

'Answer the question!' Aubrey demands. 'Don't you like her? Isn't she pretty enough? You should be falling over yourself to have someone like Chloe!'

'I take back all that stuff about being homophobic… I'm starting to wonder if you guys are secretly together and you are actually just trying to recruit me for a threesome.'

Aubrey scoffs, tossing her hair. 'Sorry, to disappoint, but I like dick.' When Beca chokes, Aubrey bites her lip to suppress a smile. 'I have to say, rendering you speechless is rather entertaining.'

'Who are you and what've you done with the Aubrey I know? The one with the stick up her butt?' Beca splutters.

'My assignment has been kicking my ass and this is the first time I've been out in days,' Aubrey responds. 'I'm not exactly functional right now. The only reason I am awake is due to copious amounts of coffee and Red Bull.'

'And you thought tracking me down to ask me invasive questions about Chloe was the first thing you should do with your free time?' asks Beca sceptically. 'You should've just taken a nap or something. That sounds great, actually - so great in fact, I'm going to go do that now, bye!' Beca tries to run away, but Aubrey grabs her by her collar and she rocks backwards, nearly falling over like a cartoon character. 'Ow, that hurt,' complains Beca, rubbing the spot on her neck where her shirt cut into her neck.

'I'm not done with you. I haven't heard your reason for why you're not with her yet.'

'Don't you hate me?' points out Beca. 'Why are you saying I should get together with Chloe instead of giving me a speech about not being good enough for her?'

Aubrey's eyes widen. 'Oh gosh, you're right. I forgot who I was talking to - you're totally not worthy of Chloe.'

'There we go,' says Beca, sighing.

'But at least you're not a straight bitch messing her around for your own amusement,' Aubrey adds with a placating smile. 'So that's one point up for you. The score is now +1 in favour of you being with Chloe, with about -100 for not being with her. You're on your way!'

'Oh, the veritable  _joy_.' She clasps her hands together and shakes them above her head in mock-celebration. 'See how happy I am about that, Aubrey?' She suddenly stops pretending to celebrate as she realises something. 'Wait. If you know about what happened the other day, then why did Chloe not mention to you that I like girls?'

'I'm guessing that she didn't want to out you without your permission. Although why everyone seems to assume I would react at all negatively is beyond me,' says Aubrey, her lip curling indignantly.

'Beats me…' says Beca, not really paying attention. Truth be told, she's kind of touched that Chloe was thoughtful enough not to tell Aubrey without consulting her, as she might've assumed she would. Maybe she hasn't totally forgotten about Beca.

'She misses you, you know,' comments Aubrey, drawing Beca's attention again. 'I'm not sure why, either, but she won't stop talking my ear off about you.'

Beca's heart lifts a little at this revelation. 'Really?'

'Yes, unfortunately for me. I kept telling her to give it up because you were obviously straight, but…'

'You were wrong,' Beca finishes with a little too much satisfaction, receiving a glower from Aubrey for her cheek.

'Right. So… now what?'

'Huh?'

'Are you going to ask her out?' says Aubrey, tilting her head. 'Not that I approve, but she told me you wouldn't give her a direct answer. I originally assumed that was because you aren't interested but now I'm thinking you're just being your annoyingly stubborn self.'

'I don't know, probably not,' says Beca, ducking her head away and picking a strip away from the nail polish on her left hand. How does she always get caught up in this same pattern of conversation? Can't people just leave her to it?

'Well, you'd better work it out soon before she finds someone else.'

'Gee, thanks,' Beca mutters. 'That fills me with confidence.'

Aubrey rolls her eyes. 'Wow. You're incredibly frustrating, did you know that? You're like a little turtle that retreats into their shell every time someone comes near, even if they're handing them a piece of lettuce.'

'Thanks for unnecessarily adding on the word "little", totally appreciate it. You and Jesse should chat some time. Also, that was a terrible simile.'

'Sarcasm,' Aubrey notes. 'Classic avoidance tactic. If I were taking Psychology I'd totally use you as a case study of severe emotional stunted...ness.'

'Is that your official diagnosis, Dr Posen?' Beca says, intentionally laying the sarcasm on thick.

'Be honest with yourself, for once in your life,' Aubrey persists. 'Forget all these little issues like not ever being good enough for Chloe -' (same old Aubrey) 'and concentrate on your feelings. If you have any, that is.'

'Please never become an official therapist.'

Aubrey puts up her hand to deflect further comments. 'Just answer this question. If you knew it would work out, would you want to be with her?'

Beca chews her lip, turning the question over in her mind. Of course, she already knew the answer – she knew it quite a while ago, even without Aubrey's hypothetical questions. But it's not the knowing that's the problem. It's the doing, and the admitting.

But Aubrey's looking at her with one expectant eyebrow raised, her fingers drumming impatiently on her arm. She's not going to back down like Chloe did. In fact, she'll probably push her even more.

'If you're worried about losing her or hurting her, you're already doing it,' Aubrey points out, correctly guessing the source of some of Beca's anxiety, and not exactly alleviating it. 'And if you're worried about getting hurt yourself, you're doing a fine job of that on your own. Look at you, you're a mess.'

Beca sighs inwardly. She's right. She's always right. Except when it comes to someone's sexuality.

'Did Chloe ask you to come interrogate me?' she shoots back, trying for time again.

'No. And you won't distract me that easily, Beca. I'll ask you one more time. If you knew it would work out... would you want to be with her?'

Beca searches around her desperately for something to say that will get her out of this situation, but there is nothing. Just her and her feelings, which she knows about, goddamnit - the problem is putting them into words. It's not like mixing, where she can match two songs together and create the perfect mashup on instinct. It's not like mu - _  
_

_Can you draw it? Sing it?_

'sic,' Beca finishes out loud, unaware of the disturbed look Aubrey is giving her right now.

'Pardon?'

'Music,' Beca repeats, like Aubrey understands what she's talking about. Her frown turns deeper and she takes a step back as though worried she's cracked. 'I can't say it, but maybe I can sing it.'

'You mean serenading Chloe? This isn't Glee, Beca...'

'No, no, not like a serenade. I mean - to explain to you, what I'm feeling.'

Aubrey's face clears as she realises what Beca's getting at. 'Aha. And what did you have in mind?'

... Oh yeah. Beca has no idea what to sing. Unfortunately there's only one song stuck in her head right now - from the millions of times they've sung it in rehearsal - and it's the only one that seems even  _vaguely_ appropriate. Except it's not appropriate, it's fucking humiliating, and oh, God, she never should've brought this up.

'Forget it,' Beca says hurriedly, trying to back away, but Aubrey grabs her arm with a displeased look.

'Just sing it already, or I might be forced to make good on the threat I made earlier.'

'You wouldn't dare.'

'Try me, Mitchell.'

She decides it's best not to push her anymore. Beca clears her throat. Blushing furiously, she starts to sing under her breath.

'Louder, I can't hear you.'

Beca sings louder, shutting her eyes so she doesn't have to look at Aubrey's smirking face. 

'Say my name, sun shines through the rain... A whole life, so lonely, and then you come and ease the pain. I don't want to lose this feeling... Is this burning, an...'

Beca trails off, burying her face in her hands. There's a long silence that follows her singing. Beca is now convinced the only eternal flame is burning in her cheeks.

Aubrey swallows. She's obviously trying her best not to laugh, pressing her lips together so hard they're turning a slightly pale colour, her body shaking slightly. 'Erm... Okay... A lovely choice, Beca... Very good.'

'It was the only thing I could think of, you forced me!' Beca moans. 'Oh my God, you should just kill me now.'

'No no no, it was truly lovely.' Aubrey's muffling her laughter into her fist, rather unsuccesfully. 'Maybe we should record it and send it to Chloe.'

'Don't you dare!' Beca screeches, making Aubrey finally lose control and burst out laughing. Beca just regards her sulkily as she laughs for what feels like a very, very long time. When she's done, she's wheezing and using the wall to hold herself up.

'My God,' says Aubrey, wiping her eyes. 'Thanks, Beca. I needed that.'

'Whatever,' Beca growls. 'It was the only way I could say anything. You're lucky I didn't end up singing the Thong Song or something.'

'Now that would be a sight to see.' Aubrey pats her on the shoulder, giving her a genuine smile with only a touch of mocking in it. 'Good job. You've taken your first step into adulthood by dealing with your emotions the way all well functioning people do. Through ballads.'

'I'd like to thank the academy, and my pseudo-therapist, Aubrey Posen…'

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to our regularly scheduled aca-drama next chapter. BECA'S GROWING UP! ... Kind of. I'm sure this wasn't quite what you thought would happen last chapter.
> 
> I actually cut yet another scene with Benji in it. Poor Benji.


	9. Chapter 9

'How did I let you convince me to come here?' Beca complains.

Beca has only been here for five minutes and she's already starting to regret it. She let Jesse talk her into taking a shower, dragging a brush through her hair and even putting on more make up than her usual 'grumpy raccoon' look (Jesse's description), but dressed down as much as she can. A dark purple hoodie and jeans, with pockets big enough that she can hunch up and shove her hands into them and give someone her trademark dismissive look if they try to come near her. The perfect clothes for looking antisocial, which is how she feels right now.

Now, with Beca having whined all the way here, her enthusiasm has not increased since arriving at the party. If she can call it that. There's usual: the blank faces of drunk teenagers milling around in the front garden, drowning their early midlife crises; the bass of some non-descript piece of music pulsating through her body even from outside (surely that's not normal), with little else musical about it. Beca wrinkles her nose. She could whip up something better than this crap, given five minutes and a halfway decent computer.

Jesse slings his arm easily around Beca's shoulders. As usual, she throws him off.

'You're here now,' he tells her, unfazed by this rejection. 'I went to all the trouble of dragging you out of your bed and away from your computer, so there's no way I'm letting you leave now.'

'I'm hating you a little more every day. I hope you know that.'

'And I cry a little every night.' Jesse moves to business. No time for jokes tonight, apparently, even if Beca would much rather stay out here trading barbs with him than ever step foot inside that house. He takes hold of her shoulders with an earnest expression. 'Now remember what we discussed, Beca. You're here to -'

'Have fun, meet new people and get my mind off Chloe,' Beca recites, finishing the sentence he's repeated at her several times since she finally agreed to go. 'Yeah, yeah. I know. It's not gonna work, Jesse.'

'It will work, if you actually try for once. Speaking of, couldn't you have dressed up at least a little? You look like you're ready to shank someone.'

'That's the idea.'

Jesse shuts his eyes and shakes his head, like Beca is the very bane of his existence. It occurs to Beca that it takes a special kind of friendship to be partially based around them both being exasperated with the other. 'Look,' he says, when he's collected himself. 'I'm just trying to help you. You've been all Zombie Beca for weeks now and you barely leave your dorm unless it's to go to the station, classes, or rehearsals. You need friends.'

'You sound like my Dad,' Beca remarks.

'Maybe I  _am_ your dad, secretly.' Jesse puts on his best Darth Vader voice, which isn't to say that it's a good one. '"Beca, I am your father".'

'Not likely. I'm older than you,' Beca says, smirking.

'By like a month,' Jesse moans. It's always been a point of contention for Jesse to find out that Beca is older than him – both summer babies and therefore often among the youngest in their classes, he was even more upset to find he was younger than Beca. 'Whatever, though, that's not important. I know you're just trying to distract me with sarcasm and banter.'

'No,  _really_?'

'And it's not going to work,' he assures her. 'So here's the plan. We're gonna find somebody you can talk to, then send you in to see if they can tolerate your presence for more than five minutes.'

'And then step three: profit, right?'

'I'd say step three: friendship, actually, but money's good too.' Jesse starts searching around his immediate surroundings as though Beca's new best friend might be just around the corner, with a sign saying "Talk to me" over her head. Beca just sighs, giving up any ideas of going home as a lost cause now. 'What about her?' says Jesse, pointing out the first girl he lays eyes on: a bored looking brunette standing nearby, texting on her phone. 'She's got that whole "leave me alone" air, so you'd be in good company. Maybe you could stand together and hate the world.'

'Ha ha,' replies Beca in a bored tone. 'You're hilarious. Why don't you have your own comedy show yet?'

'Okay, so Beca clone is a no go. Ah, what about her?'

'Really, Jesse, a redhead? I thought the purpose of this evening was to not think about Chloe.'

'Oh yeah. My bad. Oh!' He notices another girl who has just left the house, arm in arm with another female friend.

As soon as Beca looks at her she immediately feels uneasy, as the resemblances to Chloe– not physically, unlike the redhead Jesse had just suggested – are evident. It's the subtler things that are similar; the easy, cheerful smile she's wearing, the relaxed way she's leaning against the wall suggesting confidence with herself and other people.

Beca starts to wonder if this is how it's going to be all the time now – thinking of Chloe in every situation. When she starts crying at the sound of David Guetta,  _then_ she'll consider therapy.

'What about her?' asks Jesse.

'I don't know, maybe not,' says Beca uncertainly. The girl seems to sense that they're staring at her, because she suddenly turns to look straight in Beca and Jesse's direction. She gives them a brief smile (maybe a grimace, Beca's not sure) before turning back to resume chatting to her friend.

'Eye contact!' Jesse says excitedly, shaking Beca by the shoulders slightly. 'And she's got short hair... and a tattoo! Maybe she's on your team.'

'Jesus, talk about stereotyping.'

'Stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason,' Jesse points out. 'Now go mingle.'

'Dude, no, she's busy. She's got someone with her already. She won't want me interrupting.'

'Not anymore; look again!' Jesse's right; the girl's friend has just wandered off back inside the house. The way the girl looks into the house where she went with anticipation, then goes back to standing around awkwardly suggests she's probably gone to get a drink or something.

'I feel like I'm having my first day at school and you're trying to make me play with the other kids,' Beca groans, trying to resist the way Jesse is trying to push her towards the girl.

'Yeah well, it's pretty much the same thing since you have the social skills of a four-year-old.' He trills, 'Go, honey! Make friends!'

Jesse literally shoves her forward; Beca, ever graceful, immediately trips over her feet and has to take a few stumbling steps to keep her balance. It does the job of attracting the girl's attention, though. Beca immediately stands up straight and clasps her hands behind her back, trying to look like she's not a complete klutz.

'Yes?' the girl says politely, a slightly bemused expression on her face.

Beca opens her mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. She looks back helplessly in Jesse's direction. He gives her a discreet thumbs-up, gesturing at the girl with a frantic hand motion, telling her to say things.

She turns to the girl again, gulping. 'Hi,' Beca manages to squeak, her cheeks heating up.

'Hi…' is the tentative reply she receives. From the confused slant of the girl's mouth and the way her eyes are shifting about, Beca is obviously freaking her out quite a bit.

She searches desperately for something to say, something cool or funny - or she'd even settle for mocking right now. Anything would be better than the goldfish impression she's treating this girl to right now.

 _Ask her for her name!_ Beca's mind screams at her, but her mind is currently not connected to her mouth.

'Hi,' is what comes out again.

Seeing that she's floundering and the girl looks ready to whip out her Barden whistle, Jesse jumps in. 'Excuse us for just a sec,' Jesse tells the girl, steering Beca away. When they're at a safe distance, he hisses to her, 'Beca, what the hell are you doing?!'

'This was such a stupid idea, Jesse,' Beca says, her voice wavering. To her utter horror, she can feel tears springing to her eyes. 'I shouldn't have come out here, I feel like crap and all I'm doing is making an idiot of myself in front of people I don't know.'

Jesse takes her by the shoulders again – it seems to be his default way of embracing her. His face is serious. 'Beca, look. Do you see what this whole thing with Chloe is doing to you? You're changing. The Beca I know isn't shy!'

'I can barely hug someone of my own accord,' Beca says flatly. 'I think I'm at least a little shy, Jess.'

'But you're not shy about  _talking_ to people,' he goes on. 'Come on – you're funny, you're witty, and you can deadpan like no one I know. Seriously, it's actually pretty weird. I never know whether you're being serious or not sometimes.' His words make her smile slightly; he pokes her in the cheek. 'There we go, a smile. Now keep that on your face for the rest of the night.'

Jesse lets her go finally, giving her a bracing clap on the shoulder. 'I'm gonna get you a drink, and then we're gonna find someone new. Stay here, I'll just be a sec. And for the love of God, if someone talks to you, say more than "hi".'

He walks off then, leaving Beca alone. She sighs, wondering if she should just get a taxi and go home now. Or maybe she could bug one of the Bellas into coming along – Jesse hadn't said people from the acapella world weren't here, but it didn't really seem like their scene. Except maybe Stacie, but Stacie could fit into any kind of situation with the right clothes and her smile.

Briefly, Beca thinks of calling Chloe and begging her to help her out. There's been complete radio silence between both of them for a few weeks now, but she never really said what the parameters of this space they were having were. Would Chloe even pick up if she called?

'Hey,' says a sudden voice in her ear, making her jump a few feet into the air. For a second she thinks it's Chloe, having read her mind from wherever she is tonight and magically flown in to save her, but sadly, it's not.

It's the girl from earlier; Beca had wrongly assumed she'd scared her away. She hadn't realised she'd been standing there the whole time. Groaning inwardly, Beca realises she probably overheard her whole conversation with Jesse, if she was listening hard enough.

'Wow, you really are twitchy, aren't you?' says the girl, laughing. She laughs the same way Chloe does, throwing her head back and moving her whole body with it.

_Pull it together, Mitchell. Lots of people do that._

'Not usually,' says Beca with a nervous laugh of her own. She crosses her arms over her chest, digging her nails into the skin of either arm to keep her calm. 'I'm just a little on edge tonight.'

'So I see,' she comments. 'At least you said more than "hi", this time.'

'Yeah… I don't know what was going on back there.' Beca rubs the back of her neck in embarrassment. 'I don't do well under pressure, apparently.'

'Clearly.' The girl grins at her, allowing Beca to relax a little. At least until her next sentence. 'Listen, I couldn't help overhearing what you were saying to your guy friend back there…'

'Oh great,' says Beca, putting her hand over her face and letting out a slight groan. 'Look, I'm sorry, he's got it into his head that I need to meet new people, and apparently throwing me directly at them is the way to do it.'

'From what I heard, you wouldn't have done it otherwise,' the girl points out, smiling easily. 'But, uh - just to let you know… I'm not into women. Sorry.'

Beca takes her hand away, actually a little relieved. 'No, that's fine. I wasn't really looking to hook up with anyone, actually.'

She seems surprised at this. 'You weren't?' When Beca shakes her head, she asks, 'Why was that guy trying to make you talk to me then?'

'He thinks I need to make new friends, since according to him I'm kind of obsessing over this girl I, um, like.' She winces at how pathetic that sounds. 'It's a long story.'

'I've got time,' she replies, shocking Beca.

Beca raises an eyebrow. 'Let me get this straight. You're actually asking to hear about my relationship troubles?'

The girl shrugs. 'My friend has gone to find her boyfriend inside. I have time to kill before they finally stop making out and come back here to meet me. Besides, you're sort of interesting. And I don't know any lesbians,' she adds honestly, making Beca laugh but feel another twinge at the reminder of someone else she knows who can be brutally candid in the same way.

Beca takes a deep breath, unable to believe she's actually considering spilling out her story to some girl she doesn't even know. 'You don't even know my name.'

'That's easily fixed by you telling me, you know,' she responds, an amused smile on her lips.

'It's Beca. What's yours? Wait, maybe I don't want your name. Then you stop being just a random stranger I've decided to pour my secrets to.' She shudders lightly. 'What if we have mutual friends on Facebook?!'

'Wouldn't it have been better to hide  _your_ name so you can remain a stranger to me?'

'Fair point,' Beca concedes. 'Oh well, too late now. What's your name then?'

'Danielle.' Beca nods to herself, chuckling a little at how oddly this night has turned out. 'Sooo…' Danielle wanders over to an unoccupied bit of garden wall, hopping up on top of it. She winks. 'Tell me your story, Miss Beca. You have until my friend comes back and not a second longer.'

'I might need every second,' Beca says wryly, following Danielle after a moment. The garden wall is freezing; she pulls her hoodie to her tighter like it might offer some extra warmth to her nether regions. 'So anyway.' She clears her throat. 'There's this girl, you see…' Beca starts.

'Well isn't  _that_ a surprise,' Danielle teases, rolling her eyes. Beca wonders if this is how people feel when she talks back to them. 'Go on.'

'Her name's Chloe, and she's optimistic, funny and friendly, but she has absolutely no sense of boundaries. Like, we're talking the walking into my shower to force me to duet with her kind of not having boundaries.'

Danielle arches an eyebrow at Beca, pushing a hand through her dark hair. 'That's a bit weird.'

'Tell me about it,' Beca agrees. 'Chloe's a little weird all around. But in the best way possible. Do you know what I mean?'

'Not really, but continue.'

'Thing is, I'm the kind of person that has too many boundaries… I don't like being touched, and I'm not exactly good with feelings and emotional crap like that.' Danielle nods knowingly. Beca studies her face for a few moments, wondering if she's getting bored, but she seems genuinely attentive. What a strange girl. 'Anyway, I thought we were doing fine with that – I was even starting to get used to her being around and getting used to her touching and stuff. And then, one day, she just tells me she's gotten tired of having to restrain herself and tries to kiss me.'

'Oh no,' says Danielle, her eyes widening comically. Beca gets the feeling she's being mocked, a little, but it's in a vaguely affectionate way so she just decides to press on.

'I know, right? Obviously I freaked out.'

'Obviously _._ '

'I mean, who does that? She barely gave me any warning about what she was going to do, didn't ask me out for a date first, nothing. Then there was that whole thing about "can't", or "won't".'

'What does that mean?'

'Exactly!' Beca exclaims.

'No, really. What does that mean?'

'Oh.' Beca fumbles with the thread of the conversation for a moment, trying to remember where she'd gotten to. She kind of got a bit caught up in her rant – Jesse hasn't let her ramble about Chloe as much anymore, and Aubrey and the other Bellas are Chloe's friend too, so she's been pretty limited in people to vent to. 'When I said I couldn't kiss her, she asked if I meant "can't", or "won't". Apparently won't means that I don't want to, while can't means that I want to, but I'm not ready. Or something like that.'

'Uh-huh,' Danielle comments. 'What happened to "shouldn't"? Beverly Knight would be ashamed.'

'Apparently that one was never a factor.'

Danielle snorts. 'So it would seem. Anyway, which one was it, can't, or won't?' Beca wonders how the hell she always seems to come back to this question. 'What did you tell her?'

'I don't know,' Beca mutters.

'How can you not know what you told her?'

'No, I mean I actually told her I didn't know.'

Danielle gives her a sympathetic expression. 'Neither, then?'

'What do you mean, neither?' asks Beca, curious.

At this point, Danielle leans back a little, adjusting her position on the wall so her legs are tucked under her. She says simply, 'You wanted to, and you  _were_  ready.'

Beca thinks about this, then shakes her head, frowning a little. 'No. I definitely wasn't ready.'

'But you wanted to?' Danielle questions.

'I - yeah…'

'And are you ready now? Could you do it if she asked you right now?'

Beca blinks at her, thinking of how awful the past few weeks have been without Chloe. If she had a chance to slap her past self and tell her to take the chances she's been given, she would. 'I think so… Maybe.' She bites her lip. 'Yeah, I could.'

'Well there you go!' Danielle looks delighted with herself. 'Now you know!'

'Did you just -' Beca stops to think over what she just said, her eyes widening. 'What the hell? Did you trick me with some weird mind trap?'

'Oh sweetie. I didn't have to trick you.' Danielle smiles at her, pleased with her role in this whole thing. 'I'm guessing this Chloe girl didn't take too well to you saying you didn't know at the time, though.'

Beca sighs. 'No. She's kind of given up on me, now. The only time we see each other these days is at Bella's practice like that isn't awkward enough.'

'Oh, the Bellas? The acapella group?' At Beca's nod, she makes a face. 'I saw a video online of them at the finals last year. Chloe isn't the one that puked everywhere, is she?'

'No, that's her friend Aubrey. Chloe's the ginger one.'

'I vaguely remember her.'

'She's really pretty. If you saw her properly you'd remember her.' Beca's about to launch into a deeper explanation of Chloe's wonderful physical qualities, when a girl and a boy holding hands come out of the house and Danielle leaps off the wall to greet them. She finds herself feeling disappointed, remembering that she'd said she could only talk until her friends came out.

'Hey, guys!' Danielle says. She tugs the two of them over to where Beca is still sitting. 'This is Beca. Beca, this is Louise and Nathan.' Nathan starts to wave, but Louise nudges him slightly and he lowers his arm. 'Beca's having problems with girls,' she explains to Louise, smiling widely.

Louise puts her hand on her hip, tutting with a disdainful look at Beca. 'Again, Danielle? You've got to stop doing this.'

'Er… doing what?' asks Beca.

'She fancies herself some kind of amateur therapist or a motivational coach, so she picks up lonely strays like you and tries to make them improve their lives or something.'

'Hey, I'm not a stray,' Beca protests, but it falls on deaf ears.

'Well, I needed something to do while you were macking on Nathan in the kitchen. I was bored. No offence,' she adds, to Beca, giving her an apologetic look.

'No problem,' says Beca, a little bemused at the turn the conversation has taken. 'Boredom is the best reason for altruistic therapy, I guess.'

Danielle laughs, while Louise simply looks uncomfortable. Nathan is staring off into the distance, obviously used to these sorts of situations with his girlfriend and her friend. 'There are drinks in the kitchen,' she tells Danielle sternly. 'You should go get one.'

'Can't you go get me one?' At Louise's pointed look, she sighs. 'Okay, fine. I can take a hint. I'll be inside in a moment – go wait for me.'

'Your friend is kind of a bitch,' Beca remarks thoughtlessly, once Louise has stormed off back into the house with Nathan at her heels.

'I know,' says Danielle glumly. 'Unfortunately that bitch is my ride home, so I should probably go after her.'

'Yeah, I should probably go find Jesse, too,' says Beca, realising she hasn't seen him for a while. 'He went away a while ago to get me a drink but never came back.'

But Danielle is shaking her head. 'Hell no. Screw that. You should go talk to this Chloe chick, or go to her place and fuck her brains out or something. Or maybe both. Either way, stop standing there looking sorry for yourself, or nice people like me will be inclined to start talking to you.'

Beca chuckles. 'Okay, I'll try. Maybe I'll call her. Might save the fucking one for another time, though.'

Danielle shrugs. 'Suit yourself. Anyway, I'm off or Louise'll come out and forcibly drag me away. Later, Beca. Good luck with your girl.'

Her girl, she finds herself musing as she watches Danielle walk away. That sounds kind of nice.

* * *

Of course, calling Chloe seems like a good idea when she's talking about it with some girl she hardly knows, but the reality of it is much more frightening. She spends a good ten minutes looking around for Jesse to delay the inevitable, but somehow doesn't find him anywhere.

She rushes of a few texts to him, all of which are ignored at first - but then she gets one saying  _'Saw u and that girl talking so didn't disturb. Bit busy rn! Talk 2 u lr. Call if u need me'_. Deciding she really would rather not know why he's busy and using so much text speak, she is left to her own devices.

And by devices, she means thoughts, and by thoughts, she means thoughts of Chloe.

For a while, she wonders whether she should try and find Danielle again. However while traversing the house in search of Jesse, strategically dodging drunk people scattered here and there, she happens to peek into the kitchen. The three of them are in there.

When Louise notices her, she gives her a dirty look which tells her that under no circumstances is she welcome, so she quickly discards that idea.

That just leaves Beca with one thing to do. Her hands start sweating at the very thought of it, but at the same time she's excited and there's a vicious jump in her stomach whenever she plays through the many ways this different conversation could go.

She returns to the spot in the garden she was in before with Danielle, which thankfully has emptied of people since she was last here. Perching once again on the garden wall she left not long ago – and wincing again at its freezing temperature on her butt – she takes out her phone and calls Chloe with shaking hands.

Or, she tries to. It takes her about five repeats of searching for Chloe's name in her address book, hovering over the call button then closing it down entirely before she can get the courage to actually press it. In the end, she only does it because her hands are starting to get numb from the cold and knows if she leaves it any longer then she'll never do it.

As she rings, she half hopes that Chloe won't actually pick up, that she's too busy to hear the phone or simply doesn't want to talk to Beca. Although the last one would suck, so she hopes it isn't that one.

The phone rings for such a long time that she starts to believe Chloe isn't there – but then, she hears Chloe uttering a confused, 'Beca?' in her ear.

'Hi,' responds Beca breathlessly. Goddamnit. Why is "hi" the only thing she can say to girls?

'Hi yourself…' Chloe's voice sounds wonderful after such a long time only hearing it speaking to someone else. Beca almost weeps, but that would be stupid so she doesn't.

(If anyone saw her wiping a tear from her cheek as she spoke, she'd blame it on the wind).

'Why are you calling?' Chloe asks, not beating around the bush. She doesn't sound angry or annoyed, but Beca gets the feeling she probably called at the wrong time. It is a Saturday night, after all. Beca can hear people talking around Chloe, so she obviously has better things to do, and isn't just sitting around moping thinking of her the way Beca is.

The thought drains any and all of her confidence so fast it's like it was never there.

Beca lets out a little laugh, sad and bitter. 'I don't know. This was stupid. Don't worry, I'll leave you to it.'

She makes to hung up, but then she hears Chloe's voice again, audible and pleading despite the loud background noise on Chloe's end of the phone call.

'No, Beca – please don't hang up.' Beca reluctantly puts the phone back to her ear, but on the other side so she can stuff her numb hand into her pocket to warm it up. 'Are you alright?' asks Chloe.

'Where are you? The line is really noisy on your end.'

'I'm just with a friend right now.' She hears her shouting for a moment. 'Can you keep it down a little? I'm on the phone. No, I'm not going outside, it's freezing!'

'It is,' Beca says with a little shiver. 'I'm outside right now… Are you with the Bellas?' Beca asks, feeling a little twinge of jealousy and irritation at the prospect of being left out.

'No, no,' Chloe assures her quickly. 'It's just someone in one of my classes… He invited me. Beca, are you okay?'

'I don't know.' Her sigh makes the phone line rustle a little. 'Jesse took me here because he said I needed to get out and have some fun, but now he's off flirting with girls. I'm kind of alone now.'

'Oh, Beca,' Chloe says softly, her voice almost getting carried away in the background din. 'Do you want me to come get you?'

'No, I'm fine.' Beca plays with a tiny tear in the leg of her jeans, wiping the sweat from her hand onto her thigh yet again.  _Be brave._ 'I just… wanted to hear your voice,' she says, her voice small. 'Is that okay?'

Chloe's voice is hesitant when she replies. 'It's … kind of awkward, right now, so -'

'Oh.' She swallows, her heart sinking yet again. 'Well, that's okay, I can call back another time.'

'No, Beca. I meant wait while I go outside.' She sounds amused. 'Do you ever wait for people to finish their sentences?'

'I thought you said it was cold outside.'

'I can bear it. For you.' Beca smiles. 'Plus, I have a coat.'

'Good plan. Coats are always good.' She waits; eventually the noise drops away, just leaving Chloe's voice on the line.

'Here we are… Now it's just you and me,' says Chloe. Beca imagines her smiling as she says it. 'So what made you call me?'

Beca considers spinning some lie or going into a long ramble about her feelings the way they do in Jesse's movies. In the end she decides on the middle ground; something true, but not something that'll send Chloe running away. Or Beca running away.

'I missed you,' Beca admits, her stomach tightening a little in fear as soon as she says it.

To her surprise, though. Chloe simply lets out a little breath, saying in a rush, 'I've missed you too, Beca. God, so much. It's been so hard not having you around.'

'Really?'

'Yes really. You don't know how much I…' She trails off, but Beca's imagination provides plenty of ways for the sentence to end. 'Well, in any case, I'm so happy you called me.'

'Me too. I wasn't sure if you'd pick up, to be honest. I thought you might still be angry with me.'

'You know I can't stay angry at you for long, Beca. You're just too cute,' she teases. Beca grins, a warmth spreading outwards from her stomach.

'I'm not cute. I'm badass.'

'Mmhm. Keep telling yourself that. You're about as badass as a cat with no legs, and about as dangerous.'

'Wow, thanks, Chloe. You know how to charm a girl, alright,' she says, snorting.

'I try.'

'And you succeed.'

They fall into a comfortable silence, the type Beca thought she'd never fall into with her again. She finds herself smiling in a way Chloe (not Beca, though) might describe "giddy", bringing her knees up to her chest as she listens to Chloe breathing on the other end of the line.

'I thought about it,' Beca says quietly, feeling her heart start to speed up with just those words. She forces herself to keep calm, to inhale and exhale, to not mess this up.

'Thought about what?'

She licks her lips, digs her nails into her arm again.  _Breathe_ , she thinks over and over, until her body relaxes and she can continue.

'What you asked me, before.' She clears her throat slightly. 'You know. Can't. Or… or won't.'

There's a long silence in which she thinks Chloe might've hung up; she actually checks the screen to make sure she's still there. Eventually, she hears Chloe let out a shuddering breath and realises she might be just as nervous about this whole thing as Beca is. 'And? What did you think about it?'

Beca swallows. 'Aubrey helped me, actually. I… sang my feelings, if you can believe it.'

'I can,' replies Chloe. 'What did you sing?'

'…  _Eternal Flame_.'

Chloe pauses, and then snorts and starts giggling, hard, making Beca flush. Her mouth quirks up in a smile nonetheless. 'Oh my God,' she pants, 'you are  _such_ a dork. Did you really sing that?!'

'Yes, unfortunately. And she already made fun of me for it, so I don't need you doing it too.'

'Will you sing it for me now?' Chloe asks excitedly.

'That's your solo, not mine, Beale.'

'So? Now it can be a duet.'

'Mmm… Maybe later.'

'Party pooper.' She hears Chloe make a raspberry down the phone and laughs. 'So. Eternal Flame? That's an interesting choice. Which of the two does that song correspond to?'

'What do you mean?' she asks, even though she already knows.

'What I asked you before. Can't, or won't?' She sounds very casual, but Beca can tell she's just trying to keep it together for Beca's sake.

Here's that infernal question again, which seems fated to follow her around constantly. She rather hates Chloe for ever thinking of it. Despite that, she knows Chloe just needs assurance, and to know where she stands with Beca – the same things she needs with Chloe.

She thinks of Danielle and what she told her earlier, and it gives her courage.

'It's neither.'

'… What?'

'It's not I can't, or I won't. It's I want to, and I can,' she says boldly, before immediately losing her boldness and feeling like she's going to lose her dinner instead. Oh God. She closes her eyes, trying to summon back the calm she had before, but Chloe's talking now and it's making it hard to focus.

'Oh my God,' says Chloe, sounding breathless. 'Are you saying what I think you're saying right now?'

'That depends,' says Beca shakily, unintentionally coy. 'What do you think I'm saying?'

Chloe growls. Actually growls. Beca's stomach shifts, heat flaring in her gut. 'Don't play around. Be straight with me.'

'I didn't think you'd want that,' Beca jokes weakly, but decides to be honest regardless. 'Yeah, Chloe. I am.'

She thinks she hears Chloe gulp.

'Excuse me…'

There's a little scream that makes Beca jump. 'Hello again,' says Chloe.

'What was that?!'

'Just me expressing my excitement,' says Chloe neutrally. 'I'm good now.'

'That was you screaming?'

'Yeah... Problem?'

'Maybe,' Beca finds herself saying teasingly, even as her heart is in her throat. 'Depends. Are you a screamer in general?'

She hears Chloe's breath catch and congratulates herself. 'Beca -'

Suddenly, Beca hears a voice from Chloe's end of the line: ' _Are you coming back inside, babe?'_

Her insides go icy cold. She knows that voice. She's only really heard it once, but that was enough. Enough for her to know instantly what's been happening where Chloe is, where she is and what she's been doing.

'Who's that?' Beca asks, her voice going high-pitched from fear.

'No-one,' says Chloe quickly. 'Give me a sec.' She hears the rumbling of a deep voice in the background, followed by murmurs from Chloe; she must have put her hand over the phone to stop Beca hearing what she was saying. Beca grips her phone tight, biting down on her knuckle.

'Who was that?' she asks again immediately, failing at keeping the tremor out of her speech.

'It was no one, Beca. I – just a friend, like I said, I'm with a friend right now.'

'Chloe, don't lie to me,' she whispers. 'Who was that?'

A beat, then Chloe replies hesitantly, 'Tom…'

Beca stomach squeezes unpleasantly. 'Tom? You're with him?'

'Not with him, with him!' Chloe assures her hurriedly. 'I'm just at his house.'

'Doing what?' Beca's voice is rising, in volume and pitch again. She's jumped off the wall without thinking, pacing around with one fist clenched to her chest.

'We're just talking! I promise you!'

'Then why did you lie to me? Why did you say he was just a friend?'

'Because I knew you'd respond like this!'

'Well gee, I wonder why! Considering he's some guy you used to fuck and you're  _with him_ , while you…' She trails off, her voice breaking. 'Forget it, I don't know why I bothered.'

'Beca calm down, please just let me explain -'

'No,' says Beca, feeling nausea rise up inside her. 'I can't, this was such a mistake… I…'

She doesn't even say bye, just hangs up on Chloe, sinking to the bottom of the wall and letting her phone fall to the floor beside her. Chloe's name flashes up on the screen; she lets it ring out several times before it stops completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all have Novak Fan to blame for this chapter. I was told to 'bring' the angst. ;) Consider it brought…
> 
> So here's the dealio, lady jammers. I'm of two minds about the chapter I have planned next. If I pick option A, I'll update tomorrow (hopefully) and there'll be much more angst. If B, not sure when I'll update, and (probably) less angst. I'm not asking for opinions, just letting you all know what's going on in the recallthelove world. Until then, my loves. Please don't hate me too much. :P
> 
> Oh, and because it occurred to me the other day – if you've reviewed anon, I'm sorry I haven't responded. I don't like to clutter up the story with answers to reviews so I just leave them. :( But I do appreciate them! I still have some reviews to reply to from last chapter, so expect one soon if you haven't had one.


	10. Chapter 10

 

The world and any sense of what she's doing with her life kind of drifts away from Beca after that phone call to Chloe, and she wanders aimlessly around the house, partly searching for Jesse, partly searching for somewhere she can collapse and curl up in the foetal position until she regains some sort of control of herself. Small, enclosed spaces have always been rather comforting to Beca… Perhaps because she's small herself and it makes her feel big. Whatever the reason, she always feels much more comfortable in them, be that under her duvet or an airing cupboard.

In the end Beca finds herself curled up in a walk-in pantry, of all places. It's cold and kind of dark (the light bulb is dying and keeps flickering), but it's the only place in the house that doesn't have people in it. Although a few people do wander in, she simply glares at them from the corner she's wedged in until they leave. For the most part, the shock of seeing a girl hiding in the back of a pantry hissing at them sends them stumbling straight back out.

She sits in the pantry for a good half an hour, maybe more – she doesn't check, and time is irrelevant when you're rocking back and forth and incoherently sobbing to yourself. It might be five minutes, for all she knows, but she feels like she's cried more in that five minutes than she has in her entire nineteen years of life.

The door suddenly opens and bangs against the brick wall opposite; Beca hunches over more, glowering at whoever has barged their way in, but when she realises who it is, her glare drops away to be replaced by an expression of surprise.

'Hey, isss Beca!' Stacie's lopsided grin and the obvious slur in her words give away her drunkenness. She props herself up against the wall with one hand, peering through the gloom at her fellow Bella.

'Stacie,' says Beca, shocked. 'What are you doing here?'

'I'm here for the party. I know Mark,' Stacie says, with a weird flicker of her eye that could be a wink, but might be her trying to get something out of it. Beca has no idea who Mark is, but assumes he owns the house or something. Stacie steps closer to Beca, neatly sidestepping a box near her feet only to nearly trip over one next to it. 'What're you doing down there shweetie?'

'Hiding,' she replies shortly, shrinking back just in case Stacie falls over and brings all the shelves down on her head. 'Go away, Stacie.'

'Really? Gonna join you if you don't mind. My feet are super painful from dancing and it looks super comfy down there,' Stacie complains, fiddling with the backs of her heels and rubbing at a slightly red patch where the strap is.

'Uh… yes? I do mind.' Stacie's not listening, though – instead she's flopping down next to Beca. She tries to stretch out her long legs, but the pantry is too narrow so she has to bend them to get comfortable. Unfortunately, this means Beca is less comfortable since Stacie's bare leg presses rather painfully into her own.

'It looked better before I sat down,' Stacie grumbles. She lets out a tired sigh, leaning her head back against a shelf of spices and closing her eyes. Beca tries to shift up into the corner to get some more room, but she's already shifted away too much and now has nowhere left to run. There is an exhausted Stacie flopped across the floor in between the door and her, and now she may never get out.

'Stacie,' she says coldly, 'I don't mean to be rude, but can you leave me the hell alone? I came in here for some privacy, not so you could follow me in here and set up camp as well.'

Stacie frowns at her, looking offended. 'Jesusss, Beca. That was pretty rude if you ask me! No need to be a bitch just 'cuz Chloe's getting some without you or whatever.'

In her heart Beca knows Stacie couldn't possibly know about Tom and Chloe, but the words still hurt. Beca rolls her head away to hide how much Stacie's blasé statement hit home. 'Whatever. Go away.'

' _Nah_. I'll stay here for a bit longer.' Stacie smoothes out one of the many wrinkles in her dress. 'You might go crazy and start murdering people if I leave you. I saw that in a movie once.'

'Stacie,' Beca says, practically whimpering as she leans her head in the corner created by the shelves and the wall, 'just leave…'

She can't see Stacie come closer, but she hears boxes falling off the wall and the rustle of material as she scoots nearer to Beca's crouched form. 'You crying, Bex?'

'No,' she snarls. 'I don't fucking cry.'

'Okay, non-crying Beca,' says Stacie blithely, 'you want a tissue for your invisible tears?'

After a moment, Beca sniffs. She whispers, 'Yeah, please.' A whole box is flung over Beca's shoulder into her lap. 'Where the hell did you get this from?' she wonders, deciding not to argue with fortune. Her face is getting kind of gross.

'It was on one of the shelves… Who keeps tissues in a pantry anyway? Mark's such a weirdo. Also there's all these paintings of dogs and birds on the walls. It's really creepy, I don't know him very well but I think he's a vet or owns a circus something.' Stacie keeps up a running, drunken commentary like this for a few minutes, allowing Beca time to wipe her eyes and blow her nose without feeling too self-conscious about it. 'I saw this guy out there with like the stupidest hair, too, he'd had a word shaved into it but his head was too small so it had to go onto two lines. So it just had like two letters on its own in the middle of his head. You good now by the way?' she adds on suddenly, her voice kind.

Beca swallows, her mouth dry from crying. 'Yeah. Thanks, Stacie.' She means it.

'Don't mention it.' Stacie yawns, bending her body so her legs curve past Beca and her shoulder is pressed into the wall, letting her head lean on Beca's back. She pays no attention to Beca suddenly stiffening. 'You're nice to lie on, you know,' she hums. 'You're all soft and stuff, even if you're like the size of my baby sister. She's twelve, by the way.'

'Stacie, get off, please…' Here we go again. She was just starting to think she might be able to deal with Stacie being in here with her.

'No way. I'm totally comfy.'

The door opens again; a dishevelled looking boy is standing there, gaping at the two of them in such a cozy (on Stacie's part) position.

'Sorry, occupied,' Stacie tells him, shooing him away. He blinks at them for a few moments, then grins and shuts the door on them.

Beca sighs and jerks her body forward, causing Stacie to nearly fall over and faceplant into the cold tiled floor.

'Wow, unnecessary!' Stacie huffs, sitting back upright again.

'I don't like being touched.'

'Oh yeah! I forgot,' says Stacie, remembering. 'You let Chloe touch you, though. I always found that weird.'

'Chloe's different…'

Except Chloe's not different at all, Beca remembers, feeling the bile rising up in her throat again. She has the ability to hurt Beca, just like everyone else does, and in the end she got tired of waiting around for Beca too.

'Well, sure.' Beca glances back over her shoulder; Stacie lets out another languid yawn, rolling her head on her shoulders. 'I'm not even really into girls but I'd totally let Chloe touch me anyway she wanted if she asked… You're lucky, Beca.'

Beca scoffs, turning back to the little corner she's wedged herself in. 'Yeah right.'

'No but  _really_ ,' Stacie says, almost whining. 'Sex is awesome 'n' all, totally not giving that up any time soon… but I'd kill for someone to look at me like Chloe looks at you sometimes.' Stacie pauses, frowning at a box of cereal she just randomly picked up. 'I hate this shit, tastes like carpet and not in a good way,' she says, throwing it back before she effortlessly picks up the topic of the conversation again. Beca marvels at her ability for non sequiturs. 'And… how she looks at you when you guys think no one's looking, but really we all are because you're  _super_  fun to watch! It's like a movie or somethin'.'

'How does Chloe look at me?' Beca asks despite herself, immediately cursing her own curiosity.

'Weelll.' Stacie cocks her head, thinking about it. 'That depends. Sometimes she looks at you like you're a cute little puppy she wants to cuddle,' Stacie says. 'Or sometimes like you're a puppy that's crapped in her shoes but you're too cute to tell off. And sometimes she looks at you like you're naked or she's wishing you were. Sometimes all three.' Her face scrunches up in confusion. 'But in a cute, sexy kinda way, not like a naked puppy. That's bestiality.'

'Naked?' says Beca in disbelief, turning around fully to make sure Stacie isn't lying.

'Yep.' Stacie nods wisely, and says it again, enjoying the feel of the word in her mouth. ' _Naked_. She does it all the time.'

'Wow. Um. Really?' Beca can feel her face getting warm, and isn't sure it's just because the cupboard is so humid.

'Yep. It's pretty hot,' Stacie admits, letting some of her weight fall against Beca and pinning Beca's leg to the floor with her knee. 'I'm not that into girls, but… I don't know, something about you guys… Kind of a turn on.'

Beca lets out the breath she'd been holding without knowing it. 'Well, it doesn't really matter anymore,' she says finally. 'Chloe doesn't want me anymore.'

'What?' Stacie looks at her incredulously. 'Yeah she does.'

'Nope. She's with  _Tom_.' Her fist clenches on her leg unconsciously; Stacie notices and pokes her fingers until she relaxes.

'What, like, dating? Or just sex?'

'No.' Beca draws her legs in (pulling it out from underneath Stacie's with difficulty) and wraps her arms around them. 'I don't know what they're doing together and I don't care.'

'Yeah you do,' Stacie points out bluntly. 'Or you wouldn't be sitting in a pantry.'

'Fuck off,' Beca snaps without thinking. The sudden wave of anger that passes through her dissipates as suddenly as it comes, and the next thing she knows she's sniffing back tears again, burying her face in her knees to hide them. Stacie pats her vaguely on the shoulder, a touch which she shrugs off.

'Don't cry, Beca,' she says. 'Or do cry, sometimes that helps. Whichever is better.'

'Can't you just leave me alone?'

Her voice is all weak and watery. God, she sounds so pathetic right now.

'No. If I left you alone and you jumped off a cliff or something, Chloe would kill me.'

'Chloe doesn't give a  _fuck_  about me.' The swear is relieving, even if the words aren't.

'That's not true,' Stacie replies patiently. 'She wants to fuck you. There's a difference.'

Despite herself, Beca laughs. She grabs another tissue and wipes ineffectually at her face; Stacie takes it off her, to her weak protests.

'You've got make up all over your face,' Stacie tells her gently. 'Let me handle this.'

Beca lets her, if only because she has no idea what disaster crying has left on her face. Stacie's touches are light and in a way, soothing; even if Beca can't imagine how much she's removing with a dry tissue and so little pressure, she decides to just shut her eyes and allow herself to relax for a few moments.

Hard to believe that only half an hour ago, she was speaking to Chloe, and things seemed to be going so well. She'd actually opened up for once, been brave and let Chloe in, and had it all thrown back in her face in a matter of seconds. And if Tom hadn't come out at that time, she might never have known she was there at all. Was Chloe ever planning to tell her? Would she just have lied to Beca's face and pretended she'd never thought about anyone else in the time they'd been apart, when she took Beca on dates and kissed her?

'Don't cry again, you'll make it worse,' Stacie murmurs to her. Beca obediently tightens her jaw, pressing her lips together in an effort to stop the tears coming. She concentrates on Stacie's movements, which seems to calm her somewhat since it gives her something outside of this whole situation to focus on.

Eventually, Stacie's dabbing slows to a stop. Beca opens her eyes to find Stacie staring at her, an odd expression on her face and the tissue hovering in mid-air an inch away from her cheek.

'What?' Beca asks, her voice a little husky. She coughs lightly to clear it.

'Nothing. You're done.' Stacie throws the tissue aside, where it lands haphazardly among the boxes and shelves for someone else to clean up - but she's still looking at Beca in that strange way. Searching her face. Blinking at her slowly. A tiny frown on her face.

In a way, it kind of reminds Beca of the way Chloe looked at her before she…

Oh no.

With a jolt of fear, Beca immediately sees how the rest of her time in this pantry is going to pan out. She knows where this is going, her mind knows where it's going and so does her body but neither is doing anything to stop it, simply paralysing her from her head to her feet. Feasibly she could throw off Stacie's leg right now, jump over her and run out of the pantry, but the realisation of what's going to happen saps the ability to move from her limbs.

Stacie's face is closer now, she knows that, can feel it from the way the air gets a little colder when Stacie sucks in a breath. Her voice drops into a lower register when she speaks. 'Hey, Beca?'

'Hngh?' is Beca's well thought out response.

Stacie's face drifts closer to Beca's, her eyes half-lidded and unfocused. 'Do you think…'

Beca desperately tries to summon some saliva into her mouth so she can speak, trying not to panic because Stacie's face is really close to hers, and shit, shit, fuck, what, what's happening…

'Mrh?' she says, just as eloquently as before.

Stacie leans even closer, if possible, so her nose nearly brushes Beca's. She pulls back, but Stacie follows, squinting at her in the dark. 'D'you think…'

'Stacie… what?'

She exhales and it washes over Beca's skin, the familiar smell of unidentified alcohol cold on her face. Beca bites her lip, breathing hard and fast and clenching her fists so hard her nails make half moon crescents in her palm.

Stacie asks, 'Do you think Donald wears boxers… or briefs?'

_What?_

'What?!'

Suddenly the pantry door breaks open, flooding it with light for a moment before a whole pile of boys falls through to the floor. Stacie and Beca watch, speechless as the one at the head of the pile lifts his head. Seeing the proximity of the girls in front of him, his face brightens like all his birthday wishes just came true at once.

'Lesbians!' he slurs gleefully, using the head of one of his friends as a way to help him to his knees. 'Kiss some more! This party is  _awesome_!'

Stacie and Beca exchange look, sharing the same disgusted expression. Quickly, Beca jumps to her feet, pulling Stacie with her. The combination of blood rush and the alcohol still in Stacie's system makes her stumble, but Beca yanks her upright and through the door, making sure to step on every one of the boys on the way out.

'Beca,' Stacie pants, struggling to keep up with Beca's frantic pace as she shoves her way through the small crowd of people lingering in the kitchen. Stacie stops, presumably to smile at some boy somewhere – Beca doesn't care, she just continues on her way, her anger and frustration creating a path in the people along the way. 'Beca, stop!'

Beca doesn't stop until she's bulldozed her way through to the front door and bursts out into the cold night. It's not gotten any warmer, but the cold does its job of breaking through the bubble of emotion that's been built up over all the events of tonight, and she has to lean against the wall to catch her breath and stop herself from completely losing it, yet again.

Stacie runs out after her a few moments later, grinding to a halt in front of her. She grabs Beca's arm, but she throws her off.

'Couldn't you have just left me alone?' Beca shouts at her, although it really just comes out as an angry whimper. 'I'm already having a terrible night, and then you have to go and do  _that_ and make things even worse -'

'Beca, shut up,' Stacie says suddenly, clapping her hand over Beca's mouth. She lets out a muffled noise of indignation, trying to get Stacie to loosen her hold, but she won't let go. She says urgently, 'Beca,  _Chloe's here._ '

Beca falls limp, her eyes widening at Stacie's words. 'Here?' she asks, but Stacie's hand is still covering her lips so what she says is 'Mreeh?'

'Oh, sorry,' says Stacie, taking her hand away.

'She's here? How the hell did she find out where I was? Where is she?' Beca asks, already spinning on her heel and about to head back inside.

'I saw her in the kitchen,' says Stacie, 'that's why I tried to get you to stop.'

Beca freezes. 'In the kitchen?' she says, turning to Stacie slowly. 'So did she see…'

'See what?' When Beca runs back inside, she shouts after her, 'See what, Beca?!'

The people still picking themselves up from when Beca nearly ran over them the first time immediately step out of her way when she comes back inside, which makes it much easier to push past back into the kitchen. The boys that had fallen into the pantry earlier are still there, and their eyes brighten when they see Beca again – but she pays them no heed, because Stacie was right.

Chloe is here. And the way she's looking at Beca suggests she probably  _did_ see, and is probably assuming they did exactly what Beca thought they were going to.

'Shit,' Beca breathes, coming to a stop.

Chloe unfolds her arms, stepping away from the countertop she'd been leaning against and coming towards Beca. 'That would probably be an appropriate reaction,' she responds coldly. When Beca opens her mouth, Chloe cuts her off, every word flat and emotionless. 'Before you ask, I texted Jesse to see where you were and get the address. When I got here there was a whole crowd of people outside that door saying there were lesbians making out, and/or having sex inside it. And wow, my surprise when you and  _Stacie_ came out of it not five minutes later.'

Beca pales. 'We weren't -'

Chloe holds up her hand. 'You know what, Beca? I came to  _apologise_  for lying to you, even if you totally got the wrong idea about what was going on _._ I guess I don't need to do that now.'

She starts to walk away to muted cheers from the boys; Beca seizes her hand and tries to turn her back. 'Chloe, wait! Let me explain!'

'Oh, like  _you_  let me explain what was going on?' Chloe snarls, shaking Beca's hand away. She's storming out of the house into the front garden the way Beca did only moments ago (the people immediately ducking for cover and parting to let them through again), with Beca scuttling after her. Chloe shouts back to her over her shoulder to Beca, sarcasm dripping from every word. 'Guess what, you were wrong! I wasn't making out with Tom, or having sex with him, or anything else you thought I was doing! I was literally just hanging out with him, trying to take my mind off  _you_. I didn't tell you because I thought you might get jealous.' She laughs contemptuously. 'I'm so glad you proved me wrong.'

'Chloe, this isn't what you think it is -'

Chloe rounds on her, her face pink with fury. 'Was this a game to you, the whole time? Chloe has to work and beg for every little scrap of attention she can get from you, while you make out with Stacie, no problem?'

'I wasn't making out with her!' Beca yells, finally able to get the sentence out without Chloe cutting her off.

'So what  _were_  you doing with her?' Chloe demands. 'Hugging her? Fucking her? Playing Scrabble? What?'

'None of those things!' says Beca desperately. 'We were just talking at first - about you! She was leaning in like she was going to kiss me, and I honestly thought she was going to. But then instead of doing that, she asked whether I thought Donald wore boxers or briefs!'

That stops Chloe, catching her off guard mid-eye roll. 'What?' says Chloe blankly.

'That was exactly my thought!' Beca lets out a relieved laugh, thankful that Chloe seems to be grasping the absurdity of the situation. She puts her hands on Chloe's biceps, trying to keep her in place so she won't run away again. 'I didn't know what the fuck she was talking about!'

'So… you  _weren't_  kissing?' Chloe asks slowly.

' _No_. I promise. I wouldn't do that!'

Chloe sucks her bottom lip into her mouth then releases it, her eyes searching Beca's. 'But…' No, no, no buts, Beca says, cursing inside her head. 'Did you  _want_  to kiss her?'

Beca's immediate instinct is to say no, of course. And it's the truth. But there's a tiny, niggling bit of doubt in her mind - the bit usually reminding her how worthless she is - that tells her, 'Well actually, you weren't really pulling away, were you?'

She stumbles on what should be a confident 'No', and her hesitation says it all for Chloe.

Chloe's face falls. She wrenches herself away from Beca. 'I can't believe you,' she hisses, disgusted. 'I actually cannot believe you right now. You block me out because you think I'm sleeping with Tom – wrongly, might I add - so you think this is the best way to get back at me? Well, congrats, Beca.' She fans out her fingers at her sides. 'You did it. You hurt me. Nice one.'

'Why are you being like this?' Beca asks, frustrated. 'You're not my girlfriend!'

From the way Chloe stops abruptly, it was obviously the wrong thing to say. She storms over, getting right up in Beca's face and jabbing a finger into her chest.

'No, I am not your girlfriend, Rebecca Jolene Mitchell, but I  _am_  your best friend! And when I, as your best friend, spend  _every_   _last_   _moment_  of my time with you worrying whether I'm overstepping boundaries and trying to value your personal space, and  _then_ find you actually letting some other girl all over you who - all respect to Stacie - you aren't even close to, I think I'm entitled to get a little upset, don't you think?!'

It strikes Beca that she's never really seen Chloe get  _angry_  before. She's lost her temper with Beca several times now, even gotten a little bitchy, but not furious the way she is now. She thinks she knows why – Chloe is one of those people who can't help the tears brimming in their eyes as they shout, the trembling of their lip. She cares too damn much about people to make her anger cold and unemotional, to keep her distance from the issue even when badly hurt, and that's probably why she's on the verge of tears right now.

Beca, for her part, is not the same way with her anger. For her, it's a simple process; if she's attacked, she attacks right back.

'You'd be entitled to get upset if any of that shit about valuing my personal space were true!' Beca yells, pushing Chloe's finger away. 'Spending every last moment worrying about overstepping boundaries? Can you hear yourself? Is that seriously what you believe you do?'

Chloe's mouth drops open. 'Excuse me?! Beca, I've tried so hard to respect you -'

'Yeah, key word there: tried!' Beca snarls. 'Once you got bored of that, though, oh no, it was suddenly all my fault for not trying hard enough, wasn't it? If I needed space one day, then I was just reverting back to old habits. If I couldn't kiss you, that was me being difficult. That was me pushing you away just because I enjoyed it. Isn't that right?'

'I never said that -' Chloe starts, but Beca interrupts her.

'You didn't have to! It was written on your face every time I wasn't responding to you in exactly the way you wanted me to, every time I didn't magically start getting better for you.'

To Beca's (only mildly sadistic) pleasure, Chloe is starting to look uncomfortable, and from the way she isn't saying anything to argue back now, Beca knows her words are hitting home.

'You told me I was stringing you along, giving you breadcrumbs to pick up, teasing you. You know what those breadcrumbs were for me? Do you?' she challenges, but Chloe just shakes her head, her lip caught between her teeth. 'That was me trying to act like  _you_. Trying to be as confident and happy with my body, with interacting with other people, as you are. Except I can't, because I just don't work that way.'

Beca realises she's basically been yelling at Chloe again; she lets her voice drop to a lower volume. Unfortunately, without the cloak of anger and sheer noise to bolster her words, her voice starts cracking a little with emotion as she speaks. 'I've spent this whole time thinking I was letting you down. Like whenever I couldn't deliver if you asked me questions I wasn't ready for, or asked me to do things I wasn't ready for, I was failing you. And I  _was_  trying, I promise you. I might have been sarcastic the whole time, but you know as well as I do that's just a defence mechanism.'

Beca instinctively reaches up to wipe a tear off Chloe's cheek, rubbing the slight wetness between her index finger and thumb.

'I'm never going to be enough for you,' she continues quietly. 'You need someone that won't hold back for you. It was a mistake to tell you I could do this. I was wrong, I can't. As long as I'm like this I don't deserve you.' She smiles slightly. 'Don't tell Aubrey she was right.'

'Beca,' Chloe croaks, catching her hand before it falls to her side and grasping it in her own. 'I'm so sorry, I -'

'Don't apologise,' Beca interrupts, squeezing her hand and letting it go. 'You didn't do anything wrong, really. Just expected more of me than I could give you…' She sighs. 'Chloe, if this evening told me anything, it's that I'm gonna keep fucking up like this, and I'm gonna keep assuming, and I'm gonna keep hurting you. This isn't me being afraid of what I  _might_  do to you. I've pretty much already proved to myself it's a certainty.'

Chloe's crying now, silent tears streaming down into her collar. Beca hesitates, then leans up and kisses her on the cheek, tasting the slight saltiness and feeling how cold her skin is underneath her lips.

'You should go home,' she tells her. 'Are you going to be alright driving?'

'Beca,' Chloe sobs, making Beca's heart squeeze a little. 'Can't we just try again?'

'I want to,' Beca replies honestly. 'I want to try so much for you, and I have been. But I'm not enough, and I don't think I ever will be.' She kisses Chloe again, lingering this time; before she pulls away, though, she whispers, 'I didn't want to kiss Stacie. I only want to kiss you. That's what I meant to say earlier… Go home, Chloe.'

* * *

When Jesse comes to get Beca fifteen minutes later – after a short text only saying ' _Front garden'_  - he finds her huddled up in a ball by the gate, absolutely freezing and with tear stains on her cheeks.

'Jesus Christ, I leave you alone for five minutes…' Jesse mumbles, jogging over to help her up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, girls. Sometimes things need to get worse to get better, I suppose. Chloe has things she needs to work on, too. Speaking of, next chapter will be from her POV – I've resisted doing this, but at this point I think it could be important. Hope that's not a problem for you guys; if you hate the idea I'll scrap it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait, dudes, had some trouble writing this one.
> 
> In a way, this could in some ways work as a stand-alone (well, until the end perhaps). Again with a slightly odd format – it's kind of a mishmash of present day scenes, Chloe's general thoughts on Beca, and things that happened in the past. Chloe cannot be contained in a linear style, apparently, she just bursts out all over the page. (ew)
> 
> This chapter is a rather heavy T, bordering on M, for a few (very few, don't get excited) sexual references.
> 
> Slight warning for some implied self harm (not for Chloe or Beca). I'm sorry, this got a tiny bit dark in places without me really intending it.

Semi-finals come and go. And so does Beca.

It all happens so quickly that Chloe struggles to process it all. Aubrey tells Beca to ask the others what they thought of her improvisation, and for a moment, Beca's eyes flit to Chloe's. Begging for her to help, to stand up to Aubrey, to say… well, anything at all. They haven't spoken much in recent times, but here she is, still looking to Chloe for support.

What Chloe  _wants_  to say is that she thought it was beautiful. The mixing Ace of Base and La Roux was something she never would've considered on her own, and despite the odd choice, it works, even if it threw Chloe off momentarily. That her body is still tingling from the way Beca managed to fit her voice in with Aubrey's. That, actually, she's still kinda turned on from the whole thing, because Beca's voice does things to her that she can't explain; that Beca's raw talent for picking apart music and putting it back together is her new lady jam.

But she falters when she sees the way Aubrey is glaring at her, and regretfully averts her eyes. So Beca turns to Amy instead… and things spiral from there.

By the time Chloe gets the courage up to say anything, it's too late; 'Aubrey, don't,' Chloe starts to say, but Beca cuts her off.

'No, that's okay. You don't have to pretend like you have a say in the group, right?'

The words cut deeply, deeper than just the meaning would suggest - because it's Beca and she knows she's right.

* * *

(Chloe has always had a kind of weakness for basket cases.

It's not really something she enjoys, or has much control over. It's not even necessarily about attraction, but her rather exuberant enthusiasm for making people smile, especially people who aren't prone to it. It's just a thing, something she has to put up with and curb occasionally. Maybe more than occasionally, even. Just, sometimes she sees someone with a dark, down expression and her heart starts aching.

Kate was one, when Chloe was just an overly cheerful, wide-eyed freshman trailing after her stiletto heels in an effort to keep up, Kate's bag clutched between her hands. Kate was one of those girls, mysterious and moody, prone to always having a cigarette constantly caught between her lips and sitting on the steps in the most obtrusive way possible.

Maybe she just wanted girls to trip down the steps so she could make jokes about them falling head over heels for them with a perfectly arched eyebrow, which is what she did to Chloe. She was a goner from that moment on.

Her younger brother, Luke, for all of his rock-hard abs and his English accent, was an embarrassment to his sibling, and he felt it acutely. Maybe that was why Chloe got on so well with him. They could share in that niggling desire to please Kate, who could never be pleased.

Kate was a conflict, an oxymoron, and Chloe loved her with every fibre of her being. Kate had a constant scowl contorting her features but a smile that could make Chloe blush and soak through her jeans without even touching her. Kate had a vicious tongue that could reduce her to tears – and did regularly - but she could make Chloe swoon, practically in the same sentence. Kate disliked kids, and people in general but she wanted to be a teacher.

Kate loved music, but she wasn't a singer, and she thought acapella music was dumb.

Aubrey probably would've hated her from the start, if she even knew Kate existed. Maybe that's why she kept it a secret. Maybe she just didn't want Aubrey to try and get her to stop, even though she knew what she was doing wasn't healthy. 

But whatever the reason, there was Chloe's life with  _Aubrey -_  study sessions, two hour rehearsals every day, smiles and hugs - and her life with  _Kate_ , where she came home wiping her smudged lipstick and hiding hickeys and tear tracks with make up.

The two could never meet.)

* * *

'Well, she's hardly wrong, is she?' Aubrey argues, during their fourth discussion dissecting every comment and facial movement made by Beca in their last encounter. 'She probably would mess up, and I'd be the one to clean up the mess. Personally, I think you've made a lucky escape and should count your blessings.'

'How can you be so two-faced?' Chloe snaps, finally asking the question that has been hovering in her mind for weeks now. 'I thought you were starting to like her, or at least respect her a bit more.'

Aubrey's face is expressionless when she speaks. 'Chloe, I gave her three strikes before she was out, which is more than I give most people when they make you cry repeatedly. I even gave her advice and help with her feelings, because I knew how much you liked her and wanted things to work out. Then she pulled that stunt with the Bellas. I have no need for someone like her in my life.' She puts her hand on Chloe's shoulder, heavy and warning. 'And I don't think you do, either.'

"Someone like her". She knows what that means coming from Aubrey. Someone who makes Chloe cry – though rarely intentionally - makes her unsure of herself, never lets her in fully. Aubrey had been absolutely furious to hear the full details (after a whole four years of half-lies and half-truths) about her secret relationship with Kate and vowed to never let her fall into such a trap again. But she needn't have worried. Chloe doesn't need  _that_ in her life anymore, and she'll make sure she never has to again.

For Chloe, though, "someone like her" means someone unbelievably sweet when she sets her mind to it, always caring and looking out for her in the most unexpected ways; someone who can flash her a tiny smirk and make her knees weak; someone who is a little damaged, maybe, but not enough that Chloe can't love her despite her jagged edges.

She's still working out how to avoid catching herself on them. But she wants to learn, because the alternative is nothing.

* * *

(If Beca is a little jagged, Kate was barbed wire that Chloe kept willingly throwing herself into.

It wasn't masochism that drew her to Kate, or even some twisted attraction to people who were wrong for her. No, that would probably make more sense than the real reason why Chloe never left. It was a blundering, misguided kind of altruism - a desire to put this broken woman back together, who cried into Chloe's hair when she thought she was asleep and sometimes went days at a time without contacting anyone until her girlfriend came anxiously knocking at her door.

Every morning - assuming Kate actually stayed over -Kate would bluntly tell her that someone was probably going to get hurt here, if they went on like this.

'No,' Chloe would reply, placing a careful kiss on Kate's fingers and wincing as she did when the tender skin on her arm snagged a little on the bed sheets. 'I would never hurt you.'

Somehow it never occurred to Chloe that Kate was perfectly capable of hurting her, too.)

* * *

Her throat is getting sorer every day, and somehow whenever she feels that constant little ache in her neck it always reminds her of Beca (as though she needs any more reason to think of her).

She was always quite caring when it came to Chloe's nodes, which in all honesty, rather surprised her. Most of the Bellas stopped commenting when they realised Chloe wasn't going to stop singing, so she got barely more than a sympathetic glance here and there or a cursory question.

Even Aubrey stopped, after a time. Which isn't to imply Aubrey doesn't care – but like Chloe, she wants to win this competition more than anything, and instead of regarding it like a medical condition (it's painful, therefore not worth it) the way Beca does, Aubrey seems to see it more as a hurdle Chloe has to get past. An obstacle, something she can overcome with lots of water and tea and vocal rest.

Maybe that's an exaggeration. Maybe Chloe's being too hard on her, in the wake of their seventh conversation about Beca while getting ready for Spring Break, where she pretty much told Chloe she was not "allowed" to consider Beca's "hijacking" of the semi-finals anywhere near the vicinity of "cool" or "inspired".

'In fact,' Aubrey said as she slammed the lid of her suitcase closed, 'If I hear Beca's name mentioned one more time, I don't even know what I might do.'

Chloe had narrowed her eyes and said simply, 'Beca.'

Aubrey glared at her and yanked her suitcase upright, slamming the door behind her on the way out.

Exaggeration or not, though. Aubrey definitely never worries as much about it as Beca does. Aubrey's worried eyes don't follow the movement of her hand as she rubs it over her throat. She doesn't gently try to persuade her not to sing, or remind her to rest her voice when it starts straining. She doesn't quote stories or optimistic statistics about vocal nodules that she found on Google, her eyes never understanding why Chloe carries on but understanding that it's important to her.

Then again, now Beca doesn't do any of those things, either.

* * *

(Chloe had been so pleased, so happy when Kate started opening up to her. After all, it was a whole two months of back and forth before she got anywhere at all besides sitting silently with her on the steps between her classes, declining the proffered cigarettes because she needed to take care of her voice.

Except, opening up for Kate wasn't quite letting Chloe in emotionally so much as letting her into her bed. Not that she complained much at the time, because  _wow_ , and to 19-year-old Chloe's mind there was no way she could touch Chloe like  _that_ without it meaning anything. A tongue at her ear and three fingers inside her was love... or something.

Except Kate started letting her bed out to other people, too. And Chloe forgave her the first three times she found out, and the next three, before in the end it was Kate that stopped it, because in her brusque words, 'This is dumb. I'll see you around, maybe.'

Aubrey was the one to pick up the pieces when Kate left, because there was no one else to turn to. In the end she'd admitted she'd been seeing someone secretly, as Aubrey would not take "hormones" as a solid excuse for why Chloe was sobbing in her bed every night.

And if she just happened to leave out the fact that Kate was a woman? If she only referred to Kate as with gender ambiguous pronouns? Well, that wasn't her fault. If Aubrey had been more perceptive she might have worked it out.

What Aubrey did do was yell. What she did was call her out on the fact they were meant to be close enough to share secrets like these and help each other through them. But she cried too when Chloe broke down, and held her, and stroked her hair until she calmed down, and told her she'd never let her get this hurt again.

Suffice to say, Aubrey's been insanely disapproving of anyone Chloe has ever liked since. Not that she's met many of them, because neither she nor they stay long enough to really do the "meeting the best friend" thing, but she still remembers their names: Andy. Jack. Paolo. And a whole range of girls with dusty blonde hair with mouths that taste like ashtrays that she just ends up crying on until they walk off, disgusted, or awkwardly excuse themselves.

Then there's Tom, of course.

Tom lasts the longest because Tom's  _easy_.

Tom's happy.

Tom smiles like,  _all the time_ , and even though his kisses are kind of heavy and he uses too much tongue and his hands gravitate to her ass far too much for her liking, there's no difficulty in being with Tom. She doesn't need to worry about getting a call in the middle of the night that will split her world in two, or being dumped after a whole six months of always being there for him, or anything like that.

It's easy.

It's happy.

It's also immensely boring being with Tom.

Is that selfish of her?

Maybe, but evidently Chloe was never one to take the easy way out.)

* * *

Chloe goes home for Spring Break, and finds a distinct lack of sympathetic ears to her situation - even her mother, who has always been very intrigued and interested in Beca when they spoke about her on the phone, is finding it difficult to really understand the issue.

'So let me get this straight,' says her mother slowly, creaming sugar and butter together with one hand and holding the recipe book open at a page she knows off by heart with the other. She likes to be sure she's doing it properly. 'You and Beca aren't talking because she  _didn't_  actually kiss some girl, and because she told you she's not good enough for you, you've given up.'

'Mom,' Chloe whines. 'You're missing the point entirely. I haven't given up, I just have no idea what to do. Flour,' she adds, when her mother's head starts to lean towards the book again.

'I'm sorry, sweetheart,' she says, shaking her head and picking up the bag of flour. 'I don't get the issue, here. Why can't you just speak to her? She obviously needs a friend more than anything, and it seems like you were one of the only ones she had.'

Chloe grumbles, more out of an obligation to teenage rebellion against parental advice, but inside she knows her mom is right. She's always right.

* * *

(If Beca knew anything about how Chloe felt about her when they first met, she would scoff. 'So cliché,' she'd tell Chloe with a scrunched up nose, 'no one really feels like that in the real world, let alone about me.'

No one except Chloe, because she seems to get every romantic trope in the book upon seeing Beca for the first time. Butterflies in her stomach. The sun hitting Beca's hair just right, casting an ethereal glow on her skin; almost like a halo, Chloe would've described it. She swore she heard angels sing when she looked at Beca.

And okay, maybe the butterflies are nerves from the way Aubrey keeps losing her smile whenever someone walks past their stall without a second thought, and it's a sunny day so pretty much everyone has the sun on their face. And  _maybe_ the 'angels' singing are the Treblemakers belting out 'Let It Whip' behind them.

But her breath catching in her chest and her heart rate speeding up? That's all Beca.)

* * *

She nearly emails, texts or calls Beca several times, swapping between self-righteous anger at Beca for giving up on them so easily, to breaking down asking for forgiveness for messing up, to a mixture of both.

She sends none of them, except for one her thumb slipped on as she was halfway through deleting it, and of course it's the rambling, nonsensical one she wrote while on the way to being drunk with some of her friends from back home. None of them know about Beca, or even that Chloe is into women, so she couldn't have asked them to stop her.

_gry at you sometimes but I know how youre struggling with this whole thing and all I want to do s hold you and kiss you and make everything disappear for you, you dont know how much i love you but i wish you did cuz then you might want me back_

_?_ was what she got back from Beca, which is when she realised what she'd sent – she nearly dropped her phone in shock.

 _Sorry,_ she texted back frantically, t _hat wasnt meant for you_

* * *

(As soon as Chloe is told she isn't really allowed to touch Beca, it's like her fingers can't stop twitching when she gets within two feet of her forbidden object. She tries, she really does, but her body seems to have a mind of its own. It's more than a  _desire_  to touch or even be physically near to Beca. It's a visceral  _need_  to always be in contact with her, like,  _all the time_ , to feel the reality of her underneath her fingertips and know she's really there.

She's so perfectly formed; every time Chloe even holds Beca's hand in her own she practically starts hyperventilating. It's the brush of soft skin on her own, the delicate bones and dexterity contained in such small, powerful hands that could give her a solid right hook just as much as they can run gently across her cheek. Chloe's mouth dries up just looking at them, feeling them sliding between her own, imagining them on her skin, tangling in her hair, guiding her lips.

She comes away feeling like she needs a cold shower just breathing the same air as Beca, and comes every other night muttering Beca's name under her breath with the sounds of Titanium blasting in her ears.

Beca cannot know any of this, so she tries her best to keep her hands to herself in case the sheer want she feels shows in the brush of her hands up and down Beca's arms, what's meant to be a comforting gesture.)

* * *

Her surgery is booked for the following week.

Chloe considers calling Beca numerous times but every time she's about to her throat starts hurting again, and suddenly she has the perfect excuse not to do it. Even if she's scared out of her mind at the idea of losing any part of her voice. Even if she just wants to break down in tears and beg Beca for forgiveness, because for some reason she craves Beca's touch even miles away; her awkward hands that don't know where to settle on Chloe's body but do their best to reassure her anyway. Beca has no clue how to comfort someone, either with words or physical gestures, but she manages to do it for Chloe anyway.

She doesn't call Beca. What she  _does_ do is make a Facebook status about it using a friend group with just Beca in it, so she is the only one who can view it. Maybe it's immature, but Chloe certainly feels pretty young and helpless right now, so she can be excused.

Beca doesn't comment directly, but she does make a status that makes it a little easier for Chloe to sink back into the hospital pillows as she awaits her surgery.

_Good luck._

* * *

(Chloe's the sort of girl who swoons over Darcy and Elizabeth's relationship, sobs for hours over the Titanic and The Notebook, grumbles at the inevitability of one of the girls dying in lesbian films but still can't take her eyes off the screen. It's love against the odds – who doesn't love that? Aubrey rolls her eyes at her little collection, but she'll still join in and cry along with her.

Yet, Chloe hates Romeo and Juliet (okay, fine, she still loves it, but not as much as some). They're just stupid kids falling in love at first sight, and if they took more than five minutes to actually think about the situation instead of thinking with their crotches the whole thing would have been avoided.

The irony is lost on her.)

* * *

She gets the text from Aubrey while recovering from surgery, a whole three days of silence. Chloe plans to send it on to Beca there and then; she even gets so far as typing out the text with a huge grin on her face the entire time.

But at the last moment, she stops, takes a breath and deletes the whole thing.

Would Beca even want to come back, now, after everything? Would Aubrey even let her? Would Chloe even want her to?

There's too many questions, so Chloe just tunes them out and tries to concentrate on the doctor telling her about vocal therapy.

It doesn't work. She has to ask him to repeat something several times using the little whiteboard her dad brought her when she got out of surgery.

* * *

(Chloe becomes addicted to peeling away Beca's layers. It's an exhilarating rush that she feels whenever Beca opens up to her just that little bit. Even if it's just to sing with her, even if it's because she's worried Chloe might never leave if she doesn't, she still knows Beca let her in, for just a moment. No one is a good enough actor to fake the way she smiled at Chloe when she heard their harmony, the surprise in her face showing that she hadn't expected it to be that amazing either. It's surprised, but Chloe thinks it's also  _grateful_ , like Beca is actually happy she decided to do it.

She wants to keep seeing that smile again and again, to gradually lead Beca out of her comfort zone and show her everything she's missing. She wants Beca to complain about it (it is Beca, after all) but eventually be happy Chloe made her do it, see the surprise but the thankfulness in her eyes.

She wants to be the one Beca finally makes an effort for. Chloe spent six months breaking her back for someone who never appreciated it – it's the least she deserves, says her bitter side.)

* * *

It shouldn't surprise Chloe to receive a visit from Jesse, shortly after arriving back at her dorm at Barden, but it does. On first seeing him standing outside her door with his hands jammed in his pockets, an unusually sombre expression on his face, she wants to refuse him entry and tell him to go away. Jesse is Beca's friend, and beyond that he and Chloe have no connection whatsoever, despite being able to get along when Beca is around. She's never spent any length time alone in a room with him, and doesn't want to start.

However, curiosity eventually takes over and she grudgingly allows him in, where he gravitates immediately to Aubrey's bed and makes himself at home.

'I'm guessing this is about Beca,' she says, not wanting to waste time with small talk. If Jesse's come to read her the riot act for some reason, then there's no point in delaying things. She sits down on her own bed, folding her hands primly in her lap with one leg crossed over the other.

'Well, you never know,' he jokes. His voice is light-hearted, but she can see the way he's twisting his fingers together. 'Maybe I came to talk about Aubrey.' Chloe tries to smile slightly but mostly it just comes across as a grimace. Sensing her mood, he becomes serious again and nods. 'Yeah, it's about Beca.'

'Is she alright?' she asks, suddenly feeling worried. Not that she ever really stopped, and she can't really imagine why Jesse would have even bothered coming here if Beca was perfectly fine without her – unless it was to rub it in her face. Somehow, though, she doesn't think that's a likelihood.

Jesse hums thoughtfully for a moment, raising his eyes to the ceiling as though deeply pondering the issue. 'Well, that's an interesting question. What do you think?'

'I'm guessing that's a no…' Chloe mutters.

He shakes his head. 'Actually, she's living, and getting on with her life… And showering,' he adds. 'It was a little touch and go on that subject for a while there. She's doing her school work, she's making mixes – a  _lot_ of mixes – and going to the radio station, pretty much every day, whether she's paid or not. Luke's letting her play her stuff on the radio a lot more now.'

'So she's… fine?' This isn't quite what Chloe expected to hear about her, and some absurd way, she's a little… disappointed, in a way. Which isn't to say that that she  _wants_ Beca to be unhappy, but she hadn't really expected her not to be.

But Jesse says, 'No, not quite.'

'What do you mean? You just said she was getting on with her life.'

Jesse frowns at her. 'Chloe, what part of what I just said makes you think she's even at all fine? She's doing school work. School work! I actually caught her doing an essay the other day, a whole week before it was due!'

'It's good she's applying herself,' Chloe says, but even she doesn't feel certain in her words. Beca isn't exactly lazy or unwilling to work – her mixes show that – but she's never made it a secret that she was not really here for an education or by choice. It's always been a source of minor jealousy for Chloe, especially since she wasn't required to pay. But without it, she never would've met Beca at all.

Jesse snorts at her words. 'Yeah, right. Let's be real here, Chloe: she's an absolute wreck with you,' he tells her honestly. 'She's gone totally Bella Swan on me.'

'You read Twilight?' says Chloe, unable to hide a slight grin at this revelation.

'I like the movies,' he says, a tad defensively. 'For the music, and stuff.'

'Uh huh, sure.'

'Anyway…' he says hastily, 'yeah, Beca's lost it. She can try and pretend she doesn't need you all she wants, but when I noticed she had a DVD for The Breakfast Club in her room, I knew I had to come talk to you.'

Chloe's mouth drops open. 'She was watching a  _movie_?'

'Apparently. I mean I'm all for her watching them with me, but she never said a word about it so she must've been doing it alone. Which, considering who we're talking about it, is all kinds of wrong.'

'Why has she suddenly taken an interest in movies?'

'Who knows?' Jesse shrugs. 'Personally I think she's using them as a distraction somehow. Or a sleep aid. I guess you can only throw yourself so much into music before you get exhausted.'

'Wow…'

'Yep,' Jesse agrees.

A long, awkward silence follows his little agreement. Chloe doesn't meet his eyes, but she can feel his gaze on her as she pretends to brush off some dust from her skirt. It's an odd feeling, this nervousness, especially when Chloe usually has no trouble talking to anyone – but she gets the feeling that Jesse is just waiting to start yelling at her, and is simply trying to ease her into a false sense of security before he really lets her have it.

When Jesse lets out a little sigh and adjusts the tightness of his shoelaces, Chloe finally can't take it anymore. 'Jesse, what exactly are you hoping to get out of this little meeting? Why did you come here?'

'Well, that's easy,' he comments, pulling at the bow on his shoe. 'I want you to try and talk to Beca again.'

'Is that all?'

'Yeah… As a start. I mean, later on maybe you might want to do other things to her, but for now I'd just stick with talking.' He flashes her a mischievous grin, but Chloe really isn't in the mood.

'Why do you want me to talk to her?

Finally satisfied with his shoelace, he lets his foot drop back to the floor. 'Because that's the only way to have a functioning relationship, and I don't think you and Beca have ever really had a proper conversation about your feelings, like, ever.'

'Thank you for your insights, Dr Phil,' says Chloe dryly. 'I meant, what good do you think it'll do?'

He laughs. 'Hey, you're pretty good at that deadpan stuff too.'

'It's Beca's influence. I swear I got about ten times more sarcastic when I met her.'

'Yeah, me too. It's contagious, isn't it?' Jesse smiles fondly to himself for a moment, before remembering what he came here to do. 'Chloe, I've been there from the very start of this whole thing with Beca. I've watched you both struggle with your feelings and come to terms with them in your own ways. I.e., badly. And do you know what I think?' Chloe shakes her head. 'It's all just incredibly  _sad_.'

'Sad?' Chloe echoes, her brow furrowing. 'What do you mean, sad?'

'Because you both could have something really good here but you're so wrapped up in your own heads that neither of you can do anything.' He folds his arms over your chest. 'Do you have any idea how frustrating it is, watching from the sidelines? I honestly want to bang your heads together sometimes.'

'Must be so hard for you simply watching while we're the ones actually going through it,' she shoots back, not quite sure why she's feeling so acerbic towards Jesse. She knows he is only trying to help, but at the same time, this has nothing to do with him.

'Wow, you really have spent too much time with Beca,' he observes. 'Seriously, though, you two could be great together… Even if it's just as friends. Do you really want to lose that?'

'I don't think Beca even wants me in her life anymore.' She tries a casual shrug, but just ends up twitching her shoulders miserably.

'You seriously believe that?' asks Jesse, sounding incredulous.

'I don't know what to believe, honestly. She said she didn't think she was good enough for me and couldn't do it, but only an hour before she was telling me she was ready to be with me. She said she wanted to be with me, but apparently that's not enough for her.'

'That's Beca, I suppose,' Jesse muses. 'She gets so trapped in her insecurities and not believing she's enough for you that she won't do anything about it.'

'Yeah, and pushes everyone away as a result,' Chloe says bitterly.

'It's not like you stayed, though.'

Chloe's head snaps up. 'What's that supposed to mean?'

'Well… think about it. Beca isn't ready to be in a relationship, so you let her have "space", which was basically you kicking her to the curb because you didn't get what you wanted. Beca starts getting insecure and pushes you away, but you don't even  _try_ to maintain your friendship with her.'

'Now wait a moment,' Chloe says angrily, her fists clenching at her sides. 'She told me to -'

'I know what she told you,' Jesse interrupts, suddenly sounding just as angry. 'And if you knew Beca at all, you'd know it was total bullshit!'

'What, so I was supposed to just stick around even though she was telling me to leave?'

'Yes!' Jesse shouts, jumping to his feet. Chloe rears back in shock – Jesse isn't exactly threatening, but when any sort of anger is directed at her it's hard to fight the urge to just curl up in a ball until it stops. It works with Aubrey, but she gets the feeling it won't this time. 'You know how hard she finds all this stuff, and at the hint of trouble she starts running.'

'Oh, like it's not hard for me?' Chloe says, snorting.

'Of course it is. But you barely even fought for her either, just turned your back on her without even a thought about it.'

'And why do I have to be the one to fight for her?' Chloe protests. 'Why do I have to be the one putting in the effort?'

'Because Beca already  _is_.' Jesse puts his fingers to his temple, shaking his head. 'Jesus, you two really do belong together, don't you?' He takes his hands away, regarding Chloe with a serious expression. 'Look. You like being Beca's friend, don't you?'

'Of course I do,' says Chloe immediately. 'More than anything.'

'So how the hell do you think it makes her feel when you abandon her completely after being told she can't deal with a relationship?' At the dawning realisation on Chloe's face, Jesse smiles grimly. 'Exactly.'

'But she must know she means more to me than that,' Chloe splutters in disbelief. 'I don't mind just being friends with her, if that's what she wants.'

'How would you she know, Chloe? Have you told her?' He correctly interprets her averting of the eyes as a sign of guilt. 'Good, now you're getting it. You don't know how much you meant to Beca, and not just for your friendship. It's what you represented to her – feeling like she was normal, for once, because she was getting better with all that touching stuff.'

'Not wanting to be touched doesn't make you abnormal,' Chloe says, frowning.

'We know that, but she doesn't. She's always had trouble with it and held that up as a reason to think she doesn't fit in with other people, so in the end she didn't even bother anymore. Until you. You knocked down all those walls and dragged her out, kicking and screaming... but then you just left her there. And now she doesn't know what to do.'

'How do you know all this stuff?' asks Chloe, feeling a little jealous that he seems to understand Beca so well.

'Most of it, she told me herself.'

'She did?' Chloe says, surprised.

'Yep. Right around the time she kicked me out. Literally.' He sighs remorsefully. 'I was pretty much giving her the talk I'm giving you right now, but I guess I hit some nerves here and there because she got really upset with me. Like, really upset.'

'What did you say to upset her?'

Jesse winces.

'Jesse?'

'I  _may_ have told her she needed to sort her shit out and stop pushing people away, before everyone in her life gave up on her, and that it was exhausting trying to get through to her and getting nothing back?'

'You said that to her?!' Chloe exclaims. 'Seriously?!'

'Hey, I'm not proud of it!' he says defensively. 'That's partly why I'm here, you know. To make amends.'

'I think you should be trying to make amends by working things out with her, not me,' Chloe retorts, knowing inwardly she's being a little hypocritical since she's not made much real effort herself to sort things out with Beca. 'What did she even say in response?'

'She told me to fuck off, of course.'

'Rightfully so…'

'Yep.' He runs his hand through his hair, shoulders slumping. 'I messed up, I know. I just got so frustrated with her. I don't even know what sparked it, one moment she was telling me all the stuff I just told you, the next I was yelling at her.'

'Have you apologised?' Chloe asks.

'I've tried, but she always seems to find some way of not being around when I'm there. I haven't had a chance yet.' He groans, putting his face in his hands.

Chloe watches his behaviour, frowning slightly. This is not a normal way to respond to a spat between friends. 'You really care about her, don't you?'

'You don't even know the half of it,' he grumbles.

'Hm.' Chloe eyes him suspiciously, wondering whether to ask. She decides it's too important to simply leave alone. 'Jesse,' she says slowly. 'I might be intruding here, but… Can I ask why you are so intent on getting Beca and I together if you have feelings for Beca?'

From the way he tenses, she knows she's guessed correctly. 'Is it that obvious?' he whispers, shifting uncomfortably.

'Probably not to Beca, if that's what you mean.'

'Good… I don't want her to know. She'd get all weird.'

Chloe nods in agreement, but can't help but remind him, 'You know she's gay, right?'

A mildly irritated flush enters his cheeks. 'I know that,' he snaps. 'I don't like her because I think something's going to happen – nothing will, I've accepted that. It's just… it's Beca, you know? She's like this little broken bird that needs looking after.' He smiles slightly. 'You know those movies where the girl is all damaged and hurt and she won't open up to anyone but eventually the nice guy gets her to and they end up together and kiss in the rain?

'Your life isn't a movie, Jesse,' she tells him shortly.

'I know. And nor is yours.'

Chloe isn't sure what to say to that.

'I just want her to be happy,' he continues sadly. 'And I don't know if that's by being your girlfriend. But I know I've never seen her as happy as she was when she was with you, except for that whole mess at the end. That's why I can't leave this alone, even though it sucks like hell for me.'

'I'm sorry,' Chloe finds herself saying quietly. She isn't really sure why she's really apologising to Beca's best friend who has a crush on her. There would be little hope for them even if Chloe wasn't involved – but she knows the kind of impact tiny, scowly-faced brunettes like Beca has on hearts.

So she apologises, and receives a tiny little smile in return.

'Promise me you'll talk to her?' Jesse asks her earnestly, standing up. 'Or at least try.'

'Who's to say she'll listen even if I do?'

Jesse sighs in exasperation. 'She will. Just open your mouth and say words – words that aren't hurtful, might I add. Don't do what I did.'

'It is that easy?' Chloe wonders.

'No. But if it was then it wouldn't be worth it.'

Chloe arches an eyebrow, fighting a smile. 'Since when did you get this wise about relationships?'

'Seriously, Chloe? This is like every good romcom. Everything could be fixed if the characters sat the hell down with a cup of coffee together and talked it out properly.' He pats her on her shoulder. 'Good talk, Chloe. I think we should've had it a long time ago.'

* * *

('You can't make her change, you know,' Aubrey told her once, shortly after the Bellas sleepover - that dismal period where she'd given Beca some "space". 'I know you have this romantic notion in your head that you're going to somehow going to be the one to fix her, but girls like Beca? They stay grumpy and closed off forever. There's nothing you can do about it.'

'I don't need to fix her,' Chloe had explained, absently drawing a tiny heart with the initials "B.M" enclosed inside on the corner of her notes. When she noticed what she'd done, she sighed and scribbled it out. 'She just needs some TLC, that's all.'

'Chloe.' Aubrey put her hand atop Chloe's. 'She's not  _Kate_.'

Chloe had gazed at her for a few moments, then said softly, 'I know.'

She did know. Once upon a time she might have thought Beca was Kate 2.0; they looked completely different but shared the same smirk, charm and the unrelenting habit of breaking down at the slightest breeze of change that blew their way. But Beca smiled at her too, in a way that warmed her heart as well as the pit of her stomach, let Chloe hold her hand even though she clearly struggled with it, shot her concerned glances when her nodes made her throat hoarse and asked if she was okay.

These are things Kate might have done. Things anyone might have done, really.

She's Beca, though, not Kate, not anyone else and somehow that makes all the difference.)

* * *

It's fairly late in the evening when Chloe messages Beca, even though she spends most of the afternoon with her phone clutched in her sweaty hand as though its very presence might give her the courage to reach out to Beca.

In the end, it's a message from Jesse himself that triggers her into action – only a simple sentence, but enough to get her going and remind her what she stands to lose if she does nothing.

' _Don't forget what I said.'_

Which part? Chloe thinks wryly to herself. About the fact he wanted Chloe to talk to her, or his feelings for Beca?

It takes her a while to send, and she fully expects Beca not to reply to her text, which is rather blunt and to the point... Exactly Beca's style. _Firstly, we're back in the competition. Secondly, I think we need to talk. Are you free to meet up at some point?_

It takes about ten minutes for Beca to reply, every second of which Chloe spends staring anxiously at the display of her phone. When it finally comes, her heart jolts slightly and fumbles with her phone to open up the text.

It's extremely short, very dry, but there's still emotion hidden in the depths of the text's subtext; or at least, Chloe thinks so. At any rate, it's Beca, and Beca can still make Chloe's head reel and her heart pound, make her hands shake with a few words on a screen.

_Cool. And, yes... Of course._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have to say, writing as Chloe was such a different experience o.O I'm almost sad to go back to Beca's (well, what I decided was Beca's) more minimalistic, introspection-what-the-heck-is-that style next chapter.
> 
> Hope it worked for you guys.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, erm, I made quite a big boo-boo with the continuity in the last chapter, specifically concerning Aubrey knowing about Kate. Of course I didn't realise until someone pointed it out (thanks to introvertedmisanthrope :) so I've had to go back and change some of the previous chapter. It won't affect much, but it still proves I'm a bloody idiot. xD If you reread you'll find I've edited those bits, now.

 

'This seems familiar,' Beca comments, plopping herself down into the seat directly opposite Chloe. She notices Chloe has chosen the exact same table they sat at the first time they came here together, and she's even gotten Beca's coffee order the same way she did the first time, with a hot chocolate of her own sitting in front of her. Just like before. Wordlessly, she pushes the Styrofoam cup over to Beca, who accepts it gratefully.

'I thought it was appropriate,' Chloe says quietly, her eyes lingering a little too long on Beca's face, in a vaguely melancholy way. 'Considering we were basically starting from the beginning then, and we are again now.'

'Difference is, we have a little more history now than we did back then.' Beca rests her chin on the palm of her hand, gazing at Chloe. She seems oddly nervous – and while Beca is too, she tries her best not to show it. Don't expect anything good, Beca had told herself when she got that text from Chloe, and she's still keeping it as a constant mantra in her head now. 'So…' she begins. 'How have you been? How was your spring break?'

Chloe blinks a little, not immediately replying as though surprised Beca doesn't want to jump straight into talking about their issues. That's Chloe, though. She doesn't really like to beat around the bush, while Beca pretty much runs her whole life around it. 'It was okay,' she responds carefully. 'Quiet, mostly. Yours?'

'Mine too. Except when Jesse was around.'

'Did neither of you go home for the break?'

Beca shakes her head. 'Nope. I kept telling Jesse to visit see his parents, but apparently he wanted to stick around and look after me. Which mostly consisted of him coming around every so often to yell at me and make me get out of my dorm.'

Chloe purses her lips, an unreadable expression on her face. 'I see…' Her attention seems to drift away temporarily, staring without really seeing at something over Beca's shoulder. Considering there's only an old couple sitting there, Beca guesses there's something deeper on Chloe's mind.

'What's that face for?'

'Hm? Oh, nothing. I was just thinking.'

'Chloe,' Beca chides gently. 'We might as well go home if we're not even going to talk.'

'Fine.' Chloe lets out an exasperated breath. 'Jesse is the one who convinced me to text you and set up this meeting.'

Beca snorts. 'Really? That nosy little asshole.'

'He cares about you, that's all,' Chloe mutters. Again with that unreadable curling of her lip. Beca tries her best to decipher what it might mean, but in the end decides it might just be her default expression when it comes to talking about Jesse. After all, she wears a similarly disgruntled yet mildly fond one when talking about him too.

'Jesse doesn't quite know the different between caring and meddling,' Beca says. 'Same with Aubrey. Speaking of, how is the old tyrant?'

Judging by the continued lack of cheer in Chloe's face, it was the wrong topic to bring up. 'I don't know. We're not talking right now.'

'You aren't? Why not?'

'Because of all that drama at the semi-finals -' Beca winces apologetically, '- and we also disagreed on some other subjects, so…' Chloe bites her lip, and Beca knows by "other subjects", Chloe means her. She should feel guilty, but honestly only feels a little twinge of satisfaction. If they're arguing that means Chloe's standing up for herself for once.

'I'm sorry,' Beca says, and means it. 'That must be rough.'

'Never mind… It's over now.'

'Still. I hope things get better for you two soon.'

'We'll work it out.'

Beca clears her throat. '… Good.'

An uncomfortable silence falls. Neither she nor Chloe seem to want to make eye contact, and simply sit for a few minutes sipping their respective drinks and staring out of the window. Beca knocks out a complicated beat with her foot, attempting to distract herself.

'You seem… different, somehow,' Chloe remarks eventually, drawing a finger around the edge of her mug to collect some cream.

'How so?'

'Colder, for one,' Chloe admits. 'It kind of feels like you're just talking to a casual acquaintance, not…' She sighs. 'Well, me.'

Beca tilts her head to the side slightly. 'Did you expect me to come running into your arms, all happy to see you again?'

'No. But I have to say I didn't expect  _this_ ,' says Chloe.

Chloe looks so disheartened and discouraged, that the guilt Beca had been trying to keep locked away at the back of her mind finally starts escaping and running rampant.

'Chloe,' she says, tapping the table for her attention. 'Chloe, look at me.'

Chloe does. And typically, Beca forgets anything she was going to say from one look at those watery eyes. Whatever immunity she developed before to Chloe's puppy dog look when she's sad is obviously now gone. She's really going to have to make Chloe wear sunglasses or she'll end up losing her train of thought a lot more.

'Um,' says Beca.

Chloe's eyelashes flutter, her tongue peeking out to wet her lips. Beca takes a breath and forces herself to concentrate.

'We both fucked up,' Beca says simply, once she's remembered what she was going to say. Chloe opens her mouth to speak, but Beca puts her hand up. 'Let me finish. We both totally went about this friendship – or whatever the hell we are – the wrong way from the beginning. Neither of us was totally honest with the other. I didn't tell you about how I felt about personal space, or relationships in general. You didn't tell me you actually wanted a relationship – at least, not in a way that I could process. I freaked out, you freaked out, it was a whole circle of freaking out. And we never stopped to just calm down and think about it, not once.'

'Can I say something now?' Beca gestures for her to go ahead. 'You're right, we did both mess up. And I'm glad we're talking about it now.' She licks her lips again, looking anxious. 'What I'm worried about is whether we can actually get past all that.'

'We can… If we both try.'

Chloe sits up, eyeing her suspiciously. 'Okay, now I know something happened to you while I was away. Your attitude towards this is so different now.'

'More mature, you mean?' Beca snarks.

'You said it. Not me,' Chloe says, smiling. 'So what brought on this change?'

'Ah, well. When your best friend, one of the last people you have left in your life, tells you to sort yourself out or you're going to lose everything, you start thinking about things.' Beca tries to keep her tone light-hearted, but thinking of that conversation still hurts badly, and it shows a little in her voice.

'Oh yeah, he told me about that,' Chloe says softly. 'Are you okay?'

Beca shrugs. 'As much as I can be. He dropped some pretty harsh truth bombs on me in that conversation… I didn't exactly take it well.'

'I heard you told him to fuck off.' Chloe is clearly fighting back a smirk.

'Along with a range of other things I can't say in public with innocent ears around,' Beca says, laughing a little. 'I was a real bitch to him.'

'If it helps, he feels pretty bad about it, and he's been trying to apologise but says he can never find you to do it. Are you avoiding him?

'Only a little,' Beca says sheepishly. 'Mainly because I don't want to hear an apology about something he was right about. And I never like telling people they're right – you know this.'

'Yeah. Which parts do you think he was right about?'

'The whole thing?' Beca raises an eyebrow. 'Like, he was right in saying I needed to stop pushing people away, because eventually people would give up on me. It must be exhausting, like trying to run into a brick wall repeatedly and never getting through.'

'Is that how you see yourself?' Chloe asks. 'A brick wall?'

'I guess so. I'm not very good with metaphors and stuff. That's more your forte.' She cocks her head slightly. 'What would you say I am?'

Chloe appears to think this over for a few moments. She attempts to take a sip of her chocolate, but she left it too long and it has evidently gone cold. Beca notices her grimace.

'You want another?' Beca questions, nodding her head at the hot chocolate. 'My treat.'

'You don't have to do that.'

'No. But I want to.'

'I probably shouldn't,' says Chloe guiltily, 'I shouldn't have even had this one. I just crave sugar sometimes.'

Beca chuckles, standing up. 'Like you need to be any more hyperactive. Tell you what, I'll get you a cookie or something. We can share it, then you might not feel so bad.'

'Are you sure? I don't want to put you out.'

'Who's putting out? It's just a cookie.' Beca pauses. 'Bad choice of words. I'll be right back.'

Beca decides to buy Chloe an oatmeal cookie, considering it a reasonably healthy choice. As she queues, she looks back at Chloe who has gone back to gazing out of the window. Beca can't decide whether she's feeling good about the way things are going right now or not – they're talking properly for once, even joking but who even knows how long that's going to last.

The barista has to call Beca several times to get her attention, because she's too busy lost in her thoughts and gazing at Chloe. When she turns back to the counter, she realises the cashier is the one that has served Beca pretty much every time she's come here – the one who, Beca realises now, Chloe was a tiny bit jealous of.

'Busy thinking about your girlfriend, there?' she comments, grinning.

'She's not my girlfriend yet,' Beca says, almost by reflex.

'Yet, huh?' She winks at Beca. 'Sounds promising.' She passes her change and the cookie back to her. 'Good luck with your not-yet-girlfriend, then.'

Beca flushes all the way to the tips of her ears and quickly stumbles away.

Thankfully, when she brings both things back over, Chloe doesn't notice her blushing face. Instead, she smiles in thanks for the cookie, telling Beca, 'You're a castle.'

'Aca-scuse me?' Beca says, imitating Aubrey. Chloe tries to fight it, but ends up snorting nonetheless.

'Stop that.'

'Sorry,' says Beca, sniggering to herself as she sits back down. 'Anyway, what were you were saying?'

'You asked me what I thought you were… And I decided you're a castle.'

'A castle. Huh. Somehow I expected something more creative from you, Beale,' Beca comments, hiding her smirk behind a sip from her cup. Chloe bats ineffectually at her hand, not actually touching her but making it clear she's indignant.

'You didn't even let me explain my reasoning.'

'Go ahead… I'm not stopping you.'

'It's like...' Chloe thinks for a moment, narrowing her eyes in concentration, before her face lights up. 'Okay – uh, pretend you're a castle.' Beca presses her lips together in an effort not to laugh. Chloe struggles to keep a straight face as well. 'No, humour me, c'mon.'

'Right. I am a castle.' Beca raises her arms. 'See how castle-like I'm being? I hope you're impressed.'

Her snark earns her a glare. 'You're such a dork. Why anyone thinks you're a badass, I have no idea.'

'I can be a badass dork,' Beca argues. 'They're not mutually exclusive. Anyway, go on – I was being a castle.' She holds her arms up again, a diligently austere expression on her face, as befitting a fortified structure of her calibre.

Chloe lets a little giggle escape, then tries her best to school her expression back into seriousness. 'Right. Anyway, so the whole of you is the "Beca Castle". You've got stone walls, a moat… Machine guns on top. The whole package. No one can get in without being shot or attacked in some way.'

'Wait, wait, stop right there. A moat  _and_ machine guns? What century was Beca Castle built, exactly?'

'Shut up, let me finish. I'm painting you a beautiful visual image with my words,' Chloe deadpans.

'Ugh, fine. Go on, then.' She reaches across the table to break off some of the cookie; however, she has her hand slapped away.

'I thought you were being a castle. Castles don't eat.'

'I am, but I'm a hungry castle.'

'No cookies until you've heard my explanation,' Chloe says sternly.

Beca rolls her eyes. 'Whatever.'

'Okay. So there's all the people inside Beca Castle. Inside, they're all fine and safe, but there's people outside trying to get in. The people inside the castle are firing at them to make them go away, because they don't know the outside people and they might want to cause trouble. Except, the people outside the castle are actually really nice, but it's not the insane people's fault that they don't know they're nice. So to get into the castle, people need to show that they're one of them – that they're on the side of those… inside.' Chloe trails off a little. 'Did you follow any of that?'

Beca leans in across the table, encouraging Chloe to lean in too; their faces are only a short distance apart, and she hears Chloe audibly gasp when she puts her hand atop hers which rests next to the little plate with the cookie on.

Chloe's eyes are wide and bright, the earnest love and care clearly reflected in the way she looks back at Beca, searching her face. It's a little overwhelming… but in the best way possible.

Beca says, 'No, I have no clue what you're talking about. You're just as bad with metaphors as I am, Chlo.' She then swoops in and breaks off some of the cookie, shoving it in her mouth before retreating back to her side of the table.

'That wasn't fair!' Chloe complains, looking aghast at the theft of her baked treat. 'You distracted me with your feminine wiles.'

'Dude, I don't have any feminine wiles,' Beca says, talking with her mouth full.

'That  _you_  know of,' Chloe shoots back.

'Ooh. Tell me more…'

'I don't think so. Then you'll be using them all the time to steal my food.'

'We agreed to share it!'

'We didn't shake on it. As far as I'm concerned, the cookie is all mine.'

'You can have it back,' says Beca, sticking out her tongue.

Chloe fans herself, pretending to swoon. 'Oh my gosh. Put your tongue away, Beca, or you'll give me the vapours.'

Beca swallows the rest of the cookie down thickly, arching an eyebrow at Chloe. 'Chloe Beale, are you flirting with me?'

'Depends.' Chloe mimics Beca's expression with a raised brow of her own, her eyes being the ones to twinkle now. 'Is it working?'

'Not really,' she lies.

'Hmm,' says Chloe, unconvinced. 'Well, that's all you're getting while we're in public, with "innocent ears" around.'

'Maybe we should go somewhere more private, then,' Beca says without thinking. When Chloe's eyes get even wider, Beca hastens to add, 'Not for that reason. Just - so we can talk, and stuff, without people listening in.'

'We don't have to. We can stay here if you want, I don't mind,' Chloe says quickly. 'You didn't drink all your coffee yet.'

Beca wonders why Chloe seems suddenly reluctant to be alone with her. 'Are you okay?'

'Yeah, I'm fine,' says Chloe.

'Your voice just went all high-pitched, which it does when you're lying,' Beca points out. 'Tell me the truth.'

'I just…' Chloe sighs. 'Beca, do you not think we're maybe going too fast here? I mean, we met up for the first time today in weeks, months even. And it's not that I don't love that we've fallen back into normalcy so quickly, but I can't help but think that's going to fall apart if we don't actually talk about what went wrong before.'

'I wasn't suggesting we go back to mine to fuck,' Beca says, suddenly irritated. 'We're going back to talk, like you just said.'

'Beca, that wasn't what I meant,' Chloe starts to say, looking upset, but Beca just sighs and interrupts her.

'I want to sort through our problems just as much as you do, but I don't want to air out all our dirty laundry here. Let's go, we can finish this back in my dorm.'

* * *

They don't quite hold hands on the way home, but they walk close enough to each other that their arms and hands brush with every step. It's not an awkward silence, but it's not quite as comfortable anymore. Without the buffer of people around them, Beca is beginning to wonder if Chloe might have been right - that things were just going to disintegrate without the bustle of the coffee shop reminding them to keep the drama to a minimum.

 _No_ , Beca tells herself determinedly. It's not going to go that way this time. She is done running away, and done letting Chloe run away. Whatever they became after all this mess was sorted out – friends, or more – there was no way she was allowing Chloe to disappear out of her life again after this. She'd already found out first-hand how awful that felt.

'So,' Beca says a little too casually, trying to make conversation. 'How're your nodes these days?'

Chloe gives her a sideways glance. 'Did you see my Facebook post about it?'

'Yeah... I did.' Beca smiles a little, remembering Chloe's simple, unemotional declaration that she was going to have surgery, and her slight amusement at the fact Chloe chose to post about it publicly rather than telling her friends in person. 'I thought it was weird no one commented on it, though. I would've thought at least Aubrey would have.'

'Maybe they didn't know what to say,' Chloe mumbles in reply. Beca frowns as Chloe steps slightly away from her – not enough that they weren't still walking closely together, but their arms were no longer brushing.

'Chloe? What's the matter?'

'It's nothing,' Chloe says abruptly, shying away when Beca tries to move nearer again.

' _Chloe Marie Beale_ , you explain yourself right now,' says Beca sternly; it has the desired effect, as Chloe comes to a stop.

'Oh, so now you're using my middle name too?' says Chloe, her lips twitching. 'Where'd you find that out?'

'I have my methods.' Beca taps her nose. 'Also known as, it's on your Facebook profile. I'm starting to be thankful for the day you made me get back on that website, especially since you seem to advertise your whole life on it.'

'I really need to change that.'

Beca puts her hands on her hips, tapping her foot expectantly.

Chloe groans, throwing her hands up. 'Alright, fine. If you must know. That status was only made for your eyes. I set up a friend group so you'd be the only one who could see it.'

'Are you serious?' Beca says incredulously, her jaw dropping. 'Why?'

'I don't know. I was feeling pretty shitty about it, so I wanted some support… But I didn't want  _everyone_  to know.'

'But why only me?' Beca persists.

'You're the only one who ever really cared.'

'That's not true,' says Beca, not liking the hint of sadness in Chloe's eyes. 'Aubrey cares, and so do the rest of the Bellas.'

'Not the way you do, though. Did,' she adds after a moment, averting her gaze.

'Do,' Beca corrects gently. 'Are you still in pain?'

Chloe shakes her head, smiling ruefully. 'Not as much as before, but it still aches sometimes. They don't usually suggest surgery, so I must've really done a number on my vocal cords. I had to have vocal therapy to get me out of the habits that made it worse in the first place.'

'Like singing for hours every day when you should be resting?' says Beca wryly. 'Well, since you guys have another shot at the finals, you better be careful. If you mess up your vocal cords again you'll have me to answer to.'

'"You guys?" You aren't coming back to the Bellas?' Chloe looks horrified at the very prospect.

Beca pretends to consider it. 'Nope.' Beca carries on walking, making Chloe have to run after her to catch up.

'But… why?! I thought you liked it there. With us.'  _With me,_ Beca thinks she hears silently, although she could just be projecting.

'I do, but… Well, I doubt Aubrey would want me there.'

Chloe hesitates, but says, 'She would.' Beca scoffs. 'No, really. She just feels… let down, I suppose, by you, and that whole semi-finals debacle. Speaking of…'

'Here we go,' Beca says, sighing heavily.

'I'm not going to tell you off, Bec. In fact, I wanted to apologise.'

This takes Beca aback, naturally. 'Apologise?'

'I never got to tell you how awesome I thought that was.' Chloe reaches out, tentatively wrapping her fingers around Beca's elbow, finally linking them again. 'And how sorry I am that I didn't stick up for you at the time.'

'Don't worry about it.' Beca kicks a stone, making it skitter into one of the drains on the side of the road. 'I know how hard you find Aubrey to deal with.'

Chloe grasps her arm, making her turn. 'It's not okay,' Chloe says softly. 'Let me talk to her - I'll try and convince her to let you back in.'

'You don't have to.'

Chloe shakes her head. 'No, I do. I've spent way too long letting her walk all over me… Letting most people walk on me, actually.' Her eyes glaze over for a moment, evidently lost in thoughts and memories Beca isn't privy to. It only lasts for a second, though, before she's smiling at Beca again. 'But for me to get anywhere, I think you might have to consider apologising to her, I'm afraid.'

'The horror!' cries Beca dramatically. 'What is this "apology" you speak of? I've never heard of the concept.' Chloe laughs, bumping her with her hip.

'Dork.'

'You love it.'

'I do.'

The honesty in her voice makes Beca's stomach flip and her palms grow sweaty, but she grins nonetheless.

They walk on.

* * *

'No Kimmy Jin?' asks Chloe when they get inside the dorm room, peering around as though Beca's roommate might suddenly pop up from behind a desk with a knife.

'Conveniently, no. I dunno where she is,' Beca says, setting her bag down and starting to toe off her shoes.

'You sound like you care,' remarks Chloe, likewise taking off her coat (the soft grey one she wore to the Riff Off. It's rare to see her repeat clothing; Beca swears Chloe owns like a dozen different coats).

'We have an odd relationship,' says Beca. 'I don't get her at all, to be honest. Her attitude to me changes constantly – one moment she's glaring at me for having my headphones up too loud while she's working, but then she actually told me to have a good Spring Break before she left.'

'Maybe she's like you and takes a while to warm up to people,' Chloe suggests. Beca considers this, thinking that it actually does make some sense.

'Maybe. Although how do you explain the way she's bitchy to me one minute, but civil the next?'

'She probably just gets annoyed easily. I mean, I would too if I was trying to finish an assignment and you had your music up really loud.'

'Hey, why are you taking her side?' says Beca huffily. 'Aren't you supposed to stick up for me?'

Chloe giggles. 'You asked. Don't hate me for being honest.'

'I'm starting to regret bringing you here if you're just going to be mean to me,' Beca grouses.

'Aw, Bec.' She pats her shoulder condescendingly. 'Okay, Kimmy Jin's a bitch and I'm sure you don't have any annoying habits that drive her up the wall. Does that make you feel better?'

'Totally,' Beca says, rolling her eyes. 'Just sit down. I hope Kimmy Jin has boobytrapped my bed and you get your butt trapped in a bear trap or something.'

'Jeez, Bec. That's pretty harsh.' Chloe (tentatively) sits down regardless, smiling triumphantly when nothing happens. 'Ha. My butt is still intact.'

'We'll just see about that.' Beca flops down beside Chloe, curling up in the corner of her sofa bed and shutting her eyes.

'You tired?'

'Mm,' says Beca, fighting a yawn. 'Yeah. I've been pulling some pretty ridiculous shifts at the station lately and it's catching up on me.'

'Why don't you have a nap or something?'

'No, that'd be pretty rude of me considering I brought you all the way here.'

'Sure, and you've never in your life considered being rude.' Beca cracks open one reproachful eye, seeing Chloe trying to keep a straight face. 'You can go to sleep, I don't mind. I'll entertain myself by watching you.'

'Yeah,  _that's_  not creepy at all.' Beca sits up, forcing herself to stay awake and not give into the fatigue trying to coax her to just lie down and sleep. She only told Chloe half the truth – she'd stayed awake half the night before, tossing and turning, imagining the many ways this meeting with Chloe could turn out. The reactions she thought of ranged from Chloe screaming in her face to taking her in the bathroom (the latter kept her up longer).

'You're kind of adorable when you're all sleepy like that,' Chloe comments, making Beca quirk an eyebrow.

'You just like when I'm defenceless.'

'No, that's Aubrey,' Chloe retorts, sharing a laugh with Beca. 'On a serious note, though… thank you for meeting up with me. Today has gone so much better than I ever thought it would.'

'Same here. I thought one of us would've ended up in tears somewhere along the line, but we're getting on fine. It's like...'

'Like nothing bad ever happened?' Chloe finishes for her. Beca nods in agreement. 'I suppose we were good at being friends, before. It was only when all the other stuff got involved that we fell apart.'

'Do you think we would've been okay if we'd sat down and talked about it all earlier?' Beca wonders.

'I don't know. It's a possibility. At the same time, though, neither of us was handling the situation very well, so maybe it's for the best that things happened the way they did or we would've never known what the other was feeling.'

'I still don't feel like we've made much progress, though,' Beca murmurs, fiddling with the edge of her blanket. 'I told you to come here, and now I don't know what to say. There are so many things we haven't talked about yet.'

Chloe rolls her head towards Beca, her expression tender. 'Considering we weren't even talking before yesterday, I think we've made a lot of progress, Beca.'

'True. Not talking to you was pretty damn hard, I have to say,' Beca confesses. 'Except for that weird text you sent me. What was that about?'

Chloe blushes, and it's her turn to start fiddling with the blanket as a distraction. 'Oh yeah. I'm so sorry about that! I was kind of drunk and depressed, and you know what I'm like. No filter… I swear I wasn't intending to send it, I hit the wrong button.'

'So it  _was_  about me,' Beca notes, watching the way Chloe blushes harder and hides her face in the wooden frame of her bed. 'Why did you say it wasn't?'

'I panicked – I didn't know what else to say.'

Beca smiles. 'I'm kind of relieved, actually. I was worried you had another girl on the side with the same problems as I did.'

'God forbid,' Chloe jokes, unearthing her face so Beca can just see her eyes peeking out at her. 'I don't think I could handle two of you. I'd probably combust.'

'Or have a nervous breakdown,' Beca says. She clears her throat, twisting her fingers together. 'So… did you mean what you said in the text?'

'Which part?'

Beca shrugs, looking down at her lap. 'Oh, you know. Nothing big.' Her voice cracks from the effort of trying to inject so much false nonchalance into her voice. 'Just the part where you said you love me.' She watches Chloe carefully out of the corner of her eye, and sees that she visibly swallows, but nods once. Beca draws her knees up to her chest. 'How can you? After everything I did,' says Beca bitterly.

'You said earlier we  _both_  fucked up,' Chloe reminds her. 'The blame lies with the two of us.'

'Well, yeah, but… I don't know, Chloe.' Beca shifts uncomfortably in her seat, running a nervous hand through her hair. She's really starting to regret bringing Chloe here now. 'I can't help but feel guilty.'

'And you probably will for a while. So will I. But Beca,' says Chloe, grabbing Beca's hand and holding it to her chest, 'that's why things are going to be better this time. Because we know what went wrong last time and we won't let it happen again.'

Beca groans, tipping her head back. 'This whole thing is so exhausting. I wish I could just wave my hand and it'd all magically be okay.'

'I know. But that's not going to happen, unless we both try to make it better,' Chloe says. 'I don't want us to fight anymore.'

'Me neither.'

They fall quiet for a few moments, where Chloe seems to be looking rather intently at the hand she's snagged – her fingers curved around Beca's, her thumb gently grazing her palm. She stays like this for a whole minute, an odd look on her face.

'What's so fascinating about my hand?' she asks, making Chloe jump a little.

'Nothing,' Chloe squeaks, letting go of her.

' _Chloe Marie-'_

'Okay, okay! I won't use your middle name anymore when I'm telling you off. Please stop doing it to me.'

'I will if you tell me what you were doing with my hand.'

'Nothing. I was looking at it.'

'Uh huh,' says Beca, unimpressed. 'And you needed to look at it for 5 minutes?'

'It wasn't five minutes, it was like ten seconds! They're pretty, that's all,' Chloe says, a small flush starting to creep up her neck.

' _Pretty_?' Beca chokes out. 'Hands aren't pretty, Chlo, they're… hands.'

'Whatever,' Chloe growls, folding her arms over her chest. 'I think they are.'

'You're such a weirdo.'

'This coming from someone who literally fell over herself staring at my butt,' Chloe shoots back.

'That was an accident!'

'Or was it an  _ass_ -ident?' Chloe quips, her eyes sparkling – she chortles when Beca moans and buries her face in the blanket. 'Don't make that face, you love it.'

'Having you make fun of me and make ridiculous puns? Yep, highlight of my life.'

'I knew it.' Chloe beams at her, so widely that Beca can't help but start smiling back. After a moment, though, Chloe's face falls slightly. 'Beca, not to ruin the mood, but can I ask you something?'

'Shoot,' she says, wondering if she's going to regret that in a moment.

'Is what we're doing right now… Are we…'

'Spit it out, Chloe.'

'I'm just wondering, are we still looking at being in a romantic relationship at some point?' Before Beca can say anything at all, Chloe rushes to clarify, 'I understand if you need to think about it some more before you give me an answer… And I won't get angry or leave you, if you say no, or say nothing at all.'

Beca lifts her head a little, giving Chloe a little grimace. 'Jesse told you about that, huh.'

'Yeah,' Chloe whispers. Her fingers twitch in her lap, giving Beca the impression she's aching to touch Beca but is holding back for her sake. 'Beca, I never meant to make you feel like you weren't worth anything to me if we weren't romantically involved. I love being your friend, and I'd absolutely love to be your girlfriend, but I'll take whatever you want to give me and do it with a smile on my face.'

'Really?' says Beca sceptically.

'Really. I should never have acted the way I did before; I was basically throwing a tantrum because I didn't get exactly what I wanted, when I wanted it.'

'And what is it you want?' asks Beca, knowing the answer but wanting to hear it.

'You,' Chloe replies simply. 'In any size, shape or form… Although I do like the fact you're so tiny.'

'Always with the size jokes.'

'You're just so adorable, though.' Chloe reaches out and pinches Beca's cheek. 'Like a little elf.'

Beca scowls, pushing her hand away. 'Not making me want to answer your question, Chlo.'

'Sorry, sorry,' says Chloe, retreating her hand back to her side but still grinning. 'Go on. What were you going to say?'

'I don't know,' says Beca, rolling her eyes self-deprecatingly. 'I always say that, but it's true. I don't really whether the things I want I could get from being your girlfriend, or your friend.'

'Well, then tell me what the individual things you want are. We'll work from there.'

'I want us to be like before,' Beca says, surprising even herself with her honesty and the fact she's actually answering the question instead of deflecting for once. 'I want you to ask if it's okay if you hold me, but then at other times, forget and grab my hand without thinking. I want you to tag me in silly Facebook statuses and take photos of me when I'm not looking. I want us to be able to talk about everything, but nothing, sometimes. Things like that.'

'That's a little confusing… and contradictory,' says Chloe, scrunching up her nose. 'But okay.'

'Yeah well, that's me. One big old contradiction.' She lies down moodily, pulling the blankets over herself.

Chloe touches her arm, her fingers wrapping gently around her wrist. She apparently gave into her urge to touch. 'Don't shut me out, Bec.'

'I'm not, I just… I don't know what to do,' Beca says, frustrated. 'Why can't I just be normal? Why does everything have to be such a big deal for me?'

'You are normal, Beca.'

Beca snorts derisively. 'Whatever, we both know I'm not. What's worse is that I don't have a clue  _why_ I'm this way. It's not like I had an abusive childhood or went through some sort of trauma – I shouldn't be acting like this. Why is it so  _fucking_ hard?' She drops her face into her palms, grinding her teeth and squeezing her eyes shut.

She feels Chloe gently running her thumb along the inside of her wrist in a soothing back and forth motion. 'I don't know, Beca,' Chloe says slowly. 'I don't know why it's hard for you. But I promise I'm going to try and make it more bearable for you, even if it never gets easier.' She sighs. 'I just wish I knew what to do to help. I think I make it worse sometimes.'

'You don't,' Beca insists.

'I did in the past. I'll try not to anymore.' She lifts Beca's hand, giving her a kiss on the knuckles. 'Talk to me, Beca. What triggers you feeling crappy about this stuff?'

Beca pulls the blanket up over her head so she doesn't have to look at Chloe. For some reason, that makes her feel better. 'I don't know. I'm not like, afraid of crowds, and I'm actually not that bad at meeting new people…'

'So it's not being around a lot of people at once, or them being unfamiliar that bothers you,' Chloe clarifies. Beca shakes her head, even though Chloe can't see. 'So what things do you find difficult in particular?'

'Well, touching, namely, but you knew that one,' Beca says. 'I'm okay with some of it, but sometimes, being really close to someone for a long period of time… I find that a bit overwhelming. I don't know if that's really a problem of its own, or if it's actually the emotions involved which I find it hard to deal with.'

'But some types of touching you seem okay with,' Chloe points out. 'You said a minute ago that you wanted me to ask you if I wanted to hold you, but sometimes, just to hold your hand because I've forgotten. Can you talk that one through with me?'

'It doesn't really make a lot of sense. I'm not sure you'd understand even if I did.'

'Can you try for me?'

Beca sighs, rolling onto her back. 'I like that you used to ask if you could hug me, because it told me you were respecting my wishes and trying to make me comfortable with you. At the same time, though…' Beca trails off, chewing her lip. 'At the same time I liked when you forgot, because it meant you weren't always worrying about me and reminding me I have a problem with it all. You just did it, and that was that.'

Chloe frowns. 'Beca, I … I really don't know how I could do both of those at once.'

'Nor do I,' replies Beca gruffly. 'Like I said, it's stupid.'

'It's not stupid. It's how you feel.' When Beca doesn't respond, Chloe goes on. 'So what about initiating contact? How do you feel about that?'

'Ugh,' says Beca. 'No thanks.'

'What's the problem there?' Chloe asks curiously. 'Is it about trust, or not being comfortable with someone?'

'No, it's just me being awkward.' She pulls the blanket away from her face, letting out a tired breath. 'I – I don't really know when to do those things? Like, when it's appropriate to hug someone, or how long to do it for, or where to put my hands and face or whatever. It's like everyone took some sort of class on all these things when they were little, but I wasn't at school that day.'

'Doesn't that depend on context, though?'

'Sure, but… even if I know in theory what I should do, I still can't seem to get the nerve up to do it, just in case I'm wrong.'

'Okay,' says Chloe, looking as though a lightbulb just went on above her head. 'Okay, I just thought of something.' She unwinds from her position at the head of the bed, getting up from the bed and taking a slightly resistant Beca's hand. She pulls until she gets to her feet, facing Chloe. 'Let's have a little lesson.'

'Chloe, what are you doing?'

'You said you didn't really ever learn about social cues and things like that. So I'm helping you.'

'I don't think it works like that.' She pulls her hand out of Chloe's. 'And, no offence, Chlo, but you and I are complete opposites in terms of boundaries, so I'm not really sure what you can teach me.'

Chloe shakes her head. 'No, for now we're just going to focus on how those things work for me and you, not anyone else.  _That_ I can teach you about, and we can work through it together.'

'Chloe…' says Beca. Hearing the doubt in her voice, Chloe steps closer and gently puts her hands on either of Beca's arms, stroking up and down. Gradually, Beca relaxes with the familiar motion. 'I kinda missed that,' she admits quietly.

'So did I,' responds Chloe, just as quietly. 'Now… Are you going to humour me? We don't have to, but I feel like it might help. At least a little.'

'Does it involve cardio?'

Chloe laughs. 'No.'

'Then sure,' Beca drawls, mentally throwing her hands up and giving in to Chloe's will. 'Why not.'

Chloe grins broadly at her, clapping her hands together. 'Yay! Okay, so - lesson number one.'

'You've numbered the lessons? How many are there? Is there going to be a test?'

'Lesson number one,' Chloe repeats loudly, talking over Beca. 'It's  _always_ appropriate to hug me. I'm not even kidding, I could be doing literally anything and I would not turn down a cuddle from you.'

'Even if you're in the shower?' Beca jokes feebly.

'I'd have to question why you were in there in the first place since you made such a fuss the first time, but I'm totally down with "hugging" in the shower if you want to,' says Chloe with a flirtatious wink, giggling when Beca becomes flushed. 'You're so easy to tease.'

'Now who's using her feminine wiles?' Beca mutters. Chloe smiles at her fondly, using her thumbs to massage the fronts of her shoulders.

'Number two. There's no time limit on how long or little you can hug me, although I'd prefer it to last as long as possible.'

'So basically... You'd be okay with me hugging you forever?'

'I would love nothing more,' says Chloe, nodding decisively to punctuate her words. 'We might struggle a bit while we're eating or getting dressed or using the toilet, but I think we'd manage with a bit of careful planning and manoeuvring.'

'Yeah… Somehow I think I'll stick to not hugging you while either of us are doing those things.'

'Dammit. Foiled again,' says Chloe, pretending to pout.

'And you say I'm the dork.'

'It's your influence. Anyway… Number three.' Chloe waggles her eyebrows. 'I can think of a few places I'd especially like you to put your hands and face…' Beca rolls her eyes, flushing harder but can't help but laugh. '… But honestly, I have no problems with anywhere you decide to put them. That isn't a joke, I could happily have your hands and face  _anywhere_  on my body when we're cuddling.'

'Even your butt?' Beca deadpans.

'I don't think it'd be much of a hug if your face was on my butt, but whatever floats your boat, Mitchell.'

Beca picks up her pillow and smacks Chloe with it, but she's laughing, and Chloe's laughing, and shit, she actually feels so  _good_ for once. Chloe – when she puts her mind to it, anyway - has this knack for alleviating Beca's fears and knowing exactly what she needs. Maybe this conversation should have and could have happened sooner, but that doesn't matter. It happened, and hopefully things like this will keep happening…

Beca finds her smile slipping a little as her thoughts start spiralling beyond her control, the old insecurities seeping in before she can catch them.

'Beca? Are you okay?' Chloe touches the corner of her lips. 'Where'd that cute little smile go? I was enjoying it.'

'It realised something, and it had to go away.'

Chloe's brow knits worriedly. 'What did it realise?'

'None of this is going to last, is it?' she mumbles, talking to Chloe's collarbone instead of looking her in the face. 'You were right. We're fine and joking around right now, but sooner or later you're going to get tired of me again. I'm going to go back to old habits and you'll get sick of waiting around, so you'll just leave.'

'Oh Beca,' says Chloe, sounding heartbroken. 'I promise you, I'm not going to get tired of you, or leave. I made some stupid mistakes – we both did – but they're in the past now and we're going to work through all this, together.' She gently tilts Beca's head up, wiping a tiny tear that escaped from underneath her eye. 'I promise.'

'Chloe… I…'

'What is it?' Chloe tucks a small tendril of hair back behind her ear. 'You can tell me anything.'

In reality, Beca isn't going to  _tell_ Chloe anything. Instead, she wants to  _ask_ her something. Namely, if she's allowed to hug Chloe. But the words somehow get caught in her throat, and she feels more tears start building up in her eyes – tears of frustration, this time, because she's so damn sick of being scared, of not being able to touch people, of not being able to hold the one person in the world she cares about more than anything.

'Oh fuck it,' she breathes, shuts her eyes, and just goes for it.

She snatches up Chloe's arm and tugs her forward into a clumsy, awkward hug; it's horribly uncoordinated, and she sort of flails about before managing to settle her hands somewhere, and she keeps moving them about because despite what Chloe said, she still worries it won't be appropriate. But it's a hug – probably the first one Beca has initiated in literally years.

She fucking  _did_  it.

She could almost cry with relief.

Chloe's surprise is clear and shows in her confused, slow movements, but it only lasts a short while. Within moments she's realised what's happening and sinks into the hug with all the languid pleasure of a cat curling up by the fire, even letting out a content little sigh as she tugs Beca closer.

'Where do I put my hands?' Beca asks in a strangled voice. Right now her arms are kind of half wrapped around Chloe, while her hands are clenched into tight fists at her back.

'I'll show you.' Chloe takes hold of her wrists, prising open her hands and guiding them into position. Beca expects them to be put on Chloe's back or her hips at the very least, but frowns in confusion as Chloe starts to lower them past Chloe's waist, to her…

'CHLOE!' Beca cries, practically turning purple with embarrassment as Chloe unceremoniously plants her hands over her jeans-clad behind and adds pressure, pressing Beca's hands into her ass cheeks. She tries to wriggle away, but Chloe has a firm grip on her and won't let her move.

Chloe's giggling mischievously to herself. 'I told you I don't mind where you put your hands, Beca. I'm totally comfortable with you and my body, so I'm just trying to show you there's no need to worry.'

'Can I move them now?' Beca whimpers, having to physically fight the urge to cop a feel.

'Sure.' Immediately Beca's hands escape to a safer position on Chloe's back, her arms coming up underneath her armpits. 'See? There's fine too. And you did that all on your own.'

'Don't even try and pretend that was your plan all along, Beale,' Beca grumbles, her cheeks still pink. 'When do I let go?'

Chloe nuzzles her temple, making Beca shiver and clutch to her tighter. 'Mmm. Never, please.'

Beca laughs nervously. 'Funny. Really, though.'

'Whenever you want, Beca. I won't let you go until you're ready,' Chloe promises.

'O… Okay.'

'Relax, Bec.' Her hand strokes up and down Beca's back, a throwback to her usual way of comforting Beca by stroking her arms. 'You did so well, I'm so proud of you.'

'Shut up,' Beca grumbles, but she sags a little, letting Chloe hold her up and leaning her weight onto her body; her face fits snugly in the curve created by Chloe's neck. They stay that way for a long time, simply holding each other. Gradually Beca's heart rate starts to slow, and she lets her eyes fall closed, enjoying the sensation of Chloe gently stroking her hair, all the while humming contently to herself.

'You okay there? This isn't too much for you?' Chloe asks, moving her hair to cascade over one shoulder so she can run her nails over the back of Beca's neck.

'No,' Beca responds, almost moaning at the feeling. She feels Chloe chuckle low in her chest when she tilts her head for better access and unconsciously shuffles closer to Chloe.

'You're secretly a great big softy, aren't you?'

' _No._  I'm a fucking badass.'

'Whatever you say, beautiful.'

The word makes Beca shift uncomfortably, breaking her out of her Chloe-induced bubble. 'Don't call me that, please.'

'Why? It's accurate.'

'No it isn't. But that's not why… It's just kind of couply, so.' Beca grimaces. 'I'd rather you didn't say it.'

She hears Chloe sigh a little next to her ear. 'You're right. I won't say it again.'

'I'm sorry,' she says, feeling guilty.

'No, you don't have to be. I'm just angry with myself for pushing you again.'

'You're not pushing me. I don't want to get your hopes up, just in case… That's all.' Beca shakes her head. 'Look, can we just do… this, for a while?' she asks, gesturing to their embracing bodies. 'And not talk. I feel like every time I open my mouth I make things worse.'

'Of course. Whatever you need.' Chloe repositions her hands to a slightly more platonic place on the small of Beca's back. Beca swallows her disappointment down and tries to lose herself in the moment again, but the conversation she just had keeps playing on her mind. This is exactly why she stopped things between her and Chloe – because she would never be able to give her what she wanted.

Beca is just about to disentangle herself from Chloe, when she suddenly finds Chloe starting to guide them onto the bed, and her body begins automatically tensing up again.

'What are you doing?'

Chloe soothes her with a hand passed down her back and a gentle comment: 'No offence, Bec, because I'm loving this, but standing up is kind of making my legs hurt. Is it okay if we sit down or lie down instead?'

'I don't know, Chloe…' says Beca, casting an unsure glance at her bed. To lie down with Chloe seems overly intimate considering the stage they're at in their relationship – but at the same time, Beca is rather reluctant to leave Chloe's arms.

'That's okay,' says Chloe immediately. 'We'll just stay standing, then.'

'Are you sure? I mean, don't want your legs to hurt or anything.'

'I can manage.'

'You wouldn't prefer to sit down or something?'

'I do, but you don't, and I promised I wouldn't let go until you did. So I'm not moving unless you want to.'

Beca barks out a laugh. 'You're as stubborn as I am sometimes, you know that? C'mon then.' She detaches herself from Chloe (instantly feeling a lot colder) and starts climbing to the furthest edge of her bed.

'Huh?' says Chloe blankly, not understanding.

Beca glances up at her, exasperated. 'Chloe, get over here already before I change my mind.'

Chloe doesn't need telling twice; she scrambles onto the bed, lying down beside her. She looks about as nervous as Beca feels, as though expecting her to forcibly push her out of the bed if she gets too uncomfortable. For the first time ever, it seems like Chloe doesn't know where to put her hands either – at first she has them settled in between their bodies, but seems to rethink that, almost reaches to pull Beca a little closer, rethinks  _that_ , and eventually tucks both her hands underneath the pillow.

Her elbows make a little force field in front of Chloe, not allowing Beca to get any closer, which she finds she actually wants to do. To be honest, it's mostly to avoid the slight awkwardness of having to lie so she's staring directly into Chloe's eyes.

'Can you move your arms?'

Chloe looks momentarily worried. 'Yeah, I – where should I put them?'

'Um.'

She pulls out one of Chloe's arms, hesitating for a moment before moving to place it somewhere.

'Beca.' She freezes, holding Chloe's arm an inch above her waist, intent on having it wrapped around her. 'What are you doing?'

'I don't know,' Beca says, suddenly feeling foolish. 'Sorry, this was stupid.'

'No, no, it's not. But I don't want you to… you know,' Chloe says quietly, sounding unusually vulnerable considering she was the one comforting Beca only a minute ago.

"You know" could cover a whole range of things. Freak out. Panic. Shut down. Leave. Run away. Honestly, Beca could see herself doing a lot of those things right now. But the quiet echo of Jesse's words in her head keeps her grounded her to the bed, fearful of what he said coming true.

_Fine. I'll leave. But you know what, Beca? You keep pushing people away, and eventually they're just going to give up on you. Might take months or even years, but do you know how absolutely exhausting it is trying to get through to you, and getting nothing back? It drives people crazy, and it drives them away from you. One day you'll wake up and you won't have me, or Chloe, or anyone. You'll be all alone. That's what you want, isn't it?_

'I'm not going to "you know".' She winds Chloe's arm over her hip, shuffling so her head rests on Chloe's collarbone, sitting just underneath her chin. It feels weirdly intimate, but somehow less intimate than staring into her eyes. Mostly, though, it feels safe, and that's absolutely terrifying but amazing at the same time.

'Whatever you're going to say, don't,' she says, blinking away tears and the sting of Jesse's words. 'Can we just do this?'

She feels Chloe nod, that ever comforting hand beginning to caress her back again.

Beca can hear Chloe's heart thumping wildly underneath her ear, and in a way, it's reassuring to know she's not the only one out of her depth.

'I missed you so much,' Beca says under her breath, not even caring how needy she sounds.

Chloe places a tiny, loving kiss on the top of Beca's head. She's pretty much clinging to Beca, but she doesn't pass comment on it since she's pretty much doing it back. 'I missed you too… More than you know.' She drops her voice to a whisper. 'I'm so,  _so_  proud of you.'

'I'm proud of  _us_ ,' Beca mumbles.

'Me too…'

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I know a good dentist if you all got cavities.
> 
> Just a quick note – FFN user diam0ndsinthesky, please turn your private messaging function on if you feel comfortable with me replying to you! You always leave such lovely comments and I get sad when I can't respond to them :( Same for the rest of you who don't log in. Let me love you… I swear I'm not that creepy…
> 
> Sad to say, we're approaching the end of the fic guys. I predict about three (four would be pushing it) more chapters, at the most. Because of time constraints I'm going to have to end it slightly earlier story-wise than I would have liked, but I'd rather get it to a vaguely conclusive point and perhaps add to it with one-shots later on than leave it hanging. I promise I'll post at least follow up one-shot in this universe after I'm done, since I'm absolutely awful at writing sequels.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for Kate, and… all her associated problems.

 

Jesse is already there at the station when Beca arrives, pouring over a stack of CDs with a morose expression. She runs up to him, meaning to poke him or something else to get his attention, but excitement wins out and she ends up pounding him on the back with her fist instead.

'Ow!' he cries, whirling around with anger contorting his features. 'What are you – Beca!' His face clears when he sees it's her.

'Hey!' Beca says brightly, clasping her hands behind her back and grinning up at him.

Jesse stares at her, obviously taken aback by her unusually cheery greeting. Even if Beca wasn't supposed to be mad at him, it would've been odd. 'What are you doing here?' he asks.

'I'm here to work, silly!'

'Oh…' Jesse warily puts down one of the CDs he's holding, giving Beca his full attention now. 'No graveyard shift today?'

Beca shakes her head. 'Nope! Thought I could do with some actual sleep for once.' She tries to keep her smile down, and  _Christ_ , she feels so queerballs right now, but she can't help it. Judging by the way Jesse takes a cautious step away from her, he is clearly spooked by her strange behaviour. He probably thinks she's going to kill him or something – that's what Beca would think if someone ran up to her with a smile like that.

Just to unnerve him further, Beca deliberately lets her smile turn a little creepy, the corners turning up in a vaguely sadistic fashion.

'So…' Jesse says slowly, surreptitiously taking another step away from her. 'How're you, Beca?'

'Oh, I'm good,' she tells him cheerfully, practically bouncing on her toes. 'I'm  _really_  good.'

He blinks. 'Um. Okay. Any reason for that?'

'No reason…' She drifts closer to him, laughing inwardly when he tries to retreat again, his posture tense. 'Just good things happening in my life, right now, you know…'

'Great,' replies Jesse nervously, 'that's great.'

'Yep.' She nods, and lets the tense silence fall. Jesse looks pretty terrified, and Beca seriously wonders what he's expecting to get from a girl a whole foot shorter than him. 'So… Jesse,' she drawls. 'I hear you talked to Chloe.'

A beat.

Beca says, 'Thank you,' while at the same time, Jesse shouts, 'Don't stab me!'

Beca and Jesse both stare at each other, each realising what the other said.

'Thank you?' repeats Jesse incredulously.

' _Stab you_?' Beca echoes, similarly incredulous. 'Sorry, Jesse, I left all my knives at home. You're ridiculous, you know that?'

'Can you blame me?! You were acting really weird and then you brought up Chloe and I thought you were going to hurt me!' Jesse whines. 'I've never seen you smile like that.'

'Well, to be honest, I  _was_  trying to freak you out a little,' she admits. 'But it's kind of hilarious you thought I might've been toting a knife. Says a lot about your perception of my character.'

'You never know with girls like you,' Jesse says under his breath. 'But anyway… Thank you? What on Earth are you thanking me for? I thought you'd be furious with me.'

'Normally I would be, and I'm a little angry, sure…' Beca shrugs, her smile creeping back up on her face despite her attempts to keep it down. 'But surprisingly, I think you doing that actually helped a lot.'

'Ah.' He picks up a new crate to stack, also giving Beca one so she can start as well. 'So…. You and Chloe are doing okay, huh?'

'We're doing  _great_ ,' Beca gushes, not even realising her smile has turned into that of a crazy person's and Jesse is looking at her weirdly again. 'I'm not even kidding. Once we really started talking about what was going on, things just felt so much easier. She's so patient and understanding about it, now she knows a bit more about what I need from her. And Jesse, I even  _hugged_ her. Of my own accord! Me!'

Jesse's eyebrows shoot off into his hairline. 'You hugged her?'

'Yeah!' Beca says excitedly. 'Did I mention I did it of my own accord, too? I didn't think I'd be able to do it, but then I just said "fuck it", and I did it!'

'Well, that's great, Beca. I'm happy for you.' Jesse smiles back at her, but even Beca in her Chloe-related-happy-haze can tell it's forced. Her own slips a little too.

'What's the matter?' she asks. 'I thought you'd be happy for me.'

'Of course I'm happy for you,' says Jesse, putting his CDs in a pile hard enough to make the cases make a loud crack every time they hit the other.

'But?' Beca demands.

'But nothing. I'm happy for you. End of.' He takes his CDs and walks off into another corner of the room to start stacking them.

'Then why are you acting all weird?'

'I'm not.'

'You are – don't even bother lying.' He doesn't reply. 'Jesse!'

'What?' he snaps.

'Tell me what the hell is wrong!'

'Nothing is wrong!'

'Well there obviously is, or you wouldn't be acting like this!' Beca suddenly realises she's probably talking too loudly considering she's at work and Luke is in the booth next to them – but not quickly enough to tell Jesse to shut up before he yells, his cheeks bright red, 'Well guess what, Beca, you were wrong! I'm completely fine!'

The door to the booth bangs open and Luke pokes his head out, scowl in place. 'What the hell are you guys shouting about? You're supposed to be working!'

Jesse shoots him a scowl of his own. 'Nothing,' he responds moodily.

Luke's eyes narrow disapprovingly; he looks to Beca next. 'Becky? What's going on?' She glances at Jesse. Seeing this, Luke adds, 'And don't give me that "nothing" crap.'

'We were talking about Chloe,' Beca tells him hesitantly, unsure of what else she could say.

'Chloe? As in, Chloe Beale?' His face immediately softens; Beca rolls her eyes at the effect Chloe seems to have on everyone. 'What about her?'

Now Beca really has no idea what to say. Luke doesn't know that she's into women, let alone Chloe, and she rather wants to keep it that way – at the same time, she can't give him another excuse or he'll get mad.

Unfortunately, Jesse makes the decision for her, muttering, 'Beca is really into Chloe.'

'Dude!' Beca exclaims. 'A little discretion, please?!'

Luke looks taken aback by this news. 'I didn't know you were gay, Becky.'

'Yeah, well, I might have told you someday if Jesse didn't out me like that,' Beca says, glaring at Jesse.

'Why are you looking at me like that?' he says. 'It's not like Luke is likely to be homophobic, his sister dated Chloe!'

'That's not the point. It's my decision whether to tell someone or not.'

'She's right, mate. That's not on.'

Jesse grumbles. 'Fine. Sorry, Beca.' Beca doesn't accept his apology, still annoyed at him for being so moody with her before Luke came in. Thankfully, (or maybe not thankfully) Luke directs the conversation away by asking Beca some more questions.

'So you and Chloe are together?' he asks, turning to Beca interestedly. 'That's nice, I always thought she was a great catch for Kate.'

'No.'

'You aren't?' That's Jesse this time, raising his head up and staring at Beca in disbelief. 'Why not? I thought you said things were "great" between you two.' His little finger quotes indicate his sarcasm.

'They are. We're talking it slow,' she says defensively.

He snorts. 'Really slow, apparently…'

Beca has had enough of Jesse's attitude. 'What is your problem, seriously?'

'My problem?' He drops the stack he's holding back onto the trolley, getting a reproachful look from Luke. 'My problem is that you're not taking this seriously!'

'Taking what seriously?!'

'This whole thing with Chloe! You've just rushed straight back into her arms, without really thinking things through or taking the time to sort through your problems properly. If you're not careful, someone's going to end up with a broken heart again either because you hurt her or she hurt you, and  _I'll_  be the one to pick up the pieces again!'

'Hey,' Luke says sharply. 'Don't talk about things you aren't part of, Jesse. I know Chloe, and I know she'd never hurt someone deliberately.'

'It doesn't matter whether it happens deliberately. The point is that the two of you have this  _knack_ for completely ignoring what the problem is and end up hurting each other regardless.' Seeing Luke's blank look, he throws his hands up. 'Does no-one see where I'm coming from here?!'

'I get it,' says Beca quietly, getting disbelieving looks from both men. 'Don't look at me like that, I'm not completely stupid. I thought about all that already.'

'You did?' Jesse says, sounding surprised.

'Of course. I'm scared of that too, of us falling back into old habits.' She wipes her hands on her jeans, ridding herself of the nervous sweat that's built up on her palms. 'But I finally feel like I'm getting somewhere with her. I never said we were totally fixed, just that we're finally trying. And we've got a long way to go, but we have to start somewhere.' She looks at him pleadingly. 'Can't you just be happy for me?'

Jesse deflates, looking ashamed of himself. 'Yeah… You're right. I'm sorry…' He sighs, rubbing at his face. 'I don't know what came over me. I'm such a douche.'

'You're not a douche. Most of the time.' She smirks; he rolls his eyes. 'But it's nice you were looking out for me, and stuff.'

'I just don't want to see you get hurt again,' Jesse tells her honestly.

'Nor do I. And hopefully neither of us will be. But we're working on it, so that's the main thing, right?'

Jesse nods. He scuffs the bottom of his shoe on the floor a little in embarrassment. 'Right,' he mutters. 'I'm… I'm sorry, Beca.'

'That's okay,' she says, meaning it.

Luke is looking between the two of them, obviously completely lost. '… Are you two done now?'

'More or less,' says Beca, shrugging.

'Then get back to work, already, I'm not paying you to stand around crying about your relationship issues.'

'You're barely paying us at all,' Jesse mutters, but only loud enough for Beca to hear and crack a smile at. Luke turns on his heel and walks back into the booth.

'Back in a minute,' Beca says to Jesse, already following Luke in there and shutting the door. Luke doesn't even realise she's there until she's closed it.

'No freshmen -' he begin, but Beca finishes his sentence for him with 'No freshmen in the booth, yeah, I know. I just wanted to ask you something… privately.'

He pauses with his finger over a switch, raising an eyebrow. 'I'm guessing this is about Chloe.'

'How'd you guess?'

'You're not that hard to read, Becky.' He sighs, giving up. 'Today's going to be a slow day, I suppose… What do you want to know?'

'You and Chloe were close, right?'

Luke considers the question as he lines up some more tracks to play while he talks. 'Well. Maybe not  _close_ , but we got on pretty well, yeah.'

'So you were like… Around, when she was dating your sister?'

'Yes…' he says slowly, 'Becky, what's this about? Just cut to the chase, already.'

With a lack of anything to busy her hands with, Beca resorts to twisting her shirt between her fingers in nervousness. 'Look, this might be a personal question, but I can't help but wonder… What were your sister and Chloe like as a couple?'

'That  _is_ a personal question.'

'I know… The thing is, she hasn't said much about it, and the few times she has she's seemed pretty upset about the whole thing. I just wondered what actually went on between them.'

Luke sighs. 'If she's not brought it up with you herself, that's probably a clue that she doesn't want to talk about this kind of thing, or that's she's not ready to talk about it.'

'Can't you give me at least a brief outline of what happened?' Beca pleads. 'I promise I won't bring it up ever again.'

Luke turns to her seriously. 'Becky, I really think this is something the two of you should discuss together, not with me.'

Sensing a way in, Beca notes casually, 'I'm guessing Kate wasn't a good girlfriend, then.'

'Erm… Not the best, no,' Luke says delicately, taking the bait without thinking. 'It wasn't entirely her fault. Kate had a lot of  _issues_.'

'Issues?'

'Yep.'

'Like what?'

He shifts, putting his weight on his right foot. 'I don't really want to discuss that with you, Becky.'

'Right, right. Sorry.'

Luke coughs, turning back to his screen and putting his back to Beca. 'Maybe you should ask Chloe about this rather than me. I mean, Kate's my sister. This conversation sort of puts me in an odd position.'

'Right, right,' Beca mutters. 'Sorry, I shouldn't have asked.'

'It's okay to ask, I know you're just worried about her.' Luke looks at her closely. 'You care about her a lot, don't you?'

'What makes you say that?'

'Just… the look on your face. Kind of the look she used to have on her face with Kate.' He shrugs and turns away. 'Ah well. No freshmen in the booth, Becky.'

* * *

A few days later, Beca finds herself in a very familiar scene. It's one she got used to pretty quickly with Chloe; lying side by side at the head of Chloe's bed, Beca's laptop balanced on her stomach. Distantly, Beca thinks about how far she's come: only a few months ago she was yelling at Chloe for touching her while in this exact same position, now she's lying on her bed with Chloe with just slight twinges of discomfort every so often that she can more or less overcome. Strange how the person who was giving her the most discomfort not long ago was the person she'd opened up to the most now.

Chloe had apparently managed to get Aubrey to stay out of the room for most of the evening – as far as Beca knows, she is aware that Chloe is spending time with her, but isn't too happy about it. As such she didn't need much convincing to leave the room to Chloe, clearly having wanted to avoid Beca.

('I think she wants to stay away from me too,' Chloe said miserably, when questioned by Beca. There was nothing she could think to do to help besides pat Chloe's hand in the most sympathetic way she could muster, which probably wasn't very.)

Somehow, Chloe had managed to convince Beca to watch a certain movie with her, one she had promised her she would "definitely" like. She hadn't shown her the case, saying it would give too much away, but she did tell Beca that the title was "Imagine Me & You", whatever that was. At the beginning Beca was at least vaguely entertained by the English accents and the wedding antics, but wasn't quite sure why Chloe thought she would like this one – it didn't seem that different to other romcoms.

When the bride met the eyes of the florist as she walked up the aisle, though, Beca's jaw had dropped and she looked over at Chloe. She was very deliberately not meeting Beca's eyes, but there was a massive grin on her face.

'You've gotta be kidding me…'

'No kidding here,' Chloe said, giggling to herself. 'You'll love it. I promise you.'

Half an hour later, Beca has to admit she isn't minding it  _too_ much. Although cutesy romantic comedies like these ones are probably her least favourite genre (as much as she has favourites, anyway), it's a nice change watching one with a lesbian couple for a change. And as Chloe whines to her part-way through, 'This one is so great because it's  _happy_. I hate how lesbians in film always seem to end up with a guy in the end, or dead.'

'I guess that's like real life,' Beca says, snatching up some of the popcorn Chloe made them from the bowl resting on her stomach. Like Jesse, she finds it impossible to watch a movie without any, and well, Beca just likes popcorn in general. 'Us lesbians are doomed to a life of misery.'

'That better not happen to you,' says Chloe, waving her own piece of popcorn mock-threateningly. 'If you end up with a guy or die, I'll kill you.'

'That doesn't even make sense.'

'Exactly. That's how serious I am.' She throws her popcorn into her mouth, smirking when Beca rolls her eyes at her. She deliberately makes an attempt to focus her attention solely on the movie, pretending to ignore Chloe who is crunching her popcorn extra loudly just because she knows it irritates Beca. Apparently she 'looks really cute when she's annoyed'. If it were anyone other than Chloe, she probably would've kicked them out by now. Never mind that they're in Chloe's dorm. She'd find a way.

Unfortunately, after another ten minutes of the movie, Beca starts to find her attention slipping, going back to her earlier conversation with Luke.

She's been putting off this conversation with Chloe for a few days now, as despite her initial curiosity she has to admit she's kind of been spooked by Luke's lack of willing to share any information with her. She doesn't  _think_  Chloe and Kate's relationship was that bad – relatively speaking - but then, there's no way for her to know that definitively. And what if it was, and by asking Chloe she ends up upsetting her? She might well end up making things worse, what with her sub-par comforting skills.

A whole range of worries like these, each varying in their selfishness (and each one causing her to chide herself for being such a bad gi –  _friend_ , rather) keep springing up in her mind, and no matter how much she tries to focus on the movie, they continue coming back until she's missed a whole quarter of it by zoning out into her thoughts.

Chloe's giggle is the only thing to draw her out of it. 'I love that line,' she says.

Beca blinks back into focus – the main character and her husband are in a park, now, and she has no idea why. 'Yeah,' she replies, trying to sound enthusiastic about it.

'Are you enjoying the film?'

'Yep. It's great.' Why did she say that? Beca inwardly cringes. It would've been more realistic for her to say no.

'The part with the robots is my favourite.'

 _Robots_? What on Earth had she missed in the short time she'd been thinking of other things? 'Um, same here,' she says, not wanting to sound like she wasn't paying attention.

To her dismay, Chloe is not fooled one bit. She suddenly reaches over and pauses the film. 'Okay, now I know for sure you're distracted. Want to tell me what's going on? Because this isn't your usual "I hate movies" grump. Normally you at least pay enough attention for you to complain about the predictable plot lines.'

She shrugs noncommittally, fiddling with her fingers. When she doesn't answer, Chloe touches Beca hand gently. 'Okay, I'm guessing you don't want to talk about it. If you want to tell me what's going on, I'm here whenever you're ready.' She goes to unpause the movie, but Beca stops her.

'You're too damn nice sometimes,' Beca moans. 'It makes it really hard to stay all closed off and distant from you.'

Chloe winks. 'Why do you think I do it?'

'So you're not just being nice to me because you want to be? I am shocked and appalled, Chloe.'

'Yep. This ginger is a sneaky one.' Chloe sits up and closes the lid of the laptop, setting it aside. 'I'm assuming that means you do actually wanna talk about it.'

'I don't really  _want_ to, but I get the feeling it's probably something we should discuss. I dunno. I'm still getting used to this whole opening up thing.'

'You're not doing so badly,' says Chloe, giving Beca a little poke in the side and chuckling when she twitches. 'Most of the time.'

'Thank you. That was almost a compliment.'

'I aim to please.' Chloe flops on her stomach, resting her head on her arms. 'Now tell me what's on your mind already before you burst.'

'Are you sure? You probably won't like it.'

Chloe shrugs. 'Maybe. But I promise not to get mad or upset with you.'

'You don't even know what it's about.'

'Beca, stop stalling already. Things would be a lot easier and quicker if you just came out and said what you're thinking, you know.'

'Ugh, fine then.' Beca clears her throat. 'It's about Kate. You know. Your ex-girlfriend?'

Chloe's barely reacts, which is a surprise in itself – Beca had been expecting her to start tearing at the slightest mention of her name. 'Yes, I know of her. Now, what's your question?'

Put off by Chloe's unemotional approach to the topic, Beca says nervously, 'I dunno. I just wondered if you'd tell me about her a bit.'

'Sure,' says Chloe neutrally. 'What do you want to know?'

Beca looks at Chloe in disbelief. 'Why aren't you more upset about this? I'd have thought you'd be … well, at least a little more upset.'

'Why should I be?' asks Chloe, balancing her chin atop her folded hands. 'It was a long time ago, and as far as I'm concerned I cried all my tears over her years ago.'

'I thought she was horrible to you,' Beca says without thinking.

Chloe frowns. 'What makes you say that?' When Beca turns sheepish, she says, 'Beca?'

'I may have asked Luke about it,' she mumbles.

At this, Chloe finally looks upset. 'You went to Luke before me?'

'He didn't tell me anything,' Beca says quickly. 'He pretty much told me to do that – come ask you, instead of him, and I did that. So, woo Beca, well done for maturity right?'

'I don't think you get points for maturity if the only reason you're doing it is because the first option didn't work.'

'It wasn't like that,' Beca says, feeling like she should defend herself. 'I only asked so I'd know if it was likely to be a sore topic for you – I didn't want to bring it up if it was going to upset you.'

'There are plenty of ways you could have brought this up without doing that, Beca.'

'Yeah, and I realise that now. I really am sorry,' says Beca, as sincerely as she can.

Chloe regards her severely for a few moments, then sighs. The crease in her brow relaxes. 'Don't worry about it. I'd probably be curious too.'

'So you aren't mad?' Beca says, shocked that it was so easy.

'No, Beca. I'm not mad. Like I said, I think I'd be a little curious too. Although I'd prefer you talk to me first about these kinds of things, alright?'

'Of course,' says Beca, nodding frantically. 'So… Will you tell me about her now?'

'I could tell you a lot of things,' Chloe says matter-of-factly, and Beca starts to sense she isn't the only one stalling. 'What do you want to know specifically?'

'What were you two like together?'

Chloe grimaces. Maybe that wasn't the best question to start with. 'We had a weird relationship, to be honest. Kate… She had a lot of… issues.'

'What kinds of issues?'

'Serious emotional issues.'

'Like what, though?'

'I don't know,' Chloe replies tersely. 'Just  _issues._  She was never diagnosed with anything, mostly because she never wanted to get help. I have no idea if there was ever something at the root of it all.'

'What sort of things did she do?'

At this question, Chloe turns onto her side, now face to face with Beca's arm. 'Things that weren't very nice, to me or to her.'

'Chloe, you're being pretty vague…'

'It's a difficult topic,' Chloe snaps, 'give me a little time to answer.'

'I thought you said it didn't make you upset anymore.'

Beca, who is watching Chloe very carefully despite the fact she can't see her expression anymore, sees Chloe's shoulders hunch up slightly. 'Well, I lied. It  _is_  hard and I don't want to talk about it now.'

'Okay,' says Beca gently, 'okay. We don't have to. Sorry I brought it up.'

She reaches out, tentatively pulling some of the hair that's fallen into Chloe's face back behind her ear. Seeing that her hand is still intact, she smoothes the rest of it back too, unsure what else to do to comfort Chloe. Beca feels more than hears Chloe take a deep breath in and let it out.

'She cheated,' Chloe says. Beca says nothing, just lets her fingers linger anxiously but tenderly on Chloe's cheek – she already knows this. 'She did that a lot.'

'How much is a lot?'

'I don't know the exact count - those are the times I caught her doing it. After the first few times I think she stopped bothering to hide it. It's somewhere close to eight times.'

'Eight?' Beca's hand stills. 'She cheated on you eight times, that you know of? And you never thought to leave?'

'Of course I did. But I didn't want to,' says Chloe. 'I loved her. That was all that mattered.'

'That's not love, Chloe, that's bending over backwards for someone so they can kick you in the balls repeatedly.' She sits up, putting the pillow behind her back so she can peer down at Chloe. 'I can't believe you would let her do that to you.'

'It was years ago, Beca, and she was my first girlfriend. I cared about her.'

'Sounds like she didn't care about  _you_  all that much.'

There's a brief silence where Beca wishes she could punch herself in the mouth.

'Thanks, Beca.' The words are hollow.

'I didn't mean it like that,' Beca says, tugging apologetically on Chloe's shirt collar. 'Just that she was clearly a fucking bitch and I stand by what I said ages ago when I said she didn't deserve you. You're too damn compassionate.'

Chloe sighs, burying her face in her bed.

'She won't hurt you anymore, Chloe,' Beca says soothingly. 'If she comes back then I'll kick her ass.'

'You don't understand,' says Chloe, her words muffled into the bed sheets.

'I don't?'

'No.'

'Then explain it to me.'

Chloe sighs again, lifting her head enough to peek up at Beca. 'Will you hug me while I do that?'

'Sure.' She doesn't bother moving much, knowing Chloe will situate herself in the way that makes her the most comfortable without much input from Beca. Sure enough, she leans her head against Beca's shoulder, twisting one leg underneath hers. She takes Beca's hand and lifts it to her hair, demonstrating the stroking motion she needs right now, letting go when she's convinced Beca is comfortable doing it.

'Thanks,' says Chloe quietly.

'No problem.' She's being mostly honest – it does bother her a little having Chloe pressed all the way up her side, her weight heavy and warm on half of Beca's body, but not in a greatly unpleasant way.

'You don't have to tell me anything about Kate, you know.'

'I know. I want to, though. It's just that I've never really spoken about it with anyone before.'

'Not even Aubrey?' asks Beca, surprised.

Chloe leans her forehead against Beca's cheek. 'She knows some of it, but she didn't even know I was with her at the time. No one except for Luke was aware we were together back then, and even he only knows parts of it.'

'Okay,' says Beca, not sure how to respond to that. 'You don't have to tell me right now, is what I'm saying. We can leave it for another day, or, erm, for never, if you'd prefer that.'

Chloe turns her face so it is pressed into the material of Beca's plaid shirt, just over her collarbone. When she next speaks, it's so quiet Beca has to strain her ears to hear what she's saying.

'I used to have nightmares every night about getting calls where someone would be telling me she was dead,' Chloe whispers, already cracking with that one sentence. 'I would sometimes get calls from  _her_ telling me she was going to be, or wanted to be. I had to talk her out of it so many times.'

'Jesus,' Beca breathes, inaudible to Chloe, who is still going. Fuck. She should've never brought this up.

'She hurt so much,' Chloe says, her voice beginning to strain with the beginnings of tears. I don't even know  _why_ she hurt so much, but she did, and I tried so hard to make it better for her, but it was never enough…'

'Hey, hey, don't cry,' says Beca, panicking a little as Chloe descends into full on, noisy, wet sobs. 'Wait, don't cry! I don't have any tissues – one sec…'

She detaches herself from Chloe and jumps up from the bed, running to the bathroom to grab a toilet roll and rush back. When she comes back, Chloe is already sitting up using her sleeve to wipe her eyes, but she's crying too much for it to be effective and is now simply rubbing the skin of her face raw.

Beca breaks off a wad of the toilet roll, plopping down on the bed again and handing it over. Chloe presses it to her face, trying to stem the flood of tears. Beca watches helplessly as she does this, wishing she knew what to do and hating herself for having caused this by opening her big fat mouth. All she can do is wait for Chloe to calm down, digging her nails into her palms to push back the anxiety and frustration she feels at not being able to help at all. Chloe doesn't need her problems on top right now.

Eventually Chloe's sobs start to subside, and she sinks down into a weak little ball on top of the covers, the wad of tissue clutched tightly in her hands.

'I'm so sorry,' Chloe says hoarsely, peering up at Beca through wet eyelashes. 'I didn't think I was going to react like that…'

Beca just shakes her head silently, indicating that it's not a problem.

'This was supposed to be a happy night,' whispers Chloe. 'I was going to ask you out on a date after the movie.'

Beca's heart drops, feeling yet another pang of regret at the fact she brought this up. 'You still can.'

'Would you even say yes?'

'Maybe,' says Beca. 'If you asked.'

Chloe turns her face away. 'Not tonight. I don't want to ask now, after all that. It wouldn't be right.'

'Okay,' Beca replies, trying to keep the disappointment out of her speech.

'And I don't think I can talk about Kate anymore. Is that okay?'

'Of course.'

'Are you okay?' asks Chloe.

'I'm fine,' she lies. 'You shouldn't be worrying about me.' She gets up from the bed, dusting off her jeans. 'I should go.'

Chloe reaches out and grabs Beca's arm, stopping her. 'Wait. Beca.'

'What?'

'None of this was your fault.'

She doesn't need to ask what Chloe means. 'It kind of feels like it is. Seeing as I brought it up, and all.'

'It was a long time coming,' Chloe tells her, squeezing her. 'It needed to happen. And I'm glad you were there for me during it, and I hope you still will be if and when we come back to it.'

'"There for you"?' Beca scoffs slightly. 'I didn't do anything.'

'You were there and you stayed. I know the physical comfort bit doesn't come naturally to you, but there's more than one way to be there for someone.' She kisses Beca's knuckles and lets her go. 'Are you still leaving?'

'Yeah, I think I should.' She looks at Chloe guiltily, who still has tear-tracks staining her cheeks. 'Will you be okay?'

Chloe smiles at her weakly. 'I'll be fine. I think I'm going to have a nap. Let me know when you're home, won't you?'

'I will.' She leans down and wraps an arm around Chloe's head, letting go after only a second before she rushes out the door.

On her way out, she almost walks straight into Aubrey. At the sight of Beca coming out, her expression turns into one of annoyance and her mouth opens as though to say something, but Beca cuts her off, keeping her words in an undertone. 'Chloe's in her room. She had a rough day. I have to go, but will you keep an eye on her for me?'

Aubrey pushes past her to poke her head around Chloe's door, taking one look at Chloe's curled up figure and whirling on Beca with a glare. 'What did you do?'

' _Keep an eye on her,_ ' Beca repeats, setting her jaw determinedly to show Aubrey she isn't backing down to her intimidating look. 'We talked about Kate,' she adds, seeing Aubrey's eyes widen a little in understanding.

She asks critically, 'You're just leaving then? You're not even going to stay to comfort her?'

Beca shakes her head. 'She needs a friend, Aubrey, and you're probably better at looking after her than I am. Can you put aside all the Bellas stuff and just help her? If I thought I could do anything to help, then I would.'

'Fine,' Aubrey says reluctantly, after a moment. 'Make sure you text her or something, though.'

'Way ahead of you, Aubrey,' says Beca, whipping out her phone.

* * *

As Beca makes her way back to her dorm, she shoots off a text to Chloe with shaking hands:

' _How about you and I think about that date again after finals? I mean, if Aubrey will even let me back in.'_

' _! YES'_ is the reply she gets back, not even a minute later.

Beca pockets her phone, smiling a little easier at last.


	14. Chapter 14

'Beca,' whispers a voice, followed by a highly irritating finger poking her in the side repeatedly. 'Beca, wake up!' She groans, trying to get away from the offending finger by wiggling into the corner of her bed. Unfortunately, this does little to stop it, and she lets out a loud grunt when she gets a particularly harsh poke.

'Go 'way!' Beca mutters, batting at the hand.

'Well, get up then.'

She cracks open one eye and is severely disappointed to see her immediate assumption about who it was poking her being confirmed, as she sees the bemused face of her father blinking back at her. 'Go away, Dad,' she grouses, shutting her eyes again.

'Impossible to wake as always, then,' he notes, sounding amused. 'I remember when you were a kid you used to go back to sleep every time we tried to wake you up and we'd have to rush to get you to school in time.'

'Daaad, it's too early in the morning for crappy childhood memories. Plus, you really shouldn't barge in here without permission like that.' Beca flops back over onto her left shoulder so she has her back to him. 'You never know what you're gonna find.'

'Like what? You're usually either in your bed or messing about on your computer.'

'Who said I meant me? Kimmy Jin's a total wild one, you know,' she says. 'You should see what sort of antics she gets up to playing Mario Kart with her friends.'

'Very funny,' her father says, letting out an exasperated sigh. Despite Beca's protests, he crosses the room and rips open the curtains. 'C'mon, rise and shine. It's a beautiful spring day out there!'

'I can see that, it's hitting me in the face.' She pulls her duvet over her head, blocking out the light. 'Not in the mood for rising, let alone shining.'

'You seem grumpy, even for you,' he says. To her consternation, he takes a seat at the end of her sofa-bed, pushing her feet out of the way. Just to irritate him, she sticks her duvet covered foot in his face instead until he grimaces and gives her more room again.

'Score one for Daddy Mitchell, he can tell my mood.' Finally admitting defeat and that she's awake now, Beca forces herself to sit up. She stretches until her spine cracks and her dad winces at the noise. Smiling with satisfaction, she asks, 'What are you doing here anyway?'

'Can't a guy pop round to see his daughter once and a while without getting the third degree?'

'A guy can, but you can't,' she responds dryly. 'Usually you're too busy with work or whatever, unless you're coming over to make me feel bad about something. Just tell me what you want.'

'Nothing bad, I assure you.' He smoothes out a crease in his trousers. 'Sheila is making her famous cauliflower cheese tonight, and I was wondering if you might like to come to dinner with us. As a kind of… family meeting.'

'No,' she tells him shortly.

He frowns, looking upset. 'You're not even going to consider it?'

'No, for several reasons. One, the step-monster isn't my family, Dad,' she says, making his frown deepen. 'Two, I'm allergic to cauliflower.'

'Since when?'

'Since the step-monster was the one making it.'

'Don't be so rude,' he says, but the admonition falls on deaf ears.

'Plus, even if those two things weren't true, I can't tonight, dad. Bellas practice is this afternoon and Aubrey is having us practice for hours on end so we're ready for finals,' she lies smoothly, not even hesitating to say it.

'Really? I thought your group didn't make it through the semi-finals.' Seeing her questioning look, he explains, 'I do pay some attention to your life, you know.'

She shrugs, accepting this. The Bellas are pretty notorious on campus because of what happened to Aubrey last year, so it's not that surprising that her father might have heard something about it. 'Turned out one of the guys that went through was actually a high-schooler, so the Bellas went through instead.'

'Oh, so you're going to get another shot?' He beams at her, while Beca just looks at him with indifference. 'Well, that's brilliant, Beca. It's so nice you found a group you can mesh with in the end.'

'Yep. It's great,' says Beca with false enthusiasm. She kicks off her blankets and starts to rifle through her clothes, hoping she can escape her dad if she tells him she needs to shower.

'Do you think you might come another night, when you don't have practice?'

'I dunno Dad,' she says, examining her hefty collection of plaid shirts. Dark blue, or red today? 'I'm pretty busy at the moment.'

'Yes, you looked like you were rushed off your feet when I came in…'

Beca huffs in irritation. 'Don't you have other things to do? Like  _work_ , maybe?'

'I specifically cleared my inbox and workload for today, so I wouldn't have to focus on it tonight if you decided to come over.' There's a wounded, hurt puppy-dog tone to his voice, which only annoys Beca more.

'Can you just stop trying to force a relationship between me and the step-monster? It's never going to work. I don't like her, she doesn't like me – simple as.'

'I think the two of you could really get on, if you tried.'

'Well, I don't,' Beca says flatly.

As she says this, Beca's phone suddenly buzzes on her bedside table. Her father goes to reach for it, presumably to hand it to her, but she rushes over to snatch it up. Call it paranoia about other people touching her stuff. The screen reveals that it's Chloe texting her.

_Are you coming to rehearsal this afternoon?_

'Something the matter?' he says, seeing her downcast expression and latching on to it.

'Nope,' she says, dropping her phone back to the table and going back to her wardrobe. She decides to forego the plaid (gasp!) and opts for a red shirt over a black tank top instead. 'It's all good.'

'Judging by your expression when you read that text, I'm not sure I believe you.'

'What do you care?'

He sighs deeply. 'Beca, I'm your dad. Of course I care. So if there's something bothering you -'

'There isn't,' she interrupts, glaring at him.

He holds his hands up. 'Okay, okay. I get it.'

Except he doesn't get it at all. He just sits there twiddling his thumbs, staring at her with an expectant expression while she pretends not to notice. This goes on for several minutes, before she finally cracks.

'I left the Bellas,' she admits finally through gritted teeth. 'At semi-finals. Or rather, they both kicked me out and I quit. So there you go.'

'Why'd you do that?' he asks, looking concerned. She's a surprised he didn't tell her off for lying – maybe he knew all along and this was his way of goading her into telling the truth.

'I changed the songs mid-performance without asking them because people were pretty much nodding off throughout it,' she explains, feeling some of the pent-up emotion from that night still niggling at her for attention. She ignores them, as usual. 'I thought I was helping, but obviously not, seeing as we didn't even get through.'

'Okay…' he says slowly. 'So what's the problem? What was that text about?' His brow wrinkles. 'Wait, are they sending you mean things?'

'No, of course not. They wouldn't do that. It's just that…' Beca pinches the bridge of her nose, wondering how and why she ended up blurting her whole story out to her dad. 'I told Chloe I was going to come back. Or at least attempt to.'

'"Chloe?"' he says, a slightly odd look on his face.

'She's one of the co-captains. And my best friend,' she says, feeling the inexplicable need to add that part on, and also feeling an odd sense of pride from the words.

'Ah…'

'Only going back means I have to apologise to the other captain, Aubrey, which is something I  _really_  don't wanna do.' To her displeasure, her father actually starts chuckling at her.

'What's so funny?' asks Beca, irked.

'Oh, nothing. It just strikes me how similar to your mom you are sometimes.' He smiles fondly. 'She was just as stubborn as you, and almost as reluctant to apologise when in the wrong.'

'Can you not talk about her like that, please?' says Beca icily. 'You're not helping.'

'I didn't mean it like that, Bec. All I'm saying is that the two of you are very strong, opinionated women, who don't back down easily. '

'Basically a nice way of saying we're both assholes.'

'You're putting words in my mouth, Bec. Look,  _I_  understand why you don't want to apologise.'

'You do?' she says, surprised.

'Of course. The way I see it, in your heart of hearts, you don't really think there's a reason you should apologise. You believe what you did made it better, and even though you know you  _should_  say sorry and grovel, it doesn't seem fair that you have to shoulder all the blame. Some part of you, however small, feels a bit betrayed because they were meant to be your friends and you thought they would have supported what you did. Some part of you feels like  _they_ should apologise to  _you_.' At her silence, he looks a little smug. 'I'm right, aren't I?'

Beca turns away from him, pretending to search for more clothes even though she picked them all out five minutes ago. 'So now I'm selfish, according to you,' she says flatly. 'Thanks for that.'

'Stop it. You know that's not what I'm saying.'

'Then what  _are_  you saying?'

'That you're probably right to feel that way, because you probably  _did_ improve on the set.' At Beca's look of disbelief, he says, 'I do listen to the radio occasionally, you know. I've heard what you can do.' He pauses, an eyebrow quirking upwards. 'And not only that - there was this one occasion a student in one of my classes was listening to a track by you.'

Beca frowns, sure she misheard. 'What?'

'Yes, I was surprised too. But I was further surprised, when I got mad and confiscated her phone, and then found her listening to something by a "DJ Mitchell"…'

'What?' Beca splutters, while her father grins at her reaction. 'Who the hell was that?!'

'I believe it may have been one of your Bellas friends. A Miss Chloe Beale, to be more specific... Or, as you just told me, your best friend.'

' _Chloe_?!' Beca yelps. 'How the hell did she get them?! I haven't given them to anyone! Well, no one except for –' Her eyes widen. 'Luke. Oh my God, I'm going to kill him.'

'Who's Luke?' he asks curiously.

'He's the station manager, and is apparently distributing my music without my knowledge…' Beca lets out an aggravated sigh. 'I bet Chloe had something to do with it. She probably coaxed him into doing it with her stupid powers of persuasion. Ugh!' She's too busy brooding over the fact that Chloe has her music – and also a little flattered that she went to such lengths (maybe a lot, actually, and she keeps smiling about it) – to notice her father watching her with interest.

'So this Chloe. She's the one that just texted you?'

Beca, hearing his overly casual tone, is instantly on guard. 'Yeah.'

'And she's the one trying to get you to rejoin the group, too?'

'Uh huh.'

'And you two…' He clears his throat. 'Are you especially close?'

'… We're quite close, yes. Like I said… Best friends.' Beca tries to keep her tone neutral and not get defensive, but he still seems to get something from her response, judging from the way he's nodding in an infuriatingly knowing manner.

'Ah,' her father comments. 'I  _see_.'

She groans inwardly. 'Do I even want to know what kinds of things you're seeing?'

'I think you know exactly what I'm talking about.'

'Nope,' Beca says, her heart hammering in her chest. 'No idea.'

Her father wipes his hands on his legs, clasping them in his lap. He clears his throat once more. 'Beca, forgive me for prying,' ('You aren't,' Beca interjects), 'but is your relationship with Chloe anything like – ah, what was her name… your "friendship" with that girl, Victoria?'

Beca flushes wildly at the memory. Victoria was the one and only girl (or person in general, for that matter) Beca has ever kissed. They'd just been sitting together in her room when Victoria lunged at her; she hadn't been expecting it and had pretty much been frozen solid due to panic throughout the whole thing, and hadn't even been able to return it. Unfortunately Beca's mother had taken that moment to act like a good host and ask if Tori and Beca wanted any snacks, and had walked right in on them.

Suffice to say, Beca did not speak to Tori ever again.

'How do you even know about that?!'

'It's rare, I know, but your mother and I are able to talk without screaming matches sometimes,' he says wryly. 'This is the first time I've heard you talk about a girl since her, so I wondered.'

'Jesus Christ!' Beca howls, putting her face in her hands. 'I do not need my parents talking about my love life behind my back, thanks!'

'Ah, so you  _do_  have a love life?'

Beca glares at him over the tips of her fingers. 'Why are you even asking about this?!'

'Because I'm your dad, and I care about you.' She scoffs. 'Really. You can tell me what's happening, Beca,' he says gently. 'I won't judge.'

'I don't believe you.'

'Then let me prove it to you. Plus,' he adds, 'don't you think your old man might even have some advice to impart to you, too? I went through the same things as you, once upon a time.'

'Ugh. I'd rather not hear about that, thanks,' Beca replies, but she smiles a little despite herself. He pats the seat next to him, which Beca reluctantly takes after a moment.

'Is Chloe your girlfriend?' he asks quietly.

Beca links her fingers together, bending them inwards. 'No.'

'But you want her to be?'

She sighs. 'Maybe. There's something there, but I don't know what it is, exactly.'

'What do you want it to be?' he asks.

Beca opens her mouth to answer, but ends up shaking her head, unable to think of the words. She switches to a different problem, one that is more pressing for her. 'The other day I told her we could think about a date after finals… If Aubrey let me back into the group. So that's what I should be doing right now – going to apologise to Aubrey. She asked if I was going to be at rehearsal today… and I can't even reply and say yes definitively.'

'Would it mean a lot to Chloe if you were able to rejoin the Bellas?' Beca nods jerkily. 'And it'd mean a lot to you too, I'm assuming.' Another nod. 'Then I think you might just have to swallow your pride, Beca. Even if you meant well, your actions at semi-finals will have shaken them all up, and you can't expect them to let you back in if you're going to make it all about you.'

'I know,' Beca mutters irritably. 'I know I did wrong, and that I shouldn't have changed things. But Dad,' she whines, 'I just hate having to apologise to Aubrey. I hate the way she always walks all over Chloe – and the rest of the group - and by doing that I feel like I'm letting her win.'

He ponders this for a few moments. 'This Aubrey,' he says. 'She's as stubborn as you, right?'

'Yep. Probably more.'

'Ouch,' he says, chuckling when Beca scowls at him. 'Anyway, you should use that to your advantage.'

'How do you mean?'

'Well, if she's anything like you, she's going to hate the idea of apologising to you too. But if you're the bigger person, then she's going to have to, otherwise she'll probably look like a real bitch,' (he stumbles over the word – he's not a fan of swearing), 'in front of your friends. And am I right in thinking Chloe would not be happy if she was horrible to you?'

'Yeah.'

'Well, there you are. I know it feels like backing down, but really, you're the one winning this way. Think about it.' He gives her a little pat on the back, finally standing up. 'Anyway, Beca… Sorry to cut this short, but I need to go. But feel free to swing by if you need me.'

'Okay... No, wait, Dad,' Beca says suddenly, making him stop on the way to the door. 'Have I always been anxious about physical contact? Like, was that a thing when I was little, too?'

He tilts his head, lost in memories for a moment. 'You were never exactly welcoming of hugs and things, no. Why do you ask?'

'No reason,' she says. She really doesn't have any idea why she asked - it's just something that's been preying on her mind over the last few days. Whether this was something she picked up on along the way or if she's always been naturally reserved about physical contact. 'I was just wondering. And Dad?' she says, stopping him once again. He turns to face her. 'Thanks… I guess,' she says grudgingly.

He smiles at her. 'I can be useful sometimes.'

'Yeah, sometimes. Bye, Dad.'

He waves to her, shutting the door behind him. As soon as his footsteps stop sounding in the hall, Beca picks up her phone again to examine the text from Chloe once more.

Her dad is right, and she knows it.

She changes quickly, then, rushing her shower in favour of trying to get to the rehearsal in time – perhaps if she gets there early enough she might get on Aubrey's good side. However, by the time she's gotten through her morning routine, she's already late, and for all intents and purposes she should already be on her way there.

But Beca finds herself sitting down again, simply staring at the text.

Why is she so reluctant to go? Apologising is for the best all around, after all. She misses the Bellas, misses singing every day, even the dancing – heck, she even misses Aubrey sometimes, although that may just be Beca missing winding her up. She can't be  _that_ proud that she can't even admit she's wrong to someone when she blatantly is, even if it is Aubrey. She can't be that proud that she can't put aside her feelings so she can get back into something so important to Chloe, and if she's honest with herself, important to her, too. So what is the problem here?

It takes a little time, and a lot of huffing and rolling about on her bed with frustration, but she eventually unearths the real reason why she doesn't want to go. She's scared. Scared of getting rejected again. In all honesty, she had expected the impromptu mash up at semi-finals to go down a lot better than it did – that they would go through and she would be forgiven for taking control because she had proven that actually, she was right all along and that she knew what she was talking about.

But none of that happened. They didn't get through, and maybe the whole reason they didn't is because of Beca. Even Chloe hadn't been able to look her in the eye and tell her she'd done the right thing.

She let them down so much, and now she has to put herself out there again and hope they're going to forgive her. And maybe they won't. Maybe they'll just kick her to the curb again.

The door suddenly opens – she's expecting her father again, or perhaps even Chloe coming to demand where she is. It is neither; instead Kimmy Jin walks in, followed by her own circle of friends.

She comes to a halt when she sees Beca sitting at her bed, her expression darkening. 'You said you would be out of the room for the afternoon,' Kimmy Jin says in a cold monotone. 'I saw one of your group a little while ago and she asked where you were. I don't enjoy lying for you.'

'You did?' asks Beca, sitting up. 'Who was it?'

Kimmy Jin rolls her eyes like Beca is a drain on her very life force. 'The redhead.'

Beca glances down at the text once, seeing Chloe's words again, and feels warmth blossom in her chest. If no-one else, she knows that Chloe will stand by her. 'Yeah, I do,' says Beca, jumping up. 'Sorry, I'll get out of your hair now.' As she passes, she gives Kimmy Jin a resounding clap on the shoulder, shouting, 'Thanks!' as she rushes past.

She wishes she could've stayed to see her expression.

* * *

When Beca finally arrives, it's absolute bedlam.

She has no idea what's happened, but judging by the fact that Chloe and Aubrey are both flat on the floor, fighting over the pitch pipe while Amy is trying in vain to restrain them, Chloe finally lost it. And from the vomit which Lily is making an angel in (oh God, so gross), Aubrey has too. All over the floor.

'Guys! Guys, stop!' she yells, rushing in. 'What is going on?!'

The girls stop fighting immediately when they see her, with Aubrey using the quiet to snatch up the pitch pipe finally and jump to her feet. Chloe takes a little longer to recover, leading Beca to help her up and worriedly look her over for injuries.

'Nothing,' says Aubrey, her voice shaking. 'This is a Bellas rehearsal. You shouldn't be here.'

'I know.' Satisfied that Chloe isn't hurt, she turns to Aubrey and takes a deep breath. 'I'm not here to cause trouble. I just… wanted to say that I'm sorry.'

She feels a collective jolt of shock go through all the Bellas, and can't help but roll her eyes at the fact it's so surprising for them. Chloe, to her credit, doesn't seem at all surprised, and Beca feels a comforting hand touch her at the small of her back, encouraging her.

'What I did was a really dick move. I shouldn't have changed the set without asking you guys… And I definitely shouldn't have left. And…' She hesitates. Chloe's hand moves up between her shoulder blades. 'Aubrey, if you would have me, I want back in.'

Aubrey does not reply immediately. In fact, she does not reply at all, simply gazing at Beca with an expression that clearly reads "Are you kidding me?" for such a long time that Beca begins to feel disheartened. This goes on for quite a long time, with many of the Bellas shooting Aubrey incredulous glances, and Chloe doing the same.

When Beca finally gives up and turns to leave, Chloe's hand fisting in the back of her jacket makes her stop. 'Aubrey!' Chloe says, her tone one of steel. Beca looks at her in amazement; she's glaring at Aubrey with such an air of anger and venom she has never in her life seen directed at anyone, let alone her supposed best friend. 'Are you seriously going to be this immature?!'

Aubrey's jaw hardens, and she makes a visible attempt at turning the same impassive look on Chloe.

But it only lasts for a brief moment before it begins to crumble, and she unceremoniously bursts into noisy tears.

All of the Bellas, including Chloe, are at all a loss over what to do. Beca can physically feel Chloe dithering anxiously next to her, most of her anger already having fled her in seconds at the sight of Aubrey's pitiful crying. Chloe's torn, Beca knows, between wanting to comfort her and staying by Beca's side.

'Go,' Beca whispers, giving Chloe a little push in Aubrey's direction. Chloe stumbles, but she doesn't need telling twice to gather Aubrey up in her arms, guiding her head to Chloe's shoulder and letting her soak through the material of her shirt with her sobs.

Beca forces herself to avert her eyes, feeling like she's intruding on some intimate moment, and not especially enjoying the feeling.

The other Bellas all have small smiles on their faces, but they aren't looking at Aubrey and Chloe; they're looking at Beca. And at that moment, she knows she made the right decision.

* * *

 

When she goes to take a seat, she's about to take one opposite Aubrey but Chloe tugs her back over to her side and sits her down in the seat directly next to hers. Beca lets her join their hands together and hold them in her lap. She can feel the nervous energy exuding from Chloe, the way her leg keeps bouncing next to Beca's and she keeps fidgeting with Beca's fingers. She doesn't know why she's so wound up, but she thinks it has something to do with the way Chloe's cheeks are flushed a delighted pink, her eyes bright with the newfound confidence of standing up for herself.

When the time comes to reveal something about herself, what she intends to say is a simple, but truthful little speech about not having many female friends in her life, and truly enjoying the fact she has a lot now. But what she actually says after surprises them and her with its honesty.

'I push everyone away,' she says, her eyes slowly roving from person to person. 'I don't mean to, but I do. I struggle with stupid things like hugging and opening up to people. Until my dad forced me to get involved in an activity here, I was pretty much just going to sleep away my college years, and I didn't want to meet anyone. But someone –' she glances at Chloe here, who gives her an adoring smile, 'convinced me to come here, and then I met all of you, and… turns out, having friends like you guys is pretty cool.' The corners of her mouth turn up in a smile too, before she can stop herself. 'And I'm really happy I came back.'

When she's done, Cynthia Rose highfives her and Stacie tackles her with a one-armed hug, although it's less of a hug than practically shoving Beca's face into her breasts, but Beca's attention is (mostly) elsewhere. Mainly on Chloe. What's the point in denying it? She always seems to be thinking about her these days, and judging by how Chloe's eyes lingered on Beca throughout her little speech – and after it - it's the same for her too.

They stay on her when Chloe, in a choked voice, reveals to the others that she had surgery on her nodes, not letting go of Beca's hand the entire time.

They stay on her when Aubrey finally stand up and asks for Beca's help, a proud thumb tracing its way in between her knuckles.

They stay on her throughout their mash-up of Just The Way You Are and Just A Dream.

It's then that Beca realises, Chloe never really needed to touch her to get under her skin. She didn't even need to be close to Beca in order to start painstakingly pulling down her walls. She could do it from a few feet away, their eyes boring into each other's as they sang. She could do it with her voice, her singing, her music, her harmony.

It was always the music that entwined them together, from that first day singing Titanium, and it always will be.

Chloe doesn't try and stay with her after they finish, but Beca catches her by the wrist and pretty much launches herself into Chloe's arms. If she's surprised then she doesn't show it – Chloe just laughs unreservedly and rocks Beca from side to side, practically spinning them both in circles. Her beaming smile is evident when she brushes her lips against Beca's temple again and again, one hand tangled in Beca's hair.

There's pressure in Beca's chest again, but not the usual kind – instead it's the unfamiliar feeling of pent-up excitement wanting to burst out of her, her muscles wound up and restless. She literally wants to jump up and down, run around screaming in happiness.

Beca channels it into squeezing Chloe tighter and feeling the same back, into burying her face in Chloe's neck and breathing her perfume in, exhaling out affection with a content sigh.

She thinks she sees the other Bellas – including Aubrey, much to her surprise – smirking a little when they catch up a few minutes later, holding hands again (hers are clammy and damp, so are Chloe's) but frankly? She doesn't care.

* * *

They congregate back in the auditorium to collect their bags – or at least they try to, before they remember that the floor is covered in vomit. Naturally, no one wants to go back in.

Nonetheless it is unanimously decided that Aubrey should be the one to have to go in, followed by a furious tournament of rock paper scissors to find out who should help her. After five minutes of this, Chloe gives in and volunteers to help Aubrey.

Once they two of them have left, Cynthia Rose suddenly nudges Beca in the side. She whispers, with a little waggle of her eyebrows, 'Sooo. What's going on with you and Chloe, B?' This catches the attention of the other Bellas, who immediately turn around with interest. 'She was staring at you through that whole song.'

'Stuff,' says Beca evasively.

'Are you guys together yet?' Amy asks tiredly. 'Because I swear, waiting for you guys to come out is even more exhausting than waiting for this one.' She jabs her thumb in Cynthia Rose's direction, getting a little 'Hey!' of protest from her.

'No, we aren't.'

'When are you going to ask her out?' That's Stacie this time, looking excited at the very prospect. In fact, all of them do, even Jessica, Ashley and Denise who she doesn't actually talk to that much – vaguely, she wonders why everyone is so invested in her love life. She shrugs it off, though, mostly just happy to be surrounded by people who care.

'I'm going to ask her out on a date after finals,' Beca mumbles in embarrassment, jamming her hands into her pockets and trying not to grin when they all whoop and pat her on the back. 'At least, that's what I told her, so I guess I have to do it now.'

'Nice one,' says Amy, trying to put an arm around Beca's shoulders, who swiftly side-steps it. 'It can either be a nice consolation prize or a celebration. It's a win-win either way.'

'What's a win-win?' says a voice behind them – Chloe's, of course. She hands over the bags to the other girls, saving Beca's for last so she has a reason to step closer to her again.

'Beca asking you out on a date after finals,' Amy explains **.**

'Oh, I know,' says Chloe, giving a rather flustered Beca a little wink. 'She's told me. I'm holding her to it.'

'Is that true?' asks Aubrey abruptly, her question directed at Beca. When she nods, a little nervously, Aubrey frowns a little and seems like she's going to say something. However, Chloe gives her a look and her mouth snaps closed. 'I hope you have fun, then.'

Despite her words, she still sends a silent message to Beca with her eyes,  _Hurt her and I will end you._

Beca just blinks slowly, hoping she's conveying what she means to in return.  _I won't. But the same goes for you._

'Okay,' says Aubrey, her shoulders slumping with exhaustion. 'Practice will be bright and early, since we're basically starting from scratch. Everyone bring their laptops or iPods or whatever with them. Beca, bring all your mixes. I think we're going to need all the ideas we can get.'

Beca salutes her. 'Will do.' Her words have triggered a memory for Beca, though, and she turns to Chloe. 'Hey, can I speak to you before you go home, by the way?' The other Bellas start wolf-whistling and making comments about dates, causing Beca to roll her eyes good-naturedly and Chloe to giggle.

'Sure thing,' she says, bumping her shoulder against Beca's. Aubrey watches this exchange with weary eyes.

'Don't keep her too long, Beca, we need all the sleep we can before tomorrow.'

'I won't, sir. I promise I'll have your daughter home before curfew and my intentions are totally innocent.' She smirks when Aubrey huffs out a sigh, but she doesn't look unhappy.

'See you at home, Chloe.'

The Bellas gradually disperse, with some lingering a little to give Beca a hug (or rather, trying to and then settling for an awkward handshake) and telling her they'd missed her before leaving. Eventually, it's just Chloe and Beca alone, shivering slightly in the chill that has fallen in the last ten minutes.

Chloe takes Beca's hands in her cold ones, threading their fingers together. 'Before you say anything, I just wanted to thank you for apologising to Aubrey,' she says.

Beca shakes her head. 'I should've done it a while ago, I was being an asshole about the whole thing. But thank you too for sticking up for me.'

'You'd have done the same for me.'

Beca concedes this with a nod. 'Yeah, I would've.' Chloe touches her palms to Beca's gently before letting go again. 'So, my dad told me a funny story today.'

'Oh yeah?'

'About a student in his class listening to my mixes…' When Chloe bursts into laughter, Beca puts her hands on her hips and pretends to scowl at her. 'When did you get them?!'

'I needed my fix!' Chloe says, trying to smother her giggles with her hand. 'It's not the same listening to it on the radio, I can't just repeat the same songs over and over. Luke sent them to me. You'd have never given them to me of your own accord!'

'I might have,' Beca challenges, 'you don't know. You never asked!'

'So you would have if I asked?' Chloe says, raising a sceptical eyebrow. 'Yeah right…'

'I so would,' Beca retorts. 'And I'll prove it.'

'Prove it?' says Chloe, confused. 'Prove it how?'

Beca scrabbles in her bag to find the memory stick she's looking for. She finally finished this one a short time ago – not long after meeting up with Chloe again, actually – and because of her insane need to back things up, she's been carrying it around in her bag for a while.

She puts it in the middle of Chloe's palm, closing her fingers around them. 'It's that Bulletproof/Titanium mix you heard a bit of a while ago,' she explains. 'No one else has heard this. You'll be the only one.'

Chloe looks down at the small USB stick in her hand, stunned **.** 'Beca,' she whispers, 'I was only kidding - you don't have to do this…'

'Sure I do,' says Beca, although now she's handed it over her fingers are kind of itching to snatch it back. She clasps her hands behind her back to stop the urge. 'I want to. It's yours.'

Chloe looks so touched, genuinely blinking back tears, that it actually makes a lump rise to Beca's throat. Chloe asks throatily, 'Can I kiss you? On the cheek, I mean,' she adds quickly, when Beca's eyes widen.

'Uh… Yeah, sure,' Beca mutters, distantly thinking she probably wouldn't have minded all that much if Chloe hadn't meant the cheek.

And from the way she cups Beca's face and her eyes linger there before she leans in and touches her lips to Beca's cheekbone – causing a flush to flood outwards from the skin underneath the slight pressure - Chloe seems to feel the same way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all of you liking my girlfriend's addition to my fanfic on Tumblr, I'm a little concerned?! Clearly you all just want the lesbians to live happily ever after. When I told her she just said 'Well, maybe you should spell naked that way.'
> 
> If all goes as planned, NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST ONE! Woooo! I don't know if there'll be an epilogue yet, or whether I'll even be able to write one, but I'll still finish the fic in such a way that it won't be necessary. You guys have been so great, I love you all.


	15. Chapter 15a

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: I've split the final chapter into two parts, since it was getting a tiny bit long. Second part will come later today, and it's twice as long!

 

'No, no, no,  _no_!' Aubrey cries in frustration, tugging on the roots of her hair. 'There is no way we are using "Call Me Maybe" in this performance!'

'But it's such a cute song!' Stacie argues, looking disappointed. 'People love it, it's a real crowd pleaser!'

'"Turn The Beat Around" is a crowd pleaser, not that excuse for a cheesy pop sensation!'

'And what is so bad about cheesy pop?!' says Stacie, nettled. 'It makes you feel good and everyone can sing along!'

'This is an acapella competition, Stacie, not a concert! We want people appreciating the work we put into this performance, not distracted by their own singing and dancing in their seats!'

'If they're singing and dancing, that means they're enjoying it! God, can't you loosen up a bit?!' Stacie yells. 'I thought all that puke might have dislodged whatever stick you had up your ass, but apparently not!'

Seeing that Aubrey looks ready to murder Stacie at any moment, Beca decides to step in. 'Guys, guys! Calm down.'

'She started it,' Stacie grumbles.

'I don't care who started it. Look, Stacie, we'd love to use Call Me Maybe…' Stacie's face lights up, while Aubrey turns her homicidal glare on Beca instead. 'But!' she adds quickly. 'I just don't think it'd work. As far as I can see, it doesn't really lead very well to or from any of the songs we've already settled on.' She taps the board which has their new set list on it. It took an hour and half just to get these ones. 'And unless you want to change any of these…'

It works: Stacie pales and rapidly backs away to her chair. 'No way. If you say it won't work, I believe you, Beca. And…' She winces. 'Sorry, Aubrey.'

'That's okay, Stacie. I know we're all stressed out.'

Beca catches Aubrey's eye; she smiles at Beca, who returns it.

'Okay, if we're all ready to work again… Our main problem is that we still don't have a "central" song to come back to,' says Beca, furrowing her brow at the song titles on the board.

'What do you mean?' Aubrey asks. 'I thought we were doing a kind of medley.'

'We are, but I think this would work best if we had a couple of "main" songs that formed the foundation of the song, and then we can layer other bits on top as we go along. That way we have a solid base to work on, and it's a lot more interesting than having long sections of a single song. I don't know which ones would be best, though…' She trails off into thought, unconsciously humming to herself and tapping out beats on her thigh as she searches through her mental archives to find the perfect songs.

As she muses, Beca hears Amy say behind her in a stage whisper: 'Close your mouth, Red, a dingo could crawl in with the way you're gawping.'

She turns to see Chloe has turned bright red, and the other Bellas are watching her with amusement.

'Problem, Chloe?' Beca asks.

Chloe's eyes widen and she shakes her head. 'N-no…'

'She's lying,' Amy declares. 'She's been looking at you like a piece of chocolate gateau for like twenty minutes. It's pretty distracting.'

Beca laughs, leaning against the whiteboard a little. Seeing Chloe get flustered for once is far too good to pass up. 'Is that so? Chloe, maybe you should go sit in the corner, if you're distracting the others.'

'She should do some cardio,' Cynthia Rose comments, smirking. 'Get all that excess  _energy_ out.'

Even Lily gets in on the teasing, saying in a barely audible whisper, 'Sex burns a lot of calories too.'

'You all suck,' says Chloe, rolling her eyes. But then she winks at Beca. 'Besides, you guys can't blame me, anyway. It's not my fault Beca is incredibly hot when she's thinking about music.'

'I.e. all the time,' says Amy dryly. Chloe grins and nods.

It's Beca's turn to flush now – she turns around to avoid Chloe's knowing smile, determinedly staring the words on the board until they blur to try and pull herself together. 'Anyway!' she says loudly, ignoring the sniggers behind her, 'Any suggestions for the main songs, guys? My mind's gone blank.'

'I bet,' Aubrey mutters. Beca glowers at her.

'Ooh, I know what we should use!' says Stacie suddenly.

'No,' Aubrey snaps.

'But you haven't even heard my suggestion yet…'

'Your last five haven't been useful, what makes you think this one is?'

'Wait, Aubrey,' says Beca, holding up her hand. Aubrey scowls but stops talking. 'Stacie, what's your suggestion?'

'Pitbull – Give Me Everything Tonight,' says Stacie promptly.

'No,' Aubrey starts automatically, about to tell Stacie off, but then she frowns. 'Wait. That's a… good idea, actually.' She turns to Beca. 'What do you think?'

Beca just smiles and writes the song in capitals on the board.

* * *

'Somehow when we were arranging our new set for the ICCA Finals, it didn't occur to me that we'd have to learn a whole new set of choreography,' Beca gripes, as Chloe guides her through another round of "It's not about the money"s and "forget about the price tag"s.

'You didn't expect us to keep the old choreography, did you? Okay, remember, it's table wipe, badass walk, cowgirl, don't confuse them this time,' Chloe advises, moving Beca's limp, resisting arms into every painstaking step. She's not being deliberately petulant – Beca just really hates dancing, and only Chloe can put up with her enough to make sure she knows every step.

In great detail.

It involves a lot of rehearsal, both in practice and outside it. With Chloe pressed right against her back to help her do every move.

She minded at first, but the alternative is being yelled at by an increasingly stressed out Aubrey who is definitely feeling the pressure of having to come up with an entirely new routine and set with only a month to go before finals. Besides, dancing with Chloe isn't  _that_ bad now she's getting a little better at curbing her natural desire to run in the other direction when Chloe touches her. She's very patient, and if Beca doesn't get something she helps her through the movements, talking through it with her instead of losing her temper.

'No. Maybe? I guess I didn't think that hard about it,' she says, as she and Chloe skip around the room together.

'I think this choreography is our best ever. Alright, now we're driving, driving…' Chloe rotates Beca's arm for her, mimicking the movement of a steering wheel. 'Now…' There's a pause, and Beca knows Chloe's grinning, 'sexy hips. Let me see 'em.'

Beca snorts, looking back at Chloe over her shoulder. 'You know, your weird names for the dance moves aren't exactly helping.'

'Really? The others like them – they say it helps them remember what to do.'

'Well sure, they're  _memorable_ , but when you start nicknaming them things like "giving an upside down blowjob" I can't really concentrate on dancing because I'm laughing too hard.'

Chloe giggles and flicks Beca on the back of her sweaty neck. 'Don't try and distract me with wit. I haven't seen your sexy hips yet.'

'They're right here,' says Beca, slapping herself on her right hip bone. She walks to her bed and flops down on it. 'Also, I'm calling a break.'

'You called a break like five minutes ago!'

'I have low stamina. Sue me. This shit is hard work.'

Chloe huffs, but joins Beca on the bed. 'You're actually a good dancer. I don't know why you pretend you aren't.'

'Beats me,' says Beca dryly. Literally; her throat is parched. She reaches up for a bottle of water sitting on her desk; as she does so, Chloe pokes at the tiny amount of exposed skin at her belly shown by her t-shirt riding up, making Beca squeak and glare as she pulls it back down. 'Hey!'

'You didn't answer the question.'

'Was there a question in there?' Chloe pokes her again. 'Alright, alright, stop with the abuse. I don't  _pretend_ I'm a bad dancer.' Beca unscrews the water and takes a swig. She grimaces; it's lukewarm. 'You guys just kind of assume I need help, when really I just can't be bothered.'

Chloe raises an eyebrow. 'And by "you guys", you mean me, right?'

She takes another sip, mostly to delay answering. 'Yeah, I guess. Aubrey too.'

At that, Chloe grabs the bottle off her and takes a sip of her own. When the sip turns into quite a long drink, Beca begins to consider she's doing it for the same reasons as Beca.

'Confession,' she says eventually, licking her lips. 'I don't think you need help dancing. I never did. I just wanted to touch you.'

'Now  _there's_  a surprise.' Chloe smacks her on the thigh. 'Ow! Jesus, woman – I swear, the more comfortable we get with each other the more you seem to be beating me up. I'm not liking this change.'

'Oh, get over it, you big baby,' says Chloe with a playful roll of her eyes, but Beca notices she puts her hand on her leg, right over her "injury", a thumb running over the material of Beca's jeans. 'What?' she says mischievously, seeing Beca's open-mouthed expression.

She shudders, closing her mouth. 'You drive me crazy.'

'Maybe.  _But_ ,' she says, raising an eyebrow and drawing tiny circles on the inside of her thigh, 'I'm starting to think you like it.'

Beca snatches the bottle back from Chloe's other hand and drains it.

* * *

'Beca! Beca, wait up! Beca! Ugh, I hate when you have your headphones on, you can't hear a damn thing -  _Becaw!_ '

Beca definitely hears that, despite the music playing in her ears – she slips them off, turning around to see Jesse running after her, panting.

'Finally,' he gasps, bending over and placing his hands on his knees so he can catch his breath. 'I've been trying to catch up with you for ages.'

'You could've texted or called, you know. I have my phone on me and I would've felt it vibrate.'

He blinks at her, standing back up. 'Damn, why didn't I think of that?'

'Clearly I'm the brains of this duo,' Beca teases, beginning to walk with Jesse. 'So what d'you want, asshole?'

He frowns at her. 'Well, nothing, if you're gonna be like that.'

'Oh come on, chill out. I meant it affectionately.'

'Calling me an asshole is affectionate?' he asks sceptically.

'In my world, yeah.'

Jesse considers this, and shrugs. 'Fine. You whore.'

'That's the spirit!' Beca cheers. 'Glad we've reached the point in our friendship where we can trade insults, now. Those are the best kinds of relationships.'

'I'm starting to agree, bitch.'

'Jesse, you don't have to insult me every time.'

'Why not, douchecanoe?'

'Douchecanoe?' Beca splutters. 'What are you, ten?'

'I'm not ten. I'm nearly eleven,' Jesse retorts while making a face, eliciting a laugh from Beca.

'Okay fine, no affectionate insults, you made your point. Anyway, what did you say you wanted?'

'I didn't. But now that you ask, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out later, maybe get some food?' he asks, barely looking at Beca as he asks it. 'There's this great new pizza place that opened up recently, I wanted to check it out.'

Beca winces. 'Ooh. Sorry, can't. I promised Chloe I'd spend some time with her tonight. That's where I'm going right now.'

'Again?' he says, his tone a little whiny and making Beca's eyebrow raise. 'You've been out with Chloe every time I've asked you this week.'

'Well, actually, I've been at Bellas practice, but I see your point.' She gives him an apologetic smile. 'I'm sorry, dude. Catch up with you another time, though?'

He sighs. 'This is pretty much the only time I have free – we're having to pull hours of practice to try and recreate our set, since Bumper ditched and he put himself up for solos in the songs we were doing. We're having a night off since we're all beat.'

That takes Beca aback. 'Bumper ditched?'

'Yeah.' Jesse frowns. 'I told you that the other day. Weren't you listening?'

Beca searches her memory, but finds nothing. 'Sorry, I don't remember. When was that?'

'Tuesday. I think you've might've been texting Chloe at the time.'

Beca glances up at him, perturbed by his bitter tone. 'Wow. Did it just get colder out here, or is that just you? Seriously, Jesse, what's up?' When he doesn't answer, she pulls his arm to make him stop. 'Jesse! Why are you being like this?'

'I'm not being like anything,' he snaps, 'you're the one always blowing off your friends to hang out with Chloe, even though you spend half your day with her already.'

'Jesse, I want things to work out with Chloe, so I want to spend time with her. I thought you'd understand that.'

'I do, but you're just taking things too far right now. You're practically obsessed with her.'

A loaded pause follows.

'Wow, harsh,' Beca says, hurt.

'I didn't mean it like that.'

'I think you did. Why are you being such a dick about Chloe all of a sudden? Weren't you were the one encouraging me to go after her and stop ignoring my feelings?'

'Well yeah, but I didn't think you getting closer to Chloe would mean you'd start pushing  _me_  away!'

'I'm not!'

'You are,' he snarls. 'And when you start distancing yourself from her or she starts pushing you too much, don't expect me to come and put you back together again!'

'Stop it, Jesse!' Beca says shrilly, his words hitting her in all her most sensitive spots. 'Why the hell are you being this way?!'

'Don't act all innocent,' he says scornfully, turning away from her. 'You already know why!'

'No I don't! I have no damn clue and I wish I did, because then I might be able to do someth -'

'I like you, okay?!' he shouts, loud enough to drown out her words, whirling around. 'I have a crush on you! I have for ages!'

A shocked silence falls.

'So there you are,' he says flatly, quiet again. He folds his arms. 'Truth's out.'

Beca blinks slowly, slowly closing her mouth from when her jaw had dropped. 'Jesse, I…' Her voice cracks on the "I". She shakes her head, not sure what to say. 'I'm gay… I- I thought you knew that?'

'Of course I know that,' he groans, putting his fingers to his temples. 'That's what I keep telling myself, but it doesn't help. I can't help how I feel, and knowing it will never ever come to anything doesn't exactly make me feel better, Beca.'

'Well… what do you want  _me_  to do?' Beca retorts, getting a little pissed off with the way he's acting all victimised. 'I can't change my sexuality for you.'

'I know you can't, but… ugh.' He lets out a deep sigh, then takes his hands away. 'I wish things were different.'

'You wish I was straight, basically.'

He cringes, but nods. 'Is that so wrong?'

'Well… Kind of. Jesse. That's a big part of me… A massive part,' Beca says slowly. 'And I thought you understood that. I thought you were supportive.'

'Jesus, Beca,' he says, running his hand through his hair. 'I do understand. I  _am_  supportive. But you have to know how hard this is for me… I had to grit my teeth and bear it while I was watching you swoon all over Chloe, and I never said a word.'

'Until now, when things are getting better,' Beca says coldly, her jaw tightening. 'You can't handle the possibility of us getting together for real. Tell me, Jesse, were any of the things you did for me because you really cared, or just because you thought it'd help me get closer to you? Maybe you thought I'd fall into your comforting arms instead after Chloe broke my heart, like one of your movies?'

He looks shocked. 'Of course I care, Beca! I swear that wasn't how it was!'

'I don't believe you one bit. You know, it all makes sense now. All along, you just wanted to get close to me because you were hoping I'd fall for you instead.'

'That's completely untrue -'

'Is it? Think about it, Jesse.' He simply stares at her sorrowfully, looking like he might cry at any moment. 'I'm gay,' she says flatly. 'And for me, that means I exclusively like women, not women with an exception for you. I can't help the way  _I_ feel, any more than you can.' She pulls her headphones back up, reaching into her pocket to turn her music on again. 'You need to get that into your head. You have no right to be angry at me just because you're attracted to me and I'm not attracted to you back.'

'Beca...'

'I need to go. Chloe's waiting for me.'

'Beca, wait -'

'No, I'm done here,' Beca interrupts, shaking off his hand on her arm. 'Call me when you decide my sexuality, along with Chloe and me are worth respecting. Bye, Jesse.'

* * *

'Hey you!' Chloe says cheerfully when Beca walks up. 'You took your time walking up, I thought you'd died or…' Chloe suddenly catches sight of her face, instantly turning concerned. 'Hey... Beca, what's wrong? Did something happen?'

'Jesse happened,' Beca replies, intending to make it sound cold and unemotional, but at that point she loses control of the emotions that had been steadily building on the walk over and bursts into tears.

Chloe gathers her up quickly in her arms, holding her, letting her cry and stroking her hair. Beca lets her do this without any protest, clinging to the back of Chloe's shirt for dear life.

* * *

'You look so pretty,' Chloe says, coming to stand behind Beca as she looks in the mirror. Her hands touch Beca's hips once, a silent question in the gesture; when Beca doesn't move away, she takes this as the tacit permission it is to wrap her arms around Beca from behind. Her chin comes to rest on Beca's shoulder; unconsciously, she leans back into the embrace.

'Well what about you?' Beca remarks, plucking at the edge of Chloe's short-sleeved blazer and letting it go. 'Blue is definitely your colour.'

'It's yours too,' Chloe says, smiling widely. 'I'm still amazed you managed to get Aubrey to forget the old uniforms.'

'I told her to try doing the choreography in the skirt and heels. She agreed pretty quickly then.' Beca turns in Chloe's arms, her hands settling on Chloe's shoulders. It keeps them at a reasonable distance that she feels comfortable with, but as she does this more and more she's beginning to need fewer safety nets.

Chloe hums a little in satisfaction, looking down at Beca's body. 'You look even better from the front. You're going to knock the audience dead before you even get to sing for them.'

'Hm,' says Beca thoughtfully. 'D'you think if they're all unconscious we'll win by default?'

'It's a possibility.' Chloe squeezes her hips. 'But it'd be a waste of all the time we spent practising if that happened, so maybe we should leave that as Plan B.'

'Darn it. And I was so hoping we could go without me having to do my solo or perform my mixes.' She suddenly realises she's forgotten her Bella's scarf, and crosses to the bedside table where she left it. She makes an attempt to tie it around her wrist, but struggles to do it with only one hand.

'Hey,' Chloe says, her voice gently admonishing. 'Don't put yourself down, Bec. None of this could have happened without you.'

'Yep. And so if it turns out it's shit, it's also my fault.'

'It's not going to. You put so much work into this - we all did,' Chloe adds. 'And believe me, if it was awful the girls would have told you a long time ago. Oh, hey, let me help with that.' She joins Beca next to the bed and begins to loop the scarf around Beca's wrist.

'You really think it's okay?' Beca asks quietly.

Chloe finishes tying the scarf up, making a neat little knot for her; she then takes Beca's hand in hers. 'I think it's amazing, Beca. I think you're incredibly talented and we're so lucky to have you with us. And I think you've given us a really good shot at winning.'

Beca smiles, Chloe's words easing some of the tension she's feeling. 'Thanks, Chloe.'

'It's what I'm here for.' She tilts her head, her eyes dragging over Beca in a way that makes her shift uncomfortably. 'You know, I don't think I like this new modesty in you,' she tells her teasingly. 'That old confident swagger was a lot sexier, if you ask me.'

Beca is astonished. ' _Sexy?_  What the hell?'

'Mmhm. I think you're the sexiest woman I've ever seen in my life.' Chloe sounds completely honest, despite the slight smirk on her lips.

'I think you need your eyes tested,' Beca tells her. 'Or you need to get out and meet some more women.'

'I don't need to. I have you here and that's enough for me.' Chloe squints at her. 'And my eyes are fine, blurry shape with a fuzzy outline.'

Beca barks out a laugh and plants a kiss on the back of Chloe's hand. 'I like you, Beale. I might keep you around a little longer.'

'That's all I ask for.'

* * *

'I love you awesome nerds,' Beca says, turning around to face her group as the Treblemakers leave the stage and grinning at all of them.

As Amy says something about them all having fat hearts, Beca's eyes can't help but gravitate towards Chloe, and by extension, Aubrey standing just behind her. The two of them are both looking rather pale, but unusually, Chloe seems even more nervous than Aubrey. At least Aubrey looks excited, but for once Chloe looks like she might be the one to throw up at any moment.

Beca mouths, 'You okay?', getting a timid nod in return. Surreptitiously, Chloe lifts her hand and taps two fingers to her throat – and now Beca understands. This is the first time Chloe has performed in front of a large audience since having her nodes removed, so it's natural that she would be more anxious about it.

Beca gives her a little thumbs up and what she hopes is a reassuring look, wishing she had time to talk to her properly. It seems to work though, judging by the way Chloe smiles back at her.

' _Ladies and gentlemen… The Barden Bellas!'_

The other girls start to file past Beca, and so does Chloe. But as she does so, she flips her hair back and puts on this confident smile that surprises Beca considering how she looked only a few minutes ago. The change is remarkable: Chloe is in performing mode now. It reminds Beca of how easily she'd walked into Beca's shower that one day, not even worried that Beca could've yelled at her or punched her – she'd just gotten on with it. She's always been confident, fearless even when it comes to things like these. Beca wishes, more than anything, that she could be that way too.

On a whim, Beca catches Chloe's arm. 'Wait,' Beca says urgently, turning Chloe around just as she's about to walk off onto the stage.

'Wh -' Chloe never gets a chance to finish that, because Beca has already jerked Chloe down to press their lips together.

It's only barely a kiss; it's not particularly romantic, and Beca's lips are a little sore from biting them due to nervousness. But even that is enough to practically send Beca into hyperventilation. Chloe stumbles a little under the sudden pressure before she regains her balance, using Beca's shoulders to keep her upright.

They stay like that for a few moments, their mouths just touching. Then Beca feels Chloe try to cup the back of her head, to pull her closer, but she wrenches herself away.

'For luck,' Beca squeaks, all but running onto the stage.

* * *

 


	16. Chapter 15b

They win, of course. Was there ever any doubt that they would? There was maybe a lot of it in Beca's mind, but all of that gets wiped away as they carry their trophy back to Beca and Amy's room.

Without anyone even needing to say anything, it is unanimously decided, that there is going to be a celebratory party - effective immediately. Alcohol is pulled out of suitcases, red cups appear seemingly from thin air, pizza is called for, laptops and iTunes turned on, singing happens, dancing happens, they're all extremely happy, they're celebrating, blah, blah, blah.

There's only one problem. That is, that Beca can't concentrate at all on anything that's going on, because every time she looks up she seems to catch Chloe's eyes on her. And not once does Chloe look away when she's caught – in fact, it only seems to bolster her confidence, as she smiles back at Beca with a look in her eye that Beca can only think to describe as… predatory. Or at the very least, longingly, but that doesn't fittingly sum up the way her gaze lingers on Beca and makes a lump rise up in her throat.

It's extremely unnerving, and makes her more than a little uncomfortable in a lot of ways she really would rather not express to herself right now. So she avoids Chloe, tries her best not to meet her eyes, tries to engage and laugh with the other girls, but it's so hard when whatever she does, she can still feel Chloe watching her whatever she does.

Beca has just given in to the temptation to get herself a drink, when she feels a presence behind her, and instantly knows it's Chloe. She stiffens when breath washes over her ear, and a hand settles on her arm.

'Hi,' says Chloe, breath still tickling Beca's skin and making her squirm.

'Hi…'

'Is there a reason you're avoiding me?'

Beca nearly drops her drink at that, and some of it does go on the carpet. She glances at Aubrey guiltily, but she hasn't noticed. 'I'm not avoiding you.'

'I think you are, and I want to know why.'

'I'm n… Jesus, Chloe,' she says, jumping a little when Chloe steps even closer, almost pressed right up against her back.

'Come with me, we need to talk,' Chloe half growls to her, already beginning to tug her away.

Beca has no doubt that the Bellas see them leaving, but no one says a word or tries to stop them. In a way, Beca wishes they had because she's starting to feel more and more nervous and that the earlier kiss was a mistake. She seems to have opened some sort of flood gate for Chloe, because now she's standing a little too close, her fingers twitching with her barely restrained desire to touch Beca. They take the elevator despite Chloe and Aubrey's room only being two floors above, and it's probably the most tension-filled ride she's ever taken, because Chloe watches her brazenly, her hair falling into her eyes but she doesn't sweep it away, too busy dragging her hungry gaze over Beca's body.

Chloe struggles with the keycard, but eventually manages to get the door open, pushing Beca into the room before her and slamming the door shut behind them.

Beca barely has a moment of feeling terrified in the middle of the room before Chloe turns to her. She still has that expression on her face, and Beca feels her chest tighten a little in panic. She's not stupid – she knows what Chloe wants by bringing her up here, and now the door is shut behind her there's no way for her to escape.

'Alone at last, then,' Chloe says, raising an eyebrow and smiling.

'Mm,' is all Beca replies with, not trusting her voice.

'You're a slippery one, you know that? Also, I have to say, I love the girls, but they're so distracting sometimes. I only wanted to be alone with you, but every time I tried to get you away someone would get me or you into a conversation.' She saunters nearer to Beca, seemingly unaware of the way Beca is trying to surreptitiously step away at the same time. 'Ah well, we're here now, aren't we?'

'Mm,' Beca says again, willing away the anxiety.

Chloe taps her gently on the hips, asking for a hug, but frowns when Beca strains away from her touch. 'Bec?'

'Chloe,' Beca chokes out, hating how her voice is shaking. 'I don't know if we should do this. I'm not ready.'

'Hey…' whispers Chloe, her face clouding with concern. She almost steps forward, but then she rethinks it and takes one back instead. 'Beca, look at me. It's just me. I promise I'm not going to do anything you're not comfortable with - we can just sit and talk if you want.'

'That's not what you brought me up here for though, is it?' Beca putting her face in her hands. 'You want… Well, I don't know what you want. Kissing? Touching? Sex?'

Chloe looks stricken. 'Beca, that's not – I didn't, I  _wouldn't_  -'

'You would and you have. And I don't think I can give you any of those things.' She sinks heavily down onto the bed. After a moment, she feels the bed sink as Chloe sits down too, a short distance away from her.

'Beca, I promise you - I didn't bring you up here to ask you to have sex with me, or even to kiss me.'

'If you thought I'd say yes, then you would, though, right?'

Chloe is quiet for a short time, and when she responds again her voice is also at a lower volume. 'That's really not fair. You know I'm attracted to you and would jump at the chance to do either of those things, but that doesn't mean I don't respect your right to not want to, or that I would force you to do it if you aren't ready.'

Beca knows she's right. She does. But right now, admitting that is probably the thing she wants to do least more than anything in the world – it is so much easier to think that it's Chloe that's causing this whole thing by pushing her (even if she isn't) than it is to believe she's messing this up  _again_.

It's so much easier to yell, to get angry, than it is to accept that she's fucking miserable.

'If you respect me so much, then why did you even bring me up here?! You must have been wanting something, right?'

Chloe visibly seems to shrink, turning her ashamed gaze to her lap. 'Beca, please don't make me feel bad for wanting you. I try to control it, but I'm only human.'

'You try to  _control_  it?' Beca scoffs. 'Yeah, I believe that one! Given half the chance I bet you'd have already stripped me naked and tried to have sex with me!'

'I didn't even make an attempt to kiss you!' Chloe cries, head shooting up. Good, Beca thinks. Let her get angry, furious – let her say awful things she'll regret later. At least then Beca will know she was right all along about having misgivings about opening up to people, and she can forget this whole mess ever happened. ' _You_  kissed me, so excuse me for assuming you might want to do it again!'

'So you admit it!' Beca snarls, aware she sounds absolutely crazy but not able to stop herself. 'You did bring me up here to try and get me to kiss you!'

Unfortunately, this doesn't have the desired impact of triggering more arguments from Chloe or making her more angry, or anything like that – instead she just looks extremely lost and upset, her eyes glazed over with tears. 'Beca,' she says in a choked voice. 'What are you even trying to do? Of course I want to kiss you, and I'll admit I did bring you up here with some ulterior motives,  _but_ it was so we could talk privately, and maybe, if you wanted to, we could kiss! But only if  _you_ wanted to, not me!' She sniffles, wiping at her cheeks with the heel of her hand. 'I don't know what you want from me!'

Here would be the perfect spot for Beca to tell Chloe what she wants from her. That would be the only sensible way for them to get out of this mess cleanly with their friendship, or whatever they are, still intact.

But that's not how Beca works.

Because honestly? She has no clue. No clue at all what to tell Chloe. The things she wants, the things she doesn't want, the things she needs and doesn't need have all screwed themselves together in a rigid little knot inside her chest, and it seems like the more she tries to pry it open, the tighter it gets. The answers are in there, if she could just work out how to get to it - but every time she settles on something it slips out of her grasp, hiding in a fog of "Why can't you just be normal?" and "If you don't open up, eventually everyone will leave you" that she has to wade through any time she tries to search for any kind of foothold in her emotions.

Everything is just out of her fingertips, and she's sick of trying to reach for it, groping in the dark for something she might never find.

She's just sick of everything.

'You know what?' Beca spits, her fists clenching into balls at her side, beginning to shake without knowing. 'Fuck this.  _Fuck all of this_! I can't do this anymore!'

All the colour drains from Chloe's face in a split second. 'What?' she yelps, sounding panicked. 'What d'you mean you can't do this anymore?!'

'I can't handle this arguing, this anxiety, this constant sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I can't do that anymore.'

'Beca, no, please, let's just talk about this -'

'Shut up,' Beca cuts her off coldly.

'But Beca -'

'Chloe, just shut up!' Chloe clamps her mouth shut, looking a little afraid. 'Now come here,' she commands. When Chloe remains rooted to the spot, she says again, 'Chloe – get the fuck over here!' She scrambles over to Beca, but looks confused when Beca stands up from the bed. 'Sit down, where I just was,' she tells her. Chloe does so, still looking bewildered. Next moment, the breath is knocked out of her when Beca gives her a solid push onto her back.

'Beca! What are you d…' Chloe lets out an actual squeak when Beca plants one knee on either side of Chloe's hips. She reaches up to pin Chloe's wrists on either side of her head, leaning down so her hair forms a curtain around her face.

'I'm sick of this,' Beca says in a harsh whisper, staring down into Chloe's eyes. There's a lot of anxiety, there, and worry - but Beca can also tell Chloe is already getting turned on, if the dilating of her pupils and her flush creeping down her neck are anything to go by. Beca had never actually thought that was a thing that happened to people, but apparently it is. 'I am sick to death of feeling like this. Of the worry. Every. Single. Day. Of people worrying about me, of worrying about other people.'

She feels tears building and burning behind her eyes, escaping and landing on Chloe's cheeks underneath her. Beca moves up Chloe's body, seeing her eyelids flicker when their pelvises grind against the other's briefly.

'I'm sick of myself. I'm sick of this fear that won't go away, this stupid, ridiculous fear that comes from nowhere, and just…consumes me, for the most fucking  _idiotic_ reasons. I mean, who gets scared of a hug, right?' She laughs tearfully, hating the way Chloe looks up at her so pityingly, her compassionate heart bleeding for poor little Beca Mitchell who can barely function. 'I'm tired of not being able to hold the people I want to, of not being able to touch the people I want to.' Beca takes a breath. 'I'm tired of not being able to touch you, Chloe.'

'Beca,' Chloe croaks out, but she gasps when Beca presses her lips to her pulse point, feeling the rapid fluttering of her heartbeat, and chokes out a strangled moan, head falling to the side when Beca licks a trail up to her jaw line and bites at the skin there.

'I'm so tired, Chloe,' she whispers into her neck, closing her eyes and feeling more tears leak out from underneath her eyelids.

'I know,' Chloe pants, her hands twisting to break free of Beca's grip. 'I know, Beca, and I understand, I do…'

'No you don't,' Beca growls. 'If I don't, then how the fuck could you?'

'I do understand, I… Fuck, Beca, I can't think while you're doing that.' Chloe's body arches below her when she bites at her again. ' _God_ ,' Chloe forces out from between gritted teeth, and Beca knows she's destroying Chloe's resistance against her, whatever is holding her back against flipping Beca over and just kissing her there and then.

'I don't want either of us to think anymore… I'm always thinking. I just want to do this without getting trapped in my brain for once…'

'Beca.' She's reached Chloe's ear now, and her tongue flicking out around Chloe's piercing is enough to derail her train of thought temporarily, causing a strong shudder to pass through Chloe. 'You need to stop, or I won't be able to…'

'What, Chloe? You won't be able to what?' She lifts her head again, placing her face inches from Chloe's. She sees Chloe's eyes dart to her lips and back up to her eyes again, feeling her laboured breath against her cheek. 'Stop yourself from kissing me?'

Chloe almost whimpers. 'I don't want to kiss you unless you want me to.'

'Why not? Why don't you just do it? I'm giving you an opening here.'

But Chloe's shaking her head fervently. 'No, if you don't want to then nor do I. It should be on your terms.'

'What about your terms, though?' Beca demands, sloping her back so more of her body is pressed against Chloe's. The denim of their jeans rasps as they graze each other. 'Aren't you sick of waiting around for me? Don't you get frustrated, waiting for me to be  _normal_?'

'Never,' says Chloe immediately, 'I mean, I do get frustrated… But not with you, and definitely not with waiting for you or you being normal, whatever the hell that means.'

'It means that I'll never be like other girls, or like you. I'll never be able to kiss you or hug you or fuck you -' She lingers on the swear, loving how Chloe squirms when she says it, 'without hesitating, even if it's just for a moment. How does that make you feel?' She places a kiss at Chloe's jaw bone, and from her gasp, Beca surmises that the answer is "amazing".

'I don't  _want_ other girls, or for you to be like me,' Chloe manages to get out. 'I just want you, the way you are, and if that means waiting for a second before you're comfortable, then I'll wait.'

'That's not how you used to feel. Back then, you wanted me to do it whether I was comfortable or not. Isn't that right?'

'Yeah, but I was wrong to do that, so wrong, and – shit, Beca!' Chloe cries out a little when Beca's tongue slides over her collarbone. Apparently this is a sensitive spot.

'I want to kiss you right now,' Beca tells her abruptly, seeing Chloe's throat undulate with a swallow at her words. 'I have for a while now.'

'What's stopped you?'

She lifts her head and, rests her forehead against Chloe's. She knows she should let go of Chloe's hands, if only to make this more comfortable for both of them, but just the thought of doing that and allowing Chloe's hands on her again makes terror lick at her insides. 'The usual. Fear.'

Chloe tilts her head slightly, their noses bumping. 'Do I scare you?' asks Chloe.

She laughs derisively. 'Fuck yeah.'

'You scare me too,' Chloe confesses, the words coming out in a puff of breath against Beca's lips.

'I do?'

'So much. But… you also make me feel safe… More than anything else,' she says, looking up at Beca. Her eyes are half-lidded, and dark, so dark, but somehow she's still keeping her cool and isn't giving in to Beca's obvious attempts to work her up and force her to take back control from her. 'You look out for me, and you comfort me, and you hold me even though it scares the crap out of you. And you get overwhelmed sometimes, but that's okay. Because then I get to look after you too.'

She shouldn't have let Chloe talk, because her words are both a calming salve and a shot of adrenaline in her veins; anger and frustration is keeping panic at bay right now, but she knows as soon as this is over she's going to pay the price for pushing herself so much.

'You're so amazing to me,' Chloe is saying. 'I want to be able to return the favour. I want you to be safe with me. I want to prove that I'll always keep you safe.'

Beca says nothing, her breathing picking up its pace. She's losing control of herself slowly, and she knows it.

'Please let go of my hands, Beca. If you'll let me, I want to hold you.'

'I can't…'

'You can, I know you can.' She curls her fingers so they lightly rest upon Beca's. 'Whether you want to… That's a different story.'

'I… I do.' She bows her body forward so she's sitting a little higher on Chloe's stomach, in a more comfortable position, hearing Chloe groan softly. 'But… I want some other things, first.'

'What other things?'

'Kissing you,' she says bluntly. Chloe shivers.

'You want that?'

' _So much_.'

Chloe lets out a little noise at her answer, her body straining upwards against Beca's.

'If you want to, then do it,' she replies, her voice pitchy and breathless, 'please, Beca... I know you can…'

Beca doesn't even know when she finally let go of Chloe's hands. All she knows is that she feels them briefly snap to her hips, holding her in place before moving up to her face, cupping her cheeks, holding her, loving her, destroying her.

She just stares down at Chloe; her head swims with anxiety for a moment, her vision going fuzzy. But then it clears, and Chloe is still there, giving her a warm smile – too warm for someone like Beca. A single thought manages to fight its way to the front of her brain, that she wants to kiss that smile, feel it underneath hers and make it her own.

And then about there is kind of where her thoughts, and her breath, stops completely.

Because Chloe is kissing her, or maybe Beca is kissing her, she doesn't know, but

fuck

her lips are right there, just sort of resting but sliding against hers in the weirdest and best sensation ever and Chloe's eyes are closed but hers are open, wide open with fear; Beca can see her eyelashes casting shadows on her cheeks and she tastes sort of salty from sweat or tears or whatever but still smells fantastic and this is it, isn't it? This is what it was all building up to, all that drama and the way she would be so aware of Chloe's presence and the way her heart would pick up its rate in her chest whenever she was near her; she's wanted this so long

and here it is

_don't fuck this up or she'll leave you_

It's a movie style ending, in Jesse's films they'd fade to black about here with Chloe moaning softly against her mouth, a tongue tentatively searching for entrance, tracing the part where lip becomes skin again.

Beca should be kissing her back, moving, doing something, anything at all besides the way she's just lying there over Chloe, but she can't.

_kiss her back_

She can't.

_KISS HER BACK_

It's too late: Chloe's pulling back, a concerned look on her face, and Beca's letting out a pathetic little whimper because she doesn't want it to end even though she's basically been paralysed into a statue ever since their lips touched. Her hands are like claws at Chloe's shoulders, trying to pull her back in, but she cannot move.

'Beca?'

She hears Chloe's voice, but distantly; it ripples and is muffled, like she's underwater.

The second time though, she definitely hears as Chloe comes closer again, whispering urgently. 'Beca? Oh baby… Beca, breathe…' She is guided into a sitting position at the head of Chloe's bed, a hand stroking her back and guiding her head between her knees. 'Breathe…'

It's a struggle to even do that. Her lungs and heart feel like they're expanding in her chest, pressing against her rib cage and trying to squeeze through the gaps in her bones. She's dying. She knows it.

'Look at me, Beca, look at me.' She cups Beca's face and forces her to look at her, even as Beca's vision is beginning to go spotty. 'Concentrate on my voice, okay? This'll all be okay in a minute if you just relax. It's just your body getting overwhelmed, it's nothing to be scared of. You aren't dying.'

Somewhere in the deepest recesses of Beca's mind that haven't been lost due to oxygen deprivation, she wonders how Chloe knew she was thinking that.

'We're going to breathe together, alright? Slowly. In for three, hold it for three, release for three.'

The words mean nothing to Beca, but she responds to the gentle tone and thumbs gently brushing back and forth on her cheeks. Chloe's eyes are right in front of hers, so blue and worried. She concentrates on the black hole of Chloe's pupil, seeing herself reflected back in Chloe's iris, letting the familiar sight ground her.

'Do that with me, Beca. In… one, two, three… C'mon, Beca, breathe with me. It'll be okay. You're safe. I'm here. I'm not leaving you. Shh. Relax. There you go…'

Gradually, achingly slowly, Beca begins to calm down. She can finally take in a proper breath, however choppy it is, and she can also register how Chloe is rubbing softly up and down her arms again, that old familiar gesture that calms her even more.

'Let's get you some water,' Chloe says, her voice sounding normal again. She grabs a water bottle from her bag and heads off to the bathroom, returning a minute later with some fresh water. She holds it for Beca, tipping it back for her to allow her to drink.

When Chloe has done that, she gathers up the duvet and tucks it around Beca's trembling frame. She taps Beca's shoulders, and, feeling no resistance, tenderly guides Beca's forehead to her clavicle so she can hold her, running fingers through Beca's hair.

Eventually, even the shivering stops and her heart rate returns to normal. She detaches herself, averting her embarrassed eyes from Chloe so she can wipe away the tears that gathered on her cheeks.

'How are you feeling?' asks Chloe gently.

'Crap, but better,' Beca says, her voice raspy. 'What happened?'

'I'm not entirely sure, but I'm pretty sure you just had a panic attack.'

Beca frowns. 'Oh… How did you know what to do?'

'Aubrey sometimes has panic attacks like that,' Chloe explains. 'I've had a lot of experience in calming her down.'

'I thought she just puked a lot.'

'The vomiting is more rare, but yeah, she gets both.'

Beca sighs. 'Guess Aubrey and I have more in common than I thought.'

'You should talk to her, she might have some pointers.'

'If you don't mind, I'd rather just hope I never have to experience that again.' Beca pulls the duvet up higher, shutting her eyes. 'God, I feel like such a dickhead.'

'Don't. You got overwhelmed, your body shut down. There's no reason to be angry at yourself for that.'

'I'm not talking about the panic attack, Chloe,' she says tiredly. 'I mean… The way I was acting before…'

'Don't worry about that either. It's okay, I promise.'

'No, it wasn't,' Beca says, feeling nauseous. 'I was taking advantage of you. Heck, I practically forced myself on you.' She takes in a shaky breath. 'God, I am so disgusted with myself.'

'Beca Mitchell, you listen to me,' says Chloe forcefully, making Beca's eyes pop open in surprise. 'You did not force yourself on me, or do anything I didn't want to do. Not once did I ask you to stop, or even want you to. Okay? The only reason I was hesitant is because I know you aren't ready, and you weren't in the right mind set to be doing the things you were.'

'I thought I was.' She gives Chloe a rueful smile. 'At least for a little while… I was wrong, obviously.'

Chloe shrugs. 'Maybe so, but in the long run it doesn't matter. You'll be ready when you're ready.'

'What if I'm never ready?'

'We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, but I'm fairly confident you will be. It just takes time.'

'Maybe,' Beca mutters, playing with her fingers. She sighs, leaning her head back on the headboard. 'Hey, Chlo… Can I ask you something?'

'Always.'

'Is it alright if I hold you, and be the big spoon?' she asks nervously, without really knowing why she should be nervous at all. It's unlikely that Chloe would turn her down, but after the episode she just had she isn't really sure of anything anymore.

But Chloe looks delighted. 'Yeah, that's fine,' she says, already busy lying down and turning onto her side away from Beca.

Beca licks her lips, frowning a little, before she cautiously stretches out her body behind Chloe.

'Where is best to…' But Chloe's already read her mind, taking her hand and clasping it loosely to her chest. This has the side effect of forcing Beca to have to be pressed quite close to her to avoid having to stretch a lot. However, as her knees automatically slot into the spaces just behind Chloe's and she feels the freedom of all the space behind her which she can roll into if she needs to, her anxiety slowly begins to dissipate.

She hears Chloe sigh contently and can't help but smile at the comfort such a simple act seems to give to Chloe. She wishes she was the same, but at least things like this were getting easier for her and her panic attack hadn't set her back totally.

 _Now you freak out over different things instead_ , her mind, ever comforting, reminds her.

Chloe taps her hand. 'I can hear your brain working back there. What are you thinking?'

'Nothing much,' says Beca, letting her feet slide under Chloe's. 'I'm annoyed that as I start to get used to one thing, another thing turns up that seems to send me way back to the beginning.'

'Don't think of it like that, Beca.' She threads their fingers together. 'You're not going back to the beginning at all. You're levelling up.'

Beca raises an amused eyebrow at the back of Chloe's head. 'Levelling up?'

'Yeah, you know, like in a video game. You aren't restarting, you're just moving onto a harder mission.'

'Chloe Beale, I never pegged you as a game nerd.'

Chloe flashes a smirk over her shoulder. 'I think there are lots of things you're going to find out about me in good time, Beca Mitchell.'

Beca chuckles, leaning her forehead against Chloe's back at the very top of her spine. 'Looking forward to it.' The levity is only brief, though, as Beca soon finds her smile slipping away again and the melancholy beginning to settle in her bones once more. 'I've never had that happen to me before,' she whispers into Chloe's hair, feeling Chloe tighten her grip on her hand. 'It was so scary.'

'I know. But sometimes things like that happen, and you've had an incredibly stressful day. It was bound to catch up with you sooner or later.'

'Yeah, but did it have to do it  _then_? So damn inconvenient,' she mumbles, feeling Chloe's body shake a little with laughter.

'I'm not sure panic attacks are ever convenient.'

'You're right, but… Man, this really sucks,' she complains.

'I know, Bec. But think about what you've achieved – you managed to touch me for like half an hour before it caught up with you.'

'Yeah, only because I was so angry.'

'Still counts,' Chloe says, unfazed by Beca's pessimism. 'And you kissed me, of your own accord. That's something, right?'

'I guess so,' Beca replies uncertainly. 'I mean, I was enjoying it up until the panic attack kicked in.'

'Mmm… Me too.' Chloe's mischievous tone makes Beca roll her eyes, but it's fond. 'I enjoyed it quite a lot, actually. You're a good kisser.'

'What?' Beca splutters. 'How? I've only kissed like, one person, and that barely even deserves to be called a kiss.'

'Really? Only one?' Chloe sounds surprised. 'Wow.'

'How many people did you think I'd kissed? I can barely hug people,' says Beca wryly.

'I don't know, I just assumed it'd be more,' Chloe says. 'Does that mean I'm your first "real" kiss, then?'

'Uh… Yeah. I guess so.'

Chloe lets out a little squeal. 'Oh my God, that's so cute!'

'Oh shut up. You've pretty much taken all my firsts as it is, so there's no need to get excited.'

'Too right – I'm the first person you harmonised with in a shower while naked…' Chloe teases. 'I enjoy that title.'

'You  _would_.' Beca sighs a little, ruffling Chloe's hair.

'You okay back there?' asks Chloe, reaching back to stroke her hip.

'Yeah, it's just… How have we gone to … earlier, to this? Joking around and stuff. It doesn't seem right.'

'Well, laughter or sarcasm seems to help you more than being held, so I thought it'd be better if I kept the conversation light,' says Chloe. Beca realises how true this is, and squeezes Chloe's fingers a little in thanks. 'We can talk about earlier some more, if you want.'

'I feel like we should… But I honestly have no idea what to say about it anymore. I've apologised, you told me not to, we talked about the panic attack, we talked about the kiss. What does that leave?'

From Chloe's silence, she has obviously thought of something.

'Chlo?'

Chloe coughs slightly, shifting on the bed. 'There is one thing I could think of,' she says delicately, 'but we don't have to talk about it right now.'

'What is it?'

'It's about us…'

'What about us?'

'Well. We've kissed, now, even though I get the feeling you were planning to wait until we'd had a date or two.' Beca nods. 'I just wondered if you'd had time to think about where this leaves us.'

'Like… a label, or something,' Beca tries to clarify, frowning when Chloe agrees. 'Do we have to label it right now?'

'No, no,' says Chloe hurriedly. 'Of course not.'

Beca can tell from her tone that Chloe doesn't quite mean that, but she's trying not to push her. She sighs, propping her head up on her elbow. 'You really want to, don't you?'

'No if you don't want to,' says Chloe. Beca gives her a little poke in the back. 'Okay, fine – I don't want you to if you're not ready, but I just think it would help us. With knowing where we stand with each other, and what's appropriate or not.'

'So… What, you want to be my girlfriend or something?' Just the word makes Beca's heart feel like it's skipped a little, but she tries to push aside those kinds of knee-jerk reactions.

'Not if you don't.'

'That's not what I asked you, I know how I feel about it. There's two of us here you know, not just me.' Chloe doesn't answer. 'Chloe… What do  _you_ want?'

There's a pregnant pause, then Chloe whispers, 'I want to be your girlfriend, Beca.'

Slowly, Beca lies back down, chewing on her lip as she stares at the back of Chloe's head. There's obvious tension in Chloe's shoulders as she waits for what she thinks is an inevitable rejection.

'I don't really know how to be a girlfriend,' Beca says quietly. 'I'm not romantic, and I can't deal with PDA, and I get grumpy and stupid and push everyone away. I can only just cuddle you, I have panic attacks when I kiss you, and unless things change a lot I'd probably never be able to make love to you. What could you possibly see in me that could be good girlfriend material?'

She expects an answer, but Chloe just asks, 'Can I turn around please?'

'Um, okay.'

Chloe does so. Beca notices that her eyes a little red around the edges, but for the most part she simply looks determined. 'You know what I want in a girlfriend?'

This seems like a trick question. 'No?'

'It's none of those things you listed. I don't need you to be a romantic, or enjoy PDA. I can deal with you pushing me away, as long as you know it just means I'm going to cling to you twice as hard. And about the physical stuff…' Chloe props her own head up on her arm. 'It's not nearly as important as you think it is. I could forego all that, for you.'

'But you need physical contact, I don't want to deprive you,' Beca says, frowning.

'Exactly. I know you don't. And that's precisely why it's okay: you keep trying, even though you're struggling, and  _that's_ what I see in you – someone who cares about me enough they're willing to do anything for me, no matter how difficult. I could forego it, but I won't have to, because you're willing to try for me.'

She takes Beca's shaking hand and kisses it.

'All I want from being your girlfriend, from having a label and name for us…' Chloe takes a breath. 'Is exclusivity. I want to know that I am yours, and you are mine, and that you aren't going to have about twenty other people at the same time.'

Suddenly, things slot into place for Beca, and she begins to understand why Chloe has always been quite insistent that they define themselves clearly and be honest about what they both want. 'Kate?'

Chloe nods bitterly. 'I was her girlfriend, but she was never mine. We never really called it anything.'

'I'm so sorry…'

'Don't be. It happened. But Beca, that's why I need this,' she says pleadingly. 'I'm trying not to push you, but it's so hard when I'm scared that the reason you don't want to commit to me is because you want to be like her… I can't take that, I'm stupid and I'm jealous and possessive, but I  _need_ to know you're going to be faithful to me…'

Chloe lifts her hand to wipe away her tears, but Beca beats her to it.

'Of course I'm going to be faithful,' Beca says softly. 'Chloe… You're it, for me. You must know that.'

Chloe sniffs, shaking her head. 'In my heart, I think I do, but my head hasn't really caught up, and it needs the reassurance.' Her eyes are imploring Beca, the tears filling up and spilling over once more. 'You don't have to decide right now, but please… Soon?'

Beca searches Chloe's face slowly. She doesn't think she's ever seen the girl as insecure as she looks right now. To have the usually confident Chloe Beale reduced to a crying mess just because Beca can't put a stupid label on what they're doing is quite a sobering thought, and one that finally makes Beca's mind up for her.

'What if I want to decide right now?' she says quietly.

The look on Chloe's face is priceless. 'What?' she squeaks, her eyes widening.

'You heard me.'

'But you – what?' Chloe's jaw drops. 'What are you saying?!'

'Chloe,' she asks determinedly - her voice is also going all high-pitched with nerves, but she presses on - '… Be my girlfriend?'

She says it too quickly, so what really comes out is something "bemuhguhfrun", but Chloe still understands – she sits bolt upright, her face turning pink and her eyes widening even more, if possible.

'Are you serious?' Chloe shrieks, nearly deafening Beca.

'Ow,' says Beca, rubbing her ear… 'And yeah, I'm serious. For once in my life.'

'Yes!' Chloe all but screams, practically bouncing up and down. 'I would love to be your girlfriend!'

The way Chloe is looking at her right now, and the palpable, almost childlike excitement on her face makes Beca blush and rub the back of her head bashfully. She never thought it was possible for anyone to get excited over the prospect of being in a relationship with her, but apparently it is.

'So… We're together now?' she asks awkwardly.

'That is usually what being girlfriends means, yes,' Chloe teases, but she's beaming so hard it makes Beca's face ache just looking at her. 'Oh my goodness,' she says, with a sudden look of realisation, 'I have to go tell Bree!'

She begins to scramble off the bed, but Beca catches her wrist and stops her going. Chloe looks at her questioningly, but she soon realises what's going on when Beca gets up onto her knees and starts leaning in again.

Just as she's about to kiss Chloe again, she finds her mouth's path blocked by a hand – she lets out a little noise of protest which if anyone asked she'd swear wasn't her.

'Wait, Beca,' Chloe whispers urgently, 'are you sure? I don't want you to get worried again.'

Nor does Beca, really. In fact, she's scared to death of that exact same thing happening to her again, that sickening tightness in her chest and feeling like her heart would be ready to give out at any moment – and if she's being honest, she feels some of those symptoms beginning to creep up on her now.

But the difference between now and then is that her chest feels tight because she's happy – ridiculously so, actually - and her heart is beating fast partly from nerves, but mostly because of the desperate urge she feels right now to kiss Chloe properly for once.

'I'll always be worried,' Beca tells her. 'I can't escape it. But I've got you, and I know you'll be able to help me through it. Right now, I just want to kiss my girlfriend, and forget about everything else.'

Chloe's smile comes back full force at these words, her eyes crinkling adorably at the corners.

Then, she gently reaches up, slides her fingers into Beca's hair and pulls her head down for a kiss.

* * *

When Beca and Chloe appear downstairs about an hour later, they are greeted by cheers from the assembled Bellas, along with the Treblemakers who have apparently decided to join in with the party. Beca is amazed Aubrey even allowed them in, but after one look at her in the corner flirting with Unicycle, she instantly knows why.

'Did you guys do it yet?!' Cynthia Rose yells to them, obviously quite drunk since she needs both Stacie and Denise to hold her up.

'I don't see any hickies,' says Amy, coming over to inspect Beca and Chloe's necks. 'I'm disappointed, guys.'

'Are you two together now?' That's Aubrey, who has finally noticed that her best friend has appeared. She stumbles over, dragging Uni with her, and gives Beca and Chloe's joined hands a squinty-eyed look. 'Tha's cool, I guess…'

'Jeez, Aubrey, how much have you had to drink?' Beca asks, laughing, but regrets it when Aubrey glares at her.

'Not too much that I can't still hurt you if you hurt m'best friend!' she slurs, waving Unicycle's hand at Beca menacingly.

'I'd be careful Aubrey, lesbro code means I'd have to hurt you if you hurt  _my_ best friend,' says a deep voice from behind Beca – both girls turn to see Jesse standing right behind them. 'Hey guys.'

She feels Chloe's grip tighten around her protectively, but Beca gives her a reassuring look and she reluctantly loosens it.

'Hi,' says Beca neutrally. 'How're you doing?'

'I'm good,' replies Jesse. 'Congrats on the win. You guys deserved it, that was such an awesome mix of songs.'

'It was all Beca,' says Chloe, planting a rather sloppy and unnecessary kiss on Beca's cheek. Beca raises an eyebrow, trying to hide her smirk - Chloe is obviously a little jealous and is doing nothing to hide it. 'She's so talented.'

'Yep, she is. Although, what was with the whole "Don't You Forget About Me" thing?' he asks, tilting his head.

Beca shrugs. 'I like the song, so I suggested we put it in.' She tries to ignore how Jesse's face falls, since it only happens for a moment and he does his best to hide it.

'Well, that's cool. It sounded great.'

Beca turns to Chloe. 'Chlo, can you give me a minute with Jesse?'

'Are you sure?' When Chloe nods, she grudgingly steps away from Beca. 'I'm watching you, Swanson,' Chloe hisses, pointing two of her fingers at her eyes and then at Jesse's. 'If Beca even makes a face I don't like because of you I'm going to get Aubrey to lock you in a room while we sing "I Saw The Sign" to you endlessly.' With that, she skips off to go squee with Cynthia Rose, who gives her an uncoordinated high five, nearly smacking Denise in the face. Beca and Jesse watch her go, amazed.

'What just happened?' Jesse asks, in awe.

'I have no idea, but it was hot.'

'Too right. So…' he says, clearing his throat and drumming his fingers on the cup in his hand. 'You guys are together for real, now?'

'Mmhm. Girlfriends.' The word makes Beca smile in a way she never has before, and Jesse notices it.

'You're happy with her, then?'

'You have no idea, Jesse,' she says honestly. 'She makes me feel…' She struggles for the word. ' _Things._ Like, so many things.'

He chuckles at that. 'Well, I could only ever hope you'd find someone who made you feel "things".' She rolls her eyes and gives him a little punch in the arm. He winces and rubs the spot she hit. 'Ow… Wow, at least I know that hasn't changed…'

'And it never will.'

'Good to know.' He sighs, raising his eyes to hers. 'Beca, look, I'm really sorry about the way I acted the other day. It was totally out of line.'

'A little,' says Beca. 'But I forgive you.'

Jesse looks surprised. 'Really? It's that easy?'

Beca smirks. 'Well - not exactly. Personally, I agree with Chloe about making you listen to "I Saw The Sign" over and over.'

'No!' he cries dramatically, pretending to look frightened. 'Not Ace of Base! You are evil, woman!'

'It was Chloe's idea – she's the evil one.'

'Oh right. I guess you're the good cop then.' He drains his drink, peering at her over the top. 'So I'm guessing I'm going to have to answer to her if I do anything as monumentally douchey as what I did the other day.'

'Pretty much, yeah. If that happens, I'll pray for you,' Beca says, putting her hand on her heart. 'I think you might need it if she ever decides you're deserving of some revenge.'

They both look over at Chloe, who is currently doing a rather spirited and tipsy (at least, the others are) impromptu performance of some of the dance moves from their show earlier, complete with slightly off-key singing.

Seeing Beca's (rather dorky) smile - which she would of course deny if confronted about it - Jesse gives her nudge with his shoulder.

'You should go over there. Be with your girlfriend and stuff.'

She studies him carefully, looking for any signs of brooding or at the very least a puppy dog pout, but to her relief she sees nothing. 'You sure?'

'Yeah, 'course. I'll be alright here.'

'Thanks, dude,' says Beca, giving him a fist bump which is returned heartily. He gives her a mock-salute, which Beca also returns, before trotting over to find her girlfriend (seriously, she will never tire of that word).

She ducks around a frantically beatboxing Donald and Lily, finally coming up behind Chloe and tapping the dancing girl on the shoulder.

Chloe whirls on the spot, brightening when she sees it's Beca. 'Hey! How did it go?'

'Alright. He apologised, and stuff, so I think we're okay now.'

'It was the least he could do,' Chloe says, shooting a glare off in his direction, except he's been distracted by Benji so he doesn't even see it. 'I'd have been so pissed off if he didn't.'

'And wouldn't that have been a sight to see,' Beca teases.

'Oh, totes! You don't wanna see me really angry, Mitchell. It's pretty scary.' She bares her teeth, making Beca laugh.

'I bet.' She leans up and loops her arms around Chloe's neck, pulling her closer – still marveling at the fact that she can do that with only some hesitation now. Chloe's hands settle on her back, making small circles on her shoulder blades.

'You okay there?' Chloe asks.

'Yep.' They stumble a little as one of the Trebles nearly falls over them as he dances backwards, but they manage to stay upright somehow. 'Actually, would it be cheesy to say "never better?"'

'Hmm, maybe a little,' says Chloe teasingly, 'but if it's accurate, then I'm sure you'll be forgiven.'

'Then, yeah.' She stands on her tiptoes in order to press her lips to Chloe's jaw, then leaning her head on her shoulder and shutting her eyes. 'Never better.'

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a feeling there may be a few who take issue with this last chapter and the scene with Beca and Chloe in the hotel room, but I had my reasons for doing what I did how I did it, and I'm happy to discuss it with anyone who wants me to.
> 
> So… That's it! Wow. My God. You know, I still have no idea how I managed to write so much in such a short space of time. I guess knowing it had to be done before the 15th of March was a big motivator. :P I'm off to France for ten weeks tomorrow, so we'll see how things go with posting follow up stories!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who reviewed, including people who reviewed as guests or didn't sign in. The response to this fic has been phenomenal and what I'll miss most about writing it is speaking to all of you and hearing your thoughts on the fic, even those bittersweet messages from people telling me they related to Beca and her struggle. I met some really lovely people doing this and hope I still get to talk to them.
> 
> I'll try and write more in this universe since their story isn't really over even if this part of their lives is, but it won't be the same. It'd be nice if you guys could review for me one more time so I can message back and thank you individually, haha, but don't feel like you have to. Although I probably won't be around 'til Sunday at the earliest, so don't expect immediate replies.
> 
> I don't want to ramble too much. So. Thank you guys so much. Less than 3.
> 
> P.S. Quick note – I have quite a few bonus scenes/extras I want to show you, so if you guys don't mind I'll try and clean them up and post them as an extra chapter at some point… With a little commentary from me since they won't make sense otherwise!


	17. Bonus Scenes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAN, I had so many deleted scenes. Most of these I wrote during my initial stages of writing scenes, where I did it non-linearly. I couldn't put in some of them in since they were so short, and a lot of them start halfway through a conversation, too…
> 
> I haven't bothered to edit many of these to make them good, since if they were worth it they'd have been in the fic XD As such, the characterisation and plot is completely inconsistent with the fanfic's canon. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
> 
> You guys are in luck since the hotel I'm in this weekend has wifi, haha. I'm sorry it's so long though, you're probably not THAT interested, but some of these scenes are still sentimental to me even if I didn't use them.

**Chapter 4 – Benji and the guinea pig, when Beca is going home from Chloe's.**

It's starting to get dark when Beca makes her way back to her dorm. It's a bit of a struggle - her body is starting to protest all the exercise it's had to do today. Not just because of her injuries, but just general fatigue.

'Hey! Beca,' says a voice just as Beca passes a tree, making her jump wildly and whirl around, her rape whistle clutched unconsciously in her fist. It's not that uncommon to see people around at this time of the day – it is a school campus after all - but seeing a shadowy shape of someone sitting under the tree is still pretty damn scary.

Thankfully, however, whoever it is moves into the light a little more, and she instantly relaxes once she recognises who it is.

'Hey Benji!' Beca hasn't spoken to Jesse's roommate many times, but he's always been very sweet and eager to hear all he can about the acapella world, particularly since he wasn't allowed to be in it. In a way he kind of reminds Beca of a male Chloe, even if Chloe is much more confident than he is and not anywhere near as awkward. Nonetheless, they're both such warm people – a little quirky, maybe, but still incredibly friendly.

'What are you doing out here?' he asks, sounding a tad envious. Off to a party?'

'No, I was just visiting Chloe. I kind of managed to trip her up and hurt her earlier, so I wanted to check up on her.'

'Oh.' Benji winces in sympathy. 'Is she okay?'

'I think so.' Beca moves a little closer to him, crouching down with intention to sit with him for a bit, and then notices some movement in his lap. She suddenly realises that Benji has – of all things – a guinea pig sitting in the space between his thighs. 'Benji,' she says slowly, 'this might be a silly question, but why in God's name are you out here with a guinea pig?'

He shrugs. 'Sometimes it's nice to come out here when there aren't many people around and think. Plus Jesse kicked me out 'cause of this little lady,' he says, nodding down at said pig and stroking her fur gently.

Beca gives him a weak smile, wondering if she maybe reacted too soon by relaxing when she realised it was Benji. 'Erm… She's cute?'

'Yeah… Although I'm starting to think she might be a he,' he says, squinting down at the animal. Beca doesn't want to know why he thinks that.

'What're you doing with him? Or her?' she asks, not quite sure if she wants to know the answer.

'Oh, I borrowed it from my uncle,' he answers. 'He owns a pet store, sometimes he lets me take some of them for my tricks.'

'Isn't that… kinda cruel?'

He looks appalled at the very notion. 'I'd never hurt them! Trust me, all my magic is totally safe for them.'

Beca holds up her hands. 'Okay, okay. I wasn't saying you would…' She decides not to ask anymore about it and falls silent, watching Benji play with the guinea pig.

'Hey Benji, have you ever been in love?' she asks suddenly, surprising herself. It takes him by surprise too, evidently, as he nearly drops the guinea pig.

'In love? Uh, I dunno,' he stammers. 'No, I guess not. Why do you ask?'

'No reason…'

Why did she ask that? She doesn't know. One second she was just watching Benji chuckle as the guinea pig licked his hand, then next she was asking total random questions. It's not like she thought he'd have much advice for her or anything.

Benji's watching her carefully, chewing on his lip like he's debating whether to ask something. 'Are you sure there's not a reason? I mean like, a… a girl reason,' he asks quietly. Beca isn't that surprised to find out Benji knows she's into women. He does live with Jesse, after all, who can occasionally have a very loose tongue. ''Cause I'm not really the one to ask about things like that.'

'No,' she says, laughing a little at the idea. When Benji blinks at her, she repeats, more firmly, 'No. I mean, that'd be stupid. I've only known her like, a few months. Barely even that.'

Benji blinks, his innocent eyes shifting to look at hers. 'Uh… You've only known who for a few months?'

Beca's eyes widen as she realises what she said. She quickly scrambles to her feet. 'I gotta go,' she blurts out, already starting to back away.

'Beca -'

'Gotta go!'

**Chapter 5- Beca stays in Chloe's sleeping bag instead of running away. The first part comes instead of that whole scene where Beca runs off, the second is after Amy wakes her up (remember Beca is still in her sleeping bag)**

'And I have too many boundaries,' Beca says, smiling slightly. 'Guess I'm working on that too.'

Chloe lifts her head from Beca's neck, looking into Beca's eyes, searching them. 'I'm really glad,' she whispers. 'Even if I've been going crazy trying not to touch you.'

Beca's mouth goes dry. 'You have?'

She nods. 'Yeah. Just simple things, like… touching your hand. Or your face.'

'My face?' Beca squeaks.

'Yes,' Chloe whispers, now close enough that Beca can feel her breath on her face. 'Your skin always looks really soft.'

She clears her throat, trying to sound normal. 'Moisturiser, and stuff.'

Chloe chuckles. 'I bet.' Chloe lifts a hand to her cheek, gently hovering just an inch above the skin. 'Can I?'

Beca jerks back a little in surprise. 'What? Can you what?'

'Just… touch you. Here...' Her middle finger grazes Beca's cheek bone, just once. 'Please?'

'Chloe, I… I don't know…'

'Please. C'mon. Just one touch… Just here. I want to know what it feels like.'

Chloe slowly cups her face, stroking her thumb gently over it. Beca lets out the breath she'd been unconsciously holding, trying to calm herself down.

Normal friends don't do shit like this, she finds herself thinking. But Chloe is not a normal friend. It's not unusual for them to be doing things like this, really.

Except it is, because Chloe's kind of leaning in a little, her fingers pressing into her cheek bone and Beca's heart is slamming against her rib cage and she's probably going to have a panic attack at any moment.

They lie there for a long time, simply looking at each other. The deliberate, back and forth sweep of Chloe's thumb over her face is soothing, as are the fingers are curled lightly over her jaw and the back of her neck. Eventually, Beca's heart rate slows to its normal speed and she allows herself to relax, close her eyes and just enjoy the sensation.

She senses Chloe leaning in, and then there's a gentle pressure as she rests theirs forehead together. 'Thanks,' she murmurs, letting her hand fall away. After a moment of searching, her fingers tap Beca's, and she allows Chloe to link them.

'You're welcome, I guess.'

[ **snip]**

'Well, sorr-y if my couch isn't made of fluffy kittens and rainbows like yours is. Looks like you had a nice night in the end though,' says Amy, winking at her. Before Beca can retort, Chloe finally begins to wake up, letting out a content groan. She stretches, cat-like, still on her side; unfortunately the sleeping bag still doesn't have much space in it, so mostly Chloe just ends up rubbing her body on Beca's.

'Chloe!' Beca hisses at her, but Chloe's still half-asleep so she just pulls Beca back into her chest, cuddling her with her arms around her middle like a teddy.

'Five more minutes,' Chloe mumbles into her shoulder, nuzzling into Beca. She lets out a deep sigh, warming Beca's back through her shirt. 'So comfy.'

Suddenly, Beca hears a muffled giggle. Her head snaps around to face the direction of the sound, and her jaw drops.

To her horror, it seems as though the rest of the girls have been up for a while. Some are drinking coffee and they all look extremely bleary eyed, but all are definitely awake.

And all are definitely looking at Chloe and Beca as the former tries her best to entwine their legs together, cuddling Beca tighter while she tries desperately to wriggle out of Chloe's grip.

'How long have you guys just been watching us sleep?' she screeches.

'You guys looked too cute. We didn't want to wake you up,' says Cynthia Rose.

'Oh, but you didn't think throwing Cheerios at us would wake us?!'

'Oh, that was just for own amusement,' Amy says, waving a hand dismissively.'

She catches Aubrey's eye, who is watching the scene unfold impassively. 'Aubrey, didn't you have anything to say about this?!'

Aubrey shrugs. 'I was going to… But then I thought, nah, better not.' Amy chuckles and aims a mimed high five in Aubrey's direction.

'I hate you all,' Beca growls. Chloe is frowning to herself now, gradually being pulled from the land of sleep by all the yelling. Jeez, that girl can sleep. At least waking means she finally lets go of Beca and shifts back to her side of the sleeping bag, resuming stretching, which is better than being spooned.

'Beca?' she mumbles, her eyelids flickering. 'What's up?'

'Nothing.' Beca sighs deeply. 'Just go back to sleep.' She makes attempt to shimmy out of the top of the sleeping bag, and at this Chloe's eyes finally open properly.

'Why's my forehead all wet?'

**Chapter 8 (the angsty one with Stacie). Beca and Chloe originally made up quite quickly. Also, Beca had originally never kissed a girl. Shocker!**

'But you thought she was going to,' Chloe says, glaring down at Beca. 'And you didn't push her away.'

A hard flush creeps into Beca's cheeks, and she looks down at her feet sheepishly, scuffing a toe into the ground. 'I guess part of me wanted to know what it's like.'

'Kissing Stacie?' says Chloe sceptically, wiping her face again.

'No. Kissing girls.'

Chloe's stunned silence makes Beca feel even more embarrassed; she tucks her chin into her chest, trying not to look at Chloe.

'You've never kissed a girl?'

Beca shakes her head.

'But… you said you've known you were gay since you were in middle school.'

'I didn't actually tell anyone until I was half way through high school, though, and you know how I am… I could barely hug anyone, let alone want them to get close enough to kiss me.'

Chloe tilts her head. Her anger seems to have faded away temporarily, to be replaced by genuine curiosity. 'Have you kissed anyone?'

The memory makes Beca grimace. 'Yeah, but considering I was only like 14 and it was sort of a dare, I don't think it counts. I don't really want it to.'

'So you wanted Stacie to be your first?'

Beca shrugs. 'No, not necessarily. But do you see any other girls lining up to kiss me?'

Chloe sighs and rolls her eyes; next thing Beca knows, she's being pulled into an embrace. Beca lets out a tiny squeak of protest, but only a small one. Honestly, she's glad Chloe even wants to hug her anymore after the fuck up

'You are so stupid,' Chloe mumbles into her hair, managing to sound both furious and exhausted. 'That's not how it works, you shouldn't have to or want to kiss people just because they're there.'

'Um, again, do you see any other girls lining up to kiss me?'

Chloe growls in her ear a little. Actually growls. 'Are you actually blind? Maybe you can't see the line, but it's out there. And not one of them are good enough for you.'

'Is that a fact?' Beca jokes weakly.

'Yes. It is.'

Beca isn't sure how to respond to that, besides her stomach flipping over at Chloe's words. So she latches onto the easiest thing. 'Hey, I thought we were respecting my personal bubble?'

Chloe taps Beca's head with hers, then rests her forehead against her temple. 'We are. But after what just happened, I'm having this hug and you're dealing with it.'

Beca acquiesces easily. She owes her a heck of a lot more than just one hug.

**Chapter 8 – Aubrey was originally meant to be at the party and would find Beca – who was actually meant to have the panic attack/break down she did in the final chapter at the end – being comforted by a helpless Jesse. Some of this was reused in the final chapter.**

'Hey, is she okay?' It's Aubrey. 'Beca? What happened?'

'I don't know. Christ, Aubrey, look at her. She's as white as a sheet. Does she look kind of green to you? People sometimes throw up when they cry too much, don't they?'

'Beca. Beca, look at me. It's me, Aubrey. Do you think you're going to be sick? Blink twice for yes, okay?'

'She didn't blink at all, what does that mean?'

'I have no idea.'

'There isn't anything around for her to use and I don't want to take her back indoors… Never mind, just throw up in the bushes if you need to, Beca, don't worry about it. This place is a mess anyway.'

'What do you think happened to her?'

'I don't know exactly, although I know Chloe is involved. Fuck, this is scary. I've never seen her like this before. She seems so out of it.'

'Chloe,' Beca mumbles, her stomach lurching.

'Head between your knees, Beca. What happened between her and Chloe?'

'Chloe text me a little while ago asking where she was.'

'I thought she and Beca weren't talking at the moment?'

'That's what I thought, but apparently Beca called her and they were about to make up, but then Beca heard that Tom dude in the background and freaked out.'

'Tom? Why would Beca freak out about him? They're not even together anymore.'

'Well that's what I thought, but apparently not.'

'These two get into so much drama together. It's ridiculous.'

'I know, Beca's been getting so wound up about her lately. That's the whole reason I brought her here, so she could have some fun… Crap. I'm so sorry, Beca. God, I'm an awful friend.' She feels Jesse's heavy arm around her shoulders, pulling her close, but it makes her head swim so she pulls away.

'I messed it all up,' Beca whispers to her knees. 'I messed it all up.'

'What's she saying? I can't hear her very well.'

'I'm not sure. Doesn't sound good, though.'

'Look, if Beca's in a state like this, Chloe's probably even worse. I should go find her. Will you be alright alone with her?'

'Yeah. I mean… I hope so…'

**Same chapter – another cut Benji scene. LOL. I don't know why he kept having guinea pigs in his scene, or why he got cut every time (poor Benji). Some of this dialogue was reused with Luke.**

'Hi guys.' Benji casts a concerned glance at Beca. 'Is she okay?'

'Oh yeah. Don't worry about her, she's just upset 'cause she and her not-quite-girlfriend aren't talking right now.' Beca lifts her head, sending an outraged look in Jesse's direction. 'What?'

'Think about what you just said, dickhead!' When Jesse makes a confused face, she growls, 'You just outed me to Benji!'

Jesse laughs incredulously. 'Seriously, Beca? Like Benji's going to judge you or anything. Right, Benj?' he adds, directed at Benji, who nods vigorously.

'My aunt is a lesbian too, Beca. You don't need to worry,' he tells her.

'See?'

'That's not the point. It isn't your decision to make.' Beca finally slides off the bed, brushing off her jeans like it might remove the mildly unpleasant smell of boy she swears she can still detect clinging to her. Man, she really is gay.

'Bec?' Jesse says, reaching for and grasping her arm as she passes him, seeming to sense that's she's genuinely upset. 'Hey, don't be like that. I'm sorry, okay?'

'I know.' She sighs. 'But you don't really get it… Nor do I, really. I don't know. I think I just need some time alone… Because all I keep thinking about is her.' She mumbles the last sentence, not really intending him to hear. However, from the pitying expression on his face, he has.

'Are you sure? Why don't you hang around, me and Benji can keep you distracted?'

'Yeah,' Benji pipes up, looking excited. 'I've got this great new trick using a guinea pig, Beca. It'll blow your mind.'

'Dude, no guinea pigs in the dorm room.'

She attempts a weak smile. 'That sounds great, Benji. But I don't think even guinea pigs can cheer me up right now. Plus, I kinda hate them,' she adds on an afterthought.

As she's leaving, she hears Benji exclaim, 'How can you hate guinea pigs?! They're like hamsters you can hug!'

**Aubrey and Chloe are arguing in practice, so Beca bravely jumps in to defend her lady. It backfires.**

'Hey!' Beca shouts, leaping up from her chair and scuttling over to the scene before she's even really thinking about it.

'This is a private conversation, Beca, stay out of it!' Aubrey screeches **,** bright red in the face from anger.

'I'm getting involved if you're going to speak to her like that,' Beca says hotly.

Chloe grips Aubrey's arm, stopping her 'Bree, calm down. Give me a moment alone with Beca, please?'

'Five minutes,' Aubrey seethes, 'you have five minutes. I'm going to go tell Amy she's taking your solo.' She stomps away.

'She can't do that,' says Beca in disbelief. 'That's  _your_ solo! She's gone too far this time.' She makes to go after Aubrey, but Chloe stops her.

'Don't bother. I said I would give it to Amy.'

'What? Why?'

'Don't act dumb,' Chloe snaps, 'you know my voice can't handle it without sounding like a dying cat. It was for the best of the team.' She crosses over to her bag and rips a bottle of water out from inside it, gulping back water in violent swallows. Beca follows her hesitantly.

'I wouldn't go for dying cat as the most fitting description,' she says, trying for levity. 'Maybe just a slightly stepped on one.'

'Is that supposed to be funny or make me feel better?' Chloe says, her tone caustic. 'Because it does neither.'

'No… Sorry, I was just being stupid.' She takes a step nearer, about to place a hand on Chloe's back. She reconsiders quickly. 'Chloe, look, can we talk?'

Chloe suddenly straightens her back, spinning around. There's a fake smile on her face. 'Yes, we can! In fact, let's start with you butting in just now when I was talking to Aubrey.'

Beca blinks, injured by Chloe's words and the way she's speaking to her. 'Butting in? Chloe, I was just trying to help.'

'I know everyone thinks I can't handle confrontation on my own because I try my best to be nice to people and see the good in them, but I'm a grown woman.' Chloe's fists clench into balls at her sides. 'I can do things on my own.'

Beca stumbles back, upset. 'That wasn't what I was doing… I knew you could handle it, I just -'

'Just what? Tried to jump in and fight my own battles for me? Beca, you hated when Aubrey tried to do that on my behalf, and so do I,' says Chloe. 'I  _can_ do things on my own, you know, even if everyone thinks otherwise.' She shoots a glare in Aubrey's direction.

'I don't think that…'

'But you do,' Chloe interrupts, 'or you wouldn't have gotten involved.'

Try as Beca might, but she can't help that her walls come sliding right back up, retreating back into herself from all the chastisement. 'Okay,' she responds coolly. Chloe catches her tone and rolls her eyes.

'Don't get all moody with me, please. I can't deal with this right now.'

'Oh, and by "this", you mean me, right?' Beca means to sneer or at the very least sound sarcastic, but mostly just comes across as whiny and hurt. 'Because I didn't want to kiss you when you sprung it on me first thing in the morning? I mean, that's the real issue here, isn't it? '

'No, of course not, I just…'

'You don't have to explain. I get it,' Beca says coldly. 'You don't want me to defend you? You can't stand being just friends with me if I can't be more right now? Alright. Then I won't bother.'

'Beca, just stop,' says Chloe abruptly. 'I have got a lot going on and I do  _not_  need you adding to it by getting all huffy on me for no reason.'

She turns on her heel and storms back over to Aubrey, who Beca gets the feeling has been watching the entire time.

'Fine!' Beca yells after her, cursing herself for feeling tears springing to her eyes. 'Whatever! I'm leaving anyway, see if I care!'

**After this, Beca would storm off, but halfway through that realise she's being a bit of a nob. She would then turn up at Chloe's dorm with coffee. Talking, comforting and sex would be had. Except I'm lying, as there would be no sex, only tears.**

* * *

 

**Chapter 6: Beca makes self-indulgent mixes because she's just that emo. It's a short one, I just found the idea of Beca doing this amusing. Also, she saves stuff as .wav. What's up with that?**

When Chloe leaves, Beca doesn't go back to practice or explain to Aubrey. She just sits in the bathroom, staring at the walls for a good ten minutes before anyone comes in and expresses surprise at seeing a tearful freshman sitting on the floor.

She stumbles home after that. There's no calling Jesse, or her parents, or even exchanging a sarcastic word with Kimmy Jin when she glances impatiently over her shoulder to see Beca grabbing her Mac and leaving the room straight afterwards.

She makes mixes in the pool until her eyes sting and her laptop runs low on battery, giving them titles that are initially therapeutic but just end up sad and pathetic: I_hate_everything.wav , Why_are_relationships_awful.wav, My_life_is_over .wav , First_world_problems .wav

**From the final chapter – after Chloe says her line about wanting being a different story to being able to.**

'Not that again,' Beca groans, making Chloe laugh breathlessly.

'Sorry. But it's true.'

'I don't know if I want to do that.'

Chloe nods. 'Okay. If that's what's making you feel better, then we can stay like this.'

'Really?'

'Yes. For as long as you need. I promise. I don't mind.'

Beca's brow wrinkles. 'You're not like… getting turned on by this, are you?'

That makes Chloe laugh again; Beca can feel her muscles ripple with the movement, in such a place that she loses her thoughts for a moment. 'Beca, everything about you turns me on. I'd be lying if I said this was different.'

'You're such a weirdo.'

Beca expects Chloe to say "But in the best way possible" or some variant of that, but instead she says, 'But I'm your weirdo.'

It makes Beca blink, the meaning taking a moment to filter through her foggy brain. Beca says hoarsely, 'You're mine?' The words send a tingle through her spine.

'Yes,' says Chloe, her gaze turning serious again. 'I'm yours.'

'No one else's?'

'No one else's.'

'Not Jesse's, or Aubrey's, or Tom's?' she asks, unconsciously leaning in again.

'No, I'm not theirs. I'm yours.' Chloe flexes her fingers again. 'If you want me.'

'I do...'

**Cut from the final chapter – Chloe initially didn't have any idea what to do with Beca's panic attack, so she has to call Aubrey for help. Later, Aubrey and Jesse turn up at the room.**

'Oh my God,' she hears Chloe say, then hears movement; she's not sure what Chloe's doing, but is struggling to concentrate or care when tears are streaming down her cheeks and she's still struggling to catch her breath. 'Aubrey? I'm fine, it's, it's Beca. Please, I need your help, she's … I don't know what's happening, I think she's having a panic attack and - and I don't know what to do! What?' she says tearfully. 'But I – okay, wait, wait, okay. Beca?' Chloe scrabbles uselessly at Beca's wrist, trying to get her attention. 'Beca, Aubrey is going to help you.'

Chloe suddenly holds the phone to Beca's ear, and Beca is greeted with the calm but direct tones of Aubrey Posen, cutting through the fog in her brain.

'Listen to me, Beca,' says Aubrey, her voice very even and direct. 'Concentrate on my voice, okay? Don't think about anything else You're okay. Nothing's going to happen to you, just concentrate on my voice.'

Chloe tries to rub her back or something, but Beca shies away. She presses the phone to her face, trying to concentrate on Aubrey, to calm down – anything to make this feeling go away.

[ **snip]**

There is a knock at the door; Chloe gets up to answer it. While her back is turned, Beca quickly and silently goes into the bathroom and closes the door behind her.

She washes her face, trying to wipe off some of her smudged make up. She looks into the mirror and sighs; she looks an absolute mess.

From the voices outside, she can tell Jesse and Aubrey have arrived; she can hear Jesse beginning to shout. She creeps towards the door and listens in.

'What the hell did you do to her?!' she hears Jesse cry.

'I didn't do anything!'

'You must have done something, she doesn't just have panic attacks for nothing.'

'We were just kissing -'

'Just kissing?! Did you just jump her? No wonder she freaked out!'

'She kissed  _me_ , Jesse! I would never, ever try and force something like that on her!'

'Bullshit! That's never stopped you in the past, has it?'

'How  _dare_  you! You have a lot of nerve saying that to me!'

'Guys, will you calm down?! Beca can hear you in there!' That's Aubrey this time, for once the mediator between Chloe and someone else rather than the reverse. 'You aren't helping by arguing with each other.'

'We wouldn't be arguing if Jesse didn't come in here automatically pointing fingers!'

'I wouldn't have to point fingers if there was no one to blame! But there is, and it's you!'

There's suddenly a pounding at the bathroom door, making Beca jump. 'Beca!' Aubrey hollers, giving it another bang for good measure. 'Unlock this door right now and come out here!'

Beca opens the door. 'It wasn't even locked,' she replies dully.

'… Oh,' says Aubrey sheepishly. 'I just assumed you would've… Never mind. Come sit down. How are you feeling?' she asks gently, guiding Beca to the bed.

'Alright…' says Beca slowly. She looks at Aubrey. 'Why are you being nice to me?'

'Someone has to.' She shoots a nasty look at Jesse and Chloe, who look appropriately guilty.

**The 'castle scene', in its original and full form – you might've seen some of it in this format on Tumblr. They're drunk. I have no idea why.**

'It's okay to have walls, you know. Everyone has them. You, Aubrey, my mom, Jesse, Benji…'

'And what about you?' asks Beca, turning her head to the side to look at Chloe. 'Do you? Have walls, I mean.'

Chloe turns too, smiling. 'Sure I do. A stone fortress of optimism and positivity.'

Beca ponders this. 'So… all that cheery, happy-go-lucky, "woo, I'm so perky!" stuff is just a front?'

'I didn't say that. A front would imply it was fake. I happen to be genuinely cheery, happy-go-lucky and "woo I'm so perky!". Thanks for that horrible imitation of my personality, by the way,' Chloe adds, poking Beca in the shoulder. 'Kinda offended.'

'I didn't say it was a bad thing,' Beca protests. 'But what do you mean it's not fake if those are the "walls" you have put up?'

'I mean that there are other parts of me that aren't always on show for everyone, but that doesn't mean what I show the rest of the world isn't genuine or part of me.' She tilts her head a little, regarding Beca curiously. 'I suppose the same could be said for you.'

'Huh?'

'It's like...' Chloe thinks for a moment, narrowing her eyes in tipsy concentration, before her face lights up. 'Okay – uh, pretend you're a castle.' Beca presses her lips together in an effort not to laugh. Chloe struggles to keep a straight face as well. 'No, Humour me, c'mon.'

'Right. I am a castle.' Beca raises her arms. 'See how castle-like I'm being? I hope you're impressed.'

Her snark earns her a jab in the side. 'You're a dork. Why anyone thinks you're a bad-ass, I have no idea.'

'I can be a bad-ass dork,' Beca argues. 'They're not mutually exclusive. Anyway, go on – I was being a castle.' She holds her arms up again, a diligently stern expression on her face, as befitting a fortified structure of her calibre.

Chloe snorts. 'Right. Anyway, so the whole of you is the "Beca Castle". You've got stone walls, a moat, machine guns on top. The whole package. No one can get in without being shot or something.'

'Wait, wait. A moat  _and_ machine guns? What century was Beca Castle built, exactly?'

'Shut up, let me finish. So there's all the people inside Beca Castle, right, they're all fine, but there's people outside trying to get in. So the people inside the castle are firing at them, trying to make them go away, because they don't know the outside people and they might want to cause trouble. So to get into the castle, people need to show that they're one of them – that they're on the side of those… inside.' Chloe trails off a little. 'Do you see what I'm trying to say?'

Beca looks deep into Chloe's eyes, seeing the earnest care and love there. It's kind of overwhelming.

'… No.'

Chloe groans, burying her face in her hands. 'You're impossible!'

'No, I'm not! You're just terrible at metaphors!'

Chloe removes her hands and glares at Beca. 'What I was  _trying_  to say is that your "walls" and being cautious to let people in is all a part of you, and it'd be stupid to try and change you or force you to open up to me. That's who you are. All I want is to prove to you that you can trust me. Like the outside Beca Castle people, y'know?'

'Not really, but okay.' But Beca's grinning, showing that she's mostly just teasing now.

Chloe huffs. 'You suck.' She turns her back on Beca, who is stifling chuckles.

'Aw, Chlo. Don't be like that.'

Chloe simply 'hmmph's in response, flicking her hair back over her shoulder.

At this point, Beca isn't really sure if Chloe is actually upset or not, but she does get the feeling that she's a little embarrassed. There was some sort of caring confession in that weird little ramble about castles, and even though Beca doesn't quite understand, she did get the line about not trying to change her or force her to open up. About proving that she can trust Chloe.

And if Beca's honest with herself (which is rare) Chloe's actually doing a damn good job at that. Better than anyone else she's ever known. Maybe she can let her in… A little.

Biting her lip, Beca puts her hand on Chloe's shoulder, feeling the other girl immediately go rigid. After a slight pause, she runs her hand down Chloe's arm, finding her hand and joining their fingers together on the grass.

Beca's heart still hammers in her chest like it used to, but there's none of the squeezing panic she used to feel. Just Chloe's hand, a little damp (or is that hers?) but solid and comforting and just… Chloe. There's nothing to worry about. It's just Chloe.

The revelation calms her, and she shifts closer, knees touching the back of Chloe's legs.

'I kinda get it,' she whispers, close to Chloe's ear. 'And thank you.'

Chloe squeezes her hand back.

**Just a little excerpt from Chloe's chapter… I find my own jokes funny.**

Aubrey still gets weirded out by it sometimes when Chloe gets too gropey, but for the most part she puts up with it in a way that people generally don't. For the most part when Chloe gets too close, people usually push her away gently with an awkward smile, but Aubrey tends to let Chloe hang off her like a damp dishrag, or her very own personal koala.

**Chloe can't resist singing in conversations. It's funny because someone reviewed and asked me to include this song in the fic and I'd already had this written… Also, I'm sad I never got this dialogue into the fic, because Chloe's whole 'fantasy' about being Beca's only exception was the driving force behind most of what I did with her in the earlier chapters.**

'No… Don't be. I was being stupid. It's like…' Chloe casts around for a way to explain. 'You know that whole fantasy some girls have about changing the bad boy, about being the only one they'll change for?'

'Are you saying I'm a bad boy?' Beca raises an eyebrow. 'Because I'm not sure how to feel about that.'

'No!' Chloe shoves her, making Beca smile a little. 'I'm just saying, that's the kind of stupidity my thought process came from. I guess I wanted to change you… be the only exception.' Chloe's eyes light up. 'Hey –'

'No Paramore right now,' Beca interrupts.

'You suck,' says Chloe with a pout.

'You love it, though.'

Chloe smiles broadly. 'Yeah.' The way she says it so simply and honestly makes Beca shake her head, but smile. 'Anyway,' she continues. 'What was I saying before you interrupted my musical interlude?'

'Something about being my only exception.'

'Oh, yeah. Well, turns out, you're  _surprisingly_ more complicated than that, and I shouldn't have just tried to shoulder my way in through your walls like that.'

'It's okay,' says Beca. Because it is.

'I'm not giving up, though.'

'What do you mean?'

'I'm going to find my way through your walls eventually. Even if holding your hand and hugs isn't the way to do it.'

**From Chapter 3, after they make up and go to the coffee shop. Wow, wasn't that a while ago?! Again, me being amused by my own jokes.**

'Bec, I really am so glad we're talking and joking again,' says Chloe. 'You don't know how badly I feel about everything that happened.'

'Aubrey said you cried and "practically flooded the apartment", so I have some idea,' comments Beca wryly.

'She said that? Wow, talk about exaggerating. There was no flooding,' Chloe says indignantly. '… Just some minor puddles.'

'Puddles, huh? I hope Aubrey was the one that had to clean them up.'

'Oh, totally. And then she made me sleep in the bathtub because I was making such a mess.'

**Here's a big one: back in the beginning, the ending of the fic was WAY different. Basically, Chloe was going to kiss Beca after the performance, Beca would run away, and well – you'll see. So the kiss narration is basically the same as it is in the final chapter, except for this bit:**

Beca is running away before half of these thoughts really register in her mind, before she realises,  _shit,_ she actually wanted to stay, more than anything, and she wanted more than anything to kiss Chloe back, but did neither of these things.

She hasn't changed a bit.

* * *

 

Surprisingly, Jesse is the one to find her, curled up half in a ball outside. She kind of collapsed on a tiny patch of grass just outside the door and started crying like a loser, loud, noisy, pathetic tears that rack her body from head to toe. His shoes crunch in the gravel as he makes his way over to her.

'Hey, Beca. Having a party?'

'Go away,' says Beca, her voice muffled in the grass.

'But you look like you're having such a great time out here. I want to join you.' He sits down in the mud next to her, not caring about getting his clothes dirty. 'You guys won, you know.'

'Great.'

'You know, for a sec there I thought you were singing to me. What with using that song from The Breakfast Club and all. You know it's my favourite.'

'I just liked the film and the song, and Aubrey thought it'd bring in some nostalgia in the audience,' she mumbles, because talking about stupid things with Jesse is much easier than having to face the fact she's a complete asshole.

'Damnit. Here's me thinking you'd switched teams for me.' He puts his arm around her, dragging her up from the foetal position she was in and tugging her into his lap. Leaning her head on his shoulder, Beca thinks, not for the first time, that hugging him is so different to be being held by Chloe. It's not just the physical differences, either. Jesse never makes her feel like her heart is going to explode in her chest, or like

'Why couldn't I love you instead, Jesse?' she mumbles. 'It'd be so much easier.'

Jesse chuckles, a little sadly. 'Don't say things like that, Beca. You'll make a guy hopeful.' He squeezes her shoulders. 'So you do love her then?'

She wipes her face with her fingers. 'I dunno. How do you know when you're in love with someone?'

'I think you just know.' When Beca scoffs, he continues earnestly, 'No, really. Don't overthink it. What do you feel for her?'

'A lot of things…' she says slowly. 'I dunno, Jess. Stuff.'

'Humour me here. Tell me what goes through the brain of Beca Mitchell when I mention Chloe Beale.'

Beca takes a deep breath and releases it. Well, she can't get any more pathetic. 'I wanna be near her all the time. I wanna make sappy love mixes with her name on them and play them just to make her smile. I wanna grab her and kiss her randomly, in really stupid places.'

Jesse raises an eyebrow. 'Kinda like Chloe did, huh?

'… Yeah.' She sighs. 'I really messed up, this time, didn't I?'

'A little, but I'm sure Chloe will forgive you.'

'That's just the thing, though. She's always had to forgive me for all the shitty stuff I've done to her and I never really learned from my mistakes and stopped running away. She just kept taking me back when she should've been making me beg for her forgiveness. I don't deserve her. At all.'

Jesse gets to his feet and holds his hand out to her. She looks up at him questioningly. 'I don't think you deserve her when you're sitting here moping in the grass with me instead of telling her your feelings,' he tells her honestly. 'We're gonna get you cleaned up and rested, and then you can go get your girl.'

Beca, horrifyingly, finds her eyes filling with tears. 'You're a good friend, y'know that?'

He grins and pulls her to her feet. 'Good lesbro, more like.'

'Best lesbro.'

Once Jesse has called a cab and deposited her in her hotel bed, she falls asleep almost immediately, drifting in and out of dozing. Jesse tries to wake her a few times without success; she just swats him away.

A knock at the door barely rouses her, but she hears Jesse open it and begin speaking to whoever is there in a frantic whisper.

'Aubrey, I'm not sure she wants to speak to you right now…' she hears in her half asleep daze. 'For one thing, she's kinda asleep…'

'This is urgent,' she hears Aubrey say sharply. 'Let me speak to her.'

Jesse's next words kind of warm Beca's heart. His tone turns stern and she imagines him frowning down at Aubrey. 'Look, she's sorry, okay? She knows she messed up, but she's a wreck right now so it'd be best if everyone just left her alone. She and Chloe need some space, and then they can sort things out in their own time. We should all just butt out.'

'I'm not here to read her the riot act. Let me though, please.' Jesse gives a little noise of protest and Beca guesses she's finally pushed past him. 'Beca, get up now.'

'Go away, Aubrey.'

'No. You're getting up  _now._ ' Aubrey pulls the sheets off Beca, making her yelp and jump back up the bed.

'Aubrey, get lost!'

'Beca, I need to tell you something -'

'No, you don't,' Beca interrupts. 'You don't need to tell me anything. I get it, alright? I'm a total loser and I do not need you to come here and tell me I'm not good enough for her. I know that, okay? I know! I have these stupid problems with touching which I've been using as an excuse to get my way in everything. I've been a horrible friend to Chloe. I know that so much, now. And I swear to you, Aubrey – you can have this in writing and may my vocal cords be ripped out by wolves if I'm lying or whatever - I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it to her, if you just  _let me have this one nap_.'

Silence falls in the room for several moments. Eventually, Aubrey sucks in a breath and lets it out through her nose. 'That was very touching, Beca. But, I'm afraid we have a bigger problem here.'

'What's that?' says Beca, rolling her eyes.

'We can't find Chloe.'

**Yep. Chloe was supposed to go 'missing' and Beca would freak out, naturally, and then eventually she and Aubrey would get a call from a really angry Jesse telling them to come back.**

**It would turn out the Bellas all locked Chloe in a room and told Aubrey she was missing so they could get Beca and Chloe back together again. Yeah, I know. I'm glad I didn't use this either. LOL. Here's a bit from Jesse's call:**

'Jesse? What's up? Has there been any news on Chloe?'

'Erm… in a manner of speaking, yes,' she hears him say hesitantly.

'What does that mean?'

'It means… Beca, I think you should just get back here, and then I'll explain, okay?'

'No! Is she hurt? You tell me right now, Jesse Swanson, or so fucking  _help_  me -'

'She's fine, Beca, I swear!' Beca nearly falls over with relief. 'She was never actually gone in the first place.'

'What?!'

Look, just get here, okay?'

'What was that about?' asks Aubrey, frowning.

Beca smiles grimly and starts to make her way back to the hotel. 'I have no idea, and I think I'm going to regret finding out.'

**And here's when Chloe and Beca meet again:**

'Hey.'

Chloe stands in the middle of the room, her arms folded across her chest and gripping the bicep of either arm. There are lit candles everywhere, and the lights are dimmed, and the curtains drawn.

Beca nearly bolts there and then, but then, Chloe puts up a hand. 'Please hear me out before you say anything. First off, none of this was me,' she says, pointing at the decorations. 'I don't know what they were all thinking, honestly.'

'That this is a movie, apparently,' Beca says wryly.

'Apparently. Secondly, I'm  _so_  sorry that I pushed things. I shouldn't have kissed you like that in front of everyone, especially not without your permission. I got caught up in the moment and I shouldn't have done it. But I thought we were getting somewhere, I thought you were letting me in…'

Chloe has begun pacing, looking frustrated.

Suddenly she stops in the middle of the carpet and spins, then says, 'Beca. You must know how in love with you I am.' When Beca's surprise apparently shows on her face she goes on, 'Don't even try to look shocked. You  _must_  know I'd do absolutely anything for you. I  _have_ been doing absolutely anything I could for you, and it turns out, 'scuse the language, it's causing me to be a fucking idiot.'

Beca blinks, taken aback by Chloe's honesty.

'I've been so stupid, this whole time. I think I had this romantic notion in my head - I thought I could push past your bubbles with hugs and touching and stuff, that you might let me in somehow… like I'd be different, an exception for you.' She laughs a little tearfully, scrubbing at her cheek with the back of her hand. 'Ridiculous, right?'

'It's not ridiculous,' she says, completely honestly. Because Chloe  _is_  different. She  _is_  an exception. Not because Beca is comfortable letting Chloe touch her, but because she was the first person to give enough of a damn to respect whether she was comfortable or not.

'Yes it is. I said I didn't want you to change, but there I was, secretly hoping you would. Just for me.' She shakes her head. 'I'm a fucking fool.'

**[snip]**

'I'm sorry,' says Beca helplessly.

'You don't need to be.' Chloe breathes out, ruffling her hair. She shuts her eyes and whispers, 'I just wish I knew how to make you happy, Beca. That's all I want. That's all I ever wanted.'

It's about then that it really hits Beca how fucked up the way she's been treating Chloe is. First pushing her away, then confusing her by setting boundaries and breaking them and putting them back up when she felt like it. Essentially luring Chloe in, making her jump through countless hoops just to please her when it would never be enough. She's made Chloe cry countless times. She  _ran away_  when Chloe kissed her, even though she'd basically been dropping hints and wanting Chloe to do it for ages now.

Beca actually feels physically ill.

She is an awful human being.

A tear trickles down her cheek, followed by another, then more, and more until she's sobbing silently, biting her down on her hand to keep in her cries. Chloe hasn't noticed yet, still with her eyes closed and a hand pressed to her face.

'God,' she chokes out eventually, unable to keep the noises in. Chloe's eyes fly open, her expression becoming one of alarm when she sees how hard Beca is crying. 'Chloe. Chloe, Chlo, I'm sorry. I'm so  _fucking_ sorry.'

'Oh, Beca! Oh sweetie… What on Earth do you have to be sorry about?' Chloe's hands are useless, twitching at her sides – she doesn't know what to do with them, when Beca knows that in any normal situation she would probably be holding Beca right now. That makes her cry harder, bent almost double until she's leaning her forehead on Chloe's shoulder.

'Please hold me,' she begs, pride completely out of the window.

Tentatively, arms come up around her back and wrap around her. 'I've got you,' Chloe whispers into her ear. 'I've got you. I won't let you go.'

* * *

 

**Misc scenes that I intended to write but never did/didn't write enough of so I can't put them in here:**

**\- Beca giving Chloe a mix as a Christmas present. She spends a while trying to think what to give her, and in the end Kimmy Jin is like 'DO THAT DJ THING FOR HER YOU STUPID WHITE GIRL'.**

**\- Beca and Chloe having an entire conversation online, while on Spring Break. Most of this is Chloe sending emoticons**

**\- Kate returning. DUM DUM DUM. This was before I wrote Chloe's chapter, so she was a little more… stable. And she wasn't a bitch at all.**

**\- I meant to write a parallel chapter to Chloe's about what Beca was doing, but it was honestly just a whole chapter of her missing Chloe with an argument with Jesse in the middle, so that was scrapped quickly.**

**\- Beca having dinner with her father and Sheila and revealing she's actually Superman. By which I mean, she comes out of the closet for real.**

**\- A scene where Beca finds out from Luke that Kate is engaged (yes, this is before I wrote Chloe's chapter again), and in trying to comfort Chloe about it, accidentally tells her when she didn't even know in the first place.**

**\- A lot more random making out. Oops! Guess you guys will never see that ;)**

…  **Oh, okay… fine. Here you go:**

Beca grabs her, tangling a hand into Chloe's hair and unceremoniously crushing their lips together. She feels more than hears Chloe moan, through the slight vibration that seems to pass through Chloe's mouth right through Beca's body and all the way down to her toes.

Rising up in Chloe's lap, she plants one leg on either side of her, while Chloe's hands gravitate immediately to her hips, digging into her skin unconsciously when the hint of a tongue skims her bottom lip. Every movement and the push and pull of their mouths together seems to incite a new high pitched noise from Chloe, and Beca takes great pleasure in experimenting so she can find out what causes what note to be emitted. A low C here when Beca flicks her tongue over Chloe's, a pitchy A when her teeth drag over said tongue and hold it captive between her lips. Chloe seems absolutely helpless to her whims, and the rush of power Beca feels from that knowledge is astonishing.

Eventually they both reluctantly have to break for air. Beca lets her forehead fall to Chloe's shoulder, feeling Chloe trembling – she's actually trembling, good God – underneath her.

'Oh my God,' Chloe says, letting out a long breath, her chest heaving in a way that really shouldn't be quite so attractive. ' _God_. Fuck.'

'Are you alright?' Beca asks, fighting an amused smile.

'Yes. I am so good right now,' Chloe says in hushed tones. 'I could do that with you for forever.' She lies back carefully so Beca still straddles her waist, letting out another extended exhale that turns into a satisfied moan halfway through. ' _Jesus_.'

'Did I break you?' Beca teases, lifting her head up and inspect the damage she's done to Chloe. 'All I did was kiss you.'

' _All_?' Chloe says incredulously. 'For someone that's never kissed a girl, you are a fantastic kisser.'

'It's probably all the build up. The novelty will wear off soon.'

'Never.'

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THAT'S IT FOR YUM GUYS - FOR REALS NOW. I thought you might appreciate me leaving it on this note. ;)
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL

**Author's Note:**

> Note: If you have any comments on me using single quotation marks, please go to http://www.eng-lang.co.uk/ogs.htm and see the 'British practice' part.


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